


Chiselled in the Stars

by Hyperionova



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, Did I mention Sehun is oblivious?, Drunk Sex, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Heartbreak, Hero!Kai, Jealous Sehun, Kai has some serious pining for Sehun, Kai wants to kiss Sehun, Kids!Sekai, M/M, Makeup Sex, Medieval, Romance, Royalty, Smut, War, jealous kai, sehun is oblivious, soft boyfriends, the smut part doesn't come until they've grown up of course
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:01:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 88,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25491310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyperionova/pseuds/Hyperionova
Summary: Exiled and disowned by his family, Sehun is sent off to a land unknown where he slowly befriends a charming prince who aspires to be a hero to all one day.
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun
Comments: 207
Kudos: 739





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the Iliad, the greek mythology about Achilles and Patroclus (they were lovers, prove me wrong), and The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller (I will die for this book).  
> Read tags!

# C H A P T E R O N E

His father, the respectable Viscount of Northernshire, was one of the wealthiest men in the province. He was even wealthier than several earls and marquesses, thanks to his pride and miserliness.

Needless to say, a man like him desired an outstanding wife, who would beget him an outstanding child. He had gotten neither, regrettably.

He had been married three times before. Every one of the women he had wedded was overcome by some sort of malaise or misfortune. The first wife had died from a flu. The second tripped over her gown on the manor staircase and broke her neck on her wedding night. The third jumped off the cliff when she began to lose her mind. None of those women had been able to give him a child either.

The people soon began to talk, naturally. Impuissance and a curse were common topics of the gossips.

Desperately, the viscount began his search for a fourth wife, ready to double the marriage portion if he must. When he finally found a bride, he thought her to be simple and frankly slow-witted. He was not the only one who thought so. But she was dim enough to disregard the blight that apparently befell all those who hitched their wagon to the viscount. She had been less unfortunate, to say the least. In fact, she was considered very fortunate for that she could not have any done better. She was plain, and she had no talent. Her skin was very pale, and her hair was as dull as a starless night sky. She spoke but a few words, and people often felt awkward around her silence.

The viscount loved her very little, and he doubted that any other man would love her even as little as he did. She loved him even less. But she was not a total loss.

She saved the viscount from humiliation by eventually bearing him a child. A son at that. When he was born, the viscount celebrated for nearly a month. The wine would not stop flowing. The tables were always brimming with food. He finally had an heir.

Little did he know then that his son would just be another, if not the biggest, disappointment in his life.

* * *

By the tender age of seven, it became clear to everyone at the manor that the boy was as plain as his mother. He spoke as little as she did, and he was so skinny and pale that he could be easily mistaken for a white flagpole. And everyone said that he severely lacked any sort of personality, much like his wearisome mother.

His father often dismissed him saying that he would be good for nothing, and the man was not entirely wrong.

His mother, on the other hand, had stopped giving him attention since he was weaned. She spent every hour of her day perched on the windowsill of her bedroom, gazing out the window, looking almost forlornly at the cliff that overlooked the sea, while her neglected child sat on the floor, entertaining himself with wooden blocks and whatnot. He never any threw tantrums. He always kept to himself. He caused no trouble for anybody. It was very easy to neglect him.

He was smaller than other boys his age. Or at least than the boys that often visited the manor because his father thought that it would be a good idea to have him play with other boys. When he refused to play with them – and he did it very politely – his father would hound him, for an entire evening, about all the ways the boy had let him down.

“You are a boy! You will grow to be a man someday, and I will not have you hiding behind your mother’s skirt,” his father chided him once. “Put your lyre down and pick up a sword!”

Some days, he would just silently sit in a corner in the courtyard while the taller and bigger boys played without including him in any of their boyish games. Other days, when he tried to partake in their games, they would shove him to the ground before laughing at how wobbly his legs were.

The meanest of them all was Totti, the marquess’ plump son. For some reason, he was determined to make Sehun’s life a living hell every time he visited. Sehun tried to feign illness whenever he knew Totti was coming over, but luck was rarely on his side.

* * *

Dinner was louder than usual today. Sehun took his seat next to his mother, who usually never spoke a word at the table. It did not exactly feel safer to sit near her, but her silence was undoubtedly the more comfortable choice compared to his father’s disapproval.

His chair had longer legs than the others and a pile of cushions, so that he would be able to reach the tabletop. His governess laid out a napkin on his lap before she stepped away.

There was a man, whom Sehun did not recognize, at the table. He was the one who was speaking so loudly. And his bejewelled overcoat was as loud as his voice.

“They say she is as beautiful as her mother,” said the stranger. He looked buff and tan. He was certainly not from Northernshire or anywhere nearby.

Sehun saw his father smirk. The man never smiled. Or he just never smiled when Sehun was around.

“I find that very hard to believe, Rowan, “ the man said. Sehun picked up the heavy fork and clenched it with his whole hand before poking it into one of the buttered pearl potatoes. “No one can possibly be as beautiful as Aldith. That woman knows how to drive a man crazy with a single gaze.”

Sehun quickly looked to his mother to see if she would react. She did not. The potatoes on her plate seemed to interest her more than the conversation.

“But her daughter Isolda apparently is,” said Rowan, the man Sehun now knew only by name. He must be one of his father’s many friends. “Even at the age of fifteen, she has blossomed into a beautiful young woman. I suggest you go to this courting ceremony. If not for you, then for your son.”

Sehun took a bite of the potato and decided that he liked it. It was plain and simple. Safe. He did not particularly like overly flavourful or spicy foods. He supposed that was one of the myriad things that made him dull to others.

His father was staring at him now. The man’s eyebrows were furrowed, but not in anger or irritation, like it usually was. He looked concerned.

“But he is a… _child_ ,” the man said to his friend, as though it were an insult he was terribly ashamed of. Sehun was indeed a child, but not the kind of child his father could take pride in.

“He will grow up, won’t he?” Rowan scoffed with an amused chuckle.

Sehun watched his father rub his temples tiredly. “I hope so,” he muttered, as though Sehun could not hear him. “But what lady would want him while he looks like this? Let alone a princess. The boy drops to the floor when he lifts a wooden sword.”

“The boy is of noble blood, nonetheless, and that makes him eligible,” said Rowan. “And you do not want to be the only one to not participate in the ceremony, do you? Meanwhile, everyone else is going. Even Baldric and Umfrey.”

“For themselves or their sons?”

“Whichever,” replied Rowan with a nonchalant shrug. “They would not miss a chance to hobnob with King Forwin and his family.”

“Hmm,” hummed Sehun’s father, scratching his beard. “It will be a mark on my honour to decline the invitation while I have a son.”

“Dress him up in silks and velvets. Bring a hefty gift. Teach him good manners, and perhaps even he might stand a chance,” said Rowan.

Sehun looked to his mother once more, wondering if she would say something. She did not. She kept her head low.

“My son,” said his father with a grin. “married to a princess.” He was musing to himself. “That does have a nice ring to it.”

The next few weeks were torture. Sehun was bombarded with etiquette lessons and fitting sessions. He saw his father more now. Usually, the man was loath to make any time at all for him, but he was very nervous about presenting Sehun to a crowd. And if his constant rambles meant anything, it was a very important crowd. So, he made sure that Sehun knew everything there was to know before they would leave for Balfold.

“You will not embarrass me,” his father said one evening, presiding over Sehun’s politesse lesson. “Everything must be right. You will not do anything to disappoint me. Am I understood?”

Sehun nodded his head obediently while his governess adjusted his tunic. He would not do anything to embarrass his father. He would never hear the end of it, if he did.

“Now, you might not be the belle of the ball there,” said his father. “But you are my son, nevertheless. And that means you carry a good pedigree.”

Sehun did not understand what that meant, but he did not ask his father to make it more intelligible for him.

“You will politely introduce yourself to the princess,” his father said for the nth time that week. “You will present her the gifts we bring her, and you will be charming. Is that clear?”

Sehun looked at his father, all wide and dewy eyed. “Yes, Father,” he muttered.

“And speak up loudly, for God’s sake. You are not a kitten,” the man groaned, and Sehun lowered his head.

* * *

When the day finally came for them to ride for Balfold, Sehun waved his mother goodbye as she stood on the porch with an indifferent expression. She waved at him and quietly told him to stay safe. She said nothing to her husband as she wended her way back into the house. Sehun was not surprised that his mother did not follow. Not only was she invisible everywhere she went, her husband would not want anyone to know just how plain his wife was.

The man had made sure that they went to Balfold in the biggest, most extravagant carriage they owned. There was a trunk of gifts for the princess clattering on top of the carriage. Sehun knew it was filled with silks, pearls, jewellery, and imported gold powders.

“There is no need to be nervous,” his father said in the carriage. “You will make mistakes if you are nervous.”

Sehun was not nervous. He was not sure what to expect, but he was not nervous or afraid. If anything, he was excited to get away from Northernshire for once. He was eager to see what the City of Balfold had to offer.

It was difficult to see the city from the inside of a carriage, however. Especially when he was too small to even look out the window properly. His father was frowning at him as he tried to climb onto the seat to stand on his knees for a better view.

“Sit down,” the man chided, and Sehun sat back down with a heavy sigh. He heard noises, though. A very loud and discordant cacophony of overlaying voices, thudding horse hooves and rattling wagon wheels.

It had been a seven-day ride filled with silence and disapproving glowers. Fortunately, Sehun was accustomed to them both, so they did not bother him as much as the uncomfortable seat he had to sleep on did. He could not wait to stretch his legs and back.

His father must feel the same way because the man looked like he was ready to tip over any moment now.

Thankfully, they were soon rattling over the drawbridge and past the palace gates. They were received by someone Sehun did not know, but like everyone else he could see in his eyeline, the man was dressed opulently.

“Viscount of Northernshire,” said the man. “And this must be your grandson.”

“No,” Sehun’s father said, with a nervous chuckle. “It is my son.”

“Ah. My apologies.”

There were several straggles of carriages parked in the bailey, and every one of them was twice as big as their own carriage. His father made the same observation, and he frowned.

“Come along now,” the man huffed at Sehun and yanked him forward to walk towards the palace.

All his life, Sehun had thought there could be no place bigger than their manor and their estate. The palace and its surrounding compounds had him stunned for a moment. He had never seen so many monumental buildings and towers all in one place before. There was even a moat. Sehun wondered if it were crocodile-infested like in the children’s storybooks.

“You have come just in time for the tournament,” said the man who was leading them through the courtyard.

“The tournament?”

“I’m afraid it is too late for your son to participate in any of the activities, though. Half of them already have their victors and champions.”

“Oh, that is no problem,” his father said, relieved. He would not have Sehun embarrass him on the field.

It was even noisier up here than it was in the city. People were screaming, cheering, arguing, and clapping their hands thunderously.

“Walk faster,” his father hissed at his son, and Sehun almost had to jog for his short legs to keep up with his father’s long strides.

“You may present yourselves before His Majesty after the tournament,” said the other man.

They came to a field behind the courtyard where all the hubbub was happening. Sehun and his father were equally shocked to see so many people there. It was clearly a bigger crowd than Sehun’s father had been hoping for.

“Stay by me,” the man told Sehun.

The tournament was at its end, much to Sehun’s dismay. He would have liked to have had some entertainment after a week on the road with nothing to watch but floating dust, grit and his father’s ugly moue.

It was a running race. Four men and two boys were participating. One of the two boys stuck out like a sore thumb, even among the men. He was clearly young, but he looked tall for his age. He was all legs and arms – mostly legs. He had plumper cheeks than Sehun did. His skin was tan enough to suggest that he was from the south.

As the boy took his position, he glanced to his fellow contenders with a smirk that looked almost arrogant. Sehun stood behind his father and only peered at the boy in glimpses. The boy had a thick head of hair that came down to his shoulders. Unlike the other contenders, he wore no footwear. He stood lightly on his bare feet, rocking between his toes and heels. He looked oh-so excited. He pulled his hair back and tied the top half of it with a golden string.

There was no way he could outrun the grown men, could he?

Sehun held his breath as the race commenced and the runners bolted forward. The crowd cheered wildly as the boy shot past the others in an almost inhumane speed, barely breaking a sweat.

He did not stop to catch his breath even as he hared past the finish line. He threw a fist in the air and howled like a mad dog, hopping repeatedly on his toes. It might have been arrogance, but there was a certain charm to it that made it – made _him_ – quite admirable. Sehun smiled. He was not half as charming or fast as that boy, but he found the other boy’s confidence and exceptional talent impressive.

He was awarded a small golden brooch, which looked like an olive branch.

“Sehun, come,” his father called. Sehun hurried after the man, hoping to see that boy again during their visit.

* * *

It was not until they entered the throne chamber where everyone was now gathered did Sehun realize that he never met a king before. He still was not nervous, though. He remembered his lines and lessons. He would do exactly what he was told to do.

He knelt and bowed his head first. The king flashed a brief smile when Sehun looked up.

“Your Excellency,” Sehun’s father said, standing beside him. “We have come from Northernshire. I am –”

“I know who you are, Viscount,” the king said. “And are you here to ask for my daughter Isolda’s hand in marriage?”

“Yes,” said the man. “But for my son.”

The king smiled, but it was not a happy smile. He looked amused. “And how old is your son?”

Sehun’s father hesitated to answer this question. “He turned seven last spring, Your Grace.”

The king still held onto his smile. “Do you not think he is a little too young for my Isolda?”

“If I remember correctly, the King of Ogra was betrothed to his queen when he was only ten and she was sixteen, Your Majesty.”

“Be that as it may,” sighed the king. “the other suitors who have come here today have much more to prove their worth than your seven-year-old does, Viscount.”

Sehun saw his father give him a displeased frown before he looked to the king again. “We have come bearing gifts for the princess,” he said.

“And that is a very nice gesture,” replied the king. “What does the _boy_ have to prove himself? These other men are great warriors, remarkable scholars, wealthy traders, talented artists.”

His father scratched his beard very nervously now.

“You may rise, child,” the king said, and Sehun finally stood up. “What do you have to offer to my daughter for her hand in marriage?”

Oh no. No one had taught him what to say to that.

“Nothing for now, Your Majesty,” he said. “But… what did you have to offer when you were my age?”

The king burst out laughing, his hand gripping the armrest of his throne. Sehun flinched when he noticed his father’s murderous glower.

“At least you are witty.” The king shook his head, still chuckling.

Sehun was not sure he was trying to be witty. He genuinely wanted to know what the king might have had to offer to a princess at that age.

“I appreciate your being here,” said the king. “But I doubt that my daughter would choose a child for a husband. You ought to stay for the celebration and drink to my daughter’s health, Viscount.”

Sehun bowed his head when his father did. He tried not to wince when his father grabbed hold of his arm with more force than necessary and dragged him away.

Later, he would listen to his father’s maundering about what a waste of time and gold this had all been, and it had all been Sehun’s fault.

They decided to cut their visit short. His father would not spend another minute somewhere he was humiliated. They would leave tonight after the banquet, he had said.

* * *

The king was not blustering when he told that the other suitors who had come for Princess Isolda had a lot more to offer than a child could.

Sehun was particularly intrigued by the massive, burly, scruffy warriors, who were stuffing their faces with drinks and food at the feast like beasts. Some were leaner than others, but they were just as aggressive. If Sehun were not so afraid to be eaten alive, he might have tried to talk to some of them. He wanted to ask them what war was like. He wanted to ask them how they had gotten those gnarly scars on their bodies and faces. He wanted to know if they had been just as big when they were children. He wanted to touch their muscled arms to see if they were as tough as they looked.

He was so little that they would probably mistake him for a slab of chicken meat. So, he stayed close to his father, who was trying to drown his own anguish in ales and wines.

“Sehun,” he yipped at length. “Go and fetch me another plate of those braised oxtails.”

Sehun nodded and started for the long food table. He was careful with his steps, not wanting to accidentally bump into one of the magnificent warriors. They were all so breath-taking. Even the scholars and the artists. Sehun truly had nothing to offer compared to them. Not now, probably not ever.

He came to a halt when one of the men stumbled in his path.

“What a load of bull crap,” he said to another man with a derisive snort.

The other man rolled his eyes. “Give it up, Engeram,” he spat. “I am the sharpest archer there is in this realm. Nonpareil.”

“What seems to be the dispute over there?” asked the King of Balfold from where he was sitting next to his queen. Sehun’s father had been right. She was the most enchanting woman ever.

“I refuse to believe that Ymbert here is the best archer in the realm,” said the man named Engeram. “I would very much like to see his pride and arrogance crushed.”

Ymbert scoffed. “Who among you dares to challenge me in archery? I’d wager none.”

The king smiled amusedly. “Well, just when I was thinking that the evening lacked entertainment,” he said. “Why don’t we test your prowess, Prince Ymbert?”

A corner of Ymbert’s mouth curled into a simper. “Go ahead.”

“Does anyone wish to challenge the Prince of Fulkland?”

“I do,” said Engeram.

“Well, this ought to be fun,” said another buff man as he stepped forward. “I challenge him, too.”

A boy stepped forward next. “Might I participate, too?”

Sehun nearly gasped. It was the boy who had won the race earlier today. Apparently, he did not miss a chance to flaunt his talents.

“You are just a boy, Prince Kai,” scoffed Ymbert. “I doubt you would even be able to lift a bow yet.”

The boy – whose name was Kai – smiled. “Then you have no reason to feel threatened by me,” he said.

Ymbert’s eyes narrowed while the other men laughed.

“Let this be another opportunity for you brave men to prove yourselves worthy of my daughter,” said the king, and more men stepped forward. Some named their sons instead of themselves.

Sehun glanced back at his father to see if the man would volunteer his son. He did not, fortunately. Sehun had not even started his archery lessons yet.

The evening was taking quite an interesting turn.

The king stood and pointed to the water fountain in the hall. “Whoever amongst you shoots an arrow through one of the fish in there,” he said. “shall be titled the best archer of the realm.”

Engeram and the other men grimaced in confusion. “That is not much of a challenge,” he spat.

The king lifted a hand. “I am not finished,” he said. “You will not be facing the fountain.”

That stopped the men in their tracks. “How is that reasonable?!” cried Ymbert.

“If any of you can manage to shoot even one single fish without looking at the fountain, I believe no one is worthier of the title than you,” announced the king before he sank back in his throne, grinning mischievously.

The men began to panic then. It was a question of their honour. They could not possibly back out now.

Sehun looked for the boy. He could not find him, however, amid all the bigger, tall men.

One of them came forth and picked up a bow. Nocking the arrow, he anxiously neared the fountain. His eyes hastily tried to follow the fish that were swimming in the water.

“Ah-uh,” the king said. “Turn away.”

Biting his lip, the man turned his head the other way, holding his arrow toward the fountain where the fish were.

Needless to say, he missed.

So did the other six men who came after him. When it was Engeram’s turn, he shook his head ominously, as though he already knew that this was an impossible contest to win. But he gave it his shot, anyway.

“This isn’t fair, Forwin,” said Ymbert angrily when it was his turn. “No one could possibly do this.”

“You ought to at least try, Ymbert,” said the king.

Gripping his jaw, Ymbert took his position and nocked his arrow before facing away from the fountain. He fixed his furious gaze on the king and released his arrow, purely relying on luck alone. It plunged into the water and struck the fountain’s bed.

It was clear to see, at least, that Ymbert was a masterful archer. Sehun could only hope to be half as decent as that when he would wield a bow and arrow.

“The boy is last,” said Engeram. “Might as well yield now, kid.”

Just because he was a child, it was not excusable for a contender to yield without even having tried. Sehun’s ears were perked, and he stood on his toes to get a better view.

The boy stepped toward the fountain, though he stopped while there were still several feet between them. He lifted a smaller bow suited for his size and nocked an arrow.

Sehun was not sure why his heart was pounding in his chest. The boy’s eyes were focused on the swimming fish beneath the surface of the water for a moment.

“You must look away, nephew,” said Engeram.

“I know,” the boy said. Then in the blink of an eye, he craned his head up to look at the bronze chandelier hanging above the fountain before he immediately released the arrow.

It shot right through a goldfish.

“Extraordinary!” the king exclaimed while the crowd gasped in disbelief. Sehun lurched forward with his mouth hanging open.

The boy, Kai, grabbed the arrow skewered into the dead fish out of the water and held it up, smiling victoriously.

“How did you do that?” asked Ymbert, still unable to pick his jaw up from the ground.

Kai pointed a finger upwards. “You can see the fish’s reflection on the chandelier plates,” he said.

Engeram laughed and clapped the boy’s back. “Show off,” he scoffed. “But I have to hand it to you. That was clever.”

The king stepped down from his dais to extend a hand to the boy. “You continue to astonish us, Prince Kai, son of Saer. Your father would be very proud of you.”

Kai grinned as the king removed an emerald ring from his finger and handed it to the boy. “Thank you, sir.”

“With that, you have earned the title of the best archer in the realm,” said the king.

Ymbert stormed off with his hands clenched at his sides.

“Come!” Sehun was startled when his father seized his arm and began to tug him away. “We must leave.”

Sehun supposed the man wanted a son like Prince Kai. The hero-in-the-making material.


	2. Chapter 2

# C H A P T E R T W O

“Master Sehun!” his governess screeched as she hurriedly marched toward him against the blowing wind. “Please, do not run near the cliff! It is very dangerous.”

Sehun knew it was dangerous, all right. A fall from the cliff would certainly kill someone before their body would be taken away by the tide. That was what had happened to his father’s third wife. But he was confident that he would not fall over. He knew his way about the cliff – he spent all his time here whenever he was not at his lessons or meals.

His governess caught him before he could run off again. She came down to her knees to meet Sehun’s eyes with a grave look in hers.

“Why do you insist on playing out here?” she huffed as she dusted the grass stains from his shorts.

Sehun shrugged. He liked it out here. He liked looking at the sea and its vast endlessness. If he were fortunate, one day he would want to sail across the sea to see what was there on the other side.

For the past few weeks, he came out here to run nearly every day. To simply just run. He wanted to see if he could ever be as fast as the boy he had seen at Balfold. He also told his father that he would like to start on his archery lessons soon, which had somehow pleased the man.

Taking his hand, his governess led him back to the manor. “The marquess’ son is on his way. We must have you cleaned up forthwith,” she said.

Sehun frowned at one. “Totti is coming?” he asked, crestfallen. “How long is he staying?”

“Three days.”

Sehun’s face paled. He did not think he could hide from the obnoxious boy for three whole days.

When they reached the manor, a servant handed Sehun a cup of warm milk, which he quickly and greedily guzzled. He was quite parched from all the running. And he was covered in sweat and grass.

Once the servants had bathed and clothed him, he went to see his mother. She did not mind when he entered after knocking. She sat at her dresser, fiddling with a jewellery box.

Sehun plumped on the floor and watched her in silence as he often did. He was not sure what he wanted from watching her like that. Did he hope that she would turn around and talk to him? Or did he hope to figure out what was running in her simple mind, as most people did?

A servant came in with another cup of milk. Sehun accepted it and drank it slowly this time. He wished the servant had brought a biscuit or two along as well.

His mother eventually turned her head and looked at him.

He smiled with a strip of milk lining his upper lip.

She smiled back. Then walking over to him, she sat down on the floor, facing him. “Here,” she said sullenly, holding a hand out.

Sehun looked at it eagerly. She held a faint pink pebble on her palm. “What is it?” he asked.

“It is a rose quartz,” she said, as though Sehun would be able to understand what that meant. She pressed it into his hand. It was cold, and it did not feel like any other pebble. Its smooth surface felt good to the touch, and it looked almost translucent.

Sehun closed his fingers around it.

His mother licked her pale lips. “It is also known as the love stone,” she said. “I would like for you to keep it for me.”

Sehun blinked. “Really? It is very pretty.” But he would not know what to do with it. “Should I put it somewhere?”

“No,” said his mother. “Just keep it safe. It will… hopefully heal the wounds of your heart and bring a lot of love into your life.”

She rarely spoke so lucidly. She rarely spoke at all. Sehun nodded his head and pocketed the stone for safekeeping. He would protect it with his life if he must.

It would be the only thing he’d have of his mother’s. Apart from her eyes and pale complexion.

Totti came later that evening. Luckily, Sehun was able to get his governess to put him to bed early, though not without surviving dinner with the boy first.

Totti had terrible table manners. Actually, he had terrible manners in general. He tossed a pea at Sehun’s head and grinned with food still sticking to his teeth.

* * *

His father received a missive that put him in a sour mood for hours the next day. Sehun eventually found out – as his father furiously and loudly vented his rage during lunch – that the missive contained an account of Princess Isolda’s engagement to the Lord Engeram. She had apparently selected her husband herself.

Sehun remembered the man. Not only was he a warrior, but he was also an earl with plenty of reverence to his name. He was Prince Kai’s uncle, Sehun recalled.

“They made fools out of the rest of us,” his father yapped to whoever that was listening to him in the dining room. “King Forwin had invited us just for his own amusement, just so that he could humiliate us. He was always going to marry his daughter off to those Azudor southerners. I swear, if King Saer’s son had been of age, Forwin would have stood on his head to plight his daughter’s troth to the boy. Not to mention those southerners have no class whatsoever. They are all brutes, who glorify war and discourtesy. Not an ounce of deference.”

And the diatribe continued all afternoon.

Sehun was able to get away from it, thankfully. He ran off before his governess could get a hold of him, but she would find him sooner or later.

As he made his way to the cliff, he took his mother’s stone from his shorts’ pocket and inspected it intently. It was the most beautiful thing he now owned. He still did not know what he would do with it, but he cherished it.

“What have you got there?”

He nearly jumped when Totti snuck up on him as he reached the cliff. He turned around with a start and scowled at the bigger boy.

“Nothing,” he replied aggressively, fisting his hand around the stone. “Nothing that concerns you.”

Totti laughed. He had a horrible laugh, and he often snorted. “But everything concerns me!” he said, as though it were supposed to be funny. Sehun scowled harder. “Let me see.”

“No!” he yapped fiercely.

Totti began to glare now. “I said, I want to look at it, dog.”

“And I said no,” Sehun spat back.

And that riled the boy up for good. He lunged forward, trying to seize Sehun’s hand that was gripping the stone. “Give it to me!” he shouted.

“Stay away!” Sehun cried back, dodging the boy. “It is my mother’s!”

Totti stopped for a moment and smirked. “Do not tell me you have her knickers,” he scoffed. Sehun panted ferociously, his nostrils flaring. “Are you wearing a pair, too?”

Sehun tried to run away, but Totti blocked his path everywhere he turned. “Let me go, Totti,” he spat through his teeth, both hands clenched now.

“Or what, dog?” snorted the other boy. “You’d cry?” He shoved Sehun back by the chest, causing him to stumble back and fall onto the ground.

The stone rolled out of his hand and dropped into the grass.

“Ooh,” cooed Totti. “Shiny.”

Sehun was breathing fast now. He did not want Totti to put his grubby hands on the stone. He stuck his leg out to obstruct the boy.

Totti gasped sharply as he tripped over Sehun’s leg and staggered a few steps forward before he promptly lost his footing over the edge of the cliff.

The last thing Sehun heard was Totti’s scream, which quickly faded away into nothingness.

* * *

The silence in the manor was different from the usual silence that plagued the manor. No one dared say a word, or perhaps no one knew what to say.

Sehun stood before his father in the man’s study. He had not had a chance to recover from the shock of the tragedy that had just taken place.

His father was gazing out the window with his hands at his back. The wrinkles on his face tonight made him look ten years older.

Sehun did not know what would come next, but he could tell that it was not going to be pleasant.

“The marquess is on his way,” his father said after a long while, finally breaking the silence. “I reckon his grief would cloud his judgment.”

Sehun had his hands in the pockets of his shorts – one of them gripping the stone, silently praying that it would protect him.

“What’s going to happen to me?” asked Sehun. His voice sounded thick with misery. “I did not mean for him to fall off the cliff, Father. It was an accident.”

His father turned away from the window and faced him with a glower. “An accident?” he echoed, but with disappointment. “Look at you. So weak that you cannot even defend yourself.”

Sehun felt like something heavy had struck his chest. “I am sorry,” he whimpered pitifully. “I did not want him to die.”

“But you killed him, anyway,” said the man with a sigh as he returned to his desk. “You are not even cunning enough to hide your crime. You came running straight to me, admitting to what you had done. I would have at least been a little proud if you had made up some lie about what had happened.”

Sehun blinked against the tears in his eyes.

“Stupid like his mother,” he heard his father say under his breath. Then rubbing his forehead, he said, “You have two options. You can either accept whatever punishment the marquess wants to mete out to the murderer of his son.”

Sehun’s breath hitched. He had met the marquess a few times before. And he was more ghoulish than his son.

“Or,” his father said with a heavy breath. “You accept _my_ punishment.”

Sehun waited for his father to elaborate on what his punishment might be.

“You shall be exiled,” said the man. “I will send you away. You will no longer carry my name behind yours. You will never return to Northernshire. But you will get to live. For as long as your foolishness keeps you alive.”

Sehun stood still and stiff, simply staring at his father.

“It would not be much of a loss for me,” said the man. “The marquess would render you lame even if he does not hang you.”

Sehun lowered his head.

His father was not really giving him a choice. His fate was sealed. Tonight, he would be shipped off to Azudor along with the several other slave boys.

* * *

He did not get to say goodbye to his mother. His governess nearly wept her eyes out while she packed his belongings. She gave Sehun’s cheeks some kisses before she waved him off.

Within a few hours, Sehun had reached the Northernshire Harbour. The cold of the night made him shiver when he stepped out of the carriage. He glanced to the many boats that were docked there, and to the men who hastily loaded and unloaded the boats. He suddenly felt lost and very, very scared. The sea’s breeze had him stumbling.

He turned and asked the carriage driver to not to leave him.

“I am sorry, Master Sehun,” the man said with a sympathetic frown as he handed Sehun the little knapsack. “Your father asked me to give this to you.”

It was a small pouch with gold coins.

“Keep it well-hidden,” the carriage driver said. “And eat well, Master Sehun. I hope… you will be happy where you go.” He took hold of Sehun’s hand and led him to a man.

“Ah, another one?” said the man grouchily. He smelled like salted fish.

“To Azudor,” said the carriage driver, releasing Sehun’s hand. “Make sure he gets something to eat.” He tossed the captain a gold coin before he faced Sehun again. “Take care, Master Sehun. I must take off now.”

Sehun nearly ran after the carriage as it rattled away, but he stood his ground, staring sadly at the pouch in his hands. With a lump in his throat, he turned and faced the captain.

“Don’t look so pained, son,” the man said. “There is a whole bunch of adventure out there, on and beyond the sea.”

Sehun did not care for any adventure. He wanted to go back to the boring old manor and get ready for bed, while a warm cup of milk awaited him on the nightstand.

He followed the captain to a ship. It was smaller than the other ships there, and he spotted a group of older boys embarking it.

“Climb aboard,” the captain said impatiently. “You will get eggs and pickles later.”

Sehun stuffed the pouch into his knapsack and glanced at the ship again with his heart hammering against his chest. He would never be able to come home if he climbed aboard that ship now.

Well, he did not have much of a choice. So, he held onto his mother’s stone and made his way up onto the ship.

* * *

Azudor was arid and blistering hot, while the midday sun scorched all that moved and did not.

Nearly eight weeks later, the ship arrived at Azudor. Sehun and two other boys were quickly ushered onto a cart, that were to bring them to their final destination.

Sehun did not bother to talk to the boys – who were a lot older than him, and they did not speak either. No one spoke to anyone on the ship as well. Occasionally, Sehun talked to the crew and the captain, especially when he needed to tinkle. He could never find his way to the loo during the night. Some of them told him to just take a piss in the corner, while others were kind enough to take him to the loo.

The captain was the kindest of them all. He turned out not to be as grouchy as he looked. He often tossed Sehun an apple or a mango when he found the boy sulking in a corner of the deck, hiding behind some barrels.

Eight weeks apparently were not all that long when one was on the sea. There were songs, dancing and drinking some nights. Sehun never joined the men, because he was only a boy – and a very small one at that. So, he’d sit in one place and watch. Such merrymaking never took place back at the manor.

“Where do you think we’re going?” one of the boys on the cart asked when he could no longer take the suspense.

The other boy shrugged. “I heard that some of us will be sent to the king. The rest goes to the market.”

The first boy grinned then. “I hope we’re the former.”

Sehun was more interested in the city the cart was wobbling through. There were far more buildings, people and roads here than in Northernshire. The streets were thronging with men, women and children of all ages and sizes. They were less well-dressed than the northerners, but they moved around with more spirit.

One of the boys gasped after some while, pointing ahead. Sehun turned his head.

His jaw fell slack. It looked like a palace. And as they neared it, he realized that it _was_ a palace. A lot bigger than the one he had been to in Balfold. And twice as grand. Red and yellow gonfalons stood tall on the battlements. The moat was wider and so was the drawbridge. Sehun cringed when the massive chains clanged as the drawbridge was lowered.

The two other boys were gawking, too.

After eight weeks on a ship with strangers, very few things made Sehun nervous anymore. Even the shock of heading towards a palace quickly ebbed and indifference rolled back in.

He hugged his knapsack to his chest and quietly waited for them to come to a stop. He wondered what awaited him at the palace, but he was not exactly looking forward to it. He did not look forward to anything anymore.

There was nothing to look forward to while he was on the sea. He felt numb. Mostly. He did miss the cliff back home, but he doubted that he would love it as much now after spending so many weeks floating on the sea which he used to wonder so much about.

He knew his mother would not miss him for long. And his father was most likely glad that he was gone. But he must have cared a little, at least enough to help Sehun get away, so that he could live on.

They were received by a palace guard, who promptly led them into the palace. Sehun paid little attention to his surroundings as he hurried to keep up with the guard.

“Milord,” the guard said when he entered a room. “The boys are here.”

“Ah, send them in,” said a man from inside the room.

As the guard ushered them in, Sehun slowly fell behind the two other boys.

There was an old man sitting behind a pile of scrolls. “Let me have a look at you,” he said with a sigh as he loudly pushed himself up from his chair. He walked over to them and gave them a painstaking look. “Good. You two will do. You have the physique fit for a soldier. You will start your training tomorrow.”

It was not until the two boys had moved away did the old man notice Sehun’s presence. He stopped and blinked at the boy.

“And who might you be, young man?” he asked. Sehun looked up at him while hugging his knapsack tightly.

“I’m S-Sehun, sir,” he said. He had stopped mentioning his surname a few weeks ago.

“He is the boy from Northernshire,” said the guard, who had escorted them in. “The viscount’s son.”

“Ah,” said the old man, straightening up again. “The child in exile.” He replaced the quill in the ink bottle before he faced Sehun again. “You come with me.”

Sehun did not ask any questions as he followed the old man out of the room.

“Some men are mad,” the man muttered. He walked slowly, so that Sehun could keep up with him without having to jog. “Exiling their own children while they are still wet behind their ears.” He sighed.

They eventually came to another room. The old man entered without knocking. It was study, too. However, it was more extravagant. It almost looked like a library.

“Your Majesty,” said the old man. Sehun looked to the man sitting at the desk, quilling away. His skin was the colour of a caramel taffy. He wore his dark hair short, but it was long enough to fall over his eyes. The week-old stubble on his jaw had more grey strands than black, but he was not old. He was a lot younger than Sehun’s own father.

And oh-so handsome.

He wore a barely laced shirt that was tight around his broad shoulders and thick arms. He looked up with a furrowed set of brows.

“What is it, Masci?” he asked, lowering the quill. “I am quite busy.”

“It will just take a moment, Your Grace,” said the old man. He touched Sehun’s shoulder and gently pushed him forward. The man at the desk fixed Sehun with a confused look. “This is Sehun, the exiled son of the Viscount from Northernshire.”

“Ah,” the other man said, and his frown quickly faded. He stood up and walked around the desk. Then leaning against the edge of the desk, he crossed his arms over his chest. “Do you know why you are here?”

Sehun shook his head first, then realizing what the man was asking him about, he nodded.

“Your father wrote to me some weeks ago,” the man said. “He beseeched me to give you refuge and train you to become one of my soldiers.”

Sehun swallowed hard. He was the king. _The_ King of Azudor. He wondered if it were too late to bow now.

“How old are you?” the king asked.

“Seven, Your Majesty,” the old man, Masci answered for Sehun.

“You are only my son’s age,” the king muttered, rubbing his forehead. “Exiled…” He looked at Sehun again and frowned. “You have a chance now. You needn’t pay for your wrongs forever. Do you want to be here?”

It did not take Sehun too long to nod his head. The king spoke so firmly, yet he sounded so gentle and kind. His voice might be deep and hoarse, but he kept his tone light when speaking to Sehun.

“Good,” the man said. “You will join the other boys. You would do well to remember that while you are here, you are no better or worse than the other boys. You will be given everything they are. How you perform and how willing you are… that’s in your hands.”

The king nodded at the old man, who quickly took Sehun away.

He was later brought to a room where he met thirteen other boys – loud, boisterous boys. The two who had travelled with him to the palace were also there, already settling in, as though they _wanted_ to be here.

Sehun was welcomed by none. But he was given a small pallet and a trunk along with some instructions. He was to eat with the other boys, bathe with them, sleep with them and go to the training sessions with them.

* * *

He roused to a pealing bell the following day. Around him, the boys were hastily getting out of their pallets and pulling their clothes on. Sehun went to sleep in his little nightshirt, unlike the other boys, who slept in nothing.

He quickly changed too before he followed the boys to the lavatory.

Later, he followed them to the feast hall. It did not look all that grand. There were a few tables and benches, and plenty of food. Sehun had not realized just how hungry he was until his stomach grumbled and mouth watered at the sight of the stacked slices of brown bread and mango-chili marmalade. There was even butter!

Everyone hurried to take a seat at the tables. Everyone but Sehun, that was. He waited to see if someone would save him a seat. No one did, but there was one empty seat at one of the closer tables.

So, he made his way toward it.

“You cannot sit there,” one of the boys told Sehun while he stuffed his face with some bread.

Sehun blinked at him. Without demanding an explanation, he quietly walked over to another table by the end of the room and took his seat. He was too hungry to have an argument right now. He’d sit on the floor if he had to.

He reached for a slice of bread and smeared a generous amount of marmalade on it. There was plenty to go around. Three other boys sat at the table with him, though no one sat next to him.

He ate as much as his belly could take. He was not sure when the next meal would be.

Just as he grabbed another slice of bread, the boys perked their heads. Sehun turned his head around to look at whatever that had caught their attention.

The hall’s doors opened, and a boy walked in, dressed in well-made clothes and neatly combed hair.

It took all but two seconds for Sehun to recognize that boy. Oh, he would have recognized the boy anywhere.

He took a seat at the first table. The spot was apparently reserved for him. He smiled and civilly greeted the other boys before he reached for the food.

Sehun had forgotten all about his, as he turned his entire body around to gawk at the boy.

It was the boy from Balfold. It was the boy from Balfold!

Oh, what a small world, indeed.

Sehun nearly got up and walked over to him, but then he realized that the boy had never met him. He would not know who Sehun was.

Not that Sehun was anybody now, anyway.

Still, his heart was pounding. He had never thought that he would see the boy again.

Of course… The king he had met yesterday was the boy’s father!

That made Sehun frown. Why was a prince breakfasting with these boys?

Sehun watched him pick up a grape from the fruit bowl on the table. The others were watching him, too. With anticipation, unlike Sehun who was simply staring at him in disbelief.

The boy, whose name was Kai – Sehun recalled – tossed the grape high into the air before skilfully catching it with his mouth. The other boys clapped in wildly.

“Another! Another!” some of them yapped.

And Kai indulged them. He plucked two more grapes and tossed them into the air, one after another, before catching them, too.

Though Sehun was impressed, he stayed quiet.

Kai did not stay for long. As soon as he was done with his meal, he left the hall, and Sehun was disappointed.

* * *

He was given a wooden sword at the training arena while the other boys trained with real swords. The instructor nicknamed Sehun as ‘The Runt’ and said that he should eat more chicken eggs and beans so that he would grow taller.

The first day was not as bad as Sehun had expected it to be. But the second day was.

He saw Kai once again at breakfast and lunch. He apparently took his dinner with his father in the evening, so he did not sit with the other boys.

The following day, Kai flipped a fork between his fingers for entertainment. It did not take Sehun too long to realize that the boy loved being admired by others. And well, he made it very easy for everyone to admire him.

It was during lunch the next day when Kai finally looked at him.

It had stopped Sehun’s heart for a moment. But fortunately, it had only been a brief glance before Kai looked away again.

He looked again at breakfast the following day. This time, he did not look away as quickly. He blinked at Sehun confusedly, probably because Sehun was staring back at him.

He did not show up for lunch.

* * *

A week passed, and the training sessions became a difficult medicine to swallow. Mostly because the instructor was a cruel man, who loved to pick on the smaller, weaker boys. It was as though demeaning them made him feel like a bigger man.

After breakfast, Sehun was determined not to show up to training today. Yesterday, the man had struck Sehun on the back for dropping his wooden sword.

As much as he wanted to learn combat and do as he was told, he did not have it in him today. He wanted to curl up in a corner and weep.

So, that was exactly what he did.

He found a quiet, unfrequented, dark storage closet in the hallway and sat inside. He then hugged his knees to his chest and sobbed into them while gripping his mother’s stone in his hand.

He must have been crying too loudly because the closet’s door opened after a while.

He looked up and squinted at whomever that had caught him in such a compromising situation.

Much to his horror, it was the prince.

Kai frowned at him, eyebrows drawn together in something like confusion. “What are you doing in here?” he asked, sounding genuinely curious. Or perhaps even concerned.

Sehun quickly pushed himself up to his feet and pocketed the stone. Then wiping his cheeks, he sniffled. “Nothing.”

The other boy crossed his arms over his chest, the same way Sehun had seen the boy’s father do.

“All right,” he said and started to turn around to leave, and it surprised Sehun.

“Wait,” rasped Sehun. “Where are you going?”

Kai faced him again, his frown deepened, his confusion doubled. “What?”

“Where are you going?” asked Sehun. “Take me with you.”

The prince blinked then. “I’m… going to my lessons.”

“Don’t you train? Like the other boys?”

“I do,” said Kai. “Not with the others, though. They are too slow for me. Speaking of which, shouldn’t you be at the training arena?”

Sehun lowered his head embarrassedly. “I do not want to go today.”

“The instructor would cane you for that.”

Sehun looked up at the prince again. “So, take me with you. You can tell them that I was with you.”

“But I do not want to take you with me,” said the boy, and Sehun frowned sadly. “You’d still get caned, even if I did.”

“What if… you told him not to?”

“What?”

“You are the prince, aren’t you?” asked Sehun.

“Yes, I am.” Kai looked _very_ confused and nervous now.

“Then you can ask anyone to do your bidding, right?”

Sehun must have looked so pathetic that the prince eventually sighed and said, “Not anyone… But yes, I suppose.”

He told Sehun to follow him.

Of course, there was no promise that the prince would keep his word. But if he were to keep his word and thus save Sehun from caning, it would certainly make him wonder if the prince did such favours for the other boys.

In a moment, Sehun would find out that he did not.

Kai did not have any preceptor or governess waiting. He knocked on the door before entering, and he paused to glance back at Sehun with a worried frown.

“Kai, you are late,” a familiar voice said, though not with enough disappointment, when they entered.

“I know,” said Kai without sounding like an impertinent child. “I’m sorry, Father.”

The king, Kai’s father, looked up from his desk. His eyes widened when they darted to Sehun. “What is the meaning of this?” he asked his son, looking as puzzled as Kai was.

Kai licked his lips. “I asked him to accompany me during my lessons,” he said.

His father arched a brow. “Now, why would you want that?”

Kai shrugged cheekily. “I get bored. Perhaps he could keep me entertained.”

His father shook his head, though he smiled. “Have it your way this time. I suppose it could not hurt for the boy to learn a thing or two, too.”

Kai nodded his head toward one of the chaise lounges in the room, and Sehun quietly took his seat while the prince took his at the desk next to his father.

This was all making him quite heady. Kai looked a lot like his father now that Sehun saw them sitting next to each other.

He tried to listen to their discussions. It was mostly about history and politics. Kai was a very good learner. He was quick to understand everything his father told him, and he always asked for an explanation when something was not clear enough.

Compared to Kai, Sehun should feel inadequate.

But he did not. He admired Kai as much as everyone else did. Just looking at the way the boy spoke with so much integrity and lucidity made Sehun want to emulate him without envying him. It was a strange effect that the boy had on him.

Two hours later, Kai was dismissed. He rose from his seat and walked over to Sehun.

“We can go now,” he said.

Nodding, Sehun stood up and followed him out of the room. “You are very clever,” he said before he even knew that he was going to say it.

Kai stopped in the hallway and turned around to fix Sehun with that same confused frown. “I am?”

That shocked Sehun. He would have certainly thought that the boy was well aware of how impressive and admirable he was.

“Well, sure,” said Sehun.

Kai scratched the back of his head. “All right,” he said. “I told my father that you had to miss your training session today, and he said that he would speak with the instructor.”

“Can I go with you to your lessons tomorrow, too?”

Kai did not look all that surprised by the request. “Yeah. If you want to,” he said.

They made their way to the feast hall for lunch when the midday bell tolled.

Kai did not sit at his usual spot for lunch that day. He followed Sehun to his table and sat next to him, much to the other boys’ dismay.

“I’m Kai, by the way,” he said, looking to Sehun who was already digging into the mashed potatoes and peas.

“I’m Sehun,” he replied with his cheeks full.

Kai smiled. “Well, it has been a pleasure to meet you, Sehun.”


	3. Chapter 3

# C H A P T E R T H R E E

Kai was not at all what Sehun had expected him to be, or what the other boys believed him to be. In many ways, he was a lot more and a lot _less._ But in a good way.

For instance, Sehun had initially thought that the boy owned a rather loud and demanding personality. It had seemed like he craved attention and applause everywhere he went. But as it turned out, Kai rarely went after those things. No, it was quite the contrary. Those things found _him_. He did, however, enjoy doing the things he was clearly excellent at. It pleased him to be good at everything he tried. It rarely mattered to him what others thought of it. At the end of the day, it was all about a sense of self-satisfaction for him. It just so happened to be that he was capable of many things that he could be proud of.

On the sixth day that Sehun followed the boy around, it became clear that Kai tried extremely hard to stay humble, as it was very easy for people to find him boastful. He was not boastful at all. In fact, he could exactly distinguish between genuine praise and wheedling flattery.

The other boys showered him with the latter, which evidently exhausted Kai.

He had stopped sitting with the others, and the table he now sat at with Sehun became too crowded. He did a trick or two as usual to please the boys, but he seldom spoke to any one of them.

“I train alone,” he told Sehun on the second day when the boy had asked to go along. “You can wait in my room.”

Sehun had relented because he so badly wanted to see Kai’s room. And he was _not_ disappointed.

Kai’s room was as grand as Sehun had expected it to be. He slept in a cot made of mahogany wood and golden nails, and he slept on a thick feather mattress that made Sehun a little jealous. But he was the crown prince of a great nation after all. It would be insulting to sleep on anything but silks, satins and white goose feathers.

He also had some toys. But not wooden blocks like Sehun had back in Northernshire. The trunk at the foot of his bed contained bows and quivers, slingshots, shortswords and little coronets. He also had some books. Sehun was not a very good reader yet, so he was less interested in those books. Perhaps he would ask Kai later about them.

Whenever Kai was at his training, Sehun sat in his room and waited for the boy to come back. After three hours, Kai always returned covered in sweat and sawdust, but he almost never looked tired. He would smile at Sehun cheerily and ask if he wanted to go grab a bite. And Sehun would say yes, of course. Yesterday, Kai had managed to goad the cook into sneaking them a couple of small cherry pies and plum juice.

Sehun had no idea why the prince seemed more than content with an exiled, feeble-wristed boy from the north following him around all day until bedtime. Kai never complained though, and neither did his father whenever Sehun sat in for their lessons.

He had even managed to learn a few things in the past six days. He mostly learned about Azudor and its policies, but he learned more about other things from Kai.

Like climbing walls or finding spots where no one could find them for hours. Or stealing pies from the kitchen windowsills.

“This is wrong, isn’t it?” asked Sehun as Kai grabbed a whole pie that was still steaming hot from the windowsill.

Kai grinned that devilish grin of his. “It is,” he said, holding the pie fast in his hands. “Come on.”

Sehun quickly hurried after the boy. They found a spot in the garden behind decorative boulders. “How was training today?”

Kai shrugged. “Same old, same old,” he muttered as he settled next to Sehun on the ground without worrying about dirtying his trousers. “I think it’s a cinnamon sugar pie. With almonds.”

Sehun’s mouth was already watering. They brought no forks or knives with them, so they simply dug into the warm pie with their fingers.

It was so soft and sweet that it just melted in Sehun’s mouth. He licked the filling off his fingers before going in for another bite.

Kai laughed all of a sudden, and Sehun stopped. Was he making a fool of himself?

“You have a bit of pie on your left cheek.”

Sehun hurriedly rubbed his left cheek with the back of his hand.

“No,” sighed Kai before he raised his clean hand to wipe away the stain from Sehun’s cheek with his thumb. “There.”

Sehun smiled and went back to devouring the pie.

After they were finished, they leaned back against the rock and exhaled heavily, their bellies bulging.

“Do you often steal food from the kitchen?” Sehun asked.

Kai shook his head. “No,” he said. “I just thought you would be hungry.”

Sehun blinked at him then. “So, you stole the pie for… me?”

“Well, I wanted to eat it with you, too,” he said.

Sehun thought that it was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for him in a while. He did not tell Kai that, though.

When Sehun went back to the hall he shared with the other boys that night after dinner, he realized that he was becoming friends with Kai. He had never had a friend before. All the boys he knew had either been mean to him or they simply ignored him. But Kai was different.

“Hey, Runt! Where have you been lately?” one of the boys inquired with his brows knitted together in a scowl and arms crossed, as Sehun sat down on his tiny pallet.

He looked up at the older boy vacantly. “What?”

A few others came closer, too. “You don’t show up to training anymore.”

“Oh.” Sehun knew that the boys were not happy about Kai not sitting with them anymore. And they were probably more annoyed to see Sehun hanging around him. “I was with the prince.”

The other boy scoffed. “Have you become his servant?”

Sehun stared at him unblinkingly. He did not think he was a servant. But frankly, he had not thought of it yet. Kai never ordered him to do anything. He never treated Sehun like a servant.

“I don’t think so,” muttered Sehun, innocently.

The boy rolled his eyes. “Fine. His puppy, then.”

“I am not his puppy,” argued Sehun, though in a very quiet voice with a pout on his lips.

“Of course you are,” spat the boy. “You even look like one. And you follow him everywhere.”

Sehun scowled then, and he rose from his seat. “I do not care what you think,” he said. The others were snickering.

“You don’t have to,” said the other boy. “But we all know what you are. The prince’s new dog. _Woof!_ I hope he gives you plenty of treats and belly rubs!” With that, he turned away and returned to whatever he was doing before he decided to pick on Sehun.

He tried not to brood on it as he sank back in his pallet and pulled the blanket over his body. He retrieved his mother’s stone from under the pillow and held it to his chest.

He was not Kai’s dog, was he? Was that why Kai was so okay with him hanging around him? Did he also take Sehun for a joke as the other boys did? No, he refused to believe it, even if everyone else apparently did.

* * *

It was not long before Sehun dreaded going back to the room he shared with the other boys, too. Even if it were just to sleep. They stayed up until late to tease him, and they made it difficult for him to ignore their teasing. They were clearly bitter about Kai allowing him to tag along nearly everywhere he went. Sometimes – when Sehun was lucky – they were tired enough to go straight to sleep, though.

He sat quietly in the king’s study while Kai diligently took his lessons. It was impressive how Kai always looked his father in the eyes whenever he spoke. Sehun could never. He always kept his head low when he interacted with the king, even though the man had been nothing but nice to him since the first day. So, it was neither fear nor respect. It was either embarrassment or perhaps shyness.

Interestingly enough, Kai often did not look Sehun in the eyes either. He’d either look at his own feet or at Sehun’s exposed knees.

“That’s it for today,” the king told his son.

Kai rose from his desk and started to walk towards Sehun, but he stopped when his father caught his arm. “Yes, Father?”

“I would like to talk to you for a moment,” he said before he glanced to Sehun. “Could you excuse us for a moment, Sehun?”

Without dillydallying, Sehun jolted up to his feet and hurried out of the study, even though he really wanted to stay and listen to what Kai’s father had to tell him.

Well, he could ask Kai about it when he came out.

But he did not. There were so many things that he wanted to ask Kai – that he wanted to _tell_ Kai – but he never did.

A while later, Kai walked out of his father’s study, and Sehun hurtled back to his side, as though he were anxious of being left alone, even for another moment.

He did not ask Kai what his father had wanted to discuss with him privately, because he decided that it did not matter at that point. He was simply relieved to have Kai at his side again, and it was how he felt every morning as soon as Kai walked into the feast hall and joined him at the table for breakfast. It was the only reason Sehun had been able to breathe easy for the majority of the day the past few days.

“Do you want to go down to the beach?” asked Kai.

“Are we allowed to leave the palace?” replied Sehun.

Kai shrugged with a smirk hanging on a corner of his lips. “Who’s going to know?”

Kai was very good at being stealthy when he did not want to be seen. And Sehun was small enough to slip in and out of any nook without alerting anyone.

Before he knew it, they were climbing over the palace walls and scurrying down a sandy hill as the sea’s breeze tousled their hair.

Kai had clearly done this before. When Sehun stumbled, he promptly caught the boy’s arm and steadied him. “Watch where you step,” he said. “The sand is slippery.”

Sehun nodded. He grabbed onto the long stalks of grass to leverage himself as he carefully descended the hill. His sandals was already full of sand, but he did not mind it. Unlike him, Kai wore boots. Really good ones, too.

When they finally reached the beach, Sehun stopped to take in a deep breath. It had been a while since he had heard the sound of the waves. He was tempted to take his clothes off and jump into the water, but he would rather just do what Kai wanted to do.

And Kai was removing his boots. Setting them on the ground where the water could not reach, he then rolled the legs of his pants all the way up to his knees.

“Will you count for me?” he asked Sehun.

Sehun looked at him confusedly. “Count?”

“Yes.” He picked up a stick he found and drew a line on the damp sand near Sehun. “I will go far and run toward you. Will you count and tell me how long it takes me to cross the line?”

Sehun now understood. He nodded his head.

Oh, how he wanted to see Kai run again since he had seen the boy in the race back in Balfold.

He felt the tip of his fingers tingle with a warm sensation. He was honoured to be of help to the prince. He wondered if he were the only boy who had ever counted while Kai ran. He hoped he was.

“Ready?” Kai shouted when he had gone far enough and drawn another line in the sand. He was standing close to the water, but not close enough for the waves to hit his shin.

Sehun nodded his head once more, standing a foot behind the finish line.

Kai readied himself, shaking his hands and feet, rolling his shoulders, sucking in a few deep breaths. Then without another warning, he shot forward. Sehun started counting at once. He was good at counting. He could count to a hundred and do some addition and subtraction.

Kai shirt flapped against the wind, which also carded through his beautiful dark hair. It was difficult for Sehun to not let himself get distracted by Kai’s jaw-dropping speed. It was almost as though he were flying from one end to the other.

He stopped as soon as he reached the line in the sand before he could bump into Sehun. He grinned and ran a hand through his hair.

He should be the one to catch his breath, but it was Sehun who had been holding his all the while.

“How long was that?” asked Kai.

“Fourteen,” answered Sehun, and Kai’s face wilted, the grin faltering from his lips. A frown furrowed his brows.

“Oh.”

“That is good, isn’t it?” asked Sehun.

Clearly, it was not good _enough_ for Kai. “Let’s do one more.”

Sehun did not try to convince Kai otherwise. If the boy wanted to feel good about himself, Sehun would help in any way he could. That was what friends did, right? And Sehun wanted to be Kai’s friend. Not his pet.

The second time Kai crossed the finish line, he made it at eleven.

He smiled at that. “Fantastic,” he said with a satisfied huff.

“Do you like running a lot?” Sehun inquired – though he already knew the answer – as they sat down on a drier spot on the beach.

Kai took a moment to respond, and when he did, he shrugged his shoulders. “I like it fine.”

Sehun blinked at him. “But you are so… good at it.”

“I am good at most things,” scoffed Kai, but it did not sound condescending or arrogant. “I haven’t really found something I love, though. I suppose you can call me a jack of all trades, master of none.” He sighed.

Sehun was not sure what that meant. He had not heard that expression before.

“Are all princes as good as you at most things?” he asked, genuinely curious. He was not good at most things. All the boys he now knew were not either. So, perhaps it was a princely thing.

Kai turned and looked at him with slightly widened eyes. Not even his tan skin could hide the flush that darkened his cheeks then.

Why did it embarrass him so when Sehun basically just repeated what he had said a second ago?

“I don’t know,” was Kai’s answer before he looked away again. “I do not really know the other princes all that well.”

Sehun gazed ahead at the ocean, arms loosely hugging his legs. Curious. Very curious. Kai was more than meets the eye, and Sehun enjoyed learning new things about the boy every day.

“Do you want to run, too?” Kai asked him at length.

“What?”

“I can count.”

Sehun did not refuse. And he wanted to run, too.

“Twenty-one,” Kai said when Sehun reached the line, and he was unable to stop in time. He crashed against the other boy, and they both tumbled to the ground. Kai laughed as Sehun hurriedly crawled off of him, face burning.

“Sorry.”

“That’s all right,” said Kai, standing back up, dusting the wet sand sticking to his rump. “You are quite fast.”

Sehun’s cheeks grew even hotter. “I’m not,” he said. And that was okay. He did not expect to be as fast as Kai. He simply enjoyed being able to run freely for once after being holed up on the ship and in the palace for weeks on end.

“Yes, you are,” said Kai, almost adamantly. “Faster than the other boys, at least.”

Sehun realized that the boy was being sincere.

“You should learn how to fight,” said Kai then. “You might make a fine guardsman one day.”

Sehun frowned. Was that what this was about? “I do not want to,” he said.

Kai scratched the back of his head. “My father said that you would benefit from learning more than one skill,” he said.

“Is that what he wanted to talk to you about earlier?”

Kai nodded his head. “He thinks you should attend your training.”

Sehun’s heart sank. He turned to face the sea again, pouting. If Kai’s father had said that, then he must be right, of course. The king seemed like a very wise man, whose footsteps Kai obviously followed in.

“What about your training?” he asked Kai. “Can’t I train with you?”

Kai did not look surprised by the request. “I told you,” he said. “I train alone. You will not be able to keep up.”

“I don’t have to,” said Sehun. “But I can learn from watching you, can’t I?”

Kai pursed his lips for a moment, looking down at Sehun’s knees that gone red from the fall. “I suppose,” he said after a while. “I do not think my father would object. I could use a sparring partner, too.”

Sehun grinned so wide that his mouth nearly hurt. “So, I can train with you?!”

Kai smiled faintly.

* * *

He had not been kidding when he told Sehun that he would not be able to keep up. Unlike the other boys who trained in the training arena, Kai trained privately in an open pavilion that overlooked the sea. He also had a separate instructor – a burly, muscled man named Bartholomew. Kai called him Bart, though.

He was in his early forties and was the captain of the king’s guard. He was there every other day to briefly supervise Kai’s training and give a few instructions before he would leave to take care of his other duties.

“Who might this be?” he asked when he found Sehun in the pavilion, seated on the balustrade while Kai stretched his limbs. Sehun quickly rose to his feet and bowed his head at the captain.

“He will train with me from now on,” Kai said, as though it were an order. “Father is fine with it.”

The man arched a thick brow at Kai before he glanced to Sehun. When he started walking towards Sehun with his hands at his back, the boy nearly stopped breathing. He had never seen such a big, tall man. Not even in Balfold.

Bart sported a thick beard and a gnarly scar that ran across his left cheek. Surprisingly enough, the scar added to his rugged appearance.

“What is your name, young man?” he asked.

It took Sehun a moment to find his voice. He was never good at speaking confidently to men. He was always afraid that they would put him down the way his father did.

“Sehun, sir,” he managed to say at length, though diffidently.

“Surname?”

Sehun swallowed hard. He heard his father’s warning ringing in his ears. “I don’t have one anymore.”

The captain sighed. “You must be the exiled kid, then. Speak up louder, boy,” the man said. “Say your name proudly. It is all that sticks with us from birth to death.”

Sehun stared at the man all dewy-eyed for a moment. “Yes, sir,” he then said.

Bart nodded his head curtly and turned to Kai. “Good to know you have finally chosen a companion.”

Kai looked down at his feet, biting his lip then. A companion?

“How much does he already know?” asked Bart.

“Not much,” said Kai. It made Sehun a little embarrassed. “He will have to start from the beginning.”

“Then you can add that to your workload, Your Highness,” said Bart, smirking mischievously. It was a good colour on the man, even though he looked like he had just killed thirty people. It was charming. “Prepare him for the first lesson before you get to your own training.”

Kai did not look displeased with the instruction. As soon as Bart was gone, he turned to Sehun and said, “The first step is easy. Confidence, but not overconfidence.”

Sehun stared at him blankly.

“You must believe that you can do this,” said Kai. “You must _want_ this.”

Sehun was not sure he wanted _this_ , but he eventually realized that he did want to be everywhere Kai was. So, if he had to learn combat in order to be around Kai, he would gladly do so.

“I want this,” he said.

“Good,” said Kai with a small smile. “Now, wide your stance. Stand up straight. Don’t bend your knees.”

* * *

By the third week, Sehun was gradually getting better at it. His muscles did not ache as much after the training, and he was quick to learn whatever Kai and Bart told and showed him.

He still fell a lot, and he was nowhere near half as good or swift as Kai, but that was all right. He did not mind being knocked down several times while they sparred. Kai was always quick to hold a hand out to him to help him get back up, though.

Sehun had believed for the longest time that he would never come to like roughhousing or doing anything boisterous like the other boys did.

But when he was with Kai, not only did he not mind playing rough, he thoroughly enjoyed it. It made his heart go fast and his blood pump. Kai was always careful to not to go too far, too. And whenever he was close to injuring Sehun, he stopped himself.

Sehun climbed onto the balustrade one time before leaping off it to pounce on Kai. He had never done something like that back in Northernshire. Here, he was not afraid to scrape a knee or bruise a part of his face. Mostly because he forgot himself when he was around Kai.

Before he knew it, he woke up every day looking forward to seeing Kai. In fact, it was the only reason he even wanted to rouse in the morning. And the evenings still remained a torture.

He was thankful that the days were exhausting enough for him to fall asleep right away, even without a glass of warm milk as he always had before going to bed back home. They kept him from having nightmares.

Whenever they were not training together or stealing pies from the kitchen, they snuck off to the beach. They would run until they were out of breath, and sometimes, they got rid of their clothes and jumped into the water. Sehun never ran as fast as Kai and he never finished first, but he did not mind. He was happy, and he was happy that Kai always paid him a compliment, even when he did not deserve one.

When Sehun wandered away to collect some seashells, Kai helped him find the pretty ones. Later when they returned to the palace, Sehun brought the seashells to his room, where the other boys promptly stepped on and crushed them.

Two days later, when he told Kai about what had happened to the seashells they had collected, anger quickly darkened the prince’s complexion.

“I am going to order their execution,” he spat, though Sehun knew he was not being serious.

“It’s all right,” Sehun murmured as they sat at the pavilion, sharing the slices of mango a servant had brought them. “They do not like me.”

Kai frowned sadly. “Do they do this to you often?”

Sehun shrugged. He did not want to grouse about the other boys. He was sure their lives were just as hard as his. At least he had Kai.

“I’m sorry,” Kai let out. Sehun stared at him. “It is my fault. They are jealous.”

“Of you?”

“No,” Kai scoffed. “Well, maybe. But I mean of you.”

“Why?” Why would anyone be jealous of Sehun? But then he figured that he would be jealous of someone if they got to hang out with Kai all the time.

“Because I did not choose any of them,” said Kai.

That made Sehun’s heart do something funny. “Did you choose _me_ , then? To be your… companion?”

Kai kept his head low, as though he were embarrassed.

“What does that mean?” asked Sehun. “To be your companion? Is it like to be your pet?”

Kai fixed him with a horrified look then. “No! That’s not what a companion means,” he said, frankly sounding a little offended. “It means… a friend. A partner. We would be loyal to each other. You would always be there for me. I would always be there for you. It’s like… a bow and an arrow. Or bacon and eggs.”

Sehun was sure that he was blushing. He was so happy. He had not been this happy in… forever. “Have you never had a companion before?”

Kai shook his head.

“But the other boys–”

“Soft-soap me and fawn over me because they want me to make them my companion,” said Kai, rolling his eyes. “That’s why my father makes me eat with them. So that I would choose one from them. But I never wanted to.”

“What does being your companion mean?”

Kai exhaled heavily. “Well, you’d share most of what’s mine. If you want to, of course.”

“Then can I sleep with you?”

Kai did not turn a hair for a long moment. He eventually looked up at Sehun with raised brows.

“I don’t even need a pallet,” said Sehun. “Just a blanket in a corner of your room would do.”

Kai continued to stare at him.

Sehun swallowed. “I just don’t like sleeping with the others,” he murmured, wiping the sticky mango juice on his fingers on his tunic.

“I never had anyone sleep in the same room as me,” said Kai. “But I think as a companion, you can.”

Sehun already knew that Kai would say yes if he asked. It just never occurred to him before to request such a thing.

“Can I sleep there tonight?” asked Sehun.

Kai nodded. “I will ask the servants to shift your pallet and belongings to my room.”

As much as Sehun wanted to hug Kai and thank him, he stayed quiet, looking down at mounted mango peelings on the platter between them.

* * *

Later that evening after dinner, Sehun grabbed his blanket and his mother’s stone before he wended his way to Kai’s room. His pallet was already gone when he got there. The other boys pinned him with a few foul glances, but it was easy to ignore them this time knowing that he would no longer need to sleep amidst them.

He was not sure if Kai would have returned from dinner with his father as he headed for the prince’s room.

The guards opened the door for him as usual when he got there. His heart skipped a beat when he found Kai seated on the bed with his legs folded as he flipped through a book.

He looked up at once and quickly climbed out of his fancy bed. Sehun’s pallet was placed next to the window, but it was not all that far from Kai’s bed.

“I got something for you,” said Kai as he rummaged through the drawers of his nightstand. Retrieving something from them, he crossed the room with his hands closed.

Sehun vacantly stared at the seashells laying in Kai’s hands. “Where did you get them?” he asked.

Kai averted his gaze momentarily. “I collected some more for you,” he muttered. “Before dinner.”

If Sehun had been a little older, he might have known how to properly react to such kindness. But for now, all that he could do was accept the seashells and place them carefully in the little trunk at the foot of his pallet.

“You didn’t have to,” he said.

Kai was frowning for some reason. “It’s fine,” he mumbled, climbing back into his bed. “It was not much trouble.”

Sehun settled on his own pallet, though he sat up to watch Kai. He already knew that he would spend the next few nights watching the other boy sleep.

“What is that?” Kai asked when he caught Sehun hiding his mother’s stone under the pillow.

“Nothing,” muttered Sehun, and Kai did not ask him about it again. “What else must I do as your companion?”

Kai leaned back against the headboard. “I suppose you must go everywhere I go, do everything I do. Most things, at least. And you will be my counsel and advisor someday. So, you should probably learn a few things about politics. You are also required to protect me, but I don’t think I need any protection.”

Sehun was curious about the book Kai was reading before he got here. “Do all princes have companions?”

“Most do,” he said. “But all crown princes should have at least one.”

“Did your father have one?”

“Yes,” said Kai. “It was Bart.”

Oh. That made sense. “What if I died? Would you have to replace me?” asked Sehun.

Kai sat up straight and glanced to Sehun with a grave look. “Why would you say that?” he asked.

Sehun shrugged. “I can die, can’t I? People die. I’d have to die someday.”

Kai’s frown deepened into a mild scowl. He looked away from Sehun and scowled at the room. “Don’t die, then,” he spat through his teeth after a moment.

There was a stretch of silence before Sehun softly whispered, “Okay.”


	4. Chapter 4

# C H A P T E R F O U R

When the cold came that year, it brought with it a procession of malady to Azudor. The king attended daily Audience to listen and provide solutions to his people’s plights and predicaments. The infirmaries and the local hospices were always full. Healers and physicians came in and out of the palace regardless of the time of the day. Even some of the servants and guards at the palace had come down with the same fever that plagued the city. Some simply died from the cold.

The king provided as much help as he could, dispatching his physicians and servants to aid the people. He provided extensive care for everyone. Piles of clothes and wagons of food and medicine went out from the palace every day.

A week later, a ship arrived from the north, bearing a group of envoys, who kept the king busy in meetings and banquets for days. And during those days, Kai took all of his meals with Sehun and he did not go to any lessons.

The cold also kept them mostly indoors, and it made Kai a little nervous. He continued to look out the window, standing on Sehun’s pallet, telling Sehun about how he would love to go down to the beach right now.

They trained indoors, too. Bart was rarely present to supervise, but they had no complaints. Kai enjoyed lording over Sehun, and Sehun enjoyed catching the boy off-guard. And they both thoroughly enjoyed rolling on the ground, limbs tangled, hands fisted in each other’s hair, until they were all out of breath. They’d come back up, giggling and huffing, and Kai would give Sehun’s shoulder a light shove, as though to tell him that it was nice.

A few months ago, he taught Sehun how to wield a bow. Ever since, Sehun practiced his archery almost every day. He preferred the bow to the sword, and Kai was the other way around, even though he did equally well with both.

Now that Kai did not attend any lesson and he rarely saw his father, he spent all of his time with Sehun.

When they were not training, they would sit near the fireplace in Kai’s room, and Kai would read a book or play the lyre. Sometimes Sehun played it too, but it sounded like a cat was stuck in the wall compared to Kai’s playing. So, he mostly just sat next to Kai on the floor before the fire and listened.

“Who taught you?” Sehun had asked one day.

“The royal minstrel,” replied Kai. “Who taught you?”

“My mother.”

Kai fell silent again. He never talked about his mother. Sehun did not know where she was, or if she were even alive. But the king was unwed. He had no queen, or at least Sehun had never seen him with one.

“Is she alive?” asked Kai at length.

Sehun nodded. “She was when I last saw her,” he muttered, hugging his knees to his chest. He shuddered a little, and Kai grabbed a blanket from his own bed before tossing it to Sehun.

“Do you miss her?”

Sehun shrugged, wrapping himself in the blanket. “I don’t know.”

“Do you miss home?”

It was hard to think of that place as his home anymore. Somewhere in the past year, he had begun to think of this as his home. And by this, he probably meant Kai, but he was far too young to understand that.

So, he decided that his pallet in the corner in Kai’s room, the filling meals in the feast hall that he ate with the other boys, the beach where he and Kai spent most of their free time running and swimming, and the fireplace where they sat by every evening talking about nothing were his home now.

And it was all more of a home than Northernshire had ever been.

Kai was very kind to him. It took Sehun a while to realize that he was not that kind to others. He snapped and barked a lot at people who displeased him, especially the other boys who often picked at Sehun for the pettiest things. He was grouchy most mornings when he woke up, and he did not smile until he had taken a bath. He frequently had arguments with his father when they disagreed on something. He liked his personal space, and no one else was allowed except for Sehun. Well, one could suppose that his personal space would not be the same without Sehun in it now.

Last month, he even shoved a boy to the ground at the feast hall and straddled him before plunging a fist into a side of the boy’s head. It had been horrific to spectate.

Sehun had learned later that Kai had attacked him because he had heard the boy mutter a derogatory comment behind Sehun’s back.

“I don’t mind,” Sehun had said, as they stood on the balcony.

Kai scowled. “I do,” he spat and said nothing more. Sehun sighed.

Kai’s utmost kindness, leniency and protectiveness towards Sehun made very little sense to the latter. He was unfamiliar to such things. But he supposed this was what friends did for one another.

“I don’t think I do,” Sehun muttered after a while, watching the flickering fire.

He caught a small smile on a corner of Kai’s lips then as he continued to strum the strings on the lyre.

* * *

Another night, they both were lying sleepless on their own beds. It was too cold a night, and Sehun could barely feel his toes under the blanket.

“Hey,” he heard Kai’s voice in the dark. It was soft and careful. “Are you asleep yet?”

Sehun knew that Kai was already aware that he had yet to fall asleep. They both knew, by now, when the other was asleep, angry, annoyed, hungry, sad, tired, or happy.

“No,” Sehun answered, anyway, shifting to lie on his side, so that he was facing Kai’s bed.

Kai was facing him, too. “Why don’t you miss your home anymore?” he asked, as though that were what was keeping him up.

Sehun did not always answer Kai’s questions, even though Kai answered every one of his. It was not because Sehun wanted to keep secrets, but some questions he simply did not have answers to, and some simply made him too sad to talk about.

“I never felt like that was home,” said Sehun. “I was always too afraid to do anything. My father would scold me. My mother never spoke to me.”

“Don’t you have siblings?”

“No.”

Kai fell quiet for a moment. “What about friends?”

“I knew some boys, but they always excluded me or treated me meanly. I was… um… ostrich-sized.” Sehun had heard Kai’s father say it during one of their more recent lessons.

“Huh?”

Sehun sat up. “You know,” he said. “Ostrich-sized. Like an outsider. Excluded. Ostriches are so big and strange. They must feel odd to be around other birds.”

Kai sat up, too. He lit the oil lamp and fixed Sehun with a confused look. “Do you mean… _ostracized?_ ”

Sehun kept mum, staring back at Kai.

Kai grinned. “Well, I’m ostrich-sized, too.”

“No, you aren’t.”

“Yes, I am.” He exhaled heavily.

“Everyone adores you,” muttered Sehun. “Everyone wants to be you.”

“And that is alienating,” he said. “I have a lot of… responsibility. I have to live up to everyone’s expectations.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“You don’t understand,” said Kai in a low voice. He looked a little sad then. “I have less of a choice than all of you think.”

Sehun did not quite understand what that meant then. But he supposed he would find out eventually.

* * *

When the morning came, their breakfast was brought to them. The king had ordered that they should take their meals in their room until the cold in the palace had died down.

Kai invited Sehun to sit on his bed and eat together.

He handed Sehun the biggest bread roll in the basket first before he took one for himself. He also let Sehun, as he always did, to take the lemon marmalade first before he spread the sickly-sweet jam between his own bread roll.

“Do you want another slice of butter?” he asked, and before Sehun could respond, he placed the butter on Sehun’s plate.

They ate in silence for a moment. Kai did not refuse when Sehun reached out and grabbed a grape from his plate. He never refused when Sehun ate from his plate. Most of the time, it even made him blush.

After breakfast, they proceeded to the training hall, where Kai promptly knocked Sehun off his feet and won the first round of the sparring.

* * *

Bearing the title of the prince’s companion meant a few things. Most of which Sehun was happy about.

Firstly, he got thicker pallet and blankets. Secondly, he was given new clothes. He still dressed less presentably than Kai and how he used to dress back in Northernshire, but it was better than what the other boys were clothed in. He even had two pairs of small boots now! Just like Kai’s. And they made him very happy.

Kai was happy to share everything with him. Everything but one. The journal he kept hidden in the drawers of his nightstand. He wrote in it every night before going to sleep, and he would constantly make sure that Sehun was not peeping. Sehun never peeped. He knew that Kai did not want him to look, so he did not look.

He had to attend some meetings with Kai, and that was one of the few things that he was not particularly fond of. He often comprehended very little of what went on at these meetings, and before he could ask Kai for clarifications, he would have forgotten about them.

Kai’s father, one day, sat Sehun down and told him several things that made Sehun’s blood run cold a little.

He had been nervous when the king had summoned him to his study one day.

“He just wants to talk to you,” Kai told him reassuringly, but it did little to ease Sehun’s anxiety. They stood in the hallway, waiting for Sehun to muster the courage to go in.

When he impulsively grabbed Kai’s hand, just to see if he would be able to drag Kai in with him, the prince froze completely while his eyes widened. He glanced down at Sehun’s hand that was gripping his.

“Can’t you go with me?” Sehun asked, frowning nervously.

Kai licked his lips as his fingers turned clammy against Sehun’s. Sehun withdrew his hand. “It will be fine,” said Kai. He did not sound worried. So, it probably would be fine. “I will wait for you right here.”

Sehun drew a breath and entered the king’s study.

The man was sitting behind his desk, quilling something apparently not important enough because he looked away from it as soon as Sehun walked in.

“Sehun,” he said cordially. “Come on in.”

Over the few months, the king had warmed up even more to Sehun. He often invited Sehun to sit at the desk next to Kai during the lessons, and he asked Sehun the same questions he asked Kai. Occasionally, he also did not mind when Kai adamantly brought Sehun along – in spite of Sehun expressing his reluctance and hesitance – to dinner.

Even though Saer had been very welcoming and gentle, he still intimidated Sehun. Perhaps because he was a great man, who did great things. Perhaps because he was incredibly handsome and wise, yet so humble. He was many things, and Kai would be all those things and more one day.

“Good evening, Your Majesty,” Sehun said, bowing his head.

“Sit,” said Saer.

Sehun took his seat across the desk and kept his head low the entire time.

“I just wanted to speak with you about something important,” said the king. “And I want you to listen very carefully.”

Sehun nodded, looking up at the king’s eyes.

The king then went on to elaborate on what was expected of Sehun as Kai’s companion. If Kai were to go to war in the future, Sehun was obligated to follow him. His duty would be to not only counsel the prince, but to make sure that he would put Kai’s life, safety and dignity before his own. Sehun should do nothing to bring shame or dishonour to Kai’s name.

“You shan’t defame him,” Kai’s father said. “He will be… a great man one day. He would need guidance and companionship. He would need someone who would be loyal to him to a fault. His companion would be a reflection of himself. So, if you were to do anything dishonourable, the blame and ignominy would fall on his head, and that is inexcusable. Do you understand?”

Sehun’s hands were shaking. He tightened them into fists and sucked in a sharp breath before he met the king’s eyes again. “Yes, sir,” he said firmly.

He would always be very careful to do nothing that would disgrace Kai. He was certain that he already placed Kai’s life before his own, and it would not be a big matter to sacrifice himself for the prince, if it ever came to it – he highly doubted that it would.

He would be Kai’s support. His pillar. He would be a friend until the end of their time.

Or until the end of _his_ time at least.

“Very good,” said the king with a faint smile. “You must prove that his choice was the right choice. And you must always ensure that he is on the right path.”

“I will, Your Majesty,” said Sehun determinedly.

“And I have another favour to ask of you,” said the king. Sehun waited for the man to continue with bated breath. “Will always look after him for me?”

Sehun’s heart raced as he stared at the king’s smile. “Yes.”

“There’s a good lad.”

There was a knock on the door before Bart barged in. “Oh,” he said, looking to Sehun with a smirk. “Did you get in trouble, Peanut?”

That was Bart’s nickname for Sehun. Oh, he had many nicknames in the palace. Some made him blush, others made him angry.

Bart’s nickname made his cheeks hot.

“No, he is not in trouble, Bart,” said the king. “And do not call him a peanut. I’m sure he will grow very tall in the blink of an eye.”

“Until then, he’s peanut,” said Bart, walking over to the desk to stand beside the king.

Sighing, Saer said, “You may go now, Pea–” He stopped and cleared his throat. “Sehun.”

Bart pursed his lips, as though he were stifling a laugh. Bowing his head again, Sehun rose to his feet and hurried out of the study.

“You are a terrible influence,” he heard the king hiss to his captain.

“Yet you never complained before, Your Excellency,” replied Bart.

Kai was waiting for Sehun in the hallway, his back leaned against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. He looked very boyish like that – not very princely. And it was Sehun’s favourite thing. Especially when he was all dishevelled.

“How did it go?” he asked when he saw Sehun.

“Fine,” muttered Sehun, shrugging.

“What did he say to you?”

“Nothing much,” he lied. “Race you to the pavilion!”

He broke into a sprint toward the pavilion all of a sudden.

“Sehun,” groaned Kai before he ran after the boy. It took all but two seconds to overtake Sehun.

* * *

The pyretic cold relented after four weeks, but not before it befell Sehun, too. He did not remember much of it. The days were hazy, and the nights were miserable. His nose was clogged, his skin was hot for days, his throat felt sore, his mouth was dry, and he coughed nearly every minute. His limbs were so weak that he could not lift any of them. The servants fed, bathed and clothed him. And at night, they forced a bitter medicine down his throat.

All of that, he could endure. But he had not seen Kai in three days, and it was driving him mad.

He nagged the servants in the infirmary constantly about Kai’s whereabouts, even when his throat made it difficult for him to speak. He cried at night – very silently – because… well, he did not exactly know why, but it probably had something to do with not having seen Kai in days.

He shivered all night, though the medicine helped him sleep for a few hours.

He thought that he was going to die. He had never come down with a fever like this.

On the fourth day, the servants helped him get off the cot and clothed him in only a tunic before they escorted him out of the infirmary.

Sehun’s head was spinning so badly from the fever that he fell several times on the way.

He soon realized that he was being brought back to Kai’s room. Regardless of the fever, his heart felt light again. And so did his head. He did not make it to the prince’s room before he passed out into one of the servants’ arms.

He eventually woke again to the sound of the crackling firewood and Kai’s belligerent voice.

“No!” he yelled somewhere in the distance. Sehun cracked his blurry eyes open and looked at the door, where Kai was standing facing his father. “I am not going anywhere.”

“You might get ill, too,” his father said.

“I won’t,” Kai spat confidently. “I never get ill. I want to stay, and I want him to stay with me. The healers can come and treat him here.”

His father rubbed his temples.

Sehun did not realize that he was laying on Kai’s bed until he noticed the familiar eiderdown wrapped warmly around his burning body.

“Suit yourself,” the king relented at last before he took off. Closing the door, Kai walked over to the window, where he knelt and hung his head. He was praying.

Sehun rarely saw him pray. His family was not pious, so he never prayed. But Kai did from time to time. Especially when he needed something that could not be attained with his power.

The last time he had prayed was when Sehun had scraped his knee while they were training. It had been Kai’s fault. He had tackled Sehun a little too hard.

When he was done, the prince rose to his full height and sauntered over to the bookshelf to retrieve a book. It was a storybook, full of myths and legends, that Sehun loved. Kai read the stories in it to Sehun every now and then.

He stopped in his tracks abruptly and turned around to look at Sehun, finally noticing that the boy was no longer asleep.

Kai’s bloodshot eyes widened, and he hurried to the side of the bed.

“You’re awake,” he rasped, taking a seat on the edge. “Do you need something?”

Sehun shook his head. Kai’s pillows were very soft. He stuck a cold foot out of the eiderdown and nudged it into a side of Kai’s torso.

Kai flinched and grabbed the foot. “Don’t do that,” he grumbled.

Sehun weakly yanked the foot out of Kai’s grip and poked the prince on the side of his waist again. Kai chuckled and shot up from the bed.

Sehun smiled, too.

“Do you… want me to read you a story?” offered Kai. Sehun nodded, hugging the eiderdown to his chest. It smelled like Kai. Pleasant.

* * *

In the three years that went by, not much happened. Some of the boys left and new ones came. Others rapidly grew, just like Kai and Sehun.

And Sehun, in particular, was growing taller with each day. By the time they reached ten, he was almost as tall as Kai.

Some of the older boys spent their free time chasing skirts in the palace. Sehun would often hear obscene noises coming from the broom closets or the corners of the corridors. At first, he thought someone was squealing in pain. It was not until he went to look did he discover what was really going on. It made him burn with embarrassment. He quickly ran back to the room, where Kai pinned him with an arched brow.

“What happened?”

Sehun panted, slumped against the door. “I… I saw a bug,” he lied.

Kai grimaced. “Do you want me to order a servant to kill it?”

Sehun shook his head. “No.”

He was not going to share the horror he had just witnessed. He was not sure how it worked, or what was really going on, but he knew what he saw. It took him a few months to completely erase the image of the kitchen girl clinging to one of the boys while he had her against a wall, her kirtle pulled all the way up.

He might understand when he was older, but for now, everything about it made his stomach turn.

While the other boys ran behind servant girls and talked day in day out about women, Sehun and Kai wasted all their time at the beach when they were not held up at a meeting, training or lessons. When they turned eleven, Kai’s father appointed a formal preceptor to carry out their lessons.

He was an old wise man, who knew about _everything_. He was worldly and very cultured. He knew the answer to every question. He knew all sorts of calculations. He knew how to read the stars as well as a wayfarer. He was less strict than Kai’s own father when it came to the teachings.

The older Kai got, the less patience he had for the mundane things. He would not sit still at his desk in the library for longer than half an hour. He would reach for Sehun’s knee under the table. He would write something disagreeable on a piece of parchment before slipping it to Sehun. He would tease Sehun’s foot with his own. He would make faces when the preceptor was not looking to make Sehun laugh and get in trouble. And oftentimes, he would grab Sehun’s hand under the table to trace Sehun’s palm lines with a finger almost absentmindedly.

“I do not need to learn about the years the old dynasties fell,” he’d groan when they were dismissed. “I am never going to use that knowledge.”

“But it is important to remember your history,” Sehun would argue as they made their way to the beach.

Kai would inevitably disagree. He disagreed on a lot of things that Sehun said these days. “How is it important?”

“So, that you would not make the same mistakes as the old kings and emperors did.”

“I am never going to be like them,” scoffed Kai as he removed his boots. Sehun followed suit. “I will be better. Better than any king before me. Better than my father even.”

Sehun sighed. “Of course,” he said. “But you still –”

Kai shook his head. “Let’s swim!” He did not wait for Sehun as he bolted toward the sea, yanking his shirt and pants off on his way.

* * *

That summer, Engeram paid them a visit, bearing the invitation to his and Princess Isolda’s wedding.

“Uncle!” Kai yelped, running into the courtyard to welcome the man. Sehun vaguely remembered Engeram, but he mostly knew the man from Kai’s stories about him.

“My, how have you’ve grown!” Engeram exclaimed, turning around to face his nephew. Engeram was Saer’s half-brother, and there was little to no resemblance between them now that Sehun saw them standing next to one another. Engeram was a charming man, just like Saer. It was no surprise that Princess Isolda had chosen him for a husband.

Later, as they sat down to lunch, Kai insisted that Sehun stayed. And Sehun rarely refused the prince, so he took a seat next to Kai and stayed quiet the entire time. He was not very talkative around strangers. Or just anyone that was not Kai.

“You must all attend,” said Engeram.

“Of course, we will,” replied Saer.

“Bring your brute friend, too.” That made the king smirk. Engeram must be talking about Bart.

“He’s not a brute,” said Kai’s father. “He is… a diamond in the rough.”

“As long as we agree there is ‘rough’ involved,” said Engeram. “How is my nephew doing these days?”

“Rather well,” said Saer, as though Kai were not present. Kai did not seem to mind his father answering for him either. “He has been missing some of his lessons lately, I hear.”

Kai deliberately refused to meet his father’s gaze then. He pretended to be interested in stealing the baby carrots from Sehun’s plate.

“And who is this?” asked Engeram.

“Sehun!” Kai answered then before his father could. “His name is Sehun. He is eleven years old. Like me.”

“How quirky,” said Engeram, grinning. “Does he not speak for himself?”

Kai glanced to Sehun then.

“He is Kai’s companion,” said Kai’s father.

“From the north, I presume,” said Engeram.

“It doesn’t matter,” said Saer. “Let us discuss something else.”

“Very well,” said Engeram. “When will you be sending the boys away for their practice?”

That had Saer looking to his son and then Sehun with something like forlornness. “There is still time,” he said quietly. “They are only eleven.”

Engeram shrugged. “I earned my first big scar when I was eleven. I took my first girl when I was twelve.” He smirked.

“I think that’s more than enough, Brother,” said the king. “They are children. Do not corrupt them.”

Engeram sighed. “Times have changed.”

“Yes, they have.”

Kai’s father thought that it would be best if Sehun did not attend the wedding with them. It was to take place in Balfold, where familiar faces might show up. And Sehun was still very much in exile and he could not risk being discovered.

“I don’t want to go either then,” spat Kai. It would take months for him to return.

“Kai,” his father let out tiredly.

“I have things to do here,” he said adamantly. “I should train. I should attend my lessons.”

His father’s eyes narrowed. “ _Now_ you are concerned with your lessons?”

“Father,” said Kai almost pleadingly. “I do not want to go.”

“You have to. Your uncle invited you.”

“But…” He trailed off, frowning.

Sehun wrapped a hand around the prince’s wrist then. Kai looked up at him. “You have to go,” whispered Sehun. “I will be fine.”

No, he would not. He was not sure what he would do with the days Kai was not around, but even the thought of it right now knotted his stomach and made him sick. He thought he was going to cry.

Kai looked like he was about to cry, too.

In the end, he agreed to go with his father to Balfold while Sehun stayed behind.

The evening before Kai were to take off, they sat before the fire, even though it was a warm summer, and Sehun handed Kai his lyre.

“Play something,” he said, and Kai fixed him with a miserable look. But he did not refuse.

While he played, Sehun retrieved his mother’s stone from under his pillow and returned to Kai’s site on the floor.

His heart had never felt so heavy. Kai continued to play a song on the lyre while Sehun made some promises.

“I will take notes for you,” he said. “I will make sure you do not miss any of the important lessons.”

Then a moment later, he told Kai that he would not go to the beach until Kai was back. And when he returned, they would run and swim to their hearts’ content again.

Nothing seemed to make Kai smile. He eventually stopped playing and lowered the lyre. He then stared into the fire a long while, almost scowling.

“I would go with you if I could,” Sehun tried saying.

Kai’s jaw tightened. “I don’t want to go,” he spat.

“But it is your uncle’s wedding.”

“I don’t care.”

“You do not mean that.”

Kai pouted. “I don’t want to go.”

Exhaling heavily, Sehun grabbed one of Kai’s fisted hands and forced it open. “You will be back before you know it,” he said. “And in the meantime…”

He placed the faint pink stone in Kai’s palm after giving it a light kiss.

“Sehun,” Kai gasped. “It is yours.”

He knew how important the stone was to Sehun. It was the only precious thing Sehun owned. And though he did not know why or where it had come from, he knew it meant a great deal to Sehun.

“Something to remember me by,” said Sehun, smiling. “My mother said that it would heal the wounds of one’s heart and protect them. If you’re sad, just hold it. And you can give it back when you return.”

Kai frowned, his fingers closing around the stone. “What if… I lose it? I don’t want to take it with me.”

“You will not lose it,” Sehun said. He was not sure if he were trying to reassure Kai, or if he were reaffirming himself of Kai’s dependableness. “And if you do, I don’t need it. I have you to protect me, don’t I?”

Kai’s eyes glistened. He quickly blinked them and turned away. “I will take very good care of it,” he said without meeting Sehun’s eyes. “I won’t lose it.”

They then sat before the fire in silence until it was time for them to sleep. Neither slept easy that night, however.

When Kai left for Balfold with his father the next morning, it felt as though a part – no, _all_ of Sehun’s soul had forsaken him. For the first time in four years, Sehun felt lonely. And he prayed -the same way he had seen Kai pray – to whatever God there was up there in the skies every day to return Kai to him quickly.


	5. Chapter 5

# C H A P T E R F I V E

Two moons felt like an eternity. There was little that Sehun could do to adjust to Kai’s absence in his space. It was not until the day after Kai had left for Balfold did Sehun realize just how dependable he had become of the prince.

When he woke up, he looked to Kai’s bed. It was empty that day, but it usually was not. It was then when he understood that it was an odd thing to find it empty and that he unconsciously looked to it every morning when he roused, just to make sure that Kai was there.

He rose from his pallet and dragged his feet to the prince’s cot. He knew that Kai would not mind, even if he found out. So, he climbed into the bed and pulled the feathery eiderdown over himself. It was where he slept for the next two months, and if the servants felt troubled to make the bed every morning, even in the absence of the prince, they said nothing.

Sehun had gotten very good at calculations, amongst other things, in the last four years. He kept a tally of the days Kai was gone, and each stroke at every night ate away at a piece of his heart.

The palace, as big and grand as it was, felt quiet and lonely without Kai there. His presence did not bother the other boys as much. They had stopped fawning over him ever since he took Sehun under his wing. And in their private little world, no one else was allowed.

Sehun kept his promises. He did not go to the beach, however tempting it might have been. He stayed in the room he had been sharing with Kai for the last four years almost every hour of the day. He was bored. Very bored. He wished that he had just gone to Balfold with Kai and risked being discovered by those who wanted to hurt him.

He certainly preferred that to spending another day without Kai. He realized that he truly would follow Kai anywhere, if he could help it.

But then he figured that if he had gotten caught in Balfold, he might have not been able to return to Azudor with Kai. And that would have been ever worse.

It would only be a few more days, he told himself as he sat down on Kai’s bed. He glanced at the bedside table and licked his lips.

He retrieved one of the journals that Kai wrote into almost nightly. There were altogether five in the drawer. The cover was made of leather and velvet. Sehun slowly drew his fingers over it. It was not the one Kai was using for the last few months. He must have taken that one with him. But Sehun remembered this one from last year.

He did not open it, however. He managed to resist the temptation. Kai would not be happy if he knew that Sehun had gone through the private thoughts he wanted to keep a secret.

And he rarely kept secrets from Sehun.

Nevertheless, Sehun felt a little annoyed that Kai still kept the journals a secret from him. He wanted there to be no secrecy between them. It was what Bart had told him when he asked the man about what it was like to be a companion a couple of years ago.

“He is my responsibility,” Bart had said, gazing into the distance, as though he were lost in his own thoughts. “There will be no secrets between us. I am loyal and he is loyal to me.”

Kai was Sehun’s responsibility. He wanted to know everything there was to know about the boy. But he did not want to find out by violating Kai’s trust. He could wait. One day, Kai would share the contents of his journals with him, he was certain.

So, he replaced the journal in the drawers and reclined on the bed.

* * *

The day Kai and the king returned, Sehun raced to the bailey with his heart in his mouth. He would have run all the way to the harbour if he had known sooner.

He did not care that his legs hurt. He did not stop, not even for a second to catch his breath, as he hared his way down to the bailey, where he found the carriage.

Kai had barely stepped out of the carriage before Sehun pounced on him, nearly knocking the prince off his feet.

“Whoa,” Kai gasped as Sehun crushed him in his arms. His own arms came up and closed around Sehun’s body that was shaking with exhilaration.

“You’re back,” panted Sehun, refusing to let go of the boy. Kai somehow felt thinner in his embrace. The only time Sehun had ever hugged him this tight was when he was tackling Kai during sparring.

Kai smelled like the sea and mangoes. Sehun never wanted to let go.

He had completely forgotten that he was in the king’s presence until Saer cleared his throat.

He pulled back and turned to king, startled. He bowed his head and said, “It’s good to have you back, Your Majesty.”

He was not sure if he were even allowed to say that. But Saer flashed a brief smirk before he wandered into the palace. He looked weary from the journey.

Sehun then turned and faced Kai again. The prince smiled coyly, and Sehun blushed. He had forgotten himself for a moment there.

“I’m tired,” said Kai. “Can we go in?”

Sehun nodded. He quietly fell beside Kai as they made their way in.

* * *

Kai’s hair had gotten longer in the last couple of months. He usually wore it short, but Sehun found this fashion rather charming, too. As much as he wanted to run his fingers through Kai’s freshly washed hair, he refrained himself.

The journey had worn the prince out. He slept for hours without even stirring, and Sehun was very cautious to not to make a single noise to wake him up.

Kai roused later in the evening with a growling stomach. He sat up and rubbed his eyes on the hilt of his palms before he looked for Sehun on his pallet.

Sehun looked at him, breathless and wide-eyed. Oh, how he had missed the boy… How he had missed seeing Kai all dishevelled and sleepy.

“Are you hungry?” asked Sehun. “Shall I ask the servants to bring you something to eat?”

Kai nodded. Sehun scrambled up onto his feet and hurried out of the room at once before returning with a platter of goat cheese slices, fruits, some cornbread and a slab of cold roasted venison.

Kai did not wash his hands or change out of his nightclothes as he hastily dug into the food while Sehun watched.

“Come,” he said after a while. “Eat with me.”

“I am not hungry,” said Sehun, but he took a seat on the bed, anyway.

“Did you eat?”

Sehun shook his head.

Kai held out a slice of cornbread then. “Eat.”

Sehun sighed and accepted the bread Kai was offering him. They ate in silence for a moment before Sehun decided to break it.

“How was the wedding?” he asked. He wanted to ask Kai all about the trip.

Kai shrugged, his cheeks stuffed with food. “It was all right,” he said, his mouth full. “Dull.”

If it were anything like the last time Sehun had visited Balfold, he wondered how it could have possibly been dull.

“How were things here?” asked Kai.

“Dull,” said Sehun, and he greatly meant it.

Kai smirked. He handed Sehun another hunk of the cornbread along with a cheese slice. This time, he insisted that Sehun ate it from his hand.

It was not an odd thing between them. Not anymore. When Sehun was ill, Kai often fed him. When Sehun broke a bone in his finger while they were training, Kai helped cut Sehun’s steak and potatoes.

It hurt Sehun’s pride a little for not being able to do his own things himself and having to rely on Kai’s aid, but he knew that he would do the same for Kai, and a lot more, if the roles were reversed.

After dinner, Sehun removed the platter from the bed and laved his hands in the washbasin before returning to his pallet. Kai looked like he was ready to go back to sleep.

They both reclined on their respective beds, but neither shut their eyes. They stared at each other, as they frequently did at night.

Kai eventually asked, “Did you sleep on my bed?”

Sehun’s heart stopped beating for a moment. His face paled, and he must have looked so comically mortified that Kai started chuckling.

He then nuzzled into the pillow and sniffed it sharply. “It smells like you,” said Kai, opening one of his eyes to look at Sehun, almost mischievously.

Sehun turned his back to the prince and faced the window. God, it was embarrassing. He thought that the servants would have changed the sheets this morning.

He should probably lie and tell Kai that he did not lie on his bed. But instead, he clutched the blanket to his chest, his heart thumping against his fist wildly.

“I like it,” drawled Kai sleepily, and Sehun was no longer sure what he was referring to. “You can sleep here again, if you want to.”

“No, I do not want to,” Sehun replied immediately, and his tone might have even sounded a little harsh.

“Hmm,” was the last thing he heard from Kai before the boy fell silent and eventually asleep.

* * *

For the next few days, they spent a lot of their time talking about Kai’s visit to Balfold.

“Ymbert was there,” said Kai as they sat on the beach after hours of running until their feet and lungs had begun to hurt. Sehun always lost, still, but he never failed to have a good time.

Kai told him some time ago that one day Sehun would defeat him. When Sehun asked how that would even be possible, Kai had smiled and said that he _had to_ eventually lose to someone and that it was inevitable.

Sehun still did not believe that he would ever be the one Kai would lose to.

“Ymbert?” asked Sehun, confused.

“You probably don’t know him. But I had once shamed him in his own area of prowess.” Kai scoffed, shaking his head. “He still begrudges me for that.”

“Why?”

“For the longest time, he was deemed the best archer in the realm. But some years ago, I had proven to better than he.”

Sehun vaguely recalled that incident. “In Balfold,” he said. “When everyone was there to win Princess Isolda’s hand in marriage.”

Kai looked at him, blinking. “Yes,” he said. “How did you know that?”

Sehun lowered his head, his cheeks burning with embarrassment. “I was there,” he admitted.

“You were?” Kai asked, surprised. “Whatever for?”

“My father… wanted me to court the princess.”

He expected Kai to laugh, but he should have known the boy better than that.

Kai regarded him with confusion, not amusement. “Mine too,” he said at length. “So… you were actually there?”

Sehun nodded.

“But I did not see you,” he said, sounding slightly frustrated and discernibly disappointed.

“I saw _you_ ,” said Sehun, and it only made Kai look even more displeased.

“You did?”

Sehun laughed. “I think it was hard not to notice you. It will be more surprising if I had not seen you.”

Kai buried his face in his hands then. “Oh, goodness,” he muttered.

“What’s wrong?” Sehun raised a hand to Kai’s shoulder and gave it a light squeeze.

Kai groaned when he brought his head up again. “I must have made a fool of myself.”

“No, you didn’t,” replied Sehun. He let his hand fall from Kai’s shoulder after a while. “You were impressive. You always are.”

Kai fixed him with a gaze that made Sehun avert his. “I can’t believe you were there,” he let out.

“Why is it so hard to believe?” asked Sehun, chuckling.

“You must have been a baby.”

Sehun cocked his eyebrows. “We’re the same age.”

“I know,” said Kai. “But even when I met you for the first time, you were so adorable and little and…” he trailed off all of a sudden, biting his lip. “I mean… I just would not have guessed that you would have wanted to court a princess.”

“I did not,” said Sehun. “I told you. My father made me. What about you? Did you actually go to Balfold to court the princess?”

Kai shrugged. “I don’t think so,” he said. “I think I just wanted to get away from Azudor for a while. And I remember having an enjoyable time there in Balfold. Of course, I did not expect Isolda to select a child for a husband. But I still had a good time.”

“And you were better, even as a child, than most of the men there,” said Sehun.

That made Kai flush as usual. “I wish I had seen you there.”

“It would not have mattered,” said Sehun. “Like you said. I was little and insignificant.”

“I never said you were insignificant,” said Kai with a frown. He truly looked offended by Sehun’s accusation. “I would never say such a thing.”

Sehun licked his lips. “Did your father expect the princess to choose you?”

“No,” said Kai. “He sent me there so that the others would get to know me. He wants everyone to know me.”

“And you do not mind.”

Kai shrugged again. “I suppose not. I am grateful for the sincere adoration and reverence.”

“Did it happen again this time? In Balfold?”

Kai shook his head. “I hope not. I would have hated to steal the light from Uncle Engeram. But… I did attract a few sets of eyes, I suppose.”

“What do you mean?” inquired Sehun.

Kai sighed. “It is no big matter,” he said, clearly not wanting to discuss it with Sehun. “Oh, I still have your stone,” he said suddenly.

“You should keep it,” replied Sehun.

Kai looked surprised. “Really?”

Sehun nodded. “It is probably safer with you.”

They paused to gaze at the ocean again. The tide was coming in.

While Kai continued to watch the waves, Sehun glanced over to him to stare at the way the breeze tousled Kai’s now long hair.

He was unable to stop himself when he reached up and carded his fingers through the other boy’s hair, as though he were rifling through the strands for sand.

Kai froze and closed his eyes momentarily while Sehun stroked his hair. Then abruptly, Sehun withdrew his hand and swallowed hard.

“Should we go get something to eat?” Kai asked at length, facing Sehun with half a smile. Sehun nodded.

* * *

When they were still growing out of the tender age of seven, Sehun thought that he would never grow. He was going to stay little and weak forever, while Kai kept growing tall and strong like a tree.

But as they slowly crawled toward thirteen, Sehun was more than glad that he was now the same height, minus an inch or two, as Kai. If it shocked anyone else in the palace, no one showed it.

Kai’s father had once made a remark about Sehun growing up fast, though.

“Bart and I have a wager between us,” he had said. “He believes that you would not grow as tall as Kai. I had wagered elsewise. I think I will be getting those two gold coins very soon.”

Sehun thought it to be ludicrous that the two men wagered two gold coins on his height. But then again, he rarely comprehended the lengths of the king’s relationship with his captain.

Sehun often observed them intently to learn more about his duties as a companion to the prince. Bart was almost always cheery and light around the king. Saer, on the other hand, snapped at his captain so often that Sehun was afraid that Kai would take after his old man.

One time, he even walked into Bart being yelled at.

“I do not recall that evening,” Saer spat at his captain through his clenched teeth.

“I am not surprised,” said Bart almost nonchalantly, though he kept his fists wound tightly at his back.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“To you,” replied Bart, arching an eyebrow.

The king looked like he was about to throw a punch, but they both stopped and turned when they noticed Sehun at the door. Bart took his leave after courteously bowing his head to his king. He ruffled Sehun’s hair on his way out.

Another time, Sehun watched Bart grab a minister, who had disrespected the king during one of the court assemblies, by the lapels of his coat and he had the minister pinned to the ground before everyone blinked. Kai had reacted too, and Sehun had to calm him down and keep his wits about him. He should not be making the situation any worse. Besides, he was still very much a child who was dragged into the affairs of men. They both were. Sehun held Kai’s hand to calm him, and it always worked.

Things began to change – a lot – when they turned thirteen. They did not chase skirts or run behind the kitchen girls as the other boys did. But they did begin to notice the changes that were taking place around them and between them and right in front of them.

For one, their bodies were transforming. They were still lean and lithe, but their muscles were more defined and toned, and they both had gained more strength in their limbs. Sehun noticed that Kai was getting stronger by the day, and Kai noticed the same thing about Sehun, though they were not on the same level.

The changes their bodies were going through were both confusing and exciting. At least for Sehun. He liked the way he looked in the mirrors, even though he was still very much all legs and arms. But the baby plumpness of his face was completely gone, and his skin felt tauter somehow. His hair, after being sun-washed for years, had begun to look more brown than black. His fingers were long and bony, just like Kai’s. There were still many things that he did not particularly like about himself, but he tried to dwell on them as little as possible.

Change could never look as good as it did on Kai. That was not to say that Kai was not the epitome of perfection before. But the transformations he had recently gone through made him look more like a man than a boy. Sehun still looked much like a boy in comparison. The sharp features of Kai’s face were the item of envy for all the boys at the palace. He was becoming more and more handsome with each year. His father, though bigger and buffer in size, was palpable in Kai’s appearance. Sehun did not know how much of Kai was his mother.

Kai had only talked about his mother once, and it had caused him a great deal of pain that Sehun never dared to ask him about her again.

All that Kai had told him was that she had died giving birth to him.

Thirteen was an important age.

Kai’s birthday came before Sehun’s. There was a grand celebration at the palace. Kai had suggested to Sehun that evening that they should quietly slip away to the beach because he was not in the mood to be the centre of attention.

Sehun in return convinced the prince that he could not possibly miss his own party. Kai had groaned and grunted, but he attended the celebration. Sehun stayed at his side the entire time.

Kai had received many presents that evening. None of them had pleased him because he either gave them all away or he simply did not open them. He gave the nice tunics, shirts and boots to Sehun, though.

There were many noblemen and women present. Some Sehun recognized. They were all fawning over Kai and his father.

It took Sehun a few moments to realize that they were pimping out their daughters – if not themselves – to the king and his son.

Both King Saer and Kai managed to keep a civil appearance, and they entertained the guests with a smile, but neither accepted their proposals.

Sehun stood near Kai with a vacant expression. He was not sure if he were more appalled or amused by how the people were throwing themselves or their daughters at the king and Kai.

“You cannot stay a widower forever, Your Majesty,” one of the noblewomen said, giggling behind her fan. “And what of your son? He has come of age to take his first wife, hasn’t he?”

Sehun was blushing in embarrassment _for_ Kai. This was all very mortifying.

King Saer smiled cordially and bowed his head. “I appreciate your concern, Lady Liecia,” he said. “But it is not my place to tell my son when or where he should choose his bride.”

“What of you then?” asked another noblewoman. “You are certainly an eligible bachelor, aren’t you?”

“I am not a bachelor,” said Saer, sounding a little tired. “I am not looking for a wife for the time being.”

Kai pinned his father with a sidelong glance.

Sehun looked to Bart, who looked like he was stifling a cheeky laugh at Saer’s side.

“Well,” said the noblewoman. “When you are finally ready to forgo your grief, Your Majesty, please know that… there are many desirable women of good breeding in Azudor.”

Saer nodded. “I will try to remember that, Lady Avice.”

Later, he handed Kai a cup of wine. Before that, Sehun doubted that Kai had ever consumed any alcohol. “You are old enough for your first drink,” his father said before clinking his winecup with his son’s.

Kai was happy to drink the wine, and he even convinced Sehun into trying some. They drank to Kai’s health that evening.

Shortly after Saer had taken his leave, along with his captain who escorted him out of the hall, Kai grabbed Sehun’s arm and yanked him aside.

“Let us slip away, too,” he hissed, and his breath reeked of wine. Sehun supposed his did as well. But he had clearly not drunk as much as Kai had.

“Now?”

“Yes,” drawled Kai. “Come on.”

“We can’t just leave.”

“Yes, we can. It is _my_ birthday. You should do as I say, no?”

Sehun tilted his head to the side and made a face at the other boy. He eventually sighed and agreed.

The darkness of the night had them tripping and stumbling and falling on their rumps several times as they made their way down the hill to the beach. The wine might have also had a role to play.

They giggled and fell against one another, holding onto each other for support until they eventually plumped down on the sand.

Kai shot back up almost immediately, however. “I think I want to take a bath,” he said.

“Kai,” groaned Sehun.

“Yes. I want to take a bath.” Kai quickly removed his shirt and boots, but he forgot to take his trousers off as he broke into a sprint toward the water.

Sehun did not try and stop him. He knew better than to stop Kai from running, and there was no way he could catch up to him either.

So, he leaned back on his hands in the sand and stretched his legs out toward the sea and watched Kai disappear into the dark waters.

He came up a while later, shivering and with his teeth chattering. He laughed as he hurriedly climbed out of the water, and Sehun shook his head, grinning.

“That would surely wake a dead man up,” said Kai, sounding completely sober again. He dropped onto the sand next to Sehun and reclined all the way back after pulling his shirt on over his wet body. “My heart feels like it’s going to explode.”

“Really?” mumbled Sehun, and before he even realized what he was doing, he pressed a side of his head to Kai’s wet, cold chest. He stayed that way for a moment, listening to the racing beats of Kai’s heart. It really did sound like it was going to explode, and it did not slow down even after a while. Sehun thought that he could fall asleep like this, though. With his head resting on Kai’s chest.

“Sehun,” Kai called a moment later, and Sehun lifted his head off the other boy’s chest.

Kai pushed himself up onto his elbows and looked at Sehun with a frown.

“What?” asked Sehun.

Kai said nothing as he continued to stare gravely at Sehun. Then shaking his head, he stood up and pulled his boots on. “We should head back before Bart finds out we’re missing and sends a search party after us.”

Sehun blinked confusedly, but he stood up and dusted the sand off himself. Had he done something to offend Kai? It seemed like it. He did not ask Kai about it, however, and they did not speak of the night of his birthday again after that.

* * *

Thirteen was indeed a very important age. It was the beginning of many things and oddly enough the end of some.

Kai was more careful around Sehun now. He no longer grabbed Sehun’s arm or hand as he wished regardless of the time and place. He did not touch Sehun’s knee or palm to distract him during the lessons. He did smirk every now and then when the preceptor would say something quite innocent that might have sounded dirty in the privacy of Kai’s own mind. Sehun often just rolled his eyes before he would realize that he must possess the same dirty mind to understand what Kai’s thought process.

And when they were training, Kai gave Sehun everything he had. He was no longer cautious or lenient. He told Sehun that he wanted to be a warrior one day. He did not hold himself back as he struck Sehun in the head or sliced him open with his sword.

Sehun never stayed down, though. He stood back up and challenged Kai until he had at least gotten a point against Kai, too.

Later, they would tend to each other’s wounds and laugh about them.

They often received suggestive gazes from the servant girls at the palace. They usually chuckled about it silently or they would completely ignore it.

Kai, in particular, was driving the girls over the edge of sanity. His indifference towards them had them doing all sorts of things to get his attention. Some of the kitchen girls fawned over Sehun, too. He was rather easy on the eyes, and he was the prince’s companion. The kitchen girls could do a lot worse.

Neither Kai nor Sehun looked at any of them for longer than a second. That did not discourage the girls, though. They continued to keep trying.

Kai received many proposals in just a month. He dismissed them without even inquiring about them. His father did not quarrel with him on the matter. He simply told his court that his remarkable son had bigger mountains to move.

And Kai believed that, too. He often told Sehun that the things that he wanted were very far out of his reach. And he would need to work very hard to achieve them. He might even lose his life trying to obtain one of them. And as he was saying that, he gazed into Sehun’s eyes like he was being stabbed from the inside.

Sehun did not ask the boy what those things were that he so badly desired but could not obtain.

Sehun himself did not have such desires, he thought. But then again, he was not a prince, and he was not remarkable.

* * *

When Sehun’s birthday finally arrived that year, Kai woke him up at dawn.

“Wake up, sleepyhead,” he rasped, shaking Sehun’s shoulders.

Cracking his heavy eyes open, Sehun held onto Kai’s arm to sit up. “What’s happening?”

“It’s your birthday!” exclaimed Kai.

“I know. So?”

“Let’s go to the beach.”

Sehun sighed and yawned before he got up and dressed to accompany Kai to the beach.

The water was still cold when he dived into it, but it managed to wake him up. Later, as the morning sun rapidly climbed up the horizon, they lay on the sandy beach on their backs, watching the seagulls soaring in the sky.

“What do you want?” asked Kai at length, breaking the silence that Sehun was enjoying.

“What?”

“For your birthday,” said Kai, propping himself on one of his elbows to face Sehun. “I have been thinking very hard about what you might want for the past few months, but I really don’t know.” He frowned.

“Then you haven’t thought hard enough,” said Sehun, and Kai’s frown deepened.

“You can ask me anything,” he said then.

Sehun exhaled heavily. “There is nothing that I want.”

“That is a lie. Everyone wants something.”

“Not everyone.”

“Yes, everyone.”

Sehun rose to his elbows, too. “Fine,” he said. “I want you to tell me what is it that you want.”

That shocked Kai more than Sehun thought it would. The boy stared back at Sehun like he had been slapped by a ghost.

Sehun blinked at him. He had clearly not meant it seriously, but now he was curious what might Kai’s answer be.

The morning breeze was cool against their damp skin. They had put their shirts and pants on, but they had left them unlaced. Kai had pushed his wet hair back, while Sehun’s was curtaining his eyes a little. The gulls were squawking in the distance, and the waves orchestrated their own symphony with the sea.

Kai looked distraught for a moment. And then slowly, the muscles in his face loosened, and he stared into Sehun’s eyes, as though he were searching for Sehun’s soul through them.

His hand came around the back of Sehun’s neck, and his fingers slipped into the hair by the nape. He then closed his eyes and leaned in before pressing his lips to Sehun’s.

He had very warm and soft lips, though the same could not be said for his hand that was curled around Sehun’s neck. They were callused and cold.

He smelled like saltwater, and he felt like the only thing that mattered in the universe in that moment.

Sehun almost kissed him back before he snapped out of it and pulled away, flinching. Kai looked at him with a concerned expression which quickly turned sour when Sehun looked back at him with a horrified scowl.

Without saying another word, Sehun scrambled onto his feet and hurried up the hill, running toward the palace.


	6. Chapter 6

# C H A P T E R S I X

The day was coming to an end, and Sehun finally decided to exit the broom closet he had been hiding in all day. He had almost forgotten that it was his birthday today.

Back in Northernshire, as far as Sehun’s memory permitted, his birthdays passed just like another day. He received one present every year, and it was from his governess. Some years she gifted him notebooks. Other years she gave him clothes she had made for him herself.

He did not recall his parents wishing him a happy birthday any year. His father did, however, order the cook to make Sehun’s favourite meal, and he told Sehun if there was anything that he wanted, the man would try and get it. Of course, he did not mean ‘anything’. He would not lift a finger for Sehun’s sake.

The first birthday he had after coming to Azudor was a blur as well. He told Kai, just when they were about to fall asleep, when the day was its end, that it was his birthday. Kai had shot upright on his bed and gawked at Sehun in disbelief.

“Why did you not say anything sooner?” he asked, gasping.

“It does not matter,” Sehun had replied.

Kai frowned. He gnawed at his bottom lip for a moment before he climbed out of his bed and knelt at the side of Sehun’s pallet.

As Sehun sat up, Kai took hold of his shoulders and looked straight into his eyes. “It matters to me,” he said. Sehun blinked. Sighing, Kai retrieved his hands. “I wish you had told me sooner. I would have gotten you something.”

“You would have?” asked Sehun. “But… why?”

“What do you mean why?” asked Kai, his frowning deepening. “Everybody deserves something for their birthday.”

Sehun lowered his head. “I don’t think I do.”

“What?”

Sehun did not tell Kai that he did not think he deserved his birthday to be celebrated because he had not exactly done anything that could be celebrated in all the years he had been alive. Unlike Kai, who had already achieved so much, and he had a lot more to his birth than anybody in this palace. He was the golden child. He would be a hero one day. And a king.

Kai eventually got up and returned to his bed. Before he fell asleep, he whispered, “Happy birthday, Sehun.”

Sehun slept with a smile on his face that night. A birthday wish had never made him so happy before.

All of his birthdays had been so uneventful before he had come to Azudor. Following his exile, however, he spent all of his birthdays with Kai.

It was only when he turned eleven did Sehun realize that Kai took the entire day off to spend it all with him. He did not attend any meetings or lessons. He would even take his dinner with Sehun alone in their room. And it usually was a feast! Each year, he would ask Sehun what he wanted. Sehun’s response had always been “nothing”, and it greatly frustrated Kai.

Although his birthdays were never as special or important as Kai’s, he had very little complaints or even expectations to begin with. This year, however, he wished his birthday had never come.

Was it the worst birthday he had ever had? Possibly. Was it the most confusing? Definitely.

He was not sure why he had run away like he was set on fire. But it was exactly what it had felt like. He had not stopped running until he found himself plunging into the broom closet before curling up in a dark corner, panting for breath.

When his breathing had finally calmed, he buried his face between his knees and clenched his eyes tightly. His heart was still racing. He could hear its beat in his ears.

What had just happened? Had it really even happened? For one moment, his mind was buzzing with all sorts of queries and ideas that it made it difficult for him to focus on any one of them. And the next, it was a complete blank.

He suddenly felt stupid for having run away like that. Yet at the same time, he never wanted to leave the broom closet.

When he could move again, he brushed his fingers against his lips. Perhaps he was mistaken. Perhaps it was not at all what he had perceived it to be. Perhaps Kai was teasing him. He often liked doing that, didn’t he?

Maybe this was just a joke.

And if it were, it was a very cruel one.

Needless to say, Sehun had never experienced something like this before. He spent all his time running around with Kai that he never thought of the things that the other boys in the palace frequently engaged in.

Well, ‘ _never’_ would be a lie. He had thought about it before. But it had embarrassed him so much that he decided to convince himself that it was an involuntary thought.

Regardless, thinking of such things was one thing. Acting upon it and experiencing it was completely another. The latter was a lot more terrifying.

How could he ever face Kai again? He knew for a fact that he would have to. It was not like he could avoid or even make himself stay away from Kai forever.

After all, one had to return to one’s home eventually, one way or another, right?

But what would he even say to Kai after what had happened? He was more embarrassed about having fled like a coward with his tail between his legs.

If he had not liked what had happened, then he should have stood his ground and confronted Kai like a man. That was what turning thirteen was all about, wasn’t it? He needed to start acting like a man. Except that he was not. And today of all days, he felt more like a boy than he ever did. A scared, confused little boy who wanted nothing more than to be comforted. And his only source of comfort was what had caused the discomfort in the first place.

If he had indeed liked what had happened, then he should have…

Well, Sehun did not know. He did not know what he should have done if that were the case. He did not know if he even liked or disliked what Kai had done to him.

The accusatory note to that made Sehun cringe. He did not mean to shed such a light upon Kai. The prince had not done anything to hurt him, had he? Sehun was not hurt. Then why did he run away like that?!

Why did it still somehow hurt him? It felt as though someone was battering his insides with a mallet.

After a while, his weary mind refused to entertain any of his tiresome ruminations. He had not eaten all day, and his throat was parched, too.

When fatigue finally overcame his cowardice, he exited the broom closet. He stopped the hallway to take in a few deep breaths before he proceeded to the prince’s chamber.

The slightly cold air and the smell of burning firewood somewhere in the palace suggested that the day had already yielded to the beginning of the night.

Sehun felt the knots in his stomach tighten with every step he advanced. In spite of having been holed up in the broom closet all day, he still had not figured what he would say or do when he saw Kai again. Should he apologize? He was not sure what for, but he felt like he should apologize. If he could manage to get his tongue to cooperate, that was.

When he reached the room, he stood still for a long while, staring idly at the door before him. Part of him wanted to run away again, but he was too tired to do that.

So, he went in. He was either surprised or relieved to find out that Kai was not there. Perhaps he had not yet returned from dinner with his father.

Sehun decided to wash up. He still had sand from the beach sticking to his skin and scalp. After bathing, he quickly dressed himself and settled on his pallet.

When he heard the door open several hours later, he kept his back turned to the rest of the room as he lay facing the window. It was nearly midnight.

He smelled the ocean when Kai entered. Had he been on the beach all this while? Sehun feigned sleep, even though he should have confronted Kai at least now. But once again, he chose cowardice to avoid awkwardness.

Kai could probably tell that he was not asleep, though. They knew well enough about each other to know what their breathing sounded like when they were awake or asleep.

He heard Kai shuffling out of his clothes before he heard the bathing chamber’s door open and shut. Kai took a moment to return, and he immediately left again after clothing himself.

Sehun sat up and frowned toward the closed door. Every fibre in his body wanted to go after Kai. But he somehow managed to stay put.

Sleep did not come easy to him that night. Especially on an empty stomach. Kai did not come back to the room again that night.

* * *

The next morning, Sehun roused early enough to catch the first round of breakfast in the feast hall. The boys pinned him with an odd look when he entered the hall. Sehun’s eyes quickly darted to Kai, who was already seated at his usual spot – and the one next to him was reserved for Sehun.

They always showed up to breakfast and lunch together, no matter how late they were. It must seem curious to the other boys that they came to breakfast separately today.

Sehun did not like that. He woke up this morning with a clearer head, and he realized that the brief separation – which was mostly Sehun’s doing – upset him.

Going even for a day without being at Kai’s side suffocated him now.

He took his seat on the bench beside the prince.

Kai looked up at him once before he immediately lowered his head again to pretend to be busy with his plate. Sehun reached for a slice of carrot bread and spread a generous amount of cream cheese on it. He was so hungry that he did not mind the way Kai was refusing to even look at him.

Kai, on the other hand, had barely touched the food on his plate.

Sehun ate four more slices of the carrot bread and some freshly cut mangoes before he washed it all down with a tall cup of water.

Wiping his mouth, he glanced to Kai. “Do you want to go and train?” he asked.

Kai nodded his head with a small shrug on his shoulders. He still did not meet Sehun’s eyes, and he did not look like he wanted to open his mouth – neither to speak nor eat.

They rose from the table and headed for the training pavilion in silence.

“Swords?” Sehun asked when they reached the pavilion.

Without responding, Kai went to grab two swords from the racks. He nearly lost his grip on one of the swords when Sehun’s fingers brushed against his as he tried to take the sword out of Kai’s hand.

“Sorry,” muttered Kai before he went to take his position. Sehun was not sure if he were apologizing for fumbling with the sword or for something else.

Either way, it made his heart clench a little. He did not want Kai to apologize for anything. He would hate to think that he had made the boy feel like he should apologize.

Kai licked his lips and raised his gaze at length. He could not fight an opponent with his head down.

Sehun tried not to look away now. He gripped his sword steadily in his right hand and brandished it, challenging Kai to make the first move.

Kai hesitated. For the first time ever. He had never hesitated to make the first move before.

Sehun frowned for a moment before he decided to be the first to charge. Kai blocked his strike as effortlessly as ever, but he stumbled slightly when he tried to counter.

Sehun took a step back before he lunged at the prince again. Their blades clashed with a deafening noise, and Sehun staggered a few steps back while Kai stood his ground as usual.

This was good. They were going back to how things were, and Sehun wanted nothing more than for them to completely forget about yesterday and return to how they were and would always be.

He grinned victoriously when he managed to dodge Kai’s blow before countering with a powerful attack. Their arms brushed when they slid past one another. Kai seemed to be distracted then, which Sehun took advantage of.

He swung his sword and much to his horror, Kai took too long to block it that he might have split the boy’s shoulder in half. And as Kai blocked the strike, the sword slipped from his grip and he stumbled back before dropping to the ground.

Sehun blinked at him. That was… unexpected.

And it was clearly not Sehun’s strength or swordplay skills that had felled the prince.

“You are not paying attention,” he told Kai almost accusingly.

Kai’s eyebrows furrowed into a scowl then. He ignored Sehun’s hand that was held out to him and pushed himself up back onto his feet. Sehun expected him to retaliate, win his honour back, restore his glory. He would not be defeated by a colourless little boy from Northernshire. Not today, not ever. Not even during practice.

But Kai walked away, throwing the sword to the floor of the pavilion like he was fed up.

Sehun stood there, baffled and numb, his hand trembling a little around the sword’s grip.

He did not see Kai again for the rest of the day.

* * *

By the end of the week, the heat during the day was making it difficult for Sehun to even lift an arm. He thought of going to the beach to cool down on his own, but he did not want to give Kai another reason to be mad at him.

He was not even sure that Kai was mad at him. How could he possibly know since he had seen very little of the boy all week? Kai came back to the room very late in the night to sleep – only after Sehun was asleep – and he left before Sehun woke up in the morning.

Sehun knew that Kai had been there only because there were rumpled sheets and dirty laundry in his eyesight when he woke up.

He also took his meals elsewhere because he did not show up for breakfast or lunch. And Sehun was no longer invited to sit in with him for his lessons, if he even went to those anymore.

Sehun even went down to the beach to look for the boy several times, but he did not find Kai there. He was not there in the library either when Sehun went looking.

In the end, he decided to stay up all night until Kai would show up. This whole situation was driving him insane. He walked around the palace like a madman searching for Kai every day for the past four days.

He sat up, looking to the door when heard it creak open. Kai dragged his feet over to his bed where he promptly removed his shirt and undid the buttons of his trousers.

He briefly regarded Sehun who was gawking at him sideways, but he did not say anything.

“Where have you been?” Sehun decided to ask. He kept his tone light, even though he felt like shouting at the boy.

“Away,” said Kai almost as a matter-of-factly, as though Sehun were supposed to have guessed it on his own.

“Away where?” asked Sehun. He did not like hounding Kai for details, but Kai always just gave them to him without being asked.

Kai sighed as he grabbed a new pair of trousers from his wardrobe. “I had some preparations to take care of.”

Sehun rose to stand on his knees on the pallet. “Preparations for what?”

“Nothing.”

Sehun glowered at the other boy then. “You were preparing for _nothing_?”

Kai looked at him, and almost instantly, his gaze softened. “It does not concern you,” he said as gently as he could, and it still stung Sehun. How could anything about Kai not concern him? It had concerned Sehun for the last six years, had it not?

He got up from the pallet and walked over to Kai, obstructing his path to the bathing chamber. “Why?” he asked vaguely.

Kai stared at him. “What why?”

Sehun swallowed hard. He wanted to ask Kai why he had been avoiding him lately, but he already knew the answer to that, and it was the last thing he wanted to discuss right now.

“Take me with you tomorrow,” he said instead.

Kai exhaled heavily. “There is no need for that.”

Sehun caught his arm as Kai started to walk past him. “I am your companion,” he said. “I should be there with you. I can help you. I have to go everywhere you go.”

When Kai harshly yanked his arm away, it shocked Sehun. “No, you do not,” he said, keeping his voice still gentle. He was forcing himself to speak softly and kindly to Sehun even when his body spoke a completely different, more hostile language. “You do not have to follow me everywhere, Sehun.”

That felt like a knife to the heart. Sehun thought of asking, _“Since when? Was it after you had kissed me? Is all of this because of it?”_

He kept mum instead. It felt better to stay silent and live than to speak and die.

“I have to wash up,” sighed Kai. “Go to sleep.”

“I can’t sleep,” murmured Sehun, and Kai stopped to fix him with a pitiful look. “You are pulling away from me.”

Sehun did not mean for the tears in his eyes to fall, so he quickly wiped them away.

“Sehun,” Kai rasped. “I am not… pulling away from you.”

“Yes, you are. You resent me.” He hung his head. There was so much more that he wanted to say. Like how this whole situation was wounding him so badly. He did not want another person he loved to leave him or to pull away from him. Perhaps he was the one who had pushed Kai away, but he went back, didn’t he? He kept going back, and he would always go back. Because he did not have anywhere else to go, and even if he did, his home belonged with Kai.

Sehun sniffled. “It is all my fault.”

“What?” said Kai. “Oh, god. Sehun, I do not resent you, and you have done nothing wrong.”

He lifted a hand to Sehun’s shoulder, but he quickly withdrew it, looking ashamed.

“If anything,” he added with a thick lump in his throat. “I was the one who had…” he trailed off, as though it were too painful or embarrassing for him to say. “I could never… resent you, Sehun,” he whispered after a while, lowering his gaze. “You know that.”

Sehun pursed his lips that suddenly felt too hot that they were almost throbbing. He was close to sobbing, and he was trying his best to not to break apart right now.

“I just think that,” Kai continued. “it will not be a bad idea if we… distanced ourselves from each other a little bit. We should do some things without involving one another. I’m sure you would like to do something without having me around all the time.”

No, not really. Why would Kai even think that?

Sehun felt like crying even more now.

“What… sort of things… do _you_ want to do without _me_ around?” he asked the prince.

Kai shrugged, but he was refusing to look Sehun in the eye. “Your being my companion does not mean you are my pet, Sehun. You have your own freedom to do whatever it is that you want to do. Take Bart for instance. He is not always around my father, is he? He has his own life.”

Sehun wanted Kai to shut up. He was only making this worse. “I don’t have anything that I want to do without you,” he admitted, voice breaking. _My whole world_ is _you._

Kai bit his lower lip and swallowed. “I-I’m sure… you’d find… something.” He said nothing more as he turned around and proceeded into the bathing chamber.

Sehun managed to get back to his pallet before his knees could buckle. He kept his back turned towards Kai’s bed, and he stayed silent even as Kai came out of the bathing chamber and climbed into his bed.

Kai did not talk to him again either, but Sehun somehow felt the prince’s gaze burning a hole into his back for the better part of the night while Sehun silently cried himself to sleep.

* * *

The following days were hard, and that was a serious understatement. They were literal hell was more befitting.

Sehun was left out of some small meetings, and he was not required to attend the lessons with the preceptor anymore, which meant that Kai did not want him there. So, Sehun sat out.

They still trained together, and Kai won every single time. Some evenings, Kai would return to the room smelling like the salt from the sea, with sand sticking to his hair and between his toes. Sehun would look up from the book he was trying to read and begrudge the prince momentarily for having gone to the beach without him.

Most days, Kai would take his meals before Sehun even got to the feast hall. But he still sat at the same table as Sehun. Some days, if Sehun roused early enough, he would follow Kai to breakfast.

Sehun tried not to pry too much into what Kai was up to when he was not around.

He went looking for Kai one afternoon in the king’s study. Kai was not there, but Saer was, rifling through the hundred letters on his desk.

“Sehun,” he called when he saw Sehun passing.

Walking in, Sehun bowed his head. “Good afternoon, Your Majesty.”

The king sighed. “Not a very good one for me actually.” He tossed another letter with a broken seal aside and rubbed his temples.

“Missives?” asked Sehun.

“More like pimp notes.”

Sehun did not understand, and his confusion must have been clear because Saer smirked.

“Sit,” he said, and Sehun immediately took a seat. “If you are not up to anything good, you can help me sort these.”

Sehun welcomed the distraction. Otherwise, he would spend the next few hours obsessing over what Kai was doing, imagining the worst things possible.

As it turned out, Sehun did have quite a bit of imagination when he was bored or paranoid.

His most frequent preoccupation involved servant girls that often eyed Kai like he was the last piece of meat on the table. He imagined Kai running after them like the other boys in the palace, and he hated himself for it. Kai was not like the other boys, and he would never do such a thing.

Would he?

But then again, he was apparently capable of things that Sehun had never imagined that he could do. For instance, this ridiculous thing he suggested – distancing themselves from one another.

And also the thing that happened on the beach on Sehun’s birthday.

“Pile the ones from the north on the right and the south on the left,” said Saer, and Sehun got to it right away.

He knew all the countries and their capitals now. And he could even recognize some of the seals.

“Where is Kai?” the king asked after a while.

Sehun was reluctant to answer because he was mad that he himself did not know. “I am not sure, My King,” he said.

That had Saer’s eyes widening. “That’s a first,” he said, scoffing. “Aren’t you two as thick as thieves? Like birds of a feather.”

Sehun paused for a second to recompose himself.

“Is everything all right?” the king asked.

“Yes,” Sehun lied. “He just needs some time away from me. I think.”

That surprised Saer. He leaned back in his seat and pinned Sehun with an arched brow. “Did you two have a falling-out? I noticed that he has not seemed himself lately.”

Really? Sehun was relieved to hear that because he would have been very upset to hear that Kai was happy about this whole situation.

“How so, Your Grace?” asked Sehun.

“He looks spooked. Possessed. Very quiet. I’ve never seen him like this. It has been worrying me quite a bit.” Saer licked his lips. “Do you want to talk about your quarrel with him?”

“There was no quarrel, Your Grace,” said Sehun.

“Hmm.” The king straightened up again. “Then I wonder why he has been sulking endlessly for a fortnight like he’s lost a leg.”

Sehun frowned and kept his head very low.

“If there is anyone who can cheer him up,” Saer then added. “it is you.”

Sehun wished that he could tell the king that that was no longer the case. Kai wanted him to keep his distance.

Sehun was, frankly, getting tired of trying to pretend that he was okay with it.

“What are these letters?” Sehun asked, only to drive the attention away from the current topic.

The king exhaled exasperatedly. “Some are warnings. Most are proposals.”

“Proposals?” inquired Sehun.

“For Kai,” said Saer. “A bride for him. Many of them are noteworthy noblewomen. Some are wealthy spinsters. Others are very young princesses.”

Sehun suddenly felt like crumpling the letter he was holding in his hand. He placed it carefully on the right. “Is any of them worth considering?” he asked with a lump in his throat.

“Oh, I’m sure many of them are wonderful prospects. But it is up to Kai. I would have tossed them out if he hadn’t told me that he wouldn’t mind taking a bride as soon as he turned seventeen.”

Sehun froze. “Wh-When did he… say that?”

“A couple of days ago,” said Saer. “As I said, he has been acting very strangely lately. Out of character, if I might say.”

Sehun helped the king sort the rest of the letters before he took his leave.

He found Kai at the pavilion, but not before he had searched high and low in the palace.

Kai was sitting on the balustrade, gazing out at the ocean vacantly. He was so lost in his thoughts that he did not notice when Sehun crept up behind him and shoved him off the balustrade.

He landed on his feet on the grass before he turned and looked at Sehun, who was smirking at him, an elbow on the balustrade, his chin planted in his hand.

“Want to spar?” asked Sehun.

Kai sighed and nodded before he climbed back into the pavilion.

They did not pick up a weapon this time but decided to practise their hand-to-hand combat instead.

The first round was an easy win for Kai.

The second round, however, was in Sehun’s favour. Every time his hand was slam against Kai’s chest or wrap around Kai’s throat, the prince faltered and fumbled before he would relent and quickly step away. At one point, he did manage to hold Sehun in a headlock with Sehun’s back pinned against Kai’s chest.

He lost his grip when Sehun reached back and slid his fingers into the boy’s hair to tug at it. Kai released him and staggered back. His hand flew up to grab Sehun’s wrist while Sehun’s fisted around Kai’s shirt. He yanked at it so hard that the laces of Kai’s shirt came loose. Their chests collided, and Sehun rammed his head against Kai’s to send him teetering back again.

As soon as Kai lost his footing, Sehun knocked him down and straddled him, sitting on top of his heaving chest with his hands wrapped around Kai’s neck.

“I win,” Sehun huffed, grinning breathlessly.

Kai was almost just as breathless, but it was not from the fight. He was gawking up at Sehun, his hands lightly holding Sehun’s hamstrings.

Sehun loosened his hands around Kai’s neck and brushed a side of the boy’s jaw with his thumb. His skin there felt a little coarse.

“Sehun,” Kai breathed out. “Get off me.”

When Sehun did not do as he said, Kai grabbed his waist and plopped him down to the ground, mounting Sehun now. The back of Sehun’s head slammed against the padded ground with a thud, and he giggled as Kai scrambled off of him.

“You really do not like to lose,” he said, propping himself up on his elbows.

Kai ignored him as he tied his shirt’s laces again.

“Aren’t you going to help me up?” Sehun asked, still half-reclined on the ground.

Kai looked back at him and sighed before holding a hand out. Sehun let himself be pulled up. He caught Kai’s arm before the boy could walk away.

“I don’t want to do this,” he said, the smile slipping from his lips.

Kai raised his brows. “Do what?”

“This,” said Sehun. “I don’t want us to distance ourselves from one another.”

Kai started scowling then. “Then what?” he spat. “Do you want to stick yourself to me all the time?”

“Well, yes.”

“Sehun,” groaned Kai. “You are making this very difficult for me.”

“Why? _How_ am _I_ making this difficult? I don’t know if you are still embarrassed about what had happened the other day, but I am willing to forgo it and pretend that it never happened. So, can we just… go back to how things were?”

Kai was staring at him now in something like disbelief. “Embarrassed?” he said. Sehun waited for him to spit what was basically hanging on the tip of his tongue. “Good to know that it was something I should be embarrassed about.”

He pulled his arm away from Sehun’s hand and stormed off, with his hands fisted at his sides like he was ready to punch through a wall.


	7. Chapter 7

# C H A P T E R S E V E N

Kai moped for two whole days, and God, could that boy hold a grudge…

Sehun did not try too hard to get him to talk because that would require apologizing, and he had no clue what he should even apologize for this time.

He hated it all, nonetheless. They had never had a single squabble before they turned thirteen, and lately, it seemed as though it were all they were doing. Sulking, moping, glowering at each other from opposite ends of the room, wishing that they could go back to how they were before Sehun’s birthday, not knowing why they were even upset with one another.

Sehun did know, though, why he was sad. Kai had never spoken to him that way before. It had been so harsh and hostile that Sehun had nearly cried. He just wanted things to go back to normal. And from the way Kai was giving him the silent treatment, it did not seem like that was going to happen anytime soon.

On the third day of their cold hostility, Sehun set himself on his pallet after lunch and watched Kai as usual. Kai was seated at his desk, the back of his chair turned to Sehun. He was aggressively scribbling something onto a page of his new journal. Sehun thought that he might even snap the quill in two in his tight grip. He watched the way Kai’s shoulders rolled back while the back muscles tautened under his flimsy white shirt. He had started to shave recently. Not daily, but he did it at least twice a week. Sehun, on the other hand, was a late bloomer. But then again, every boy their age was a late bloomer when compared to Kai.

He rubbed his chin to see if he felt the same coarseness he had felt on Kai’s jaw the other day. He did not. It was still as smooth as a baby’s bum.

Kai eventually replaced the quill in the ink bottle and closed the journal before he rose from the desk and walked over to the bedside table, where he promptly tucked the journal away along with the others in the drawers.

He then pinned Sehun with a sidelong glance. Sehun pretended to be picking at his cuticles.

“I’m going to the beach,” said Kai then.

Sehun looked up at him, blinking. It might not have sounded like an invitation, but the way Kai was looking at him conveyed the message all the same.

Sehun stood up from his pallet and said, “Okay.”

He quietly followed Kai out of the room, and they did not interact until they had reached the beach.

Sehun placed his hand on Kai’s shoulder – out of habit – while he tried to stand on one foot, yanking the boot off the other. Kai said nothing, but Sehun felt his shoulder tightened. He quickly released it and blushed.

Why did everything feel so different all of a sudden? Why did even touching him feel so strange? The age of thirteen meant a great deal of changes, King Saer had once told them. But Sehun did not expect anything to ever change between him and Kai.

However, everything had changed somehow overnight.

Kai unlaced a few of his shirt’s laces before he began to sprint. Sehun tried to keep up, but he fell a lot behind as Kai bolted ahead. It was then when he realized that Kai – in spite of always being at least ten feet ahead of Sehun – was deliberately slow when they used to run together. Today, he was not holding himself back. He raced along the shoreline like a wild animal and he did not stop even long after Sehun had conceded defeat.

Sehun plumped on the sand where he had come to a halt and waited for Kai to return. It took a while, but the prince eventually did come back, and he even seemed to be a little out of breath.

He sat down on the sand next to Sehun, although with a wider distance than usual between them.

Sehun gazed ahead at the ebbing and flowing waves while his fingers aimlessly fiddled with the seashell in the sand near him.

“You never asked me how I got exiled,” he found himself saying after a long silence between them.

Kai looked at him, but he did not say anything.

Sehun met his gaze steadily and said, “I accidentally killed a boy.”

Judging by the way Kai’s face wilted, Sehun supposed the prince had not been aware of this information. And yet, he had never asked Sehun about it. He either did not care, or he did not want to dredge up old unpleasant wounds.

Sehun never thought of telling Kai about it before because all of it seemed like a very bad dream now. A distant memory that Sehun so badly wanted to forget.

“My father sent me away because he was disgraced,” said Sehun. “Not because I had murdered somebody. But because I was not cunning enough to lie about it to save myself and his dignity.”

He looked at the ocean again, wrapping his arms loosely around his legs.

“I left home when I was seven,” he added at length. “Well, not that it was much of a home to begin with. But it was all that I knew, and I was forced to leave everything I knew behind, and blindly embark on a journey. I expected many horrible things to happen to me. I suppose everyone who knew me expected the same, too. I thought that wherever I was going, it would be filled with dark days, tough terrains, heartless monsters and cruel men. I knew that I was never going to be happy. I don’t think I was all that happy before I left Northernshire either but… I did not expect anything good to come in my way. I remember being very scared, but I stayed silent. I always suffered in silence because no one around me would understand, anyway.”

He paused and faced Kai again. The prince was staring at him, unblinkingly, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

“But when I came here,” said Sehun with a small smile clinging to the corner of his lips. “I did not find heartless monsters or cruel men. I could have been more wrong. My days were… full of light and joy and excitement. I was… happy for the first time. I never knew what it would feel like until… until I came here and… met you.”

Kai looked away then. His jaw was clenched, and his eyes were glistening. He thought that he could hide them from Sehun by looking away so quickly, but those tears in his eyes betrayed him too soon.

“I am not so good with words,” said Sehun. “So, I’m trying my best right now. I know that I had… somehow hurt you. For that, I am so… sorry. I do not want us to be this way. I suppose this is what I wanted to say to you the other day, but it might have come out the wrong way. I would never want to hurt you, Kai. You are my friend. You are my… home.”

Kai closed his eyes momentarily, his breathing quickening. When he opened them again, he immediately looked to Sehun before he drew Sehun into a violent embrace.

“Shut up, you idiot,” he hissed, nuzzling into a side of Sehun’s neck, his arms wrapped around Sehun’s shoulders.

Sehun smiled, fisting his hands around Kai’s shirt at the back. “Do you forgive me?”

Kai pulled back and frowned. His eyes were bloodshot. “There is nothing to forgive,” he said, ruffling Sehun’s hair before taking hold of the back of Sehun’s head.

Resting his forehead against Sehun’s, the prince took a moment to catch his breath.

“We will speak of this no more,” he said after a while, pulling away. “For what it’s worth, I apologize. For the way I have been acting lately.” He rubbed his temples, shaking his head. “I have been childish and horrible to you.”

Something like this had never happened between them before. They had never had a spat they needed to overcome. It all felt very odd to Sehun, but he wanted nothing more than for it to be over.

He saw Kai smile again, and it was all that he had needed to feel at peace once more. He smiled back.

“Thank you for telling me that,” said Kai later when they had returned to their room. “You did not have to. I know that it must have been hard for you to talk about it.”

Sehun shrugged from his pallet. Now that he had told Kai all about it, it frankly felt like a relief, as though a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Kai made it so effortlessly easy to be comfortable with him. Sehun could bare himself open – raw and red – to Kai, and he would probably feel right at home.

But were there limits? There had to be, right? Otherwise, he would not have run away that day when Kai did what he did.

When he thought about it now, it did not make him feel any different, though. Well, it made his cheeks warm, and his heartbeat faster, but he did not feel like resenting Kai for it. But Kai was right. They should speak of this no more.

Kai’s limits with Sehun were a little more clearly drawn. For instance, his journals were out of bounds. And he never talked about his mother, not even to Sehun. He did not talk about the kitchen girls who were always begging for his attention.

Sehun went to sleep with a light heart in a long time that night, and sleep came to him rather easily.

* * *

Azudor saw its coldest winter that year. No ships left the country and none arrived. Sehun and Kai spent all their free time, which was abundant this time of year, inside the palace because it was simply too cold to go outside.

Staying indoors all day every day also meant that they were around the other boys more. During their meals, some of the older boys and boys their age would narrate endlessly about their conquest of the week. Many of them shared the same servant girls. The oldest boy among them even boasted about his tryst with one of the chambermaids, who was apparently twice his age.

“She knows all the good things,” he said during lunch with a silly smirk hanging on his lips. “And she does not squirm like the kitchen girls.”

The rest of them listened intently. Even Sehun.

Kai looked bored as usual, keeping his attention on his plate rather than the raunchy, well-detailed account of the boy’s dalliance.

“She is so warm,” the boy named Ernald said, popping a grape into his mouth. “between her legs. And she gets wet so fast.”

The other boys at his table giggled. “How do you get her so wet?” one of them inquired.

Sehun had his chin in one hand while he listened. He was not sure he was interested, but he was listening to it nonetheless.

“Well,” said Ernald, as though he were preparing himself to give out a lecture. “I kneel between her legs on the bed. Then I please her, of course!”

“With your mouth?” asked the other boy.

“Yes. I lick her everywhere. And I’m very good at it, too. When she’s all wet and warm, I take my hard cock out and slide into her.”

Sehun felt his own face grow hot. He glanced to Kai, who was staring at his plate with that same disinterested look on his face while a forgotten half-chomped carrot sat between his fingers.

“And did I tell you about her breasts?!” exclaimed Ernald.

Kai quickly guzzled whatever water that was left in his cup before he tapped Sehun’s shoulder and jerked his head toward the door. “Let’s go. We’ll be late to our lessons,” he said.

Nodding, Sehun rose from the bench and walked after Kai. On his way out, he chuckled softly at the way the other boys were gasping at how Ernald had apparently bruised the chambermaid’s breasts with his teeth.

“Do you think he’s telling the truth?” he asked Kai as he hurried after the prince in the hallway.

“What?” asked Kai.

“Ernald,” said Sehun. “About his love affair with the chambermaid.”

“How am I to know that?”

“Well, I think he is lying. Nothing he says makes much sense. Do women really get wet when they are licked? Wet how? Like crying? Sweating, perhaps? And where should they be licked? On the arm? Knee? None of this sounds very pleasurable to me. What do you think?”

Kai grimaced at Sehun. “I do not know,” he grumbled. He looked a little pale, but he always did look pale during winter.

“And bruising her breasts,” said Sehun, shuddering. “Does that sound like something women would be comfortable with?”

Kai fixed Sehun with an annoyed look then. “I do not know, Sehun. I am not a woman. Now, stop asking me these questions.”

“Well, I thought you knew everything.”

“Well, I clearly don’t,” he spat and walked ahead. Sehun had to jog to catch up.

“Why not?”

“Why not what?”

“Why don’t you know what _Ernald_ knows? Aren’t you the wisest among us? Swiftest. Bravest. Handsomest.”

Kai halted in his tracks and faced Sehun. He stared at the other boy for a long minute before he said, “What is it that you want?”

Sehun shrugged. “I am just curious.”

Kai’s jaw tightened. “Do you want me to bed a chambermaid like Ernald and get you all the information?”

Sehun frowned then. “No,” he muttered, hanging his head. “No, I don’t want that.”

“Then stop talking about this nonsense.”

Nonsense? The other boys did not look like they thought this to be any form of nonsense. Every single one of them seemed to find it intriguing and could not wait for the luck to strike them, too.

They started for the library again.

“I think you do know,” said Sehun, smirking. Kai glanced to him with a scowl.

“What do I know?”

“How to please a woman,” said Sehun. “You certainly cannot know less than Ernald.”

“I do not know many things, Sehun.”

Sehun grabbed his arm, though not to stop him. “Like what?”

“Like what women like, for instance.”

“Then why did you ask your father to find you a bride?”

“I told him that months ago when I was… not in my right mind. I have no intentions of following up on it. Frankly, I do not even remember telling him that.”

Sehun shook his head. “He has taken it seriously. I overheard him telling Bart a few weeks ago that he has a list of suitable princesses and noblewomen for you.”

“Well, he can take that list and shove it up…” he trailed off, frowning as though he were regretting what he was about to say. “What I mean is that, I do not need a bride right now.”

“Because you do not know how to please a woman yet?”

Kai rubbed the back of his neck. “Because I have a lot on my plate as it is. I have my future to worry about.”

“Ah, yes. Your destiny of becoming a mighty hero and all,” teased Sehun.

Kai smiled at him. “The mightiest to have existed. And with you by my side.”

Sehun could not think of anything better. His grip on Kai’s arm tightened, and he grinned back in genuine delight.

* * *

A few months later, as the cold thawed and spring was born, Sehun found out that Kai was not lying when he said that he knew nothing about what women liked.

The preceptor sat before them with the same professional expression even when today’s subject was deeply uncomfortable and obscene.

The page was turned to the sketch of a naked woman.

“Your father insists that I carried out this lesson,” said the preceptor. “You both are growing young men. Soon, you will be needing this information, unless you are already very well-informed.”

Sehun licked his lips and swallowed, unable to look away from the sketched figure on the book. He had never seen a woman’s body without clothes on before. Even in the form of a drawing, it made him flush embarrassingly.

Kai, on the other hand, gave the picture a couple of looks before he started to look bored – as he always did during the lessons – again. The image of the naked woman did not bother him as it did Sehun.

“Now, pay close attention,” said the preceptor, and Sehun paid very close attention. Because he wanted to learn about the fairer sex, not because he wanted to go pawing at the kitchen girls like the other boys right away.

For as long as he could remember, he had never taken any interest in women. He always ran around Kai, his entire world was Kai, so he had very little time to pay attention to anything else. Boys or girls. And it used to be completely fine with him. But now that he was pushing fourteen, the changes in his body became more prominent.

It troubled him a little that Kai was not showing the same level of enthusiasm or at least the same level of curiosity as him.

After the lesson, Sehun followed Kai to the pavilion. Later, they went down to the beach where they ran and swam before returning to their room.

They sat before the fireplace while Kai played the lyre.

“What do you like in a woman?” Sehun asked, and Kai stopped playing all of a sudden.

“Huh?”

Sehun cleared his throat before speaking. “Today,” he said. “The preceptor said that… certain features of women attract men differently. I don’t think I’ve noticed such an attractive… feature in a woman before.”

That made Kai grin for some reason. He quickly hid the smile and said, “I like their soft skin, I suppose.”

“Oh.” It was not the answer that had surprised Sehun. It was the fact that Kai had bothered to answer at all.

“And they smell like flowers,” said Kai. “Well, the ones in my father’s court, at least.”

Sehun scratched his head. He did not think that he had paid enough attention when he was around women. He would try to do that henceforth.

“But it works the other way, too,” said Kai at length. “Certain features in men attract women differently.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know,” muttered Kai. “It could be…” He cut himself off and frowned into the fire after staring a moment too long at Sehun. “I don’t know.”

* * *

With each day, Kai spent more and more time during the night writing in his journal. He usually did it while Sehun was silent and ready to fall asleep.

Sehun knew what he would ask Kai for his birthday this year. He might not mean it, but he wanted to see just how far Kai would go to please him on his birthday. After all, Sehun had never asked for anything on his birthday before and it was just around the corner. He would not be surprised if Kai actually let him read his journals. Sehun had been too curious about the contents of those journals for far too long that he could not get himself to be decent enough to not to pry into Kai’s private thoughts anymore.

Still, he did not want to read them behind Kai’s back. That would be betraying his trust.

On the eve of Sehun’s birthday, however, they were summoned to the throne chamber to welcome guests.

Kai did not look too happy when he found out that his distant cousins, Kora and Gamel were the ones visiting. He had never spoke of them before, so Sehun had no idea why he was not fond of them.

As they entered the throne chamber, Sehun spotted the king on his throne and Bart at his side. Before them, a girl and a boy, around Sehun and Kai’s age, stood, wearing identical smiles.

“Kai,” the king called. “You remember your cousins, Gamel and Kora.”

Kora did a small curtsy for Kai while Gamel bowed his head. “Hello, Cousin Kai,” said Kora. “It is nice to see you again.”

Kai managed a brief smile. “Likewise, Cousin Kora.”

Gamel had nothing to say to Kai. Though he was not as tall as Kai, he certainly had a weathered look about him, with a mean puss on his face.

“They have come for a visit,” said Saer. “while their father has an important matter to take care of in the capital.”

Kai’s eyebrows furrowed into a frown.

“The servants will show you two to your rooms and we will have dinner shortly,” the king told the siblings. Bowing, they then followed the servants out of the throne chamber.

Kora paused briefly on her way to curtsy before Sehun. “You must be the prince’s companion,” she said. She sounded very polite, and she did not look as grouchy as her brother. “My name is Kora.”

“S-Sehun,” he introduced himself. With a coy smile, Kora then headed after her brother.

Kai turned to face his father. “How long will they be staying?” he asked.

“I do not know,” said his father. “Until they are ready to leave.”

Kai groaned. “I do not want them to stay here.”

“Kai,” chided Saer. “You are being very rude, young man.”

“Especially Gamel, that insincere little phony.”

“Kai!”

Bart had his lips pursed tightly like he was stifling a laughter. He often did that, especially when someone was giving Saer a hard time or putting the king in an undesirable position. Saer pinned him with a glower, and the captain shrugged playfully.

“I can see both sides,” said Bart, and Saer huffed exasperatedly.

“You will be friendly and hospitable to them for as long as they stay here,” the king then told his son sternly. “And I do not want to hear another complaint.”

Kai did not bother to argue anymore. He bowed his head and turned on his heel. He grabbed Sehun’s hand on his way out, dragging him along.

“What’s the matter?” asked Sehun. “Why do you not like them?”

“I do not care much for Kora, but I am not particularly fond of Gamel,” grumbled Kai. “Let’s head down to the beach.” He did not let go of Sehun’s hand as he broke into a jog toward the hill.

* * *

Sehun sat down next to Kai at the table as usual during dinner. Kora and her brother were already there when they arrived.

Sehun’s eyes immediately shot to Kora, but only because she was looking at him. He tried to smile, but it felt so awkward. She smiled back easily, though.

Kai gave Gamel a foul look, seated across him. Gamel looked less grouchy now that he was looking at the food before him on the table.

“Gamel,” called Saer. “What have you been up to?”

“Father is preparing to send me away for my training in the mountains,” said Gamel proudly. “With a private instructor. Best in the lands.”

“That is wonderful,” said Saer, briefly glancing to his own son, swallowing. “And Kora, my dear, how have you been doing?”

“Very well, My Lord,” she said. She sounded a lot more sophisticated than the kitchen girls. “I have been reading up on the northern histories lately.”

Gamel scoffed. “What good will those books do a woman, I will never know. Father feels the same way, you know.”

Kora glared at her brother for a moment. “Those books will certainly do _you_ some good too if you could ever read a sentence coherently.”

Kai and Bart, who was standing behind Saer’s chair, snorted at the same time.

Saer was smiling faintly, too. “Men or women,” the king said. “No one should be discouraged from gaining knowledge.”

Gamel rolled his eyes. “A woman’s place is on a man’s lap or her children’s arms,” he said. “It is what I was taught. And you would do well to remember that, Sister. After all, you will be married off soon.”

“Is that so?” said Saer.

Kora looked vexed. “No, My Lord,” she said. “I will not be marrying anyone anytime soon.”

“She speaks her own mind,” said Saer, smirking. “It is admirable, my dear Kora.”

Kora looked pleased then. “Thank you, Uncle.”

Kai barely touched his food, and at some point, he reached for Sehun’s hand under the table to squeeze it so tight that his grip might have broken a bone or two in Sehun’s fingers.

But Sehun could see why the prince was so frustrated. Gamel infuriated everyone at the table every time he opened his mouth and he never stopped.

He did, however, cut himself short – while he was talking about how he had bravely killed two alley cats on his way to the palace this morning – when Saer reached for the napkin all of a sudden as blood trickled down his nose and lips.

“My King,” Bart rasped, hurrying to the king’s side at once. Kai shot up from his seat and leaned over his father, looking horrified.

“Father,” he panted. “What is wrong?”

“Nothing,” said Saer, managing a smile as he hurriedly wiped the blood away. Sehun sat frozen in his chair, staring at the blood-stained napkin the king was gripping in his hand.

“Perhaps you should get some rest now,” Bart said, almost tenderly, crouching beside Saer, his hand gently cupping the back of the king’s neck, his fingers comfortingly stroking Saer’s hair by the nape.

Nodding shakily, Saer smiled once more before he drew himself up. “I am all right,” he whispered to Bart, who reached out to take hold of his arm. He raised a hand to his captain’s chest to lightly push him out of the way before he walked towards his chambers.

“It is nothing to be worried about,” said Bart to the others at the table. “He is just… overworked.” He then hurried after his king, looking more worried than he probably wanted to appear to be.

Kai slumped back in his seat, frowning confusedly.

“That was weird,” muttered Gamel before stuffing another roll of bread in his mouth.

“Brother,” Kora hissed at him under her breath. She eventually looked to Sehun. “Where are you from Sehun? There is slight a northern lilt in your speech.”

Sehun swallowed, glancing to Kai.

“He is from the north,” said Kai. “Bakecliff.”

“Oh. How long have you lived in Azudor then?”

“Seven years, give or take,” said Kai. Kora arched her eyebrow at him.

“Does he not speak for himself?” she asked, smirking.

Kai scratched his neck then. “It is getting late. We should head for bed.”

“Already?” asked Gamel. “Do you still have a bedtime, Cousin?”

Kai pinned him with a dark look, but he did not respond otherwise. When he rose, Sehun rose with him and took his leave.

“Is your father going to be all right?” he asked when they were back in their room, and Kai was staring out the window with his arms crossed over his chest. “There was a lot of blood. Perhaps he should go to the healers.”

Kai remained mum. Sehun walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“What’s the matter?” he asked.

Kai sighed. “He broke my… wooden sword when we were younger.”

“What?”

Kai faced him with a sad look. “I had this favourite wooden sword when I was a child. I loved it. It belonged to my father when he was a boy. But Gamel wanted me to share it with him one day. And he… broke it.”

“Oh.” Sehun licked his lips. “Is that why you dislike him?”

Kai groaned, tossing his head back. “I never liked him. He dislikes me more than I dislike him.”

“No one dislikes you, though.”

“He does. He called me a freak once and he said that that’s why my mother died as soon as she gave birth to me.”

Sehun’s jaw fell slack. “Kai,” he let out, taking hold of Kai’s hand. “You know that that is not true.”

Kai hung his head. “I know,” he said. “I know that now. But when I was a child… I believed it. For a long time.” His fingers felt warm against Sehun’s.

Exhaling heavily, he dropped his head against Sehun’s shoulder, and Sehun let him stay that way for as long as he wanted to.

“What will happen to us when I have to leave for _my_ training?” he asked, his hands slowly curling around Sehun’s tunic at the back. Sehun allowed that, too.

“I go with you,” said Sehun because it was the obvious thing to do.

“You can’t,” muttered Kai.

“But I will,” said Sehun determinedly.


	8. Chapter 8

# C H A P T E R E I G H T

Gamel’s stay was making Kai more aggressive by the hour. Today at training, he nearly nicked Bart’s skin with his sword. The captain had managed to dodge it, but Kai was getting swifter by the day for even a soldier like Bart to keep up.

It was the only time that Sehun actually got to see Kai fight with his full strength and welly. And it was magnificent. With each day, he only got stronger and more graceful with his movements. Watching him wield his sword was like watching a violinist run his bow over the strings of his instrument, but in a deadlier manner.

Sehun could never shoot arrows as far or as precisely as Kai either. His aim was flawless, and his fingers never trembled around the arrow’s fletcher, except perhaps those few times when he was teaching Sehun how to wield a bow and nock an arrow.

Sehun remembered it, still, all too clearly. They were almost eight years old, and Sehun was a lot shorter than Kai. Skinnier and shyer, too. He remembered Kai fidgeting and fumbling as he placed his hands over Sehun’s while shakily telling him how to properly grip a bow, standing behind Sehun.

Sehun had come a long way since then. He was a decent archer – though nowhere as good as Kai – and he did equally well with a sword, too. He might even be better than most of the other boys at the palace.

Kai never fought with his full might when Sehun was his opponent. He always held back, and Sehun never complained. For him, it was all about fun. He did not aspire to be a war hero, and he did not expect great things in his fate. He was simply satisfied to be a companion of the boy who wanted all those things.

“Easy,” hissed Bart as he jumped back when Kai swung at him again. “You are letting your emotions wield your blade.”

Kai stopped then and took a deep breath. “I am sorry,” he said, looking down at his hand that was wrapped around the grip of the sword.

“Where is your mind?” asked Bart, lowering his own sword.

Kai glanced to Sehun, who was sitting on the balustrade of the pavilion, popping raisins into his mouth. Sighing, Kai faced Bart again.

“Where is Father?” he asked, deflecting the captain’s question. “He was not in his study this morning.”

“He is busy with some ministers,” said Bart, and Kai made a face. “I know you worry. He truly is busy. I would not have left his side if he is ill.”

“He should have gone to the healers.”

“He has,” said Bart. “They said that it is nothing to worry about.”

“When will Gamel be leaving?”

“That I do not know.”

Kai groaned. This morning at breakfast, it had just been the four of them, and the whole time, Gamel never stopped talking that he had started to get on Sehun’s nerves as well.

Kora was a lot more tolerable than her infuriating brother. She often smiled at Sehun, and she smelled like flowers. She was also well-read, which Sehun admired, but he did not necessarily find much in common with her to talk about. Kai mostly ignored her, or perhaps he simply did not mind her presence. Or he was too busy hating Gamel’s guts that he paid little attention to anything else.

“Your father would, however, like to talk to you about your going away to Mount Hogan sometime soon. I believe he’s found the perfect instructor for you,” said Bart, sheathing his sword. “And I know that you will avoid him at all costs just to not to have that conversation.”

Kai smirked. “You know me very well, Captain Bartholomew.”

“Do not make me tie you up and drag you to him myself, Your Highness,” said Bart, mirroring Kai’s smirk, though with a touch of threat. “Once more. Do not let your emotions control you while you are in battle. You will not like the consequences.”

He gave Kai’s shoulder a squeeze before he exited the pavilion, ruffling Sehun’s hair on his way out.

“Good morning, Milord, Milady,” he said to Gamel and Kora, who were walking towards the pavilion.

Kai gripped his sword again. Sehun jumped off the balustrade and went over to stand by his prince’s side.

“Here,” he said, holding his hand out. “Eat some raisins. I heard that they are good for the mind. Makes you sharp.”

“I do not like raisins,” grumbled Kai. Sehun knew that, of course.

“Well, that explains a lot,” he said, smiling cheekily. Kai fixed him with a grim look before grinning and playfully shoving Sehun away with his elbow.

“It is really nice out here, Cousin Kai,” said Gamel as he climbed onto the pavilion. “Isn’t it a wonderful morning? By Azudor’s standards, of course.”

Kora stood before Sehun and bowed her head. “Are those raisins, Sir Sehun?”

Sehun choked on a raisin, while Kai snorted out a chuckle. “He is no sir, Cousin,” said Kai.

Kora smiled, as though she already knew that. “I think he should be,” she said in a very light tone that made Sehun blush. “A knight.”

Kai stopped chuckling, and he looked to Sehun with an arched brow. “Yes,” he murmured. “I suppose.”

“Would you… like some raisins?” asked Sehun, holding them out to Kora. She took a couple and ate them shyly.

“What are you doing with him, anyway?” asked Gamel.

Kai immediately scowled, turning to his cousin. “He is my companion,” he spat.

“Yes, I know,” said Gamel, rolling his eyes. “Don’t most princes go for a promising companion? He looks like a colourless seaweed.”

“Gamel,” his sister muttered. “That is rude.”

“So?” scoffed the boy. “What good will he do on a battlefield?”

“A lot more good than you would,” replied Kai. He was practically panting with rage now.

Gamel felt challenged then. “Watch your words, Cousin,” he said. “I won my first swordfight when I was eleven.”

“Yes, we know,” said Kai. “You’ve told us that seven times since you arrived.”

Gamel’s jaw tightened. “Let’s see what your boy can do, shall we?” He walked over to the sword rack to retrieve a sword. “Give him your sword.”

“Brother,” groaned Kora. “Must you do this?”

“It will be fun,” said Gamel, turning around, brandishing his sword with a sadistic grin on his face. “I would love to watch that fair skin of his bleed.”

“There is no way in hell–” Kai began to say, but Sehun cut him off.

“Let’s do it.”

Kai glanced back at him with his mouth hanging open. “What?”

Sehun shrugged. “I can hold my own in a swordfight, can’t I?” he asked Kai.

Licking his lips, Kai momentarily regarded the sword in his hand before he held it out to Sehun. “Of course, you can,” he said with a reassuring smile. He then grabbed Sehun’s shoulder before leaning in to whisper, “Knock him dead.”

He might have even meant it quite literally, Sehun thought.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Kora asked worriedly as she joined Kai’s side in the corner. “My brother can get… too excited, and he might actually hurt your friend.”

Kai kept his voice low, but Sehun could hear it all the same as he took his position, facing Gamel. “I will never let that happen,” muttered Kai.

“I’d have you squealing like a bitch on the ground within seconds, pretty face,” said Gamel, and Sehun flinched. He could not tell if it were an insult or a compliment. No one had called him pretty before, or anything close to it. He supposed he was not bad looking at least since he did receive some lewd signals from the servant girls from time to time.

He rolled his shoulders back and took a deep breath before he lifted his sword, keeping both hands steadily closed around it.

He looked over his shoulder once to look at Kai, and his nerves instantly calmed when Kai gave him a supportive thumbs-up. _You got this_ , his eyes told Sehun.

Frankly, Sehun did not know if he got this. He lost nine out of ten times when he sparred with Kai. And Kai was the only one he had ever duelled with. On top of that, his guts told him that Gamel would play dirty if he got desperate enough.

Still, Kai was believing in him, and this was the first opportunity Sehun had ever gotten to prove himself as a worthy companion to the prince. He would try his best to win and make Kai proud.

Gamel made the first move as he charged Sehun like a mad bull, swinging his sword, ready to cut Sehun’s head off.

But he was slow. Incredibly and astonishingly slow compared to Kai – even slower than when he was deliberately being slow for Sehun’s sake.

After years of training with Kai, Sehun had learned to move fast enough to keep up with the boy.

And he had not realized just how fast his own reflexes were until he moved out of the way of both Gamel and his sword, causing the boy to stumble forward, gasping and shocked.

Gamel took a moment to realize that Sehun was no longer standing anywhere near his reach. He turned around and growled at Sehun before lurching forward again.

Without even blocking Gamel’s blade with his own, Sehun slipped aside once more, letting Gamel strike the pillar behind him instead.

“What are you doing?!” he shouted in frustration. “Stop moving away and fight me! You can’t keep dodging!”

“Now, where is that rule written?” scoffed Sehun.

Snarling, Gamel charged again and again and again, only to miss Sehun each and every time until he was gasping for air.

Kora was laughing, and Kai was watching with a wide, toothy grin, eyes unblinking.

Once Gamel was fatigued enough, Sehun made his first attack. Gamel obstructed the strike, but he was almost too slow for that, too. The second blow had the boy staggering back and almost tripping.

“You little filthy mutt,” spat Gamel, panting. “Do you really think you can best me?!”

He gripped his sword with both hands and raised it above his head before bolting toward Sehun. He looked more like a feral beast now, and Sehun was certain that the boy would kill him before he let him walk out of this pavilion alive after humiliating him.

Sehun withdrew a few steps, his racing heart skipping a beat. He managed to dodge Gamel’s next strike as well before he drove the pommel of the sword into the back of the boy’s head.

Gamel lost his footing then and dropped facedown onto the pavilion’s floor.

“Oh, my lord,” gasped Kora.

Sehun held the sword’s tip to Gamel’s back. “I believe that concludes it,” he said.

Gamel stayed still, his breaths ragged and shallow. He eventually turned to lie on his back, and Sehun held a hand down to him.

Gripping the sword in one hand, Gamel reached for Sehun with the other and let himself be drawn up onto his feet. And almost instantly, he bayed violently before swinging the sword at Sehun’s neck.

Out of nowhere, Kai shoved Sehun out of the way, and jumped back himself but not before Gamel’s sword gashed his arm open.

“Kai!” Sehun gasped, running to him at once, dropping the sword to the ground. “Let me see that.”

Kai hissed at the bleeding wound on his upper arm while tears stung Sehun’s eyes. Blood was quickly soaking the sleeve of Kai’s shirt. Kora came closer to look, but she was too shocked to do anything else.

“Who asked _you_ to jump in the way?!” Gamel growled at Kai instead of showing any sign of remorse.

“Come,” said Sehun, blinking the tears in his eyes away, taking a gentle hold of Kai’s arm. “We must get you to the infirmary at once.”

“I am quite all right, Sehun,” muttered Kai, although he let Sehun cradle his injured arm. “Not the first time I got hurt.”

Sehun did not care. He could not even bear the sight of such horror. He quickly ushered Kai out of the pavilion.

“Oh, please,” scoffed Gamel behind them. “Don’t you think you are being quite the baby, Cousin? It is just a little cut.”

It was not a little cut, and Sehun nearly turned around and picked the sword up again to drive it through the little bastard’s empty skull.

He then remembered that he had a similar impulse – to protect what he loved dearly by any means necessary – when he caused Totti to trip over the cliff and fall to his death.

As they made their way to the infirmary, Kai was leaning heavily against Sehun, holding his arm tightly.

“Does it hurt too much?” asked Sehun, looking at Kai with a distressed frown.

Kai opened his mouth, as though to say no, but then he paused, blinking ahead at nothing. Then carefully, he said, “Yes, very much.”

Sehun’s frown deepened. “We must hurry, then.”

The healers gasped in shock when they entered the infirmary. They wasted no time in tending to Kai’s wound. They cut him out of his shirt first before they sat him down on a chair.

“I will get you some sedative, Your Highness,” said one of the healers before he hurried away to fetch a greenish drink. He then told Kai to drink it all.

Kai flinched at the bitterness of the liquid and leaned back in the chair. Sehun stood next to him, too anxious to even breathe.

“This might hurt a little,” said the healer as another handed him a sterilized needle and thread. “Hold onto something, Your Highness.”

Kai licked his lips and looked up at Sehun before lowering his gaze to Sehun’s hand.

Sehun did not hesitate for a second as he grabbed Kai’s hand and held it tightly. He thought that he saw a tiny, faint smirk forming on the corner of Kai’s lips before it quickly vanished as the healer began to stitch him up.

Sehun was about to close his own eyes, but then he saw Kai clench his eyes and teeth, and he decided to be brave for them both. He held Kai’s hand in his own and pressed it against his face, lowering to a crouch.

Kai’s eyes flung open, and he stared at Sehun.

“Don’t think about it,” said Sehun, his voice breaking. “Think about something else.”

“Like what?” asked Kai.

“Um… Like… um… What do you think we will be having for dinner?”

Kai chuckled softly before he winced again. “Duck,” he said.

“Why duck?”

“Because it’s your birthday. And I know that you like duck. I ordered the cook to roast a duck for tonight.”

Sehun pulled back, keeping his hands closed around Kai’s. He had completely forgotten that it was his birthday today, following Kai’s cousins’ arrival.

Kai pinned Sehun with a pained look then, as though he had remembered a bitter memory. He averted his gaze to the wound, as if looking at it was less disconcerting than meeting Sehun’s eyes in that moment.

Sehun brought Kai’s hand to his cheek once more, and Kai looked at him again. “Thank you,” he said, smiling tenderly.

Kai blushed, hanging his head.

Once he was all patched up, the healer bandaged his arm and told him to give his arm some rest, as to not to break the stitches.

“For how long?” asked Sehun.

“One…” The healer stopped himself to glance over Sehun’s shoulder and look at Kai, who was supposed to be pulling a new shirt on. A frown pulled the healer’s brows together all of a sudden. “Uh… Two… No, three weeks,” he said, sounding rather unsure, looking to Sehun again.

Blinking, Sehun looked back at Kai, who was lowering his good arm, smiling sheepishly.

“I think I need some help with this,” he said, appearing to be struggling with the shirt.

Sehun hurried to help him put it on.

“The laces,” said Kai.

“Oh, yes,” muttered Sehun, tying the laces of Kai’s shirt for him.

“Thanks,” said Kai, smirking.

* * *

Later, during lunch, Kai had the servants bring their food to their room. He said that his new injury was the perfect excuse for them to not to spend any more time with his cousins today.

Sehun was sitting on his pallet, arms hugging his knees to his chest. “This is terrible,” he said.

“What is?” asked Kai, climbing into his bed and uncovering the platter.

Sehun looked at him sullenly. “Your father last night, and you today…”

“Oh, it is nothing,” said Kai. “You heard Bart. It was nothing to worry about.”

Sehun sighed. He did not want anything to happen to either Kai or his father.

He watched Kai frown at the food. “It’s corn porridge,” he said. He lifted one of the bowls with his good arm and glanced at Sehun piteously. “The spoon.”

Sehun shot up from the pallet and sat down on Kai’s bed. “Here,” he said. “I can help.”

“Thank you,” said Kai, licking his almost smiling lips.

Sehun picked up the spoon and took the bowl away from Kai.

“I can ask a servant to do it,” said Kai.

“No, it’s all right,” said Sehun, scooping a spoonful of the porridge. “You… should not have… interfered like that.”

“Why not?” asked Kai, opening his mouth as Sehun brought the spoon closer to him.

“You could have gotten seriously hurt,” muttered Sehun, sniffling a little. “It could have been worse.”

“ _You_ would have gotten hurt otherwise,” said Kai after swallowing. “And I could not think of anything worse than that.”

Sehun stopped and blinked at Kai then. He felt some parts of his body get warmer. He knew that Kai meant what he said because he felt the same way about the other boy. Nothing in this world could hurt him more than watching Kai get hurt.

Perhaps he thought that because he was still very young and naïve.

“You are feeding me too fast,” mumbled Kai after a while.

“Oh, sorry.” Sehun took his time to feed Kai at a slower pace.

“You should eat, too,” said Kai.

Sehun looked to the other bowl. “I’ll eat after you are done,” he said.

When Kai was finally done, he leaned back against his headboard and slid the second bowl toward Sehun. “Eat.”

Sehun thought of returning to his own pallet, but Kai raised a hand to his knee and told him to stay on his bed.

Sehun ate in silence for a moment. “We are both fourteen now,” he said a while later, putting the bowl down.

“Three more years until we become men,” said Kai, sighing, “I can’t wait.”

Sehun personally did not feel the same rush to grow up.

“Sehun,” Kai called, squeezing Sehun’s knee lightly. “Is there… anything that you want? For your birthday?”

His tone sounded wary.

Sehun glanced to the bedside table. He swallowed hard, wondering if he should ask Kai what he wanted to ask. He did not want to ask the wrong thing again and deal with the horrid consequences.

He ended up shaking his head in the end. Kai looked disappointed, but he did not press Sehun for more.

There was a knock on the door. Sehun rose from the bed to get it.

He was surprised to find Kora on the other side of the door, holding a handkerchief in her hands.

“Is Kai all right?” she inquired.

“Oh,” let out Sehun. “Yes, he is. He is just resting. Would you like to come in?”

“No,” said Kora. “That’s okay. I just wanted to apologize for my brother. He can be a handful sometimes.”

Sehun smiled despite himself. He thought that it was incredibly nice of Kora to come all the way here to apologize on behalf of her stupid brother.

She had her golden hair tied nicely in braids, and her cheeks were so rosy that Sehun wondered if she were flushed.

“I will tell Kai that,” he said.

Kora looked away for a stretch before she met Sehun’s eyes again. “If I am not overstepping my bounds,” she said worriedly. “would you like to… perhaps spend some time with me this evening in the courtyard gardens?”

“Kai and I?” asked Sehun.

“Oh, no. I assume Cousin Kai needs his rest,” she said. “I was wondering if you and I could… discuss a book I brought.”

Sehun’s smile faltered. “Uh… Milady,” he exhaled, scratching the back of his head. There was no harm in meeting her on his own, was there? She was most likely bored. “I do not read much.”

She giggled. “Then we can talk about something else that interests you.”

Sehun supposed he could do that. Not that he knew what interested him, expecting the things that concerned Kai.

“I will see you there later then.” With that, she turned around.

Sehun picked up the handkerchief she had dropped. “Milady,” he called to give the flimsy piece of cloth back, but she glanced back at him with a coy smile before walking away.

Puzzled and frankly agitated, Sehun closed the door and walked back to Kai’s bed.

“Who was that?” asked Kai.

“Your cousin, Kora,” said Sehun, taking his seat on the edge of the bed.

“What did she want? What do you have in your hand?”

Sehun lifted the handkerchief and waved it. “Her kerchief. She dropped it and refused to take it back.”

Kai’s eyebrows slowly drew together.

“Does she not want it? Should I toss it away?” asked Sehun, frowning at the handkerchief. “It looks perfectly new and fine to me.”

“What did she want?” Kai asked again, though in a rougher tone.

“Oh. She is bored. She wants to hang out with us. But you are hurt, so she asked me if she can see me in the courtyard gardens this evening.”

Kai’s scowl deepened, and Sehun stared at him confusedly. “What do you think she wants to do at the courtyard gardens with you, Sehun?” asked Kai through his gritted teeth.

Sehun shrugged. “She said that she wanted to discuss a book with me.”

Kai scoffed out a chuckle then. “You certainly cannot be that oblivious, can you?”

Sehun blinked.

“Oh, wait,” muttered Kai. “Of course, you can.”

“What are you saying?”

Kai laughed. “She wants to get with you,” he spat.

Sehun stared at him.

“I knew it,” added Kai, shaking his head. “She’s been making sheep eyes at you since yesterday! She is totally wooing you.”

Sehun shot up from Kai’s bed. “No, she isn’t!” he rasped. “Are you mad? She is royalty. And a lady. Why would she ever want to woo _me_?!”

Kai’s scowl softened into a frown now. “Why wouldn’t… she? Just because she’s of royal blood?”

It was Sehun’s turn to scoff. “You are wrong about this,” he said, and he did not say that often to Kai. “She is just friendly and very polite.”

“Sehun,” sighed Kai. “Southern women, be it noble or peasant, give the men they desire a token. That handkerchief is a token.”

Sehun took another look at the handkerchief and made a face. “What am I to do with a _handkerchief_?”

Kai huffed, shaking his head again. “Do you… fancy her, too?”

“How could you ask me that?!” yapped Sehun. His heart was racing for some reason. He started to pace a hole into the room’s floor. “Like I said, she is a lady. I am… an exiled little… mutt, like her brother said, from Northernshire.”

“You are the prince’s companion.”

Sehun stopped and faced Kai. He sucked in a shaky breath, hand loosening around the cloth in his hand. “Do you… really think that she is… interested in me?”

Kai sighed. “Why is that so hard for you to believe that? Do you not see the way the young kitchen girls look at you?”

Sehun was smiling now. He could not believe that _he_ had managed to impress a girl like Kora. He plumped on Kai’s bed again and rubbed the back of his neck.

“She is very nice, isn’t she?” he said.

“Nice how?”

“Just nice,” said Sehun. “She isn’t like her brother.”

“Do you find her… beautiful?” asked Kai.

Sehun thought that she was very pleasant to look at. “I suppose?”

Kai turned his gaze away, gnashing his teeth. “Will you go meet her at the gardens then?”

“She would wait for me, wouldn’t she?”

Kai fell silent for a while. “Go then,” he whispered. “It is your birthday. You shouldn’t spend it babying me.”

Sehun shifted on the mattress. “Could a… prince’s companion court a lady like her?” he asked.

Kai leaned his head back and closed his eyes. “It does not matter. If she chooses you, then no one else gets a say.”

Sehun gulped and stood up. “I will take a bath, then.”

* * *

He did meet Kora at the courtyard gardens before dinner. She was sitting on the bench with an anxious look on her face, which promptly disappeared as soon as she saw Sehun approaching her.

Sehun bade her a good evening before taking his seat beside her. She tucked a lock of loose hair behind her ear. They sat there quietly for a length before Sehun cleared his throat and asked her about the bracelet she was wearing. It was a gift to her on her twelfth birthday. She asked Sehun if he liked it, and he told her that he had never owned any bracelets to be able to judge, and she laughed.

Though Sehun was able to forget about everything else for a brief moment, he was quickly reminded of the fact that he had left Kai alone with his injury. Of course, Kai could summon servants to help him, but it did not alleviate Sehun’s guilt any better.

Kora seemed a lot shyer now. She could barely hold a conversation without blushing or giggling. It did not take Sehun longer than a few minutes to tire of her feminine antics. He could not relate to any of them, and he found it very difficult to find topics to talk about that would interest a girl.

“It is time for dinner,” he said at length, rising from the bench. “Kai might need my help.”

“Of course,” said Kora, standing up as well.

Sehun bowed his head and turned around to leave.

“Sehun,” called Kora. “I’m… glad that you accepted my token.”

Sehun would have returned the handkerchief right away if only he had brought it with him. But he was in a hurry to get away anyway, so he bowed his head once more before he almost ran back to Kai’s room.

When he returned, he found Kai on his bed, back leaned against the headboard, his injured arm functioning just fine as he angrily scrawled something in his journal. He paused and looked up at Sehun before immediately dropping the quill.

“You are back… sooner than I thought,” he said. He closed the journal without waiting for the ink to dry.

Sehun did not think that he wanted to talk about his evening with Kora, but Kai was looking for an explanation.

“Are you hungry?” he asked.

“A little,” said Kai. “Should I ring for the servants?”

“You do not want to eat with your father and cousins?”

“I’d rather eat here,” said Kai. “My arm still hurts. Very much.”

Sehun’s eyes narrowed, but he did not question Kai any further. “I can go get us dinner.”

“Wait,” said Kai. “I need your help first. I would like to take a bath.” He pushed himself up from the bed and walked over to where Sehun was standing. “Help me with the laces and the tunic.”

Sehun did as he was asked. Kai continued to stare at him once he was helped out of his tunic. “What?”

“What about my trousers?”

Sehun looked down at the buttons of Kai’s trousers. Swallowing the lump forming in his throat, Sehun worked the buttons until they were all undone.

Kai then made his way to the bathing chamber. “How did it go with Kora?” he asked while he stepped out of his trousers. Sehun kept his back turned to the boy, pretending to be interested in something out the window.

“Boring,” he muttered.

“Really?”

“I don’t know how to… talk to girls,” admitted Sehun. “She must think that I’m dull, too.”

“You are not dull,” said Kai.

“Well, I am around girls. Or… a girl.” It was not like he had been around any other girl either.

“Are you upset?”

Sehun sighed heavily. “No,” he murmured. “I’m just… hopeless.”

Kai said nothing else as he disappeared into the bathing chamber.

Sehun turned and looked to the journal Kai had left on the bed. Part of him wanted to give in to temptation and take a peek. But the more decent part of him told him to refrain.

* * *

Later that night, Kai’s father came by after hearing about his son’s injury. He seemed quite fine himself, and Sehun was relieved.

“Do you need me to get you a healer to stay by your side tonight?” asked Saer, seated on his son’s bed.

“No,” said Kai. “I have Sehun to look after me.”

“Well, Sehun tells me that you have been in immense pain all day,” said his father. “Perhaps you should spend the night in the infirmary.”

“No!” snapped Kai. He glanced to Sehun briefly before leaning closer to his father. “I am _fine_ right here _,_ Father,” he hissed. “Please, now go.”

His father looked worried as he rose to his feet and heaved a sigh. “Very well,” he said. “Sehun, do call for help if something is wrong.”

Sehun nodded. “I will, sir.”

Once the king had left, Sehun made sure that Kai was settled in his bed before he turned to his own pallet.

“You are not hopeless,” Kai muttered in the dark.

“Go to sleep.”

“Everyone has hope.”

Sehun closed his eyes. “Easy for you to say. You are loved by all. Except Gamle maybe.”

Kai was quiet again. For a moment. Then he whispered, “I think you are loved… so much.” He turned his back to Sehun so that he could lie on his uninjured arm. “You just do not see it.”


	9. Chapter 9

# C H A P T E R N I N E

Kora and Gamel were to leave today, and although their stay had been for a little less than two weeks, it felt like forever. While Kai fought and argued endlessly with Gamel, Sehun found himself very busy with his attempts to avoid Kora, and when they failed, he entertained her begrudgingly. He was sure that not all girls were the same. But he believed that that was the case anyways. He did not like talking all that much, and all that Kora seemed to want was for him to talk. And when he could not bring himself to make good conversation, Kora barraged him with questions that he could not answer. Such as where he was from, how was his family and whatnot.

When it was finally time for them to leave, both Kai and Sehun were relieved. Kai made a face when Kora leaned in and kissed Sehun on the cheek. “My best wishes for you to become a knight one day,” she said. “I will wait for the day we’d meet again.”

Sehun forced a smile. He had kept the handkerchief because he did not know how to return it anymore. He could only hope that he would not cross paths with Kora again. She was pleasant and polite, certainly. But Sehun did not feel like befriending her, let alone woo her. Perhaps he would get better at talking to girls when he got older.

“I will see you on the battlefield one day, Cousin Kai,” said Gamel before he shook Kai’s hand in a firm grip.

Kai scowled and quickly withdrew his hand. “You probably should not wish for that, Cousin Gamel,” replied Kai.

As soon as their carriage had rattled past the palace gates, Kai grabbed Sehun’s wrist and broke into a run towards the beach.

He did not dillydally as he tugged at the laces of shirt before yanking it over his head before they even reached the beach.

Sehun took his own clothes off and waddled into the water after Kai.

They swam for a moment before they came up to catch their breath. Kai chuckled for some reason before splashing some water onto Sehun’s face. Sehun retaliated by lunging at the boy and shoving his head underwater. Kai quickly resurfaced and grabbed Sehun’s wet hair at the back of his head to do the same.

They wrestled with each other for a moment against the waves, laughing and panting. Sehun pulled his hand back when he accidentally grabbed Kai’s arm where his wound was rapidly turning into a scar.

“Ow!” Kai yapped a moment too late and only after he had noticed Sehun’s distress. “Ow. That hurts.”

“I’m sorry,” rasped Sehun, swimming closer to gently touch Kai’s shoulder, frowning ruefully.

Kai snorted all of a sudden and grabbed the back of Sehun’s neck to drive his head, facedown, into the water. Sehun tried to shove him back, hands clawing at Kai’s toned abdomen underwater while struggling for air. Kai released him quickly, however, and Sehun came back up to spit a mouthful of sea water on Kai’s face.

“That is filthy!” screamed Kai, eyes clenched and head shaking, while Sehun giggled, his hands still splayed against the other boy’s heaving chest.

Wiping the water and spit from his face with a hand, Kai grinned at Sehun breathlessly. And slowly, his breathing calmed, and his smile faltered while his gaze slid from Sehun’s eyes to his parted lips that were sheening with water.

Kai licked his own and swallowed hard, making the protrusion in his throat bob visibly. Sehun had been paying too much attention to that feature lately. It was very thick and obvious, and the way it rode up and down Kai’s throat often had Sehun blushing.

His eyes then followed that one water rivulet that trickled down Kai’s neck and collarbones before it touched Sehun’s thumb that was pressing into Kai’s sternum.

Kai’s body looked and felt a lot different than it did a year ago. Sehun was not sure if he noticed the same changes in his own lately, but he certainly was more attentive to Kai’s.

Was it a strange thing? To know someone else’s body better than one’s own?”

Probably. Because he doubted that anyone else would be spending every single minute of the day obsessing over another person the way he did. As a matter of fact, it was all that he had been doing since he was seven years old.

Kai cleared his throat eventually, and Sehun retrieved his hands. Not even the cold breeze of the sea could prevent his face from burning.

“Would you miss Kora?” asked Kai.

Sehun blinked at him. “Why would I miss her?”

“She gave you a token,” said Kai with the same frown he had every time he spoke of her to Sehun, and he spoke of her a lot.

“I haven’t given it a second thought,” admitted Sehun.

“You could take her for a wife, you know,” said Kai, although he sounded so noticeably unconvincing. “In three years or so.”

Three years suddenly felt too close.

“I am not… interested in her,” said Sehun.

“Why not? She is beautiful. She fancies you.”

Sehun could not help the scowl that wrinkled his forehead then. “Why are you so keen on setting us up?” he asked, and his tone shocked Kai. “Did she ask you to pimp me out?”

“No!”

“Then why are _you_ so interested in whom I fancy?”

“I just…” Kai swam a little away from Sehun, running a hand through his damp hair. “I’m just… trying to tell you that… if you want to stay and… be with her, you can.”

It suddenly struck Sehun then. “You do not want me to go with you to the mountains,” he said. Kai fixed him with a pained look. “I am your companion. Shouldn’t I be following you wherever you go?”

“Sehun,” sighed Kai. “There are some places that… I’d rather not have you follow me.”

Sehun clenched his jaw. “So, you’d prefer that I stayed behind, became a knight or something and married your cousin, while you are away for years?”

“I do not see the point of your… going with me,” said Kai. “It will just make things difficult for me.”

Sehun’s eyes narrowed. “Why would my going with you make things difficult for you? Am I such a burden?”

His hands and feet were beginning to wrinkle up in the water.

Kai exhaled heavily. “You know that is not what I mean,” he said.

“Then _what_ do you mean?”

Kai rubbed his eyebrows. “Would you want to spend all of your life by my side?” he asked Sehun next, looking like he was expecting a ‘no’ for an answer. “Look at Bart. He has no family. He has nothing and no one because he believes that nothing is more important than his duties to his king as a companion.”

Sehun crossed his arms over his chest, still scowling. “So? He looks very happy to me.”

Kai groaned. “Be serious. I don’t want that sort of life for you, Sehun,” he said. “You deserve to find someone. To make a family again. You’ve lost so much and I don’t want you to… waste your life by… my side. I have nothing to offer you.”

Sehun’s expression softened. “What do you mean… you have nothing to offer me, Kai? You are… quite literally all that I have.”

Kai lowered his head, eyes and teeth clenched for a moment. “Please, don’t say that.”

“But it’s true.”

“No, it isn’t,” he said, looking at Sehun again. “You are making it harder by the day for me…”

“How so?!”

Kai looked like he was going to explode for a beat there, but he quickly took a deep breath and calmed himself. “What I mean when I don’t have anything to offer is… I can’t give you a family. I can’t promise you joy or peace. I don’t even know what the future holds. Father keeps saying that a war is brewing from the west. And if that pans out badly, I’d have to…” he trailed off.

“Kai,” sighed Sehun. “I have made up my mind. Unless you find a way to get rid of me for good, I am not going anywhere. So, quit trying to talk me out of going to the mountains with you.”

Kai’s eyebrows remained furrowed. “You do realize that it would mean three or four years with just… each other, right?”

Sehun was not sure why Kai was saying that as though it were a terrible thing. He wondered what was it that distressed Kai so much about being with each other.

Perhaps he was worried about getting tired or bored of Sehun’s company. Perhaps Sehun was more exasperating than he realized. Perhaps he simply wanted to be without Sehun’s constant presence for the next few years.

“Do you really not want me to go with you?” he asked Kai instead of answering the question.

Kai took a moment to answer. “I do,” he said in the end in a whisper that was almost muffled by the howling breeze. “We should get out of the water before we become brined fish.”

* * *

The next few weeks were rather hectic. Although Sehun did not have much to pack, Kai did. They also had to attend several meetings and Audiences. Kai often had private meetings with his father late in the evenings as well.

While Sehun waited for Kai to return in the pavilion, he heard heavy footsteps approaching him. He turned his head around to look at Bart.

The grey strands in his hair and beard were less visible in the dark of the evening. He smiled at Sehun that half-smile that often had the king rolling his eyes.

“I hear that you are going along with the prince to his private training,” said Bart, leaning against the edge of the balustrade on which Sehun was perched. “I will warn you that it will be no pleasant experience. Master Terrowin is one tough nut to crack.”

Sehun knew very little of this secret training. Apparently, many sons of noble birth in the south were sent to be trained and coached privately by renowned warriors and veterans. They were to prepare the boys for manhood and battle.

“He trained both Saer and Engeram,” said Bart. “And you see what uptight bastards they turned out to be.”

Sehun did not think either of them were all that bad. “They aren’t uptight,” he told Bart.

Bart laughed. “They are. Compared to how they were when they were younger. Especially Saeron.” He sighed heavily, arms folded across his chest. “He was so free and easy. Bright as the sun. He used to be very fun, you know. He’d often get in trouble for the pettiest things, and he’d get me in trouble, too. We were partners in crime. But he was usually the mastermind. The mount of sweetmeats he used to steal from the pantries, my God.” He chuckled softly at a fond memory. “He’d bring them to me and we’d share them. Always. He would never leave me out of anything, and I… never complained.”

Sehun found that very hard to believe. The Saer he knew was all work and no play. Perhaps kinghood and fatherhood changed him.

“What happened then?” asked Sehun.

Bart let out a loud breath. “A lot had happened,” he said. “He thinks of Kai as a blessing, of course. But being a father is a… burden like no other. I cannot relate, but I see the way he tries. Very hard.”

Sehun pulled his legs up and hugged his knees to his chest. “I think he is a great father.”

Bart smiled. “He is,” he muttered. “He wants to leave a legacy he can be proud of behind. And Kai will be all that and more. All that Saer wishes now is that he would be able to still be here and see his son achieve all the greatness he was meant for.”

Sehun kept mum because Bart now seemed like he was musing to himself.

The captain eventually glanced to Sehun again and smiled. “Be careful up there,” he said. “When you return, I shall expect neither of you to be the same. You would have changed, for the better or for the worse. But try to always remember who you were.”

He gave Sehun’s hair one final tousling before he started to walk away.

“Bart,” called Sehun, and the man stopped. “Do you ever… regret becoming the king’s companion?”

Bart took a moment to respond. “No, I do not,” he said at length. “I’d follow him to his grave. With a smile on my face. He is my king. I would have been a nobody without him. But if I had had more of an option, I would… have liked to save us both some… heartbreaks. Perhaps if I had the courage, I would walk away right now to spare myself the biggest one yet.” He lowered his gaze and turned away. “Good night, Peanut. Be safe.”

Sehun stayed in the pavilion for a couple more hours, brooding over Bart’s words, until Kai came to find him.

* * *

The journey to the mountains itself was supposed to be the beginning of the training. The morning that they were to set forth for the mountains, Kai and Sehun stood in their room, staring at their respective beds. It would be a while for their return. Sehun had spent the last few days ruminating over the fact that he was about to leave the palace for the first time in the last seven years.

Of course, he had accompanied Kai to the city and some shops on many occasions, but this was different.

This was an _adventure._ Sehun never thought that he would ever be on one when he was in Northernshire. And when he was forced to leave his home, he thought that nothing good would ever come his way.

Today, he was to accompany the Crown Prince of Azudor on his quest to become a man and a warrior.

Still, something about leaving the room and the palace clenched Sehun’s heart. This was where he had spent countless nights silently loving Kai, on that very pallet, with his hand clutching his shirt by the chest. The fireplace, where they used to sit in the cold evenings, where Kai played the lyre or read a book while Sehun quietly listened. Then there was Kai’s luxurious bed that Sehun so badly yearned for, although it felt rather pointless when Kai was not there to lie in it next to him. It was also where Sehun used to brawl with Kai whenever they were in the mood to get a little boisterous. He’d straddle Kai’s hips, sit on his stomach, and grab the prince’s neck with one hand while the other would pin the boy’s wrists against the headboard. Kai would yield immediately every single time, and he would look at Sehun like he was looking at a ghost before he would toss Sehun over the edge of the bed, flushed so unbelievably red.

Sehun was not sure what awaited them at the mountains, and though he was looking forward to it, he knew that he would miss the comfort of this room.

Looking at Kai’s forlorn expression, he must be feeling the same way.

They eventually made their way out to the bailey, where Kai’s father, Bart and Masci, the king’s head advisor, were waiting for them. Some of the other boys were standing on the corridors and balconies, eagerly watching as well.

“Remember everything I told you,” Kai’s father told him, raising a hand to Kai’s shoulder. “And don’t ever forget where your heart is and should be.”

Kai bowed his head. “Yes, Father.”

“Keep a level head,” said Bart when Kai turned to him. “And bring Peanut back in one piece, will you?”

Kai smirked and glimpsed Sehun briefly.

Sehun also took his leave, and when he stopped before the king, Saer told him to keep an eye on his son for him. Sehun promised him that both of his eyes would be on Kai.

They then mounted their saddled horses – thank goodness, Sehun attended horse-riding practices with Kai all those years.

They had a big enough stock of provisions to last them a week. They should have reached Master Terrowin by then.

“Are you ready?” asked Kai once he was mounted on his horse. Sehun took hold of the reins and gave his horse a light pat. He was not a very good rider, and the horses made him a little nervous, but he was not going to let anything hold him back now. He was determined to go along with Kai even if it killed him.

“I am,” he told Kai and briefly glanced back at the others. When he looked back at Kai, the prince reined his horse to bolt forward towards the gates. Sucking in a deep breath, Sehun steered his horse after him.

* * *

It took them half a day to get away from the city. By sundown, the capital was behind them, fading into the background. Sehun was grateful for the wind – even though it was arid and warm – they rode against. The summertime sun and heat had been scorching Sehun’s skin that was not covered by his clothes and cloak all day.

He was relieved when Kai decided that they should take a rest on the roadside. While Sehun wetted his parched throat with some water from the waterskin, Kai perused the map. Sehun did not doubt Kai’s ability to read it. He might not be the most studious person during their lessons, but he certainly knew better than Sehun. Especially when it came to Azudor.

“We should be able to reach foot of the mountains,” said Kai, gazing ahead at the mountain range behind the vast blanket of fog that seemed very far from where they were standing. It was almost far out of sight. “in two days.”

Sehun handed Kai the waterskin to drink from before he turned to rub his horse’s nose. “Why does Terrowin live in the mountains, anyway?” he asked.

Kai wiped his mouth with the back of his hand after guzzling some water. “He prefers isolation and solitude,” he said. “After spending twelve brutal winters at war. He enjoys the peace and quiet.”

“ _Twelve_?” rasped Sehun, eyes widening.

Kai smirked. “Were you not paying attention when the preceptor was taking lessons on the Long Wars?”

Sehun vaguely remembered then that he had indeed been a little distracted during that lesson when Kai kept pinching his thigh and stroking his knee under the table. “I did not realize _you_ were paying any attention,” he muttered.

Kai shrugged. “I am very good at multitasking, in case you haven’t noticed.” He tossed the waterskin back to Sehun. “Come. Let’s ride a little farther before it gets dark.”

* * *

After two days of sleeping on the side of the roads and riding until their backs were stiff and sore, they finally lost the roads behind them and arrived at the foot of the mountains.

The thickets of trees gradually thickened into denser copses as they rode on.

Sehun must look a lot more exhausted than Kai, and he most likely was, because Kai kept asking him if he were okay. Sehun almost always answered ‘yes’ unless he really needed a chance to stretch his legs and back.

He must also smell terrible with all the sweat and dust from the road sticking to his skin and hair. His crotch was also hurting, even though the saddle was quite cushiony.

Kai, on the other hand, looked as regal as ever. Somewhere along the way, he had unlaced his shirt and took off his cloak. Even when he was dripping with sweat, he still managed to look like a prince.

They eventually, though not immediately, found a small brook deep enough and with clean enough water to drink from. But they were keener on a bath.

They tied their horses to a tree before they jumped into the water. Sehun was grateful for the chill water that washed away all the muck and sweat on his body. Carding his fingers through his hair, he glanced around to look at Kai, who was washing himself a few swims away.

He tried not to stare for too long and climbed out of the water. Kai joined him after a while and clothed himself before he sat down next to Sehun on the ground.

“What are we having today?” asked Kai cheekily while Sehun unwrapped their food.

“Let me see,” said Sehun. “Oh. Another heel of stale bread.”

Kai grinned and accepted the hunk of bread from Sehun’s hand cheerily. They both felt and looked refreshed that they could finally smile again.

Once they were done eating, they reclined on the grassy ground. Sehun tucked one of his arms under his head, as Kai did.

They quietly stared at the canopy of the forest and the many layers of outstretched branches above them.

Kai broke the silence after a while. “I am glad that you are here with me, Sehun,” he said in a low voice.

Sehun exhaled softly. “Me too.”

Even the ride to the foot of the mountains had been exhausting. Sehun could only imagine what the hike up the mountain would merit. And he had no idea how terrible the training might be.

But he did not want to be anywhere else. He was here, right next to Kai, and that was all that mattered.

He was suddenly aware of Kai’s fingers that were brushing against his hand that was resting on the ground between them. He kept his gaze on the evening sky, and his heart was surprisingly calm even as the back of Kai’s fingers lightly stroked his.

He let out a heavy breath, his fingers slowly touching Kai’s back. They were tired and deprived of sleep for the last three days. They smelled like grass and the water from the brook now. The forest’s coolness was lulling Sehun to sleep. He slid his fingers between Kai’s and lightly held them as they froze against his. He closed his eyes then.

* * *

When he woke up again, he found Kai feeding the horses and the morning sun was already climbing the horizon.

“Good morning,” Kai told him with an easy smile. “We should get a move on. We have a long hike up ahead.”

Sehun sat up and stretched his arms over his head, yawning. He must have been so tired that he had managed to sleep like a baby on nothing but grass all night, although he did find a blanket spread over him.

He wandered away to take a piss before he washed his face in the brook and helped Kai saddle the horses again.

“How do you know where we’re going?” he asked as they began to ride up the mountain. “All I can see is trees. There is no path.”

“I am following the sun,” he said, pointing to eastwards. “Master Terrowin will know when we are close, and he will come to us.”

Sehun did not find that a failproof plan, but he trusted Kai, nonetheless.

* * *

The four-day hike eventually depleted their supply of food. Sehun was beginning to worry that they might be lost, and Master Terrowin might not find them.

They stopped around noon to rest. Sehun shared his apple with his horse and watched Kai idly stand by his, staring at his palms.

“What’s the matter?” he asked.

“Huh?” let out Kai, looking up at him. “Oh. Nothing.”

Sehun did not push him any further, but something was clearly troubling him. He did not sleep when Sehun slept, and when Sehun asked him why, he told him that someone had to keep watch. There were wolves and other wild animals around this part of the forest. He took short naps during the day while Sehun kept watch.

“You should get some sleep now,” Sehun told him.

“I’m all right,” said Kai.

“We might not stop again until night,” said Sehun. “Please, get some sleep, will you?”

Kai sighed and walked over to where Sehun was sitting. He plumped onto the ground and leaned back to rest his head on Sehun’s lap.

Sehun did not mind. He did, however, had a hard time refraining himself from stroking the other boy’s hair.

He eventually gave in and started running his fingers through Kai’s hair while Kai slept.

* * *

The moon and stars were bright enough to keep their path well-lit. Kai told Sehun that they should stop here tonight.

It was then when they heard a rustling behind the trees. Kai promptly reached for his sword in the saddlebags while Sehun tightened his grip on the reins.

He then heard a light whimper coming from the shrubs.

“Must be an animal,” said Kai, releasing the sword. “Come on.”

Sehun did not move, however. He heard another desperate whimper, and he dismounted his horse.

“Sehun,” hissed Kai. “What are you doing?!”

“Let me just have a look what’s making that noise.”

Kai groaned. “You are going to get us killed!” He jumped down from his horse and hurried after Sehun.

Pushing the thorny shrubs aside, Sehun looked for the source of the whimpers in the dark.

“What if it’s a blood-sucking monster?” asked Kai. “Is this how you want us to die?”

Sehun’s heart dropped when he finally spotted a scared wolf pup caught shrubs. He lowered himself to a crouch to get a better look at the animal.

It moved further into the shrubs to get away from Sehun, whimpering in pain and fear.

“Oh,” Kai let out when he saw what Sehun had found.

Sehun arched an eyebrow at him. “Certainly looks like a blood-sucking monster, doesn’t it? Should we run for our lives then?”

Kai made a face at him.

Sehun sighed and faced the wolf pup again. It was so tiny that he was not even sure if it were a wolf or a puppy. Its fur was grey and white with hints of brown, which might have been dirt.

“Don’t be afraid,” Sehun whispered to it, carefully reaching a hand into the shrubs. “I won’t hurt you.”

“I don’t think it speaks the common tongue,” said Kai. “It’s an animal, Sehun. It’ll bite your hand.”

Sehun grimaced at the boy, shaking his head. “Don’t tell me you are afraid of a little pup.”

“It’s a wolf! What do you think wolf pups grow into?!”

The pup snarled at Sehun when his hand got too close, and he retrieved it a little. “It’s okay,” he muttered. The pup had one of its front paws raised limply, and Sehun wondered if it were injured.

“Need I remind you the wolves travel in packs?” said Kai. “Its whole family could be around here somewhere, ready to maul us to death.”

“It looks so scared,” said Sehun, frowning. “Kind of like… how I was when I left home.”

Kai stared at him for a moment. Then huffing exasperatedly, he drew his dagger from his boot and started cutting through the shrubs, so that he could help the wolf pup come out.

When Sehun had a better access, he slid both of his hands in and caught hold of the pup. Its heart was beating so fast. Its fur was covered in dirt, leaves and dried thorns.

It did not threaten to hurt him anymore. Instead, it stayed quiet in Sehun’s clutch and sniffed aggressively.

“There’s a thorn sticking to his paw,” said Kai as Sehun rose to his full height, lifting the pup with him.

“How do you know it’s a he?”

“I played a hunch,” said Kai.

Sehun rolled his eyes. “Can you remove the thorn?”

“And risk my hand getting chewed off?”

“Fine. I’ll do it. You hold it.”

As much as Kai was reluctant to do it, he took the pup from Sehun and held it fast by its scruff while Sehun carefully pulled the thorn out of its paw. It let out a small howl and wriggled in pain.

“There,” exhaled Sehun, taking the pup back. He then cradled it momentarily in his arms before lowering it to the ground. “Go find your pack now.”

Kai shook his head. “What’s next? You’re going to feed a baby bird with your mouth?”

They wended their way back to their horses and mounted.

Sehun glanced back at the pup, which was looking at him like a lost… pup.

“Are you sure its pack is around here?” he asked Kai as they rode onwards. When he looked back again, the wolf pup was hurrying after the horses, limping a little. “Kai…”

Kai reined his horse to a stop when Sehun did. “What now?”

“It’s following us,” muttered Sehun with a frown.

The pup stopped when they stopped. It continued to stare at Sehun with its tilted.

“Leave it be,” said Kai. “It’ll go away.”

“But…”

“ _Sehun,_ ” groaned Kai when Sehun dismounted once more and walked back to the pup.

The pup howled at Sehun before it sat down, wagging its little tail. Dropping to a crouch, Sehun carefully petted it, scratching it between its eyes. “You can’t follow us,” he told it. “You have to go find your family.”

“Sehun,” called Kai.

“I’m trying to reason with it.”

“Uh…”

Sehun stood back up and turned around to find a shadowy figure and an orange light looming behind the trees.

As the figure neared them, Kai got off his horse, though he left his sword in the saddlebags.

“You have finally arrived,” a voice came from the trees, deep and hoarse. “I was expecting you a day earlier.”

“We were a little slow, Master Terrowin,” said Kai, bowing his head. “Forgive us for our tardiness.”

When Terrowin finally came into his view, Sehun stopped dead in his tracks, his jaw falling slack a little. He had expected an old man of some sort. He certainly did not expect a war veteran and a man in his late fifties to look like a beast out of a mythology.

He was bald and he sported a thick black beard. He only wore a pair of trousers, and his shirtless body was built with thick, solid muscles. He was also covered in meaningless tattoos.

His eyes flitted to Sehun at once. “I was not expecting an additional company,” he said.

Kai frowned. “Had my father not informed you? My apologies. This is Sehun. He is my companion, and I would like for you to let him train with me.”

Terrowin lowered his oil lamp and pinned Sehun with a grave look. “He certainly does not have the makings of a warrior,” he said.

Sehun blinked. Well, it was not that he believed that he had any, but how thoughtless of the man to be so blunt.

“But I do see some other potentials and qualities in him,” said Terrowin. “that might be of some use to you.” He then turned around. “Come with me. You two must be weary from the journey. We will eat and you will rest tonight. Tomorrow, we will begin your training.”

Sehun looked to Kai before they took hold of the reins and started following Terrowin. The wolf pup wobblily skipped after Sehun.


	10. Chapter 10

# C H A P T E R T E N

Terrowin’s dwelling was not what Sehun had expected either. It certainly did not seem like a place equipped to train a future warrior. It was a shoddy shack, at most, built at the mouth of a cave.

Sehun appreciated it, nonetheless. After spending days sleeping on roads and grass, he was grateful to have a roof over his head again. Terrowin had a kettle of pottage stewing over a fire when they reached his home. He told them to take a seat around the fire while he pitched the horses.

The wolf pup had followed them all the way here. Sehun gave him a few scratches – very cautiously – once he had sat down.

“It’s decent enough gruel,” said Terrowin as he handed Sehun and Kai a bowl each. “Made with herbs and mountain goat bone marrows.”

Sehun regarded the greyish gruel with a bit of reluctance, but as soon as he saw Kai slurp it straight from the bowl without any sign of trepidation, he ate as well. It tasted as bland as it looked, but it was better than stale bread. And if a _prince_ could manage with it, so could Sehun.

Kai was looking at Terrowin eagerly as the man sat down on one of the tree stumps, as though he were marvelling at his hero. “You are a living legend, Master Terrowin,” he said. “Father speaks a lot about you.”

Terrowin surprisingly smiled. “A good man, your father,” he said. “But an even better king. Tell me, Prince Kai. Do you wish to be like your father?”

Kai thought about this question for a moment, staring into the fire. Sehun took another mouthful of the gruel before lowering the bowl to the ground for the pup to eat up the leftovers. “No,” said Kai at length. “You are right that he is a good man and a great king. But I am not my father. I am not trying to be him.”

“Hmm,” hummed Terrowin, rubbing his bearded chin. “Then who is it that you want to be?”

Kai glanced to Sehun briefly before he looked at Terrowin again. “A hero,” he said. “A warrior. Perhaps even a king one day. Everything I am meant to be. Everything that is expected of me.”

Terrowin laughed. “That sounds a lot like your father to me.”

“I will be better,” said Kai. “than him, than all who came before him. It is my destiny.”

“Is that truly what you want, Prince Kai?” asked Terrowin. “Sometimes our journey takes us to a destination much different from the one we had hoped to reach.”

Kai licked his lips, lowering his head. “I am determined to reach the one I hope for.”

“Very well,” he said with an easy smile. “And what about you?” he asked Sehun. “What are _you_ here for?”

Sehun wiped his mouth on the back of his hand before speaking. “I am just here for to be by the prince’s side,” he said.

“Is there nothing that you would want to learn as well?”

Sehun realized that he did. He nodded his head shyly. “If there is anything that you can teach me, Master Terrowin,” he muttered.

“Hmm.” He glanced to the wolf pup licking up the remaining gruel dregs in the bowl. “You’ve got a great compassion. Do you plan on being this little pup’s caregiver?”

“I… don’t know.” He did not know the first thing about caring for a baby wolf. “Does it not know where its family is?”

Terrowin let out a chuckle. “Give him a name. Lone wolves are known for being the most loyal of beasts. Wild, but loyal nonetheless.”

Sehun looked to Kai, who was pinning him with a _‘told-you-it-was-a-_ he’ look.

“We will see what you are capable of tomorrow. Tonight, get some sleep.” He rose from his seat and ushered them into the cave. The wolf pup hurried along.

Sehun saw a pallet big enough to fit two, but not three, and certainly not someone as big and burly as Terrowin.

“It isn’t a palace,” said Terrowin. “but it is warm and safe in here.”

“Where will _you_ sleep?” asked Sehun.

“I prefer to sleep under the stars and the trees,” said Terrowin.

“Even when it’s raining?”

Terrowin smirked at him for that. Without a reply, he then walked away.

Sehun looked at Kai, who was staring at the pallet with a deep frown. “You… should sleep on it,” said Sehun, realizing that it would be inappropriate of him to share a pallet with a prince. Sometimes, it was hard to remember that Kai was indeed royalty and Sehun wasn’t. “I’ll make do with a blanket on the ground.”

Kai turned the frown toward Sehun now. “No,” he said almost immediately. “Don’t be silly. We will… share it.”

Sehun shrugged out of his cloak and dropped his knapsack on a corner before he crawled onto the pallet, making enough room for Kai on the left side of it.

“Can he sleep with us, too?” he asked Kai, looking at the wolf pup that was sitting at the foot of the pallet with its head cocked.

“You are not worried in the least bit that he might bite our toes off when we are asleep?” asked Kai as he sat down on the edge of the pallet.

“Oh, look at him,” sighed Sehun as the pup struggling to climb onto the pallet, even though it was not all that far from his reach. “He would not hurt us. His teeth are barely bigger than barley.”

Kai huffed heavily and did not object when the pup skipped around the pallet to settle on the ground next to Sehun. It then blinked at Sehun tenderly.

“Do you still think you made the right decision to follow me here?” asked Kai, as he reclined next to Sehun.

“Of course,” said Sehun. “Terrowin is a little… perplexing, though.”

“How so?”

“Well, it’s just that… I had expected an old wise man with a walking stick for support and a pet goat.” He petted the pup’s head as it slowly began to drift off to sleep.

Kai laughed. “Terrowin is an anomaly.”

“Like you?”

“Yes… I suppose so.”

Still, Sehun did not understand how it was possible.

“So, will you give him a name?”

“I don’t know,” murmured Sehun, shifting on the pallet to face Kai. The pallet suddenly felt smaller. There was very little space left between them, and Sehun could feel the heat of Kai’s skin on his own. “I don’t know any good name.”

“Um… How about… Rohaan?”

Sehun smiled. He did not care whether it was a good name or not. If it pleased Kai, then it pleased him, too. “Rohaan it is.”

They were tired enough that night to be able to fall asleep without too much trouble.

* * *

When Sehun roused in the morning, he found his limbs tangled with Kai’s. One of his legs was thrown over Kai’s, and Kai had one of his lanky arms stretched across Sehun’s chest. The blankets were discarded on the ground.

Sehun felt his heartbeat quickening at once. He was glad when Terrowin entered the cave shortly after, clearing his throat loud enough for Kai to wake up with a jerk. The wolf pup hurried behind the man with a bright look on its eager face. They both looked like they had been up for hours now.

“Rise and shine, lads,” said Terrowin. “There is a river nearby. I suggest you wash up and come back quickly.”

Sehun looked at Kai, who was rubbing his eyes on the hilt of his palms. Had he done anything mortifying in his sleep, Sehun wondered. He was not sure who had fallen asleep first, but he’d wager that it was him and not Kai.

It was not all that hard to find the river. It was quite close by, and its water was clean enough for a thorough cleansing. After washing themselves up, they wandered back to Terrowin’s cave where they quickly downed some more gruel for breakfast – though with some cold meat this time – before they were ordered to chop some firewood.

Kai did it almost effortlessly, but Sehun fumbled and tripped a lot, that Terrowin called him to the side after a while.

“Sit,” he said, nodding toward the vacant tree stump. Sehun sat down, frowning. Day one, and he had already disappointed the man. How was he to last three to four years out here?

“I am not very strong,” he admitted in a low voice. Rohaan was running around like a mad wolf around Kai, huffing every time a piece of wood flung into the air, trying to catch them mid-air with his mouth.

“Hmm… I think you are very strong,” said Terrowin. Sehun blinked at him.

“No, I’m not,” he said, sighing. “I know that. You do not have to lie to console me, Master. You said that I do not have the makings of a warrior.”

Terrowin chuckled. “I am no liar, lad,” he said. “What I mean is that you cannot compare yourself to him. You are strong in your own way.”

Sehun stared at him for a moment. Then hanging his head, he scrubbed his face with his palms. “I will try to do better.”

“Ow!” yapped Kai all of a sudden, and Rohaan flinched, freezing right where he was, ears perked, claws out, probably thinking that he was being attacked. He relaxed again when he realized that he wasn’t.

“What happened?” rasped Sehun, running to Kai’s side.

“I’d cut myself,” said Kai, holding a bleeding finger out.

Before Sehun could panic, Terrowin grabbed Kai by the wrist and dragged him to the cave, where he promptly retrieved a wooden box. He washed the cut with some water from the washbasin before cleaning it up with some gauze.

Sehun was gawking at the contents of the box, curious about all the odd-looking tools.

“Are you a healer?” he asked Terrowin once Kai was all patched up.

“In a way,” said Terrowin.

“It still hurts,” Kai whispered to Sehun, holding the bandaged finger out to him.

Ignoring him, Sehun dropped to a crouch near Terrowin. “What are those things? I’ve never seen them at the infirmary back at the palace.”

“I do not practise medicine the same way the healers you know do,” said Terrowin.

“ _Sehun_ ,” Kai mumbled, frowning. When Sehun did not give him the attention he was looking for, he stood up and went back to chopping more wood.

“Then?” he asked Terrowin.

“My methods are more traditional, but somehow more advanced than what the healers these days practise,” he said.

“Can you teach me some of your methods?” asked Sehun.

Terrowin arched an eyebrow. “You want to be a healer?”

Sehun blushed. He did not know that he wanted to be one before, but it seemed like a good idea to learn a few things about healing. Especially when Kai was so prone to injuries so often.

“I would like to be more useful to him,” he said quietly.

Terrowin exhaled a heavy breath and bowed his head. “Very well. I will teach you what I know.”

* * *

Sehun kept count of the days and night for the first two weeks. But time soon became irrelevant out here in the mountains and the trees.

Kai worked very hard each and every waking moment to learn everything Terrowin had to teach him. More often than not, his days were filled with menial tasks, like chopping wood, or hunting, or repairing the shack. Every now and then, Terrowin would tell Sehun and Kai to pick up a sword and practise their swordplay. He would then silently watch. Kai fought even more aggressively than he used to back at the palace. Sehun lost every time, but that did not come as a surprise to anyone there. Besides, it mattered very little to Sehun, too.

He, on the other hand, dedicated his days to learning medicine. Terrowin did indeed have a different method to every ailment, and Sehun had never been more intrigued. He told Sehun one day that every herb in the forest had its uses, and that he would gradually tell Sehun what they were.

At night, it was usually just Sehun, Kai and the wolf pup in the cave. Rohaan was comfortable on the ground near the side of the pallet where Sehun slept. After a while, sleeping on the same pallet did not feel so strange. And their days were tiring enough for them to zonk out as soon as they hit the pallet.

Sometimes, Terrowin and Kai would wander into the trees, discussing something privately that they did not want to include Sehun in. It did not bother Sehun as much as it should have, because he also believed that some things were better left unsaid.

And Kai clearly believed that, too. He would not be religiously spending at least a couple of minutes almost nightly to write in his journal otherwise. Even out here, he was unable to let go of the habit. He did have a hard time keeping a journal with Sehun in such close proximity now, so he usually kept his journaling short these days.

“What do you write in there?” Sehun had asked one night while his fingers rifled through Rohaan’s grubby fur. Perhaps tonight would be the night that Kai would finally relent and reveal the secrets of his journals.

Kai looked up at him with a mortified expression. “Nothing,” he mumbled. “Just… thoughts.”

Sehun did not press him for more. He did not want to seem pushy and obnoxious.

* * *

Soon, they were both beginning to forget about the luxury and rigidity of the palace. Sehun would, however, admit to missing the delicious and ample food he used to have. Terrowin was not the best cook, but he claimed that the food he made was packed with energy and nutrition for men. Some days, Sehun would offer to make the food instead. Kai would eat a little more than usual on those days, Sehun noticed.

Not only were their bodies changing so significantly, also their moods. There were evenings when Kai would refuse to speak to Sehun altogether. He’d say, “I do not think you need my company since you have your precious wolf’s. I’m going to bed.”

He would constantly pin Sehun with a stink eye every time the latter would cosy up with Rohaan, attacking the pup with kisses, hugs and scratches.

Sehun had never had a pet animal before. He had not even thought of the idea of having one. Perhaps he would have liked a dog if he had still been in Northernshire. But after coming to Azudor, he had a friend who kept him company and happy every minute of every day that he did not think he would ever appreciate the presence of an animal companion.

But, oh, he did.

Rohaan was very playful, but he was a wolf pup, nonetheless. He manifested the feral side of him every now and then, especially when he was hungry. Apart from that, he always skipped after Sehun and even Kai – although he could probably tell that Kai was not all that fond of him – everywhere they went.

* * *

When the rain and the cold came that year, Sehun was grateful for the additional person on the pallet. Kai’s body was always warmer than his own, and he certainly appreciated whatever heat there was around him in the cold.

Some nights were colder than others. And during those nights, Sehun would shiver uncontrollably under the blanket with his teeth chattering. Even Rohaan would climb into the pallet and curl up in a ball against Sehun’s side.

“Sehun?” Kai had called in a low voice one night. “Are you cold?” He did not wait for Sehun’s response as he removed his own blanket and draped it over Sehun’s shaking body. He then turned his back to Sehun.

Licking his chapped lips, Sehun turned onto his side and pressed up against Kai’s back for more heat. If it had bothered Kai at all, he did not let it show.

There was less training during the cold, which spared more time for Sehun’s lessons with Terrowin. Even Kai tapped in a few times, though he lost interest in it very soon. He would rather take Rohaan out for hunting while Sehun stayed in the cave, warm around the fire, listening to Terrowin.

“How do you… stay the way you are?” Sehun had asked one day when it was just him and Terrowin.

The man looked up at him briefly before dropping his gaze back to fixing the steel tool that Sehun had accidentally broken while trying to administer it.

“I had expected you to ask me that question sooner,” said Terrowin, smirking.

“Well, I am asking it now,” replied Sehun. “You are… in a very good shape, is what I’m trying to say. I hope you are not offended by my curiosity.”

Terrowin scoffed. “No, I am not.” He took a deep breath. “Part of the reason why I live out here, away from all the people, is this. Everyone would think of me as a freak.”

Sehun gnawed at his lower lip. “People used to think of me as a freak, too.” They probably still did. They just would not say it out loud to the prince’s companion.

Terrowin chuckled. “Perhaps that is why you are here.” He straightened up and met Sehun’s gaze. “Do you believe that there is a bigger power out there, Sehun?”

Sehun shrugged. “Like Gods?”

“Just a bigger power,” repeated Terrowin. “An entity or a celestial being, not necessarily Gods. But a power. A force that… we cannot fully understand.”

“I suppose?” said Sehun. He had never given much thought to such complicated ideas.

“Then would you believe me if I said some of us are more blessed than others, and some of us are… cursed?”

That Sehun understood all too well. “I am most certainly the latter,” he muttered, and Terrowin laughed.

“Contrarily, I would like to think that you are the former,” he said. “It is actually people like Kai and I who are less blessed. You, Sehun, have the whole world to take advantage of. You think this is where you belong, but one day, you will realize that there is so much out there for you.”

Sehun scratched the back of his head. “I still do not understand how you… or Kai, for that matter… are… I don’t know…”

“Like I said,” he said. “Some are more blessed. Some are cursed. We cannot question such things because no one really understands that bigger power I was talking about.”

Sehun sighed. Perhaps he would be able to understand everything better when he was even older.

“Can I ask you something else?”

Terrowin exhaled heavily, but he nodded.

“What was… Kai’s father like when he came here to train?” inquired Sehun.

That made Terrowin laugh. “He was mischievous at first,” he said. “He was not even half as serious as his son is.”

“Really? What happened then?”

“Your question makes me wonder just how dreadful he is now.”

“Oh, no. He isn’t… dreadful. What I mean to ask is if… this place would change… us like that, too?”

“Possibly,” said Terrowin. “For the better or the worse is up to you. My teachings will only take you half the way.” He held out the tool which resembled a pair of shears to Sehun. “Here. Take these. Let me show you how to use it.”

* * *

The wintry months, fortunately, passed rather quickly, and soon it was time to ring in the new year. Spring brought with it a warmth that was greatly missed. Flower buds blossomed, and sunrays pierced through the canopy of the forest.

Terrowin had left for a hike this morning. He told them that he would return with more fresh ingredients around dusk. Meanwhile, he would like for Sehun and Kai to get rid of the wet blocks of wood and tidy the cave up a little.

They agreed to do those things later as they sprinted out of the cave as soon as they were up. The air was balmy and refreshing. Sehun loved the feeling of fresh grass crunching beneath his feet.

Rohaan howled excitedly as he chased after a terrified squirrel, racing past both Sehun and Kai.

“Try to keep up, will you?!” Kai hollered, glancing over his shoulder to gloat at Sehun, who had fallen way behind, in spite of running at full tilt.

He tripped and stumbled over roots and ferns several times, but he did not care. He was smiling, and he was happy, even though he was going to lose to Kai once again.

Kai had already shimmied out of his clothes and was diving into the river when Sehun finally caught up to him.

Rohaan was looking up at a tree, growling menacingly at the squirrel that had bested him. He then quickly dashed away when he spotted a wild rabbit behind the trees.

Sehun hurriedly removed his clothes before he jumped into the water and immediately regretted it.

The water was colder than he had hoped for it to be. They had forgotten to bring along the soap, but Sehun figured they were not all that dirty from yesterday.

“You lost,” said Kai, breathing heavily when he emerged from underwater. “Again.”

Sehun shrugged. “And I always will.”

“I can let you win sometimes, if you want,” said Kai with a smirk as he swam closer to Sehun.

Rohaan returned to the riverbank, clutching a small bloody rabbit between his teeth. He wanted to show it to Sehun, as he always did whenever he came back from a hunt with a dead prey. The older he got, the more boastful he became. He was proud of his kills, and he wanted Sehun to be proud of them, too. At first, the sight of dead or sometimes ‘less dead’ animals turned his stomach, but he eventually got used to it.

Once Sehun had given him a praising nod, he teetered away with the rabbit.

“I do not mind losing to you,” said Sehun. “Besides, how do you know that I’m not the one letting _you_ win?”

Kai blinked and flinched. “No, you don’t.”

A corner of Sehun’s lips quirked into a half-smile. “Why? Does that hurt your pride, Prince Kai, son of Saer?”

“No, it doesn’t! My pride isn’t so fragile,” scoffed Kai.

“Who knows? Perhaps I might even be better than you when we leave here.”

Kai’s expression softened instead. “Sehun, you can still return home if this is all too much for you. This is not _your_ destiny.”

Sehun dunked his head into the water to wash his hair, and when he came up, Kai was still staring at him, although not with confusion this time.

Sehun spat the water he was holding in his mouth on Kai’s face, making the other boy gasp and growl before he lunged at Sehun.

“I told you not to do that!”

They grappled in the water for a moment, clawing at each other, tugging at one another’s arms and hair until they stopped all of a sudden.

Their chests were heaving with Sehun’s arms loosely resting on Kai’s shoulders while Kai had his hands settled on the sides of Sehun’s waist. Kai’s ragged breaths were grazing Sehun’s face.

Apart from the sound of the river’s current and their own breathings, the world had gone very silent and still around them.

Kai cleared his throat at length and retrieved his hands to run one of them through his wet hair to push it back. “We should, um, get back now.”

He began to swim away when Sehun caught his shoulder, his hand promptly sliding around the back of Kai’s neck. “Kai, wait,” he said in a raspy whisper that made his lungs hurt. Kai paused and faced him again.

Sehun was not thinking much when he closed the distance between them, his fingers sliding into Kai’s hair by the nape. He had thought of doing this many times before, but he had never mustered the courage. Today, every fibre in his body was pushing him to do it. There was no going back now.

He tilted his head and closed his eyes, leaning in. His lips easily and naturally found Kai’s. Kai was suddenly as still as the trees. His lips were slightly parted, and Sehun took advantage of it. He kissed Kai’s lower lip first. It was plump and soft, a little chapped, but oh-so warm. And slippery, especially with the water rivulets that were trickling down their faces.

A beat later, he slowly pressed his lips against Kai’s upper lip. His skin above it was slightly coarse with a day-old stubble. Sehun liked it. In fact, he liked everything about Kai. From his lean but toned muscles to his hair, which hadn’t gotten a trim from Terrowin in the last two months. He particularly loved how still and quiet Kai was right now. He was not off trying to become a hero. He was not gloating. He was not telling Sehun to go home if this was all too much. He was not insisting that he could make do without Sehun at his side. He was not saying how his destiny was not Sehun’s destiny.

Sehun had him silent and still. With just a single kiss.

Kai eventually did get himself to move, however. His trembling hands rose to the small of Sehun’s back under the water. His quivering lips softly pressed against Sehun’s. He felt like he was about to crumble into pieces in Sehun’s arms.

And then he pulled back, shamefaced. He quickly looked away from Sehun, frowning like he was about to break into tears. “That wasn’t funny, Sehun,” he said, voice cracking. “If you think that teasing me like this is…” he trailed off.

Sehun swallowed hard and reached out to take hold of Kai’s arm. “But I was not… teasing you,” he whispered, and Kai looked up at him again with bloodshot eyes. “Do you think that I am so cruel?”

Kai’s frown deepened. “But…”

Sehun drew the other boy closer again until their chests were almost touching. “Do you not liked that I kissed you?” he asked.

Kai’s eyes bored into Sehun’s for a moment. And Sehun could not tell what that dark, intense gaze meant. He looked like he wanted to punch Sehun in the mouth and kiss it at the same time.

“I… do,” he muttered a moment later, lowering his gaze embarrassedly.

“Then kiss me,” said Sehun. He had said and done many perilous things in the last fifteen years of his life. But he doubted that he had said anything bolder than that.

Kai sucked in a deep breath, lifting his gaze once more to look at Sehun curiously. “No,” he said, much to Sehun’s surprise and dismay, before he pulled away and climbed out of the water to get dressed.


	11. Chapter 11

# C H A P T E R E L E V E N

Sehun had not been thinking much before he had done what he had done. But it was all that he was thinking about after.

He wondered if this was what Kai had felt two years ago when he had pulled back and run away like he was on fire when Kai had kissed him.

He was confused and embarrassed. His chest had never felt heavier. He had thought that it was what Kai had wanted, and he did not come to that realization easily. It had taken him months, years really, to arrive at the conclusion that he was more than just a companion or a friend to Kai.

It was around the same time when he realized that he felt the same way about the boy, too.

Perhaps he actually had no idea what Kai felt. Perhaps he just needed an excuse to act on his own feelings.

They were not new. It took him a lot longer, but he needed to be a little older to be able to unearth these feelings that were buried deep inside him. With each year, those feelings got even more complicated, but fortunately, they also got loud enough for him to be able to hear them. He did not understand them yet, but at least he now knew that they existed.

His body reacted every time a part of it brushed against Kai’s. Some nights, he stayed awake and watched Kai sleep until his hands were involuntarily seeking out Kai’s body under the blankets. It did not feel wrong, but it made his chest hurt all the same. His skin would burn whenever it touched Kai. He would stare a little too long at Kai’s lips, his jaw, neck, chest, shoulder blades. Everything about Kai in that last few months made Sehun gasp for breath in silence. He made sure that Kai did not catch him looking, but oftentimes, he was caught red-handed. Kai would usually look away like he did not notice, but he did. He knew that Sehun was looking at him.

Perhaps it was because of their dependence on each other out here in the mountains, so far away from any other soul and civilization. They had not lost their minds yet, but Sehun was beginning to lose a bit of his over Kai ever since he had started to pay more attention to the boy, especially in ways he had never seen him before.

Part of him was anguished over these feelings he was unable to escape. Another part of him embraced them. He did not think that the affection he felt for Kai, even the more lustful one he felt these days, was necessarily evil. At the end of the day, it was affection all the same, wasn’t it?

Sehun was not sure if he regretted what he had done this morning. He had wanted to do it for a while now, and he took a chance today. Besides, Kai told him that he had liked the kiss. Then why did he refuse to kiss Sehun back?

Why did he walk away with his shoulders slumped and head hung like he had just gotten his heart broken?

It had been a good experience for Sehun this time around. He had wanted it this time, his body had longed for the intimacy. He had never thought about kissing other boys while he was still back at the palace. In fact, he did not think that he had wanted to kiss anyone other than Kai. He realized that he wanted to do it several nights ago when they were sitting with Terrowin around the fire, talking about women.

Sehun had started the discussion by asking Terrowin if he ever had a wife.

Terrowin told him that he was a certified bachelor for life, and he had stopped desiring women many years ago. He had dedicated his life to this forest and the mountains. He belonged to no one.

“I reckon you would take a bride once you return,” he had told Kai.

Kai kept his gaze low, but Sehun looked up from where he was lounged on the ground, back leaned against Rohaan, who was settled behind him.

Even though it was still years from now, it was going to happen one day, nonetheless. It did not use to worry Sehun when they were younger, but now, it seemed so soon and inevitable. He glanced to Kai with a blank expression before lowering his head as a frown furrowed his brows.

“Will she be the fairest and prettiest in all the lands?” asked Terrowin, teasing Kai a little.

“I haven’t thought much about it,” muttered Kai.

“If you are nothing like your father, I would presume that you would have two or three consorts on your lap in no time,” scoffed Terrowin. “I cannot, however, teach you _those_ skills up here.”

Later that night, as they lay sleepless on the pallet, Sehun asked, “Would you?”

Kai took a moment to respond. Perhaps he was waiting for Sehun to elaborate. “Would I what?”

Sehun shifted onto his side so that he was facing Kai, who was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling of the cave. “Would you take a bride when we return?”

He noticed Kai’s jaw clenching, even in the dark. “I do not want to talk about it.”

“Why not? We talk about everything.”

“We do not, Sehun.”

“What don’t we talk about?”

Kai looked at him then, and he was scowling. What had Sehun said to anger him, he wondered. “A lot of things,” he said.

Sehun turned onto his stomach, propping himself up on his elbows, scooting closer to Kai. “Like what?” he asked again.

“Sehun,” sighed Kai. “Just go to sleep.”

“Don’t you want to take a wife, though?” he asked. “A lover? A consort, maybe even two or three, like Terrowin said. You are a prince, after all. Whether you become a hero or a warrior, you are a prince. You might even become the King of Azudor one day. Won’t you need… a queen? An heir?”

Kai huffed out an exasperated breath. “Is that what you want for me?” he asked.

Sehun stayed silent. He was not sure what he wanted to hear from Kai. Perhaps he wanted to hear a promise, even an empty one, that would stop his chest aching so bad.

“If you want me to take a bride, then I will,” Kai said in the end before he turned his back to Sehun.

Before Sehun fell asleep that night, he decided that he would die before he lost Kai to someone else. He would be driven to madness if he were abandoned again. He did not think his life meant anything without Kai in it.

But Kai needed more, didn’t he? He could not just make do with Sehun all his life. It was what Kai had tried to say before they left for the mountains. That Sehun could not be his everything. And he could not be Sehun’s everything.

But Sehun wanted to be his everything. Just as how Kai was his everything. He had always been Sehun’s everything. The definition of his ‘everything’ changed over the years as he got older, but it always been Kai. When he was a child, all that he needed was a home, a family and a friend, and Kai had been that. A few years later, he needed a partner, and Kai was that and more. Then he needed a purpose, and Kai gave him one. Now, everything that he wanted was a little more complicated, but he would not want it from anyone else.

 _“If you want me to take a bride, then I will,”_ Kai had said. Why? Why did he put that burden of making that decision on Sehun’s head? Would he truly listen to what Sehun wanted?

What if Sehun selfishly demanded that he stayed this way forever? That _they_ stayed this way forever? Would he never take a lover? Would he agree to be just the two of them for the rest of their lives, no matter how long or short they were?

Part of Sehun wanted to find out what would happen if he asked Kai of such a thing. Another part of him realized that even though that he wanted it to always be just the two of them, they could not be the same forever. Every year, more things changed between them. Some for the better, others for the worse.

Sehun was not sure if the recent developments in his heart were the former or the latter.

* * *

Kai did not say much to him for the next couple of weeks. He seemed to be mulling at odd times, whenever they were not training. When it was time for bed, he stayed up journaling until Sehun was asleep.

Sehun, on the other hand, could not stop swooning over the kiss. It had not been as brief as their first one. And it had been intentional from Sehun’s side. It had made Sehun’s chest feel like it was set ablaze. A shiver ran down his skin, and his ears turned hot every time he thought of how warm Kai’s lips had been. It had been an impulsive act, but Sehun did not think that it was a terrible thing that he had done.

It was nothing like the first time, yet somehow, Kai looked just as hurt.

At some point, Sehun wandered into the woods with Rohaan, hoping to get as far away as he could from Terrowin and Kai. Once he was certain that was way out of earshot and Rohaan had dashed away to chase squirrels, he sunk to the ground under a tree.

He thought of the girls from the palace first. It had been a while since he had last seen them, but he recalled the shape of their bodies rather lucidly. Unlacing the fly of his trousers, he slid a hand in and gazed up at the afternoon sky.

The images of those girls were quickly replaced by another one, where he and Kai had been lying on the grassy ground one day after a bath in the river. They were both wet, unclothed and naked as the day they were born. Sehun remembered glancing over to the water rivulets on Kai’s toned chest and stomach. He remembered thinking that the boy had a very handsome face, especially when he had all the hair pushed back. He remembered marvelling at how perfectly chiselled Kai’s body was and how beautifully his skin glistened under the sun. He then remembered jolting up from the ground to pull his pants on before he could let his body do something mortifying.

He then thought of Kai’s lips once more. Then his hands that were holding Sehun so delicately. Then the smell of his skin, the taste of his mouth, the sound of his breathing, which were all etched in Sehun’s memory.

He felt himself grow hard in his grip. It came as a shock first, but it felt quite primal once he understood what was happening. He recalled the preceptor’s lessons. This was natural, and it was normal. There was nothing to be embarrassed about. He was exploring his own body and sensuality, for the first time in his life, and he did not want to stop just yet.

He knew that it was supposed to feel wrong to think of his friend, the prince whose life and dignity he was supposed to protect, this way. But it did not feel so wrong anymore. He did not want to run away and hide the way he had when Kai first kissed him at the beach that day.

Thinking this way of someone else might have felt wrong, as a matter of fact.

He then thought of what else he wanted. He wanted to slide his fingers in Kai’s hair while Kai’s mouth was pressed against his neck. He wanted to be kissed again until he forgot how to breathe. He wanted to run his hands down Kai’s lean body to feel every muscle in it tauten under his touch.

It felt like a lightning bolt or the unstoppable current of the river. The pleasure that surged through his veins in that moment made it difficult for him to breathe. He was not sure he even wanted to breathe. The fire burning in the pit of his belly had his head spinning.

When it was all done, he finally realized that he was breathing fast and loud, his chest heaving, shoulders shaking. It felt like someone had dropped a bucket of ice-cold water on his head to douse the fire that was spreading out from the nether regions of his body.

He was not sure if he had made any noise. He wondered if he had screamed or moaned. He dearly hoped that Terrowin would not have heard him if he had.

After washing the white filth from his hand in the river, he whistled for Rohaan, who quickly found him, panting hard. His fur was all bloody. Sehun assumed the wolf had gotten its kill today.

“We’re both dirty,” sighed Sehun, starting for the camp again. It took the guilt a few moments to settle in. He suddenly felt like a sinner in temple.

He had promised Kai’s father that he would always defend Kai’s honour, and that he would never do anything to disgrace the prince. It was his responsibility as a companion.

What Sehun had just done – even though it had felt wrong while he was doing it – was a dangerous game. Kissing Kai the other day was even more outrageous. He had taken an oath to steer Kai in the right and honourable path. But now, he intended to lure the boy to something unacceptable and abhorrent.

Except that it did not feel that way to Sehun. What he had always felt for Kai – be it friendship, loyalty, familiarity, homeliness, even this newfound lust and desire – felt right. Appropriate even. Like this was what he was meant for. Like this was what fate had always planned for him.

That did not make it right in everyone’s eyes, did it? If discovered, Kai would be shunned and Sehun might suffer an even worse fate. Not to mention just how much of a disappointment Sehun would prove himself to be again.

He could not afford to jeopardize Kai’s honour either. In the end, he decided that what he had done was unreasonable, and perhaps that was why Kai was upset with him.

Sehun had been reckless and rash. Just as with everything in life. He never gave much of a forethought to anything before. His entire world revolved around Kai, and sometimes he forgot that _he_ was not Kai’s entire world.

That night, Kai was sitting, back pressed against the cave’s wall while he inked another page of his journal in the dim light of the dying candle.

Sehun kept his back turned to the boy while he stroked Rohaan’s fur as the wolf slept. “I’m sorry,” he muttered. It was something that he should have said a while ago.

Kai did not respond immediately, but his breathing had gone silent. “For what?” he asked, even though Sehun knew that he knew what the apology was for.

Sehun swallowed hard before whispering, “That day… At the river.”

After a moment of silence, Kai sighed, “ _Sehun_.”

“I was wrong,” said Sehun. “I shouldn’t have. I just… read some signs mistakenly.”

He doubted it, but it was a viable excuse.

He heard Kai shift on the pallet behind him. “Do you think?” he asked, voice low.

Sehun kept mum, keeping his eyes on the sleeping wolf.

“What signs?” asked Kai.

Sehun gnawed on the inside of his cheek for a length. “I don’t know,” he murmured. “ _Your_ signs.”

It felt so awkward to talk about this. Sometimes, it truly was better to die and not say anything.

When Kai spoke again, Sehun felt him shuffle a little closer on the pallet. “And what were they?”

Sehun clenched his eyes. “Things that… you don’t say. Things that we don’t… talk about.”

Kai shifted and he was sitting up again. There was silence once more. “Why did you do it?”

Sehun buried a side of his face into the pallet. His throat suddenly felt too tight. “Why did I… kiss you?”

“Yes.”

“Why did _you_ kiss _me_ that day two years ago?” asked Sehun. He was not curious enough two years ago. He did not want to make Kai any more uncomfortable than he already was two years ago. A lot had changed in those two years.

Kai rose from the pallet and walked out of the cave instead.

They would discuss this no more.

* * *

The months were somehow both fleeting and slow-moving up here in the mountains. Some days were busier than others. Terrowin participated in the training now, and both Sehun and Kai stared at him in awe every time he wielded a sword or drew the bowstring. There was a certain panache, a graceful élan to Terrowin’s movements. Yet at the same time, they were fatal.

It felt good to watch Kai concede defeat for once. Sehun smirked from where he was sitting when Kai fell on his rump for the nth time, unable to best Terrowin at swordfight.

“Get up,” said Terrowin. Kai was back on his feet really quickly, his eyes narrowed with focus. He did not like to lose, not even to an expert like Terrowin. So, he kept trying and trying until he would become better than Terrowin, which seemed like a long shot to Sehun.

Whenever Terrowin was not busy with Kai, he spent his time teaching Sehun the practice of healing. It took Sehun a while to grasp the different methods and medicines, but he eventually did master them. Or at least he thought so.

“This here is Feverfew,” he told Sehun one day, looming over a shrub of white-petaled, yellow-centred flowers. “The name is quite self-explanatory.”

“It reduces fever?”

“And headaches and such,” replied Terrowin. “You can make a good simple or tea with it. Add some ginger and you have powerful healing concoction.”

Terrowin did not only teach Sehun how to make certain medicines. He also taught him how to stitch up a wound and tend to it.

This, Kai took great advantage of.

He came to Sehun often with come-from-nowhere injuries.

It was sometime during the next spring, when they both had just turned sixteen, when Kai walked over to Sehun, who was plumped on a tree stump near the mouth of the cave.

Sehun looked up at the cut on Kai’s right palm and arched an eyebrow. In the past, he would have freaked out about it. But Kai feigned ailment so often that Sehun soon began to understand that it was all an act.

Kai simply enjoyed being babied.

Especially by Sehun.

“Scraped it against a sharp-edged rock,” he said dully as he set himself down on the ground before Sehun. “Could you patch me up?”

Sehun huffed and rose from his seat to grab the medical toolbox. He knew all the tools and equipment by their names now. And he knew what each and every one of their functions too, though he had not had a chance to put them all to use. He presumed Kai would soon give him a reason to use what few unused tools were left.

The cut on Kai’s hand looked gnarly, but it was not deep enough to require stitches. So, Sehun cleaned up the blood and the wound before applying some of the aseptic simple Terrowin stored in one of the ironstone canisters.

“Hold still,” he muttered as he wrapped a gauze around Kai’s hand. When he was done, he did not release Kai’s hand immediately. Instead, he held it lightly with both hands, the bandaged palm facing upwards.

Each day made it a little harder for Sehun to ignore what he was feeling for Kai. With each year, it became even clearer what it was that he felt for Kai. But he remembered his oath, and he told himself repeatedly that he could not do this to Kai. The boy inside him wanted him to be selfish and impulsive and take what he wanted. But the man that was being shaped inside him told him to be rational.

Many nights – and sometimes even days – Sehun had spent silently moaning Kai’s name as he jerked himself off to ecstasy. It was a momentary relief to his body, but his heart continued to ache for something he could not have.

Sometimes, Kai would reach across the tiny space between them on the pallet to hold Sehun’s hand in the dark of the night. Sehun would let him and silently wish that Kai would do more than just hold his hand only when it was too dark for anyone to see and where not even the stars could follow.

“You ought to be more careful,” said Sehun, releasing Kai’s hand at last. Kai did not take it back, however, as he let it rest on Sehun’s knees. “You won’t make a very good warrior with just one hand.”

“Who says I only have two hands,” asked Kai with a faint smirk. He wrapped his hands around Sehun’s then. “I’ve had four since I was seven, haven’t I?”

Sehun could not stifle the flush that reddened his cheeks. “My hands will not be of much use to you,” he said.

“Oh, really?” With that lopsided grin hanging on a corner of his mouth, Kai brought Sehun’s hands to the sides of his face. Sehun froze for a moment before he gently swiped his thumbs along Kai’s cheekbones. “I beg to differ.”

His heart felt so heavy in that moment. All he wanted to do was to tilt his head and press his lips against Kai’s. And if he did not know any better, he would have believed that Kai looked like he wanted to do the same.

He then sighed and retrieved his hands. “I should go look for Rohaan.”

Kai nodded and rose to his full height.

* * *

There was rain the night Sehun dreamed of his home in Northernshire. He was standing on the cliff as the wind blew through his hair. Behind him, the manor stood, still dull and grey. He found himself walking further toward the edge of the cliff, unable to stop his legs.

He came to a halt all of a sudden, and he looked over the edge. He found a boy, whose head had been split open against a rock. There was blood everywhere. It turned Sehun’s stomach, but he was unable to look away.

When he looked a little closer, he recognized the boy’s face. Totti, the boy Sehun had loathed when he was a child. The boy Sehun had killed.

Accident or not, Totti’s blood was on Sehun’s hands.

He woke up gasping, bathed in sweat. He did not realize that he had been crying until he wiped his face with his hands, panting violently.

“Sehun,” called Kai, who was sitting up beside him, wearing a concerned frown. “Are you all right?”

Sehun shook his head and threw his arms around Kai, burying his face in the crook of Kai’s neck. He wept for a moment until his chest felt lighter.

Kai said nothing as he ran one of his hands up and down Sehun’s back while the other held the back of Sehun’s head, gently stroking his hair.

He let Sehun cry and get all the sobs out of the way before he pulled back and cupped Sehun’s face in his hands.

“It was just a dream,” he said. “Whatever it was, it was not real.”

Sehun nodded his head shakily, sniffling. It was real, however. It had happened. Even if it were but a distant memory now, it was not just a dream.

“I dreamed of… the boy,” he let out, voice breaking. “The boy that I had… killed.”

Kai’s frown deepened. “It was just a nightmare.”

“It had happened, nonetheless,” said Sehun, tears welling up in his eyes again. “I… I… didn’t mean to, but I had done it. I had killed someone, and the universe had not stopped punishing me since.”

Kai’s grip on Sehun’s face tightened. “That is not true,” he said. “You came to me, didn’t you? The universe brought you to me. I found you. You found me. Am I punishment, too?”

Sehun blinked his bleary eyes and fixed Kai with a pained look. “No,” he whispered, lifting a hand to Kai’s chest to fist his tunic. “I do not mean that. But… I can’t be your everything.”

Kai withdrew his hands and stared at Sehun blankly. “You _are_ my everything, Sehun,” he said quietly.

Sehun felt like sobbing again. “No, I’m not and I cannot be.”

“What does that mean?”

“You’ve said it yourself,” said Sehun.

“What does that have to do with any of this, God damn it,” growled Kai, aggressively cupping Sehun’s chin in his hand. “So, you are saying that I’m a punishment.”

Sehun kept mum. Kai scoffed and pulled back, scrubbing his face with his palms.

“If only you knew what a great punishment _you_ are, and I haven’t even killed anyone,” said Kai, looking up at Sehun with bloodshot eyes. Sehun blinked at him.

“How am _I_ a punishment–”

“I hate myself, Sehun!” yapped Kai, springing up from the pallet. Sehun hoped that Terrowin would not hear them. “I hate myself. I hate who I’ve become. I hate the fact that I’ve become someone that I’m not supposed to! This was not what my destiny was supposed to be like. And it was all because of you!”

“What… have I done…?” asked Sehun, his voice as low as a whisper.

“And you are clueless as ever,” spat Kai. “I could possibly die because of you and you would still think none of it is your fault or doing.”

A tear rolled down Sehun’s cheek. “That is a… very cruel thing to say, Kai,” he whimpered. He had never seen Kai so enraged.

“You think that is cruel? Then how about making fun of my feelings for you? How about kissing me for your own amusement?! You do all that and then you tell me that you cannot be my everything. You do not think that’s cruel? This is exactly what I’m talking about.”

Sehun found it difficult to speak then. “I did not mean it… that way.” He knelt up on the pallet. “And I did not kiss you to make fun of your feelings, Kai.”

“Then tell me,” spat Kai. “Why did you do it?”

“Because I wanted to.”

“So, you’d do it whenever you feel like it? How is that any different from toying with my emotions?”

Sehun sank back to the pallet, heart dropping. “You… misunderstand me,” he told Kai, a sob stuck in his throat. “I want you, Kai. I have always wanted you. When we were kids, I wanted you. I wanted you to be wherever I was. I wanted to go everywhere you went. I wanted you because you felt like home.”

Kai’s expression did not soften. His hands were balled into fists at his sides.

“I just want you… differently now,” admitted Sehun, and it was the hardest thing he had ever done – saying those words. They felt so heavy as they rolled off their tongue. “But I can’t… do anything about it, can I?”

Kai clenched his eyes for a length, his chest heaving.

“I was not making fun of your feelings, Kai,” said Sehun, wiping his cheeks as the tears continued to streak them. “Not when I held your hand, not when I looked at you, not when I kissed you, and certainly not when I told you that I cannot be your everything. It’s not that I don’t want to. I just can’t.”

He expected Kai to storm out of the cave and it was exactly what Kai had done.

* * *

Parts of Sehun missed the little pup Rohaan had been. The grownup Rohaan was as complicated as Kai at times. He often howled at Sehun whenever the latter would strip down to nothing and jumped into the river for a bath. He would steal meat from Kai’s plate and take them to Sehun, so that he would have more to eat. He also brought back birds, squirrels and rabbits for Sehun every time he returned from his hunt.

“He thinks of you as his pack,” Terrowin had said one day. “And he thinks that you are too skinny. He must believe that you are very stupid that you do not know how to hunt, so he hunts for you.”

Sehun thought it to be a nice gesture, but he had a hard time disposing the dead animals Rohaan brought him because the wolf followed him everywhere and he would howl dramatically, as though he could not bear the way Sehun was breaking his heart, whenever he found Sehun getting rid of his kills.

The more Kai pulled away from Sehun, the more Sehun began to appreciate Rohaan’s company. Still, the wolf’s affection could not replace Kai’s.

He should not have said all those things that night. He should have said something but not those things. He had spilled his heart out, and all that Kai gave in return was silence and a cold shoulder.

Summer was approaching. The evenings were now warm enough for them to stretch out on the grass and gaze at the darkening sky. Terrowin taught him about the constellations and how a wayfarer or a seafarer would read them to find his way.

Kai was not paying attention. He was staring at Sehun instead, and his staring made it hard for Sehun to concentrate, too.

Terrowin must have eventually realized that Kai’s attention was elsewhere, so he rose from the ground and doused the fire. “I will be turning in early tonight,” he said. “I suggest you do the same.” He beckoned to Rohaan to follow him, waving a piece of mountain goat steak at him. The wolf jumped up to its paws and hurried after the man.

While Sehun lay still and pretended to be byhearting the constellations, Kai sat up and faced him.

He had not said anything to Sehun since their fight last night. But he was looking at Sehun with something like guilt and curiosity now.

“Terrowin won’t be back until dawn,” said Kai.

Sehun glanced at him then, blinking. Why was Kai stating the obvious? Was he trying to patch things up?

Rubbing the back of his neck, Kai licked his lips and looked at Sehun again. “Do you want to… go in?”

Sehun sat up and vacantly stared at the other boy. Kai was wearing a very strange expression that Sehun had never seen before.

“Okay,” he muttered and stood up before following Kai into the cave.


	12. Chapter 12

# C H A P T E R T W E L V E

For some odd reason, Sehun’s stomach turned into knots, and his breathing shallowed. The night air was cosily balmy. The fine hairs on his arms and the nape of his neck were standing up. Even though he remained as clueless as ever – as Kai had said – his body somehow was preparing for a fight-or-flight sort of situation.

It took him a moment to realize that it was not that at all. As a matter of fact, his body was simply nervous or even a little excited.

After lighting a candle, Kai took his seat on an edge of the pallet and looked up at Sehun. He had avoided Sehun the whole day, though it was understandable, after the quarrel they had last night. But it had hurt Sehun a little when Kai had chosen to ignore or leave his heartfelt confessions – which had taken him a lot of courage to say out loud – unanswered. He was not sure what he expected Kai to say in reply, anyway. But anything would have been better than nothing.

“Won’t you come,” said Kai a while later, clearing his throat. “sit here with me?”

Sehun swallowed hard, clenching and unclenching his fists at his sides. He did not know what was about to happen, but his legs were now forcing him to walk.

He had spent more than half of his life with Kai. His entire world was Kai. Yet, he was shivering as he took his seat on the pallet, leaving a safe distance between them. It was not that he feared Kai. After last night, he did not know where they stood with each other now.

Sehun was not sure if he had said everything right. But he had said it all, nonetheless. He would never be able to forgive himself if what he had said took Kai even further away from him.

Kai had been more irascible than ever nowadays. Sehun was not sure what would tick the boy off. The older they got, the more complicated their friendship became, and Sehun was getting rather tired of it. He knew that they could not go back to the way things were when they were children, because neither of them was a child anymore. But he would salvage whatever he could to keep them from drifting apart.

He wondered if he should apologize for the previous night. He should have kept quiet. He should not have talked about the things they were not supposed to talk about. He should have buried it all the same way Kai had been burying his longings for years.

“Do you…” Kai began to say, his voice as low as the howling wind. “still want to… know?”

What did he mean? Sehun kept his head hung low, his fingers fidgeting with the hem of his tunic. “Know… what?” he asked. He had no idea why his cheeks were burning.

It was just the two of them. But it had been just the two of them since they were seven, hadn’t it? Why was tonight any different? Why did being alone in the darkness of the cave with Kai tonight made his blood run cold and stomach churn?

“Why I kissed you all those years ago,” said Kai. He had his head dropped low, too. “I suppose I owe you an explanation.”

Sehun shook his head all of a sudden. “We do not have to talk about it.”

Kai looked up then, his eyebrows furrowed in a frown. “I am tired of not talking about it, Sehun,” he said. “It does not make it any less painful for me. I was young but… even then I knew that I wanted it. I wanted… you. The reason why I wasn’t like the other boys… chasing after kitchen girls or talking day in, day out about them… is… I am different.”

“Kai,” let out Sehun. “We don’t have to.”

“You wanted to hear this, didn’t you?” said Kai, his expression hardening a little. “I don’t feel the way… I should with girls. I am a… freak. I’m not even sure I am attracted to other boys. I just… I just wanted to kiss _you_. And it was not because I believed that it is going to be just the two of us forever. I do not want anyone else to come between us, but that is not the reason I… kissed you. That is not the reason I… still want to. But you… you made it sound like you only did it because you wanted to be my everything. I would not let anyone come between us, Sehun. You do not have to force yourself to be my everything just because you are afraid of losing me to someone else.”

He had a point. If Sehun had been in Kai’s shoes, he might have thought the same. He might have come to similar conclusion.

But it was not true. Yes, of course Sehun did not want to lose Kai to anyone else. It would destroy him. Part of him also wondered if this attraction was an ulterior motive. But the truth was that the attraction now existed, and that Sehun wanted Kai. It was not the same as wanting to be there for Kai as a companion or a friend.

Sehun was not that foolish to not know the difference between that and what he now wanted.

“Why is it… so hard for you to believe that I like you?” asked Sehun, and the bluntness in his question shocked Kai for a moment.

He blinked at Sehun, the complexion of his face turning slightly darker. “Sehun…”

Sehun shifted his weight on the pallet so that he was facing Kai now. “You believe in destinies and fates, don’t you? More than I ever had. Yet, you doubt the fate that brought us together. I believe that we found each other for a reason, Kai. I’ve known that since the day I met you. And I’m not talking about after I came to Azudor. In Balfold… when I first saw you.”

Kai kept mum, but he did not look angry.

“You may refuse to believe that my intentions were sincere,” added Sehun. “You can doubt my feelings all you want. But I did not do any of that out of selfishness. It was not because I wanted to keep you to myself. None of it had been a pretence. My feelings are as real as yours. If you are a freak for feeling these things, then _I_ am a freak, too.”

He did not realize that he was crying until a tear rolled down his cheek. He quickly wiped at it and turned away from Kai, hands gripping the edge of the pallet on either side of him.

He supposed they had both said the things they were not supposed to say. What would happen now?

Sehun straightened up with a jolt when he felt Kai’s hand take hold of his on the pallet. He glanced to Kai with a faint scowl, which quickly softened upon meeting Kai’s forlorn gaze.

“Will you… say that again?” asked Kai, his cold fingers curling around Sehun’s.

“Say what?” asked Sehun, blinking.

“That you… like me,” said Kai, almost blushing. Sehun had not seen him blush like that in a while. His new, crabby temperament did not fit with such coyness.

Sehun’s scowl deepened once more. “How could you still doubt–”

“No, no, no,” Kai cut him off, tightening his grip around Sehun’s hand. “That is not… what I meant.” He paused and gulped. “It’s just that… I spent all these years trying to convince myself that you and I… that _you_ would never… want me the way I want you. Now, that you say all this, it feels like a dream.”

Sehun might have preferred Kai’s silence to this because this was making him want to break into tears, and he had had enough of crying lately.

“It’s not,” said Sehun, squeezing Kai’s hand back. “a dream.”

Kai raised his head to meet Sehun’s eyes. With one hand holding Sehun’s, he brought the other to cup a side of Sehun’s face.

After everything that they had been through together, a slight touch of Kai’s hand should not have made Sehun flush the way it had. He supposed this was what it was like to reach another form of intimacy. It was the same as patting each other on the back or throwing an arm over the other’s shoulders.

Of course, there had been instances where they had touched one another with less innocent intentions. This was still different.

“What if… this ruins us?” asked Kai, his thumb pressed against Sehun’s cheekbone. His concerns were reasonable. There was no telling where this change might lead them.

“I do not want to think about that right now,” replied Sehun. Because there truly was no point in worrying over the future when the future was _so_ uncertain. As a child, Sehun did not know that he would leave Northernshire. There was no way he could have known that he would be where he was now.

As much as Kai liked to believe that his fate was certain, that he had a clear idea of what his destiny looked like, he was sorely mistaken. It might just be Sehun’s cynicism and pessimism, but he believed that they would not be able to live their living days if they knew the day they’d die.

He was afraid, of course. He feared breaking an oath. He promised Kai’s father that he would never let his son stray from his path of victory, that he would never do anything to bring dishonour to Kai.

And Sehun intended on keeping that promise. Whatever that happened between him and Kai would stay between them, in this small, dark cave very far up the mountains and away from everyone else.

“But…” Kai started to say but trailed off.

“We do not have to think about that right now,” said Sehun, his fingers tightening around Kai’s. “I know that we should. We are older. We should be responsible. But I do not feel like doing that tonight. Do you?”

Kai’s eyes bored into Sehun’s momentarily. He eventually shook his head. “No, I don’t.”

“Good,” muttered Sehun.

They sat there in silence for a length. Neither had the courage to make the first move when it came to it.

Sehun did manage to look up at Kai a while later. He saw Kai swallow, and he felt Kai’s fingers turn cold once more.

“Will you kiss me back if I kissed you this time?” asked Sehun in a whisper.

Kai nodded eagerly.

Sehun scooted over the pallet, closing the distance between them. Kai nervously took hold of a side of Sehun’s face again while Sehun leaned in, his hand curling around Kai’s tunic by the chest.

They closed their eyes at the same time, and it was almost involuntarily. Sehun held his breath, and Kai was doing the same. He eventually exhaled shakily as his lips barely brushed against Kai’s.

Kai’s fingers slipped into Sehun’s hair as he tilted his head a little and pressed his lips to Sehun’s. In spite of his cold hands, his lips were very warm, and they were softer than Sehun remembered. It had been a while since he had kissed them after all.

His fist tightened around Kai’s tunic as he pushed back, parting his lips to deepen the kiss. His mind quickly drifted off to Kai’s hand that was sliding into his tunic at the back.

As it turned out, Kai was a better kisser than Sehun, and it was simply another thing Sehun did not mind losing to Kai to. He tried to keep up, nevertheless.

Within just seconds – or at least that was what it had felt like – Kai had him panting for air. Not that Sehun desired any at the moment, anyway.

He was grateful when the candleflame finally died, though he would have very much liked to see all of Kai. But this was better. They were a little more confident in the darkness.

Kai’s kisses grew increasingly hungry and aggressive, and Sehun found himself tugging at Kai’s clothes, wanting to get rid of them.

Unfortunately, Kai grabbed Sehun’s hands that were fisted around his tunic and held them tightly by the wrists. He then kissed Sehun until he was partly satisfied.

He eventually pushed Sehun down onto the pallet and straddled him. Once his hands were released, Sehun buried them in Kai’s hair at the back of his head while returning Kai’s kisses with as much vigour as he could. He was no match for Kai’s stamina or strength, however.

And that was all right. Sehun did not mind admitting defeat time and again to the boy. Especially in this arena.

He remembered – if had been paying any attention at all – the preceptor’s lessons on how the human body was an amazing creation and that it knew how to prepare itself for any known impending situation. The old man had been right in this case.

Neither of them had any prior experience in this area. Yet somehow, their bodies knew what they wanted and how to get it.

Kai did not object when Sehun yanked the tunic over his head and tossed it to the ground. He quickly dove back down to seize Sehun’s lips in a wet, violent kiss that had Sehun gasping.

He felt Kai shudder lightly when he ran his hands down the boy’s back, fingers teasing the cleft in the middle of it. Kai gripped a side of Sehun’s head and caught Sehun’s lower lip between his teeth.

An embarrassing moan broke from Sehun’s throat when Kai gently tugged at the lip with his teeth. Releasing it, he quickly sucked it back into his mouth, the tip of his tongue swiping along it.

As Sehun gasped for a breath of air, Kai slid his tongue in and pressed it against Sehun’s.

Sehun brought his hands to Kai’s bare chest and pushed him back, breaking the kiss. Pulling back, Kai frowned down at him, his own chest heaving.

“How do you how to do… all that?” asked Sehun, panting. Kai blinked at him then, shrugging.

“I don’t know,” he muttered. “Why? You don’t… like it?”

Sehun shook his head. “No, no. I do. It’s just that… you’re so much better at this than I am,” he said.

Kai grinned and bowed his head once more, catching Sehun’s upper lip between his lips. The kiss distracted Sehun from the embarrassment that was spawning in his nether regions.

It took him a while to realize that the front of his trousers is getting impressively tight. His fast breathing made it hard for him to think – or perhaps it was because all of his blood was at the bottom instead of his head.

Oh, God. The number of times Sehun had touched himself, so incredibly shamelessly, to the thoughts of Kai. Now that it was actually happening, he wanted the ground to swallow him up whole before it could get mortifyingly horrific.

But then he felt Kai’s hardened length brush against his thigh. He was as hard – if not more – as Sehun was.

He heard Kai moan his name into the kiss, and it nearly had Sehun coming in his trousers, untouched.

Kai sat up all of a sudden to undo the laces of his trousers. Sehun did the same after getting rid of his own tunic. Once they were both equally bared, they shifted on the pallet to lie down next to each other. This was more comfortable.

Kai held Sehun’s waist while he claimed Sehun’s mouth once more for a longer, deeper, and more languid kiss this time. Sehun clearly was not thinking – all the blood was elsewhere instead of his brain after all – when he took Kai’s pulsating shaft into his hand.

Kai groaned into Sehun’s mouth in shock, but he did not stop kissing Sehun. He gripped Sehun’s hair at the nape of his neck and threw a leg over Sehun’s hip.

It felt both strange and oh-so right to touch Kai this way. Sehun had only ever touched himself like this. He realized that he was a little sloppy when doing the same for another boy. He could only hope that Kai felt the same pleasure he did when he touched himself as such.

“Sehun,” Kai rasped breathlessly, nuzzling into a side of Sehun’s neck. “Not so… hard.”

Sehun stopped at once. “I’m sorry,” he muttered.

“No,” Kai mumbled, pressing a kiss to Sehun’s neck. It felt like someone had woken Sehun with a pail of cold water in winter. “I just don’t want to… come so quickly.”

“Oh.” He stroked Kai once more, at a gentler pace. Within a few moments, he had Kai moaning and writhing against him. His hand slid back, and his fingers dug into a side of Sehun’s ass while his lips continued to pepper Sehun’s neck with kisses.

Sehun had no idea, until now, that kisses on the neck opened all sorts of gateways. He had no idea that his neck was so sensitive. It almost became too difficult for him to focus on anything other than Kai’s mouth on his neck.

Noticing a drop in his pace, Kai wrapped his own hand around Sehun’s that was fisting his cock. “Ah…” let out Kai, teeth clenched as he tugged at Sehun’s hand. “That’s it… Fuck.”

He brought his head back up to kiss Sehun full on the mouth. Releasing Sehun’s hand that was pumping his length, he closed it around Sehun’s own shaft.

Moaning into Kai’s mouth, Sehun felt his eyes roll back as Kai thumbed the leaking slit of his cockhead before he began to stroke it.

It was beyond what Sehun had imagined. It was so much better than getting off by himself just to the idea of Kai doing it. The real thing was indescribably ecstatic.

Their bodies, covered in sweat, were tangled together. Neither of them thought much about breathing.

At some point, Kai pinned their hips together, their legs crossed, and began to grind against Sehun’s cock. Sehun threw his arms around Kai’s neck and pulled him in for a rough kiss.

He would not mind if he did not see tomorrow.

It did not take much longer for Sehun to reach his peak. He took himself in his hand and nearly bit Kai’s lip before he pulled back, gasping, and spilled over his hand and Kai’s abdomen.

Kai was very close, too. All it took for him to burst was Sehun’s hand around his cock once more. He gripped Sehun’s waist to the point of bruising it as he drove his hips against Sehun’s one last time before he too came.

Spent and exhausted, bathed in sweat and come, they fell onto their backs and took a long while to catch their breaths.

The guilt that haunted Sehun every time he jerked off to the thoughts of Kai did not strike him this time. Instead, a different one settled in the pit of his belly.

Or perhaps it was clarity, not guilt.

Or perhaps it was a bit of both.

He eventually turned his head and glanced at Kai.

The boy had one of his hands resting on his chest, that was now rising and falling steadily, and the other dangling over the edge of the pallet. He was looking the other way.

What was he thinking? Was he already regretting what they had done?

Sehun propped himself up on one of his elbows and faced Kai. He brought a finger to the other boy’s chest and slowly drew it along his sternum. Kai turned and looked at him then.

“That felt good,” said Sehun. He was not sure if he should even say such things. When Kai did not reply, he frowned and sat up, hugging his knees to his chest. “Did you not… like it?”

If Kai had said yes, Sehun might have never recovered from a heartbreak like that.

Kai, however, sat up and wrapped his arms around Sehun. “Of course, I did,” said Kai, dropping his forehead onto one of Sehun’s shoulders. “Are you kidding me? Sehun, it felt like… I had died and gone to heaven.”

Sehun turned around to look at Kai. “Really?”

Kai nodded, cupping Sehun’s cheek. “I am not doubting you,” he said. “And I am not backing out. But I want you to be sure that… this is what you want.”

Sehun exhaled heavily. “I understand that it will be difficult for us if we choose to go down this path. But this is the only path I see. I want you, and I want to be with you. For as long as you want me, too.”

Kai pulled him in for another kiss, as though to make a promise. Resting his forehead against Sehun’s, he then whispered, “Always.”

They cleaned up a little before they fell asleep in each other’s embrace.

* * *

When morning came, they roused before Terrowin returned. Rohaan had found his way back sometime during the night, too.

Kai was already awake when Sehun woke up. He smiled at Sehun tenderly and told him to get up. They did not bother to get dressed as they raced for the river. Rohaan tagged along as usual before he wandered away to hunt.

All morning, Sehun was expecting Kai to give him the inevitable cold shoulder. But he received none so far. Neither of them regretted what they had done the night before, although they were both painfully aware of the possible consequences if they were discovered.

Kai pulled Sehun close and kissed him as they stood in the river. He kissed Sehun again once they had climbed out of the water.

He shoved Sehun up against a tree and smirked before he went down to his knees.

Gasping, Sehun grabbed Kai’s wet hair by the back of his head. “What are you…”

“Shh,” Kai hushed him as he wrapped his hand around Sehun’s length, brushing his lips against the base of it.

Sehun clenched his eyes tightly and bit into his lower lip to keep himself from making any embarrassing noises. Not that it helped much.

He tossed his head back against the tree and let out a gross moan when Kai tongued the slit. “Shh,” Kai hissed again, although he knew darn well that it was near impossible.

Sehun’s knees almost buckled, and he would have dropped to the ground had it not been for the tree. While one of his hands gripped the trunk, the other was violently fisted around Kai’s hair.

It felt both stunning and painful. He did not dare to look down at Kai until he finally felt Kai’s mouth wrap around the head of his cock.

“Kai,” he whimpered, knees shaking. He could not manage to get another word out as Kai sank in, taking all of Sehun into his warm, wet mouth.

Hands were nothing compared to what Kai’s mouth felt like. Something that felt this good had to be unforgivingly sinful.

As much as Sehun wanted to help Kai get off too, he was completely drained and spent by the time Kai was done with him.

He dropped to his knees at last and held onto Kai’s arms to keep himself from collapsing.

Kai smiled at him, his jaw stained with white ropes. Sehun’s face burned with embarrassment, and he immediately wiped Kai’s face.

“Sorry,” he murmured. “I could not hold… back.”

“That’s all right,” said Kai.

Sehun’s frown deepened. “And you haven’t…”

“Well,” said Kai, rising to his feet, pulling Sehun up with him. “You can return the favour tonight.”

Sehun had never heard Kai talk this way. He blushed aggressively. “How do you know…” he asked vaguely while Kai washed himself again in the river.

“I bet you thought I wasn’t paying attention when the boys back at the palace, didn’t you?” said Kai. His new smirk was more than just cocky. It wanted to make Sehun blush. It was obscene and incredibly sensual. When did Kai grow up this much? When did _Sehun_ grow up this much?

“I really did not think you were,” admitted Sehun. “You seemed so… disinterested.”

Kai stood back up and walked over to Sehun, chuckling. “You have no idea just how filthy my thoughts are, Sehun. Come on. Let’s head back before Terrowin finds us.”

When they returned to the cave, they quickly dressed themselves. Terrowin showed up a while later with a dead, bloody buck hanging over his shoulder.

“Who’s hungry for some breakfast?” the man asked.

Sehun and Kai wasted no time as they ran over to Terrowin. After helping the man skin the buck and clean the meat, they cooked together and ate like beasts.

“You two sure are famished today,” said Terrowin.

Sehun exchanged a nervous glance with Kai before he returned his attention to his food.

* * *

The next few days had been some of the most exciting since they had come to the mountains. During the day, they could not wait for the daylight to dwindle. But during the night, they wished to stall the hours they spent exploring one another’s bodies.

Some of it was awkward, but at the end of the night, they still fell asleep in each other’s arms. Their lives felt so perfect at the moment.

Little did Sehun know that it was the calm before a storm and just how precious these nights were.

Kai told him that he was a quick learner one of those nights. Sehun indeed was, but the compliment made him flush red.

“You said that your thoughts were filthy,” Sehun said after a rather long session one night. They were on the pallet, Kai sitting up with his back leaned against the wall and Sehun lying on his stomach, his feet up in the air, the blankets messily drawn over their spent bodies. Rohaan was sleeping at their feet, but Sehun was pretty sure the wolf was awake a while ago. Staying silent with Terrowin sleeping just a few feet away from the cave was no easy task. At least for Sehun.

Kai ran a hand through his hair and said, “Yeah.”

“Thoughts like what?” asked Sehun.

“You do not want to know,” said Kai.

Scoffing, Sehun said, “I think I do.” He slid his hand up Kai’s thigh under the blanket.

Kai gnawed at his lower lip for a moment. “They are just… fantasies, Sehun.”

“Fantasies? Of what?”

Kai took a moment to respond. Rubbing the back of his neck, he eventually said, “Of… you. Of my doing things to you and your doing things to me…”

Sehun’s eyes widened. “Since when?”

Kai shrugged. “Since we were twelve?”

“What?!” yelped Sehun. Kai looked embarrassed then. “Since we were twelve?!”

“Of course, the fantasies weren’t so filthy back then. But they got gradually… raunchy as we got older.”

Sehun blinked at the other boy.

Kai sighed heavily and bumped his head against the wall. “I know. I’m a perverted debauchee.”

Sehun knelt up and sat back on his heels. “So… you’ve wanted me since you were twelve?”

“I wanted to kiss you when we were twelve, yes,” said Kai. “But I knew that I loved you when you asked if you could sleep in my room.”

Sehun’s jaw fell slack. “We were… seven years old then, Kai. How could you have possibly known?”

“I don’t know, Sehun,” huffed Kai. “I just knew it. I knew that I would do anything for you and I barely even knew you. I knew that I would die to protect you, destiny be darned. I knew that I would risk anything for you.”

Sehun did not know what to say. He had always known, of course, that Kai was more emotionally mature than other boys his age. But how could a little child know what love was at that age?

“You were my home, too,” said Kai.

Sehun swallowed hard. “That’s… a lot to take in.”

“Yeah.” Kai scrubbed his face with his hands. “It was very confusing for me, too. It was a lot for me to take in, too. I just went with the flow, but most days, I wanted to kick myself for the things I felt for you. I got so angry sometimes.”

“How did I… not know?”

Kai snorted. “No one knew. Well, except my journals.”

“Is that what you were writing into them? How confused and angry you were?”

Kai licked his lips. “Sometimes. It’s mostly just… obscenities.”

“Huh?”

Kai looked at Sehun guiltily. “Dirty, erotic thoughts.”

“What?!”

“Sehun, please.”

Sehun scooted closer to closer and grabbed his arm. “So, all these years, you’ve just been writing pornographic shit in those journals?”

Kai pressed his lips into a thin line.

Sehun gasped and shoved Kai by the shoulder. “You are unbelievable! I’m glad I never let my curiosity get the best of me. I could get by without reading those things.”

“Were you not once tempted to read my journals?”

“Many times,” said Sehun. “But unlike you, I’m a decent human being. I never would have guessed that you spent all those nights writing filth. Were they all about me?”

Kai looked even more guilt stricken. “I’m sorry.”

Sehun smiled. “Now, you don’t have to write them anymore.” He straddled Kai and sat on his lap. “You may bring those fantasies to life.”

And Kai was happy to oblige.


	13. Chapter 13

# C H A P T E R T H I R T E E N

If paradise existed, this was what it must feel like. Sehun was beginning to understand why Terrowin preferred the solitariness of the mountains and the forest than the hectic, unstoppable civilization of men. There was nothing but peace and beauty up here. He was starting to forget the hubbub of the city and the palace. He should have known better than to believe this serenity would last forever.

He tossed another slab of meat over to Rohaan from where he was sitting, on top of a cliff that overlooked a waterfall. He would remain here for the rest of his life if it were up to him. With the gentle wind stroking his hair, the life and the scent of the mountain filling his chest, his days filled with diverting toing and froing, his nights pervaded by the smell and touch of Kai’s skin.

He would change nothing. He would not complain if he and Kai could grow old up here, in a small hut of their own, with the company of a very loyal wolf. He ran his fingers through Rohaan’s grubby fur and smiled.

“You need a wash,” he said, scratching between the wolf’s ears.

In a few moons, he would be a man. Both he and Kai. They would soon be seventeen, and that was a very terrifying age for Sehun. Something was coming their way. Something… hostile. To disturb their peace.

He could feel it in his bones. Their sanctuary was to be taken away from them. Nothing this good could ever last.

“It took me a while to find you,” said Kai, walking up to Sehun, who had heard his footsteps before his voice. A smile curled the corners of Sehun’s lips as Kai loosely closed his hands around Sehun’s neck from behind, lowering to his knees. His fingers lightly pressed against the protrusion of Sehun’s throat, coaxing Sehun’s head to tilt back.

He moved one of his hands to hold Sehun’s chin as he bowed his head and kissed Sehun softly on the lips, upside-down. He promptly dropped to the grassy ground before yanking Sehun down to drop on top of him.

Tangling one of his fingers in the laces of Kai’s tunic, Sehun pulled back from the kiss and said, “It really should not have taken you that long to find me.”

Kai slipped his fingers into Sehun’s hair, stroking it tenderly. “I do not own a great sniffing ability like your dog there.”

“Wolf,” corrected Sehun, and Kai rolled his eyes. “And you can pretend all you want, but I know you love him just as much.”

“No, I don’t.”

“You never admit to things like that easily,” said Sehun.

Kai arched an eyebrow. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

Sehun shrugged, tracing the deep sternum of Kai’s chest with his forefinger. A soft groan broke from Kai’s throat as Sehun brushed his lips against the rough patch of skin beneath Kai’s lower lip.

“You know what I mean,” he whispered, pressing another kiss to a side of Kai’s jaw. “It takes you forever.”

Kai was silent for a moment. Sehun wondered if he had said something to offend the boy. Tucking an arm under his head, Kai smirked at Sehun instead.

“Well, at least I’ve said it,” he told Sehun. “haven’t I? What about you?”

Sehun licked his lips, dragging his fingertips along Kai’s collarbones. “I think I would like to make you wait for it for a little longer,” he said teasingly.

Kai sighed. “I hope you would not make me wait too long,” he said. “Or it might be too late.”

“It won’t,” promised Sehun, resting his head on Kai’s chest. He exhaled heavily, listening to the steady beat of Kai’s heart for a moment. When he looked up again, Kai had his eyes closed, his face as peaceful as it had ever been. “Wake up, you lazy lad.”

“I have done everything Terrowin asked of me today,” muttered Kai without opening his eyes. “I can rest.”

Sehun frowned. “Rest?”

Kai cracked an eye open then. “Unless you… have something else in mind.”

Sehun sat up. “As a matter of fact, I do.”

Kai watched him intently as Sehun rose to his feet and started undressing himself. “I like where this is going,” said Kai.

“Cliff diving,” said Sehun.

Kai blinked. “Are you mad?”

Sehun smirked. “What? Are you scared?”

Kai scoffed. “Me? Scared? I do not know the definition of that word.” He stood up and yanked his boots off. When they were completely unclothed, they proceeded to the edge of the cliff and looked down at the waterfall.

“Are you sure about this?” asked Kai, gulping.

“It will be fun,” said Sehun. “Unless you are having second thoughts?”

“Not really,” said Kai. “But what will I get out of doing something as stupid and reckless as this?”

Sehun did not answer him that question as he lunged forward and leaped off the cliff. It was a rush like nothing else. The wind was against him. He was unable to breathe, but it did not matter. Within a few seconds, he hit the water, headfirst. It had been a clean dive.

Kai was right, of course. It was stupid and reckless. There could have rocks down there. Sehun could have died if he had taken one wrong move.

When he resurfaced, gasping for air, he looked up at Kai on the cliff, who was gawking down at him with a gaping mouth.

“Demented,” Kai cried, shaking his head. He then withdrew a few steps before bolting forward and jumping off the cliff. He landed a few swims away from Sehun.

When he came up for air, he laughed and pulled Sehun close. They climbed back up for a few more dives before they decided to get dressed and head back for dinner.

* * *

If any of Terrowin’s praises were genuine, Sehun would make a decent healer. He might start his own practice one day, earn a respectable name for himself. Healers were well-sought out, especially during winters. They were necessary and respected among any community.

“Perhaps you should also learn modern medicine when you return,” suggested Terrowin one day after teaching Sehun how to tend to a terribly ailing deer. It was healing well under Sehun’s care, much to his delight.

“Why?” asked Sehun, sitting down on one of the tree stumps around the fire.

“The resources for treatments and medicines the healers use nowadays are easier to get a hold of,” said Terrowin. “You could treat many at once with those medicines.”

“But your way is more efficient.”

“People have lost faith in such practices,” said Terrowin. “An alchemist is apparently worthier than an herbalist. You have determination and steady hands. You’d make a fine healer regardless of your choice of practice.”

Sehun nodded his head lightly. He glanced to Kai, who was angrily berating Rohaan for chewing another one of his boots. The wolf listened with its head and ears held low.

“What about a military physician?” Sehun asked Terrowin. “Do you think I could be a healer in the army?”

Terrowin took a moment to respond. “Sehun,” he said with a sigh, and he kept his voice significantly low. “You needn’t follow him everywhere he goes. There are some places that you _cannot_ follow.”

Sehun nearly scowled, but he remained calm. As much as he knew Terrowin was wise and what he said was true, he wanted to contest it. He would follow Kai anywhere and everywhere, and if he failed, it would not be for the lack of trying.

Was it really wrong to want to be by Kai’s side forever? Sehun did not think it was asking for too much. Unless he was a burden of some sort for Kai.

“It is not about following him,” Sehun told Terrowin. It was mostly a lie, but he had been thinking a little about his own destiny lately. Kai was so certain that his destiny was to be a hero, regardless of Sehun’s being in his life. Without a doubt, Sehun believed that Kai had a big role to play in his destiny, if all these hoots about destiny were legitimate in the first place. But it could not be all, could it? Even if it all had something to do with Kai, there must certainly be something more to it. There had to be something else that Sehun was fated for.

Of course, he was not expecting to become a hero of any sort. He would forever be in the shadow of Kai’s greatness, and that was all right. He did not aspire to be anything great or prominent. But there had to be something more.

“I want to… be someone,” he said at length. “Not someone mighty or powerful. But _someone_.” He glanced at Kai again, who was struggling to yank the tattered boot out of Rohaan’s mouth.

“Ah,” let out Terrowin. “Do you wish to be someone for you or for him?”

Sehun hung his head momentarily. “I want to be someone he can be proud of.”

Terrowin scratched his bald head. “Sehun,” he said, expression hardening. “I will not tell you what the future holds for you. Because I do not know the future. But I can tell you that… it will not be easy if you… go down this path.”

Sehun was not sure what the man was referring to anymore. He suspected that Terrowin knew more than he was letting on. He was a very wise man, and very little escaped his attention. But if he knew anything about what was really going on between Sehun and Kai, he was not explicit about that knowledge.

“He is waiting for an opportunity,” said Terrowin. “to prove himself. He does not want to prove his worth to the world, no. Even though that is what it might seem like, he does not want fame. He simply wants to prove to himself that he is meant for greatness. And that, he most certainly is. The instant the opportunity presents itself, he would do anything to achieve his ambitions. But… his vision is not as straight and lucid as it should be. And you might be the reason why.”

Sehun froze in his seat. “I… I have not done anything.”

“No,” said Terrowin. “It isn’t anything you have done intentionally, I’m sure. But somewhere along the way, the fate has decided to test him. He still believes that he is meant for greatness, but he is no longer… focused.”

Sehun frowned. “Are you saying that it is my fault that he isn’t focused on his destiny anymore?”

Terrowin exhaled heavily. “What I’m saying is that he cannot stray from his path. If he does, it will be fatal. I see… something in him. Something… potentially dangerous. He is very content at the moment. You both are. But I worry that if this… joy in his life disappears all of a sudden, he might resort to… unreasonable aggression.”

Sehun clenched his hands around his knees. “I do not understand, Terrowin.”

“You must know how his mother died.”

Sehun nodded. “Vaguely. He never talks about her.”

“Her death has scarred him, even though he did not know her. There is a hole in his heart that he wishes to fill. And I think he believes that is your purpose. So, what do you think will happen if you disappeared all of a sudden?”

“I am not going to disappear,” said Sehun firmly. “I am never going to leave him.”

“You say that now,” said Terrowin. “But no man can win against fate, Sehun. He may challenge it, but there is no winning against it. Now, let’s just say that you are the only source of his joy and peace, his sanity. You are a smart lad. I’m sure you can think of what might happen if you were to leave one day and he has an entire army at his disposal.”

Sehun huffed. “Are you saying he is unstable?” He shot up to his full height. “Pardon me, Master Terrowin. But you are sorely mistaken. What you fear will never come true. You need not worry about it.”

Terrowin rubbed his beard and bowed his head. “I did not mean to make you uncomfortable with my misgivings.”

He then left Sehun alone as he wandered into the trees.

“What was that about?” Kai asked, walking over to Sehun with a frown.

Sehun was still panting when he turned around to face Kai. “Nothing,” he said. “We were just… discussing herbs.”

Kai looked suspicious, but he did not press Sehun for more as the latter stormed off.

* * *

Several more days flew by, and with each dawn, Sehun grew increasingly anxious. He was not sure how the years had been so fleeting up here in the mountains. He had forgotten all about the comfort of the palace. He did not mind the blandness of the food anymore. He did not find it a struggle to hunt in order to eat. And he most certainly did not complain about sharing one small pallet with another boy, who was as tall as he was. Somewhere along the years, Kai had stopped growing, or slowed down to let Sehun catch up. His skin caught the sun better than Sehun’s did. His hair was browner than Sehun’s, and he wore it in a slightly shorter fashion than Sehun.

He personally believed that Kai was the most handsome boy he had ever seen. But then again, he had no one else to compare the boy to other than mountain goats and grouchy old Terrowin up here. Nevertheless, there was nothing about Kai that Sehun wanted to change.

Except maybe the habit of frequently feigning injury just so that Sehun would baby him, which Sehun did of course, in spite of knowing that Kai was faking it most of the time.

After practising their swordplay one day, they put away the swords before Kai suggested that they go for a run.

Sehun agreed, even though his limbs were sore enough from the swordfight.

“A race to the river?” he asked Kai.

Kai shook his head. “How about to that tall tree over there?” he asked, pointing to a tree that palpably stood out in its copse.

“Fine,” Sehun said and started removing his footwear.

“Hmm,” hummed Kai all of a sudden. “Should we make it interesting?”

Sehun cocked a curious brow. “How do you mean?”

Kai shrugged, although the coy smirk on his lips suggested that he was up to something mischievous. “How about a wager?” he said.

“What do you want to lay a wager on?” asked Sehun.

“Well, if you win,” he whispered, leaning in to Sehun’s ear. “I’ll suck you off. And if I win, you do the same for me.”

Sehun laughed. “This is a ridiculous gamble,” he scoffed. “Of course _you_ would win! When have you ever lost?”

“That might be because you’ve never had a motivation to win before,” said Kai, prodding a finger into Sehun’s chest. “Now, you do. Perhaps today will be the day you’d win.”

“No,” spat Sehun.

“What? Are you scared?” asked Kai, crossing his arms over his chest, with that lopsided grin of his.

Sehun scowled. He supposed it was not a completely foul bet to lose. “Let’s do it, then.”

They took their positions. Kai made sure his hair was out of his face. He glanced to Sehun briefly with a simper and a wink.

“Ready?” he asked.

Sehun nodded. “The tall tree.”

“The tall tree,” repeated Kai. “Go!”

Sehun was not sure why he was even surprised when Kai sprinted past him like a bloody horse that set on fire. But Kai was right. He had never had a motivation like this to win before, and it was all that he needed to run faster than he ever had.

It was either that or Kai was running slower than usual.

Either way, Sehun was close to catching up to him, but there was no way he would be able to overtake Kai and win. Still, he did not give up. He ran as fast as his legs would carry him.

Kai looked over his shoulder once with a cocky smirk. Another vault and he would cross the finish line, galloping past the marked tree.

But he reached a hand up and grabbed a tree branch instead, halting him shockingly abruptly. Sehun had barely realized that Kai had forced himself to a stop before he shot past the boy and the tall tree.

He came to a stop then, bending low to grab his knees and pant. Straightening back up, he turned around to look at Kai, who was now calmly walking past the finish line with an easy expression on his face.

“Congratulations,” he said.

Sehun scowled. “You lost on purpose,” he huffed exasperatedly.

“I lost nonetheless,” said Kai. “You won.”

Sehun’s scowl deepened. “What is your game? What are you up to?”

Kai chuckled. “Nothing,” he said. “You should be happy! You won!”

“Only because you gave in!”

“You have no way of proving that.”

“Kai,” groaned Sehun, shoving Kai by the chest when the boy tried to wrap his arms around Sehun’s waist to pull him close.

“Why are you upset?” asked Kai, laughing. “You won the wager, didn’t you?”

Sehun made a face, pouting. “Yeah, but it doesn’t feel… fair. I don’t feel the satisfaction.”

“You soon will.” Kai hooked an arm around Sehun’s waist and drew him close. Sehun struggled for a little while before letting Kai kiss him until he was all out of breath once more.

* * *

Kai was a generous giver. Sehun tried to return his favours as much as he could, but he doubted that he was half as good. Most nights, he let Kai have his way with him. But there were some nights when he felt a strong urge to pin Kai down on the pallet and do all sorts of filthy obscenities to him. Kai was usually a wreck those nights.

Sehun particularly liked it when Kai clutched at his hair while he had Kai’s cock slamming against the back of his throat. It took Sehun a while and countless sessions to get used to it. He no longer retched or gagged, and Kai deeply appreciated it.

He also enjoyed when Kai was on top of him, grinding against him until they would both reach their peaks. He remembered the night they had sucked each other off simultaneously, lying on either end of the pallet, facing the opposite directions. It had been awkward at first, but it was definitely worth it.

Sehun now knew why the boys back at the palace went on and on about this. It was never enough. The pleasure was explosive, but it was momentary, and it was not long before they would be craving for more again.

Sehun was not very good at explicitly asking for it, however. He would try touching Kai when they were alone. He would blush when Kai looked in his way with a raised eyebrow. Fortunately, Kai was quick to notice Sehun’s advances, and he was easily aroused, and he had the stamina of a horse. Even when Sehun was completely spent, he would keep going.

Unlike Sehun, Kai was very vocal about his needs once they were able to get past the awkward stage of intimacy. He would often whisper something dirty and unrepeatable into Sehun’s ear when he thought Terrowin was not looking. The older he got, the more apparent it became that he was an Azudorian. He was crass and rough and incredibly unsubtle.

He still kept a journal, though he did not write as much as he used to. Instead, he used the time to peruse Sehun’s body.

“Was that worth winning the race?” Kai asked later that night, curling up in Sehun’s arms, covered in sweat.

Sehun snuggled closer, still shivering a little. “I didn’t exactly win,” he muttered. “But I’m not complaining.”

Kai had taken care of himself while he was getting Sehun off.

Once they had come down from their high, Sehun mindlessly whispered, “I wish it could be this way forever.”

Kai did not reply. He tightened his arms around Sehun’s spent body and buried his nose in the crook of Sehun’s neck, like he never wanted to let go.

* * *

Whatever Kai had come here for was becoming more and more apparent by the day now. His speed was his greatest strength. He paced himself whenever he fought or raced with Sehun, of course. But when practising with Terrowin or by himself, he gave it his all. And it was magnificent.

He almost looked like he was dancing when he was engaged in combat. His lithe body and long legs made his movements seem effortless and graceful. Even Terrowin had trouble keeping up with him.

It was clear that there was nothing more that Terrowin could teach him. He was blossoming in his element, and all that he needed now was a chance, the opportunity Terrowin was speaking of, to prove himself.

Even though Sehun wanted Kai to achieve his aspirations and fulfil his destiny, a selfish part of him wished that this opportunity would never cross paths with Kai. He wanted to keep Kai to himself for as long as he could.

But Terrowin had been right. There was no winning against fate.

“I have received word from your father,” Terrowin said at the end of the week.

Both Kai and Sehun stiffened on their respective tree stumps. Sehun’s fingers began to tremble a little around the bowl of gruel. He stared at Terrowin, expecting bad news.

“He will send his men to get you soon,” he said.

Sehun swallowed difficultly. “What does ‘soon’ mean?” he asked.

Terrowin sighed. “I do not know,” he said. “But I shall suspect that it will be within the next fortnight.”

Kai lowered his head when Sehun looked to him with panic.

“Must we return?” Sehun asked foolishly, and he regretted saying it as soon as it slipped from his mouth.

Terrowin did not regard him with condescension, however. “I was given four years to mould and shape the Prince of Azudor. I could not ask for more. Is there anything else you wish to learn from me?” he asked Kai.

Kai shook his head, meeting Terrowin’s gaze steadily. “I shall not think so, Master Terrowin,” he said, chest puffed out. “You have done me a great honour. You have taught me everything I could ask of you. I thank you for that.”

Terrowin nodded curtly. “It is I who should be honoured,” he said. “You are one of my most remarkable students, if not _the_ most. You are ready, Kai. And you should believe that. Whatever that you can learn, you must learn from experience now.”

Sehun lost his appetite. He put his bowl down and walked away. Rohaan quickly followed him.

He found a tree in the dark to sit under. The wolf sat down beside him and watched him curiously.

Sehun slammed his head back against the trunk of the tree. He should not be moping. He knew that this day would come. It felt like waking up from a very pleasant dream.

Kai found him a while later and held a hand out to him. When Sehun ignored it, he lowered himself to a crouch. “They are not here yet,” he said, as though it were meant to console Sehun.

Sehun looked at him with a deep frown. “What happens when we return to the palace?” he asked Kai. “What will change?”

Kai mirrored Sehun’s frown now. “Nothing,” he said. “Nothing will change.”

“Except that it will.”

“Not between us,” said Kai, taking hold of Sehun’s hand. “I promise you, nothing will change between us.”

Sehun grabbed Kai’s shirt and yanked at it so hard that some of the laces came loose and Kai fell onto his knees. “I will not bear it if it does,” he said quietly.

“Neither will I,” said Kai, cupping a side of Sehun’s face. “We can’t stay here forever, Sehun.”

Sehun wanted to break into tears. “I know,” he muttered. “I want to… but I know that we cannot.”

Kai was the Crown Prince of a great nation. He had responsibilities. He would soon be the commander of an army. His father needed him.

“It will be fine,” Kai reassured him. “I do not care where we are. So long we’re together.”

Sehun brought his head to rest on Kai’s shoulder, his hand still fisted around Kai’s shirt by the chest.

He supposed Kai was right. It did not matter much where they went. So long they were together, they would make do.

* * *

The deafening hoot of a horn jolted Sehun upright. The morning brightness blinded him for a moment. Squinting, he quickly looked to Kai, who was still sleeping on his stomach with the blanket messily draped over his back, an arm and a leg dangling over the edge of the pallet as usual.

For a moment, Sehun wondered if he had dreamed the sound of the horn.

But then he heard it a second time. It made Kai jerk awake, too.

“What the hell was that?” he growled grouchily, his eyes still full of sleep, his voice hoarse.

“I don’t know,” said Sehun, though his stomach was clenching. They hurriedly dressed themselves and walked out of the cave.

Rohaan was already up and snarling at the entrance of the cave.

“Easy, boy,” Sehun told him, patting his head on his way.

It took them a moment to notice the group of uniformed palace guards marching up the hill. Sehun felt his heart drop.

Terrowin emerged from the trees with a calm demeanour, as though he were expecting these men.

“Bart?” Kai let out.

Sehun quickly looked to the man leading the guards, mounted on a great black stallion. He gasped a little, recognizing the man at once, even though it had been years since he had last seen him.

Bart had not changed much, but he certainly had more noticeably grey strands in his hair and beard now.

“Master Terrowin,” he said, halting his company. He bowed his head after dismounting. “Good to see you after so long.”

Terrowin smiled. “I see you’ve aged,” he said.

“And you haven’t,” scoffed Bart. “The Gods can be so unfair.”

“Consider yourself fortunate, Bartholomew,” said Terrowin. “I was not expecting you, though.”

“I cannot afford to risk the prince’s life,” said the captain. “Dangerous times we live in now, Master.”

“So I’ve heard. How is Saeron?” inquired Terrowin.

The obvious distress that shot through Bart’s expression then immediately disconcerted both Terrowin and Kai. “He is well,” the captain said unconvincingly. “He sends his well wishes and regrets for not being able to come in person.”

“There is no need for that,” said Terrowin. “I am sure he has more pressing matters to attend.”

“You have no idea,” sighed Bart before he glanced to Kai and Sehun. He took a moment to muster them, jaw falling slack a little. “Oh, my…”

Kai sucked in a deep breath and walked over to the captain.

“Your Highness,” Bart greeted him at once, bowing. The other guards followed suit. “I am glad to see you are in one piece.”

“Back at you, Captain,” said Kai.

Smirking, the man then said, “You have grown… A lot.”

Kai was now only an inch, or so, shorter than Bart. And in the coming years, he might even fill in that gap.

When Sehun walked over to them, the captain stopped in his tracks for a moment to gawk at him. “And… is this… Peanut?” he asked, blinking. If Sehun did not know any better, he might have thought that the rough-and-tumble captain was close to blushing. He cleared his throat and said, “You’re all… grown up as well.”

Sehun took it as a compliment. Kai told him a couple of times before that he was beautiful, but it was not something Sehun readily believed.

“We should be heading back to the palace forthwith,” Bart then said. “There is no time to be dillydallying, I’m afraid.”

“Why did you come here with all these guards?” asked Kai, frowning. “We could have found our way back ourselves.”

“Your father will not take the risk, Prince,” said Bart. “Things… haven’t been the same since you left. There is a lot for you to learn. These mountains may have shielded you from the horrors that have been happening down there, but it is about time you learned them.”

Kai’s frown hardened into a scowl. “What do you mean? What has happened?”

“I will enlighten you once we get back,” said Bart. “Now, gather your belongings. We best be on our way down the mountain before nightfall.”


	14. Chapter 14

# C H A P T E R F O U R T E E N

It was a curious feeling to set foot back in the palace. On the one hand, the familiarity of it gave them a warm welcome. But on the other, the place felt completely estranged. The latter did not come as a surprise. Sehun had expected it, in fact, after having made the mountains and the forest as well as Terrowin’s little cave his home for the last four years.

He also had no doubt that he would get used to the palace again in no time, as long as he had Kai at his side. Anywhere, any ditch, any drey would be his home if he were with Kai. He would not want to be anywhere else.

But for now, even the arid air of the city that circulated the palace was a shock to him. Every breath he took felt dry and slightly suffocating. The noise all around him – though he had no idea where it came from – was jarring. The fuzzy carpets that covered the floor of the hallways, the blinding extravagance of the muraled and chandeliered ceilings, the bustling servants and guards, the strong smell of food wafting out of the feast hall, everything made Sehun’s head spin for a moment.

There wasn’t a big, grand reception to welcome them back, as Sehun had expected. Masci awaited them in the bailey. His hair and beard were whiter than Sehun remembered, and there were a few more wrinkles on his face.

“Your Highness,” greeted the advisor, bowing to Kai. “You look well.” The old man stopped, just as Bart had, when he regarded Sehun. Was their shock a pleasant one or an appalled one, Sehun could not tell, though he hoped that it was the former not the latter.

“You must be very tired,” said the old man. “Your room has been tidied up for your return, Your Grace.”

He and Bart then escorted them into the palace, as though they expected Kai and Sehun to have forgotten their way.

As Sehun walked past a set of young, unfamiliar boys, they stopped to gawk at him curiously. He reckoned that a new batch of boys for training must have come in. He smiled at the two boys, who seemed more interested in the grubby garb he and Kai were wearing. Clearly, they were not royalty material.

He wondered if he had been as curious and confused as those boys when he was their age, walking around the palace when he first came here.

“So tall,” he heard one of the boys whisper as they skipped away.

“And very good-looking,” the other chimed in.

“And dirty,” was the final comment.

Sehun had not known just how tall he – and Kai – were until they had returned to the palace. They were certainly taller than most boys their age and even some older men.

They stood out like sore thumbs in this setting, painfully so. All heads turned their way. Yet, some servants were unable to even recognize Kai let alone Sehun. Many of them were new, too.

“Why don’t you wash up and get some rest,” said Bart when they reached the stairs. “I will send for you when your father is ready for you.”

Kai nodded, though he looked a tad bit disappointed. Sehun was eager to meet the king again, too. In all honesty, he had missed Saer. He did not think Saer would have missed him as much, but Sehun had always had a soft spot for the man, and he might be one of the few reasons Sehun had ever want to come back to the palace.

And he knew Kai missed his father – more than he would ever care to admit. For some reason, Kai was never vocal about his affection towards his father. He was not very vocal about his affection towards anyone. It had taken him years to admit his feelings to Sehun with words.

Sehun had taken a long time, too. But in all fairness, he had not been aware of those feelings until quite recently.

But Kai had been certain about _his_ feelings for Sehun since they were children, which was still quite shocking to Sehun.

He quietly followed Kai up to the room they used to share. It truly felt like another life.

He remembered the nights in there where he stayed up watching the other boy sleep. And he knew Kai was guilty of doing the same, though with slightly lewder intentions.

Those nights, Sehun thanked whoever that had brought him Kai. One tragedy after another was what had led him to Kai, but he was thankful for it all, nonetheless. Those nights, he silently and absentmindedly prayed that nothing and no one would take his Kai away from him. If death were to take one of them away first from the other, Sehun prayed that it would be him. As selfish as that might be, he did not think he would be able to face this world without Kai.

“It feels strange to be back here,” said Kai as he pushed the door open. “doesn’t it?”

Sehun stared at Kai briefly. “It does,” he muttered. “It’s… noisier. Hotter.”

Sighing heavily, Kai walked in while Sehun shut the door behind him. He then went to stand beside Kai, who was standing stiffly near the foot of the bed, staring at the corner of the room where Sehun’s pallet once used to reside.

It was no longer there.

They then simultaneously glanced to Kai’s bed, which was now twice as big as it used to be. The spreads were in the shades of deep violet and beige. There were more cushions on the bed than Sehun remembered. Unless his memories were playing tricks on him.

Sehun wondered if Kai were having the same thoughts as he did. He swallowed and licked his lips.

The two-day ride back to the city had worn them out. Neither of them said a word as they collapsed on the bed next to each other after getting rid of their footwear.

The softness of the feather mattress and the silkiness of the velvety goose-down duvet were almost uncomfortable. Sehun had grown accustomed to the thin, hard pallet back in Terrowin’s cave.

Still, he was tired enough to not complain.

As soon as he was settled, Kai hooked an arm around his waist and drew him close before they promptly drifted off.

When Sehun roused again, it was getting dark outside and inside the room. He found Kai’s open eyes staring at him almost drowsily.

Sehun yawned behind a hand and blinked against the tears in his eyes. “Have you been up for a while?” he asked, his voice hoarse.

Kai nodded lightly. Their clothes were dishevelled, and their heads were completely mussed. “Will you do me a favour and… just sleep here with me from now?” he asked. “I think… I got used to… waking up to you so close to me.”

Sehun brought a hand between them to fist it around Kai’s shirt by the chest. “Well, I’m happy you asked,” he said, leaning in to brush his nose against Kai’s. “I won’t have it any other way.”

A small smile curled up Kai’s lips. “Do you remember,” he whispered. “the day you asked me if you could sleep here with me?”

Sehun pulled back a little to look into Kai’s eyes confusedly. “No,” he said. “Did I ask you that?”

Kai laughed softly. “Yes,” he said. “It had shocked me quite a bit. Actually, everything about you had shocked me when we first met.”

Sehun did not remember much about the first time he spoke to Kai or how he came to live in the prince’s quarters instead of the common lodgings as the other boys at the palace.

“And you had just agreed?” he asked.

Kai shrugged. “Have I ever said no to you? You were mad to demand such things from a prince, though. Even as a child.”

“Probably because I knew you would indulge them,” said Sehun. “Why did you do it?”

“Because you were cute. All rosy-cheeked, pink-kneed, dewy-eyed,” said Kai, and it made Sehun blush. “Before that, no one had ever demanded me of anything.” He paused to card his fingers through Sehun’s hair, that was in dire need of a wash. “Not even Father.”

“Speaking of him,” said Sehun. “you should go see him.”

“I will.” Kai sounded a little nervous, Sehun noticed. “It has been some time.”

“He will be happy to see you.”

For some reason, Kai did not look reassured. He sat up and pulled his dirty shirt off. “Come. I could use your help to scrub my back.”

There was, however, very little back-scrubbing involved when they entered the bathing chamber together and sank into the same bathing tub.

Although they were tired and possibly heavy-hearted about being back here, they were very eager to find some comfort in each other’s embrace.

Sehun could not help but wonder if, after spending nearly four years being at each other’s sides almost every hour of the day, they would ever be able to stay apart.

Even the idea of it turned Sehun’s stomach. Even though he knew that it was unhealthy to anchor his entire existence to Kai, there was nothing he could do about it.

Terrowin’s words continued to echo in the back of his head.

_“But no man can win against fate, Sehun. He may challenge it, but there is no winning against it. Now, let’s just say that you are the only source of his joy and peace, his sanity. You are a smart lad. I’m sure you can think of what might happen if you were to leave one day and he has an entire army at his disposal.”_

Of course, Sehun would never let that happen. He did not foresee a scenario where he would ever leave Kai’s side willingly. It would take a lot more than just fate to take Sehun away from Kai at this point.

Stepping out of the bathing chamber – both smelling like the sandalwood lye soap – Kai walked over to the wardrobe.

Sehun’s trunk, in which he used to store his belongings, were gone along with his pallet. It was as though his existence was completely forgotten or no one had been expecting his return.

“You can wear my clothes,” said Kai as he rummaged through the wardrobe. His youthful clothes were now replaced with those fit for a man.

Sehun was happy to wear Kai’s clothes. They were the perfect size, and it delighted him greatly.

Once they were clothed, Sehun stood before the mirror to scrutinize his reflection. He had not had many opportunities to see himself back in the mountains. Shaving with a blade by looking at his reflection on the still surface of a waterbody was not an easy task.

Now that he was finally able to see his reflection clearly, he was taken aback. He was paler than he thought. With sharper features, which he did not complain about. He could use a proper haircut, however.

He closed his eyes momentarily as Kai wound his arms around his waist from behind.

“What are you thinking?” asked Kai, nuzzling against the nape of Sehun’s neck.

“I don’t know,” muttered Sehun. “A lot of… things.”

“Me too.”

Exhaling heavily, Sehun turned around to face Kai. “Will everything be all right?”

Kai licked his lips. “Yes,” he said, though not convincingly. “Things will be different. But I promise you, nothing will be different between you and I. Behind closed doors, we can be whoever we want.”

Sehun was already having many misgivings. Being back here meant getting back to their duties. And now that they were men, they had even bigger responsibilities. They would need to meet everyone’s expectations. The carefree days of their boyhood were now over.

They were men now.

A guard came to summon them down to the courtyard a while later. Kai gave Sehun’s hand one last squeeze before they headed downstairs.

Saer was at the dining table in the courtyard. His face, which was so palpably ashen, instantly lit up when he saw his son enter the courtyard.

“Kai!” he squealed with excitement, jolting up from his seat to engulf his son in a tight embrace.

Sehun had stopped a few feet away to give the father and son some time to catch up first. Meanwhile, he was unable to take his eyes off the king, who looked like he had aged twice as he should have. He was also a lot thinner than Sehun remembered. Was this how kings aged? Did the stress of running a kingdom take a toll on their health?

Pulling back from the hug, Kai mustered his father with a frown. “How are you, Father?” he asked, his voice laced with concern.

“I am doing great,” said the king. “Did you have a good time with Terrowin?”

Kai nodded. “He was a tough instructor, but he lives up to the name.”

“Of course, he does!” exclaimed Saer.

“He sends his regards.”

Bowing his head, Saer wrapped an arm around his son’s shoulders. “My… How big you are now… I can hardly believe my eyes.”

He eventually looked over Kai’s shoulder and noticed Sehun.

“Sehun,” he said, sounding as surprised as others.

“Your Majesty,” greeted Sehun.

The king took a moment to take a good look at him. “You look… immensely different.”

Sehun almost told Saer that he thought the same about the man. “I hope that’s a good thing.”

“It is,” said the other man. “Bart was not exaggerating when he said you have grown into a very fine young man.”

Sehun lowered his gaze, blushing once more.

“Come. Sit.” The king ushered them to the table before the servants began to fill it with foods of many kinds.

There was a lot to talk about. After all, they had not seen each other in four years.

Saer was often winded, so he took a few beats to gather his strength before speaking again. He wanted to know everything. He asked Kai and Sehun about their training up in the mountains. He inquired greatly about Terrowin and his teachings. He wanted to know if Kai had had a good time up there.

When it was all done and said, Saer leaned back in his chair and stared at Kai for a moment too long before he took a long, deep breath.

“I would have liked to hold a celebration for you upon your return,” he said begrudgingly. “You have become a man now after all.”

He rubbed his wrinkled forehead.

“But I’m afraid we do not have the leisure for it,” he added.

“What are you talking about, Father?” asked Kai. “What is happening? Why are you and Bart speaking in riddles? Has something happened while I was gone?”

Saer nodded. “Something. Many things.” Scratching his bearded chin, he straightened up in his seat. “We are… in the face of a brewing war.”

“What war?” asked Kai, scowling.

“Ymbert has an army marching from the east,” said Saer.

“Ymbert?! What does he want?”

“Lady Isolda,” muttered Saer.

Both Sehun and Kai gawked at the king. Isolda? Engeram, Kai’s uncle’s wife – the Princess of Balfold?

And the name Ymbert rang a bell, too. Sehun must have seen the man in Balfold, where he had also seen Kai for the first time.

“She is a married woman,” spat Kai. “With two children. What does Lord Ymbert want with her?!”

“He still feels slighted and betrayed,” said Saer. “He marches on Feroland as we speak. And he has a big enough army. Bigger than Engeram could muster on his own. He needs our aid. He needs his allies and his friends and family to match Ymbert’s troops. He has given them an ultimatum. Either Isolda leaves Engeram and joins him or he declares war.”

“A war for a woman?” scoffed Kai.

“Men have gone to war for far less,” replied his father. “Declaring war on Engeram is declaring war on Azudor. Ymbert will not lay a finger on a woman of our family.”

Kai clenched his eyes for a moment, huffing heavily. “This entire ordeal is completely absurd, in case no one has noticed.”

“I agree,” said Saer. “But it is happening, nonetheless. If Ymbert so much as breaks our line of defence on the borders and enters our land, he already has a victory on his hands.”

Kai pinned his father with a steely look. “What will you do?”

Saer took a moment to answer. “We rally our troops,” he said. “We get to the borders before Ymbert does and keep him and his men at bay. Fight them if it’s necessary. Keep the war as small as possible.”

“And what if… he has the better odds?” asked Kai.

“Does he now?” replied his father, arching an eyebrow. “I am surprised to hear you say that. There was once a time when you were very certain that whoever has _you_ on their side has the better odds. And you were only six years old then.”

Kai stiffened in his chair. “Father…” he let out.

“This is it, son,” said Saer. “This is your… chance. You must go to the borders and command our troops.”

“Me?” rasped Kai. “But… am I ready?”

“I was hoping you’d know that yourself by now.”

Kai swallowed hard. “We’re talking about an impending war, Father. I was swinging swords against a tree stump up in the mountains for the last four months.”

Saer fixed Kai with a hard stare. “We do not have any other choice. You are the Crown Prince. You will have to lead our troops.”

“Why can’t you? You are still the commander.”

“Not anymore,” said Saer, and the sorrow in his weathered eyes were too hard to miss. “You will take the oath next week. And be prepared to leave for the borders in two weeks.”

Kai looked like he had been slapped by a ghost. “I just got back and you’re already sending me away,” he murmured.

“Will you stand idly why Ymbert threatens us?” asked Saer.

“Of course not,” spat Kai. “But is war the only solution?”

“We are not the ones waging the war, Kai. He is. If you do not wish to partake in this, then stay home. I will go in your stead.”

“No,” Kai was quick to say. Angrily. He rose from his chair with his fists clenched. “I will go. I will not have my integrity questioned. Not even by you, Father.”

Though Saer still looked conflicted, he was clearly satisfied to hear Kai’s decision.

Rising to his feet, he gave Kai’s shoulder a pat before he brushed past him.

“I’m glad that you are back, son,” the king said. “And I am very proud of you.”

Letting out a heavy breath, Kai finally turned around and glanced to Sehun. He looked shocked all of a sudden, as though he had forgotten Sehun’s presence for a moment there.

Sehun had nothing to say. He could not get any part of his body to move. His brain had gone entirely numb, and he was not sure that he was even breathing anymore.

Kai sat back down and stared at Sehun quietly for a moment.

Then when he had found his voice again, he said, “I was not thinking about you when I…” he trailed off.

Sehun ran his tongue along his lips and swallowed. “There is nothing to think about,” he said. His heartbeat was racing. “I will go with you.”

“Sehun–” Kai began to say, with a very deep-set frown.

“Non-negotiable, Kai,” Sehun said firmly. He did not give it a second thought, and he probably never would.

“You do not know the first thing about war,” said Kai.

“Neither do you,” countered Sehun. “Besides, aren’t I your companion? It is my responsibility to go with you.”

Kai did not look happy. He took Sehun’s wrist and pulled him up to his feet before dragging him back to their room.

“You do not have to do this,” he said after shutting the door.

Sehun crossed his arms over his chest. “You were arguing just like this when you were about to leave for your training.”

“This is different, Sehun,” said Kai, closing the distance between them to take hold of Sehun’s arms. “You could get hurt.”

“I can look after myself. I will not be a burden for you out there.”

Kai’s eyebrows dipped low. “You know that that is not what I mean.”

Sehun pulled back. “What are you suggesting? Do you seriously want to leave me behind? How long do wars last, anyway?”

Kai was anxious to answer that question. “Months. Sometimes, years. Decades.”

Sehun’s jaw fell slack. “And do you think I can be without you for that long?!” It would be a nightmare. Sehun could not even entertain the idea of being away from Kai for days.

“No,” sighed Kai. “And neither can I.”

He hung his head and rubbed his eyes.

“Then it’s settled,” said Sehun. “I am going with you. Because that is my duty.”

“Sehun… I’d rather not go.”

“You have to,” insisted Sehun. “This is your destiny. This is what you have worked so hard for since you were a child! If you do not go, you would be taken for a joke, Kai. You are the Crown Prince of Azudor. You have to do this.”

Kai knew just as much. But right now, his concerns were Sehun.

“I will not be a hindrance,” Sehun reassured him.

“It is not about your being a hindrance,” groaned Kai.

“Then I will try to be there for you as your support. Or comfort. Whatever you want. Please, don’t ask me to stay. I will wither away in heartache, Kai. In… in homesickness.”

Kai regarded him with tenderness then. Putting his arms around Sehun, he embraced him gently. “I will, too,” he whispered into Sehun’s hair. “I would die without you too, Sehun. Painfully.”

“Then please, take me with you.”

Kai would not argue any further. Sehun had made his decision, and as much as Kai had many misgivings about it, he was glad.

* * *

“This bed is… very soft,” commented Sehun later that night as they lay in the bed next to each other, sleepless and in the mood for some mischief.

They had managed to get their minds to ease off the evening’s tension. They were now letting their hands wander aimlessly on one another’s body, undoing any lace their fingers could reach.

“I know,” said Kai with a chuckle. “I can’t believe I miss that raggedy thing we used to sleep on.”

Sehun smiled. “I will miss it, too.” Especially since it was where they had given into so many desires together. “I will miss Rohaan the most.”

Kai sighed, running his fingers through Sehun’s hair. “He will be happier there in the woods. He is a wild animal. We can’t cage him here.”

He was right, of course. Sehun knew that Rohaan would be happier in his own habitat. But it did not make it any easier to leave him behind with Terrowin.

 _“You can always come visit him,”_ Terrowin had told him while he was choking on a sob, gripping Rohaan’s fur while he knelt to bid the wolf goodbye. It had been the hardest his goodbye thus far. Rohaan had chased after him for a good hour before his paws finally gave in. Sehun heard his miserable howls for a long while as he rode down the mountain.

When his eyes welled up with tears, Kai leaned in and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “If it upsets you so much, I can send some men to bring him here,” he said.

Sehun shook his head. “He does not belong here,” he whispered shakily. “I will not have him in a cage. But it just… hurts so much.”

Kai kissed his forehead again and muttered sweet, comforting solaces into Sehun’s ear.

Once Sehun had calmed down, they talked a little more about how it felt to be back here. Neither of them had appreciated dinner as much as they should have. Their taste buds had gotten accustomed to Terrowin’s flavourless gruels and pottages. But Sehun was more than grateful to have some butter again.

“At least no one will bother us here until I allow them to,” said Kai, sliding in a little closer. “And I… don’t think I’ll be allowing them to do that anytime soon.”

Sehun smirked cheekily. “I suppose the bed is also big enough for both of us now.”

“That could be an upside _and_ a downside,” murmured Kai, slipping a hand up Sehun’s shirt at the back. “And the walls are rather thick.”

“Are they now?”

Kai froze for a moment when Sehun brought his hand between them and palmed Kai’s crotch. “Yeah,” he let out in a trembling breath.

“Does that mean… I can make as much noise as I want?” asked Sehun, running his thumb along Kai’s length over the fly of his trousers.

“You are… teasing me, aren’t you?” asked Kai, his lips a hair’s breadth away from Sehun’s.

“Won’t you kiss me,” Sehun exhaled, breathing heavily.

Kai shifted on the mattress, so that he was now hovering on top of Sehun. Planting one hand into the pillow at a side of Sehun’s head, he curled the other around the back of Sehun’s neck.

It was easy to forget their surroundings as soon as their lips touched. Their hands hastily grappled at each other’s clothes, tugging at them to get rid of them. But when they grew quickly impatient, they undid as many laces as they could before sliding their hands into each other’s trousers.

“Fuck,” Kai hissed against Sehun’s lips as Sehun took him in his hand. By now, Sehun knew exactly what to do to drive Kai crazy. He started slow and at the tip. As he gently swiped his thumb along the slit of the cockhead, Kai moaned into his mouth, his own hand tightening around Sehun’s shaft.

It did not take Sehun too long to concede defeat. There were the rare instances where he preferred to take more control than Kai, but this was not one of them.

He groaned and clutched at Kai’s hair at the back of his head when Kai bit his lower lip. He returned the favour by pressing his thumb into Kai’s cock slit, which had Kai writhing on top of him.

They eventually did find a small chance to get rid of their pants, but before Sehun could manage to take his shirt off, Kai shoved him back onto the bed and pinned his wrists to the pillow with a hand.

He then proceeded to pepper Sehun’s neck with kisses, knowing very well that they would send Sehun over the edge.

Sehun was not at all used to having the liberty to be loud. He was always worried of alerting Terrowin of the obscenities he and Kai were up to in the cave. But here, no one would hear him. Kai’s quarters were so far away from the busier parts of the palace.

He tried to let himself go this time, and before he knew it, he was chanting Kai’s name like a prayer while the prince expertly and aggressively marked all the sensitive spots on Sehun’s body – the parts Kai had explored so far at least – with his mouth.

“Not so loud,” Kai grumbled at some point while tonguing one of Sehun’s nipples.

“But you said–” Sehun began to say.

“You are going to wake the whole of Azudor,” said Kai with a mischievous and strangely smug smirk. “moaning like that.”

Sehun flushed with embarrassment.

He was unable to hold the moans back, however, when Kai took him into his mouth after spending a good while kissing all over his belly.

Burying his hands in Kai’s thick hair, he slowly thrust his hips up, sliding deeper into Kai’s mouth.

Kai grabbed his hips to hold them down before hooking his arms around Sehun’s thighs to keep him in place.

“Don’t get so eager yet,” he said, still with that smirk. Sehun watched him breathlessly as he drew his tongue along the underside of the hardening shaft.

“I want to–” Sehun rasped, grabbing the sides of Kai’s head to pull him back up to kiss him hard on the mouth. He then got onto his knees so that he was now facing the foot of the bed.

As he took Kai’s arching member into his mouth, Kai sank in as well, wrapping his own mouth around Sehun’s. This was where being around the same height was very beneficial.

Sehun gripped Kai’s hamstring while Kai’s fingers dug into his ass. Kai eventually pulled away to pin Sehun back on the mattress. They were now closer to the end of the bed than the headboard.

“Can I… Can we…” Kai began to ask but trailed off.

“What?” asked Sehun, blinking vacantly.

Kai worried his lower lip for a moment before shaking his head. “Nothing. Not now.” He held Sehun’s hands down against the mattress and lowered his hips to grind them against Sehun’s.

When they had finally each had reached their peaks, Kai dropped on top of Sehun. They stayed in that position for a long moment, stained with sweat and semen, which neither of them minded.

Once they had come down from their high, they briefly towelled themselves up and returned to the bed after quenching their thirst.

“I was worried,” Sehun said, watching Kai’s eyelids fall heavy. It was always beyond him how Kai was very fast to fall asleep and could sleep like baby every time they make love.

“About what?” mumbled Kai.

Sehun moved to rest his head on Kai’s chest. “That your Father would want you to take a bride.”

Kai laughed despite himself. “And you think sending me off to war is a better alternative?”

“Of course,” muttered Sehun. “I do not mean it in a macabre manner. But I find war less frightening than a bride for you.”

“Strangely enough, I feel the same way.”

Sehun lifted his head to frown at Kai. “What if… you had to take a bride when you return?”

Kai blinked lazily. “I think you should worry a little less about that and a little more about yourself.”

“What does that mean?” asked Sehun.

“Pretty soon, you would have women standing in a queue for your hand in marriage.”

Sehun made a face. “Now, why on earth would that happen?”

Kai snorted. “Your obliviousness is always a turn up for the books.” He stroked Sehun’s hair. “You are… enchanting, Sehun. You’d start to notice it a little more now that we are back in civilization. Beauty aside, you are the prince’s companion. That’s a great merit. And whether you have the title or not, you were born to a nobleman. You’re of noble blood. You are hard to miss in a crowd. I wouldn’t be surprised if a woman picked you over me.”

“Now you are just speaking rubbish,” said Sehun, though his cheeks were growing very warm. He dropped his head back on Kai’s chest. “Bart is a king’s companion. He hasn’t taken a wife.”

“That’s because I think Bart prefers blokes,” scoffed Kai.

Sehun’s head shot up again, eyes bulging. “What?!”

Kai shrugged. “I think,” he repeated. “I always suspected it.”

Sehun frowned. “Then that’s… very sad. He cannot live out the rest of his life alone.”

Kai exhaled heavily. “That is his choice.”

“Will _we_ … have a choice?”

Propping himself up on an elbow, Kai lightly brushed his lips against Sehun’s. “It doesn’t matter. You will always be my choice.”

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, commenting and leaving kudos! <3 see you in the sequel! ^.^


	15. Chapter 15

# C H A P T E R F I F T E E N

The leeching heat was in the dormant, windless air, in the cracks in the ground, in every globule of sand – licking along every inch of one’s skin, leaving nothing but trails of sheening sweat behind. It had been a sweltering summer, and each passing day remained as rainless as the barren desert. Not too far from the camp was a noisy and derelict town, full of larks and perversities, making the best out of this hot season.

The break of dawn was quickly waking up both the town and the camp. The voices of grousing men and clanging metals surrounded the biggest tent in the camp, inhabited by a young strong-willed yet kind-hearted prince of a prosperous kingdom and his faithful companion.

The violent sound of the tent flapping open roused Sehun at once. His eyes flashed open to the usual sight – his lover sleeping so stubbornly soundly, even in the midst of chaos, in his arms, locks of hair curtaining his handsome face. Be it a straw-hewn pallet or a goose-down mattress, they had been sharing the same bed for years now. It was almost impossible to fall asleep without the heat of the other’s body, even during an unforgiving drouth.

It had been nearly a month since they had arrived at the borders. Sehun was grateful that in spite of the hard-to-swallow novelty of their situation, they still managed to go to sleep every night and rouse every morning in each other’s embrace.

This morning, however, he would not be able to spend a few minutes ogling his naked, sleeping lover. He sat upright with a jolt when he heard someone clear his throat in the tent.

No one was allowed in the prince’s tent, unless if he was of course the prince’s peart and blithesome uncle.

While Engeram watched Sehun frantically look for the blanket, which had been discarded somewhere on the ground, to cover himself, Kai continued to sleep unbothered, snoring softly.

“My Lord,” rasped Sehun, pulling the blanket around his waist as he stood up to greet the man, who had shown up unannounced.

“Sehun,” said Engeram, recognizing him well enough. “Good to see you again.”

Sehun bowed his head, face burning with embarrassment.

He had heard that Engeram and his troops were on their way to the borders, but he had not expected them to arrive out of the blue today. He certainly was not prepared to be caught in such a compromising state.

He glanced back at Kai with a frown, clenching his teeth, before he faced Engeram again. He was not sure if he should say something about sleeping on the same pallet as the prince, wearing absolutely nothing, with their limbs entangled.

But then Engeram shook his head with a smirk, scoffing, “Boys,” under his breath. He was still clothed in his riding attire, looking like he had been riding for weeks without sleep or rest.

He made his way to the table where the map and a few scrolls along with stacks of missives were laying. Plumping in a chair, he rubbed his weary eyes and reached for the empty tankard before filling it with some rich black mead from the nearby bottle. The very mead Kai and Sehun had been getting drunk on almost nightly.

“I am surprised to see you here,” Engeram said to Sehun, nursing the drink in his hand. “I suppose you _are_ as steadfast as Saer said you’d be, after all.”

Sehun licked his lips. He wished that the man would give him some privacy to get dressed. But privacy and humility were both very rare at a military camp full of brutish, uncultured men, who had no care for personal hygiene. It was one of the many things Sehun had been struggling with since arriving at the camp.

While Engeram was sipping his drink, Sehun quickly grabbed one of Kai’s dirty tunics from the ground and pulled it on.

“We weren’t expecting you today,” said Sehun. “Are all of your men here?”

Engeram nodded curtly. He scowled for a moment, but not Sehun. “That wretched Ymbert. He’s a sore loser, nothing more. Even years later, he could not handle the disappointment.”

“I am sorry,” muttered Sehun. “I know this must be a difficult time for you… and your family.”

Engeram looked at him again, sighing. “I love her,” he said. “More than anything in this world. She is the mother of my children. If Ymbert is determined to disparage her dignity, I will kill him and everyone that stands with him.”

Sehun was not big on killing or wars, but he supposed he would do the same for Kai.

Engeram chugged the drink and jerked his chin towards Kai on the pallet. “Well, wake him up, will you? I shall like to greet my nephew.”

Sehun lightly kicked Kai’s foot first, forgetting for a moment that he was in Engeram’s presence. Noticing the amusement in the other man’s face, Sehun bit his tongue and dropped to his knees. He then gently grabbed Kai’s shoulder and tried to shake him awake.

“Kai,” he called. “Wake up.”

Kai dismissed him in a sleepy moan, however, before he seized Sehun’s arm and yanked him down.

Gasping, Sehun straightened up and pulled his arm free from Kai’s grip. “ _Kai_ , _no_ ,” he hissed through gritted teeth. “Your uncle… Lord Engeram is here.”

Kai’s eyes cracked open, then. He craned his head up and blinked at Sehun, who made a face. He then looked over Sehun’s shoulder.

“Uncle,” he drawled, scrambling off the bed. “You’re here.”

“Yes,” said Engeram. “Now, put on some pants so that we can hug, will you?”

Sehun handed Kai a pair of pants.

“When did you arrive?” Kai asked his uncle as he pulled on the pants.

“Just now,” said Engeram. “You could sleep through a storm, huh.”

Kai walked over to the man and threw his arms around him. “I am so glad you are here now.”

Patting his nephew’s back, Engeram withdrew and exhaled heavily. “I wish neither of us were here. But I am the one who is glad you are here, Nephew. I was expecting your father, but given his condition…” He trailed off.

He then took a step back and gauged Kai from head to toe, smiling wide.

“Look at you, though,” he said. “You have grown into a fine young man.”

Kai smiled pleasantly without looking embarrassed. He took compliments and praises so well and composedly, unlike Sehun who blushed and cringed every time when someone appreciated him.

“I still have much to learn and grow, Uncle,” said Kai. “And I direly need your counsel.”

“Of course,” said Engeram, clapping a hand to Kai’s shoulder. “Ymbert is not going to back down without a good fight. So, we will give him one.”

“But first,” said Kai. “You and your men must be tired from your journey.” He turned to Sehun. “See to it that their tents are ready.”

Sehun nodded.

Engeram gave Kai one more hug before he exited the tent.

Kai turned around and smirked at Sehun. “Why have you turned so red?”

Sehun swallowed hard. “Your uncle walked in… when we were…”

Kai closed the distance between them and grabbed Sehun by the waist. Sehun was quick to push him away, though. “Don’t worry,” he said. “My uncle would not suspect anything.”

Sehun did not feel convinced. “Perhaps… we should sleep in separate tents while your uncle is here.” Although he was not sure if he meant it at all.

“Nonsense,” huffed Kai. “That isn’t happening. You’re just being paranoid.” He found a shirt and pulled it on. “Besides, you are my companion. You should stay in my tent.”

Sehun did not argue further, because he knew that it would always be an argument he’d lose. “I will get going then.”

Kai caught his wrist and pulled him back, locking Sehun in his arms once more.

“Kai,” groaned Sehun, even though he did nothing to break free this time.

Smiling, Kai leaned in and brushed his lips against Sehun’s cheek, hands slipping down Sehun’s back. Sehun jumped a little when Kai grabbed a handful of his ass and squeezed.

“Do not forget your pants, my love,” he whispered into Sehun’s ear before he pulled away and strutted out of the tent.

* * *

The day was as clamorous and restless as any other. The soldiers at the camp had no trouble keeping themselves entertained with hourly duels and friendly bets. Some sang songs about all the lewd things they would do to the next willing woman they met. Some talked about how much they missed their families. Some gossiped, some cooked, some daydreamed.

They were all very far from the capital of Azudor. The encampment was on the southern borders of the kingdom. The only nearby civilizations were the town and a road that was frequented by merchandizers, travellers and traders.

Despite being Kai’s companion, Sehun did not spend most of his days at Kai’s side. The prince was always dragged into one council of war or another. And now with his uncle here, he would be busier than ever.

There was a lot for Kai to learn, especially about war strategies, his allies and his troops, to be able to lead the army into the impending war.

That was not to say Sehun did not find ways to keep busy. In fact, he quite enjoyed his new responsibility. For most of the day, he was in the medical wing of the camp. Not only did he share and administer the medical knowledge he had gained from Master Terrowin, he now learned modern medicine from military physicians as well.

The camp was anything but short of injuries. The soldiers were required to train on the daily, and every so often, they ended up with all sorts of wounds. The drought also caused a few cases of maladies among the men.

He was better than an apprentice now. When they returned from the war, perhaps he would pursue this as a profession. He had realized long ago that as he grew older, he could not only be a prince’s companion forever.

He found passion in this. He loved helping those in need. He cared for all who needed aid. And he admired the elegance and caution in the contrastingly bloody and gory practice. It was noble. And important.

Sehun wanted to be important.

In everything he did ever since returning from the mountains, Terrowin’s teachings and advices echoed. He wanted to make something of himself. He wanted to be his own person. And the older he got, the more he determined he was to forge his own achievements, something that would have made his father proud, even though he did not think of the man anymore.

Sometimes, when he was not working in the medical tent, he was practising with the other soldiers. Most of them were bigger than he was, stronger. But he had not realized how good of a swordsman he was until he had gotten her. Up until now, he could only compare himself to Kai, which he now understood had been an unfair judgement. He was good. Better than good. Every time he engaged in a combat with one of the soldiers, he won. He was limber in his movements, incredibly calculative with his attacks, and cautious with his energy. And practising medicine had also taught him how to be meticulous to everything and showed great attention for detail.

In spite of everything, Sehun saw a real opportunity to thrive in this environment.

Whenever Kai demanded it, Sehun sat in with him for the councils of war. He tried to soak every bit of information in and offer his opinion every now and then, although it was seldom because he was still quite intimidated by all the officers and noblemen around him. Politics had never been one of Sehun’s strongest suits.

Kai, however, was always in his element. He shone the brightest everywhere he went. From soldiers to generals, everyone valued his input and obeyed his orders. Kai learned fast, and he was quick to pick up ques around him. And with a sword in his hand, his speed and pace were unrivalled.

There was something empyrean about Kai. Something that made it seem like he did not belong on the ground. Something that Terrowin told Sehun he would not understand. And he was right. Sehun never understood. But Kai regularly displayed his gift and aptitude for speed in everything he did.

Except when it came to lovemaking, of course.

Over the weeks, they had gotten more comfortable and intimate with each other’s bodies. But it was not enough. It never felt enough. When it was all over, their hands continued to search for one another in the dark of the tent, wanting something more, something either of them was afraid of asking, fearing to offend the other.

“You are early today,” said Tor, the head physician, as soon as Sehun entered the medical tent that smelled of all sorts of medicinal herbs, metallic liquids and sterilized tools.

The head physician was assisted by two other physicians, Lerando and Jian, who were not around at the moment. Sehun was an unofficial assistant physician, who often ran errands and facilitated surgeries.

“The prince’s uncle has arrived,” said Sehun as he proceeded to his station to wash and soap his hands in the washbasin.

“He has? Do you mean Lord Engeram?” asked Tor. He was a man in his late forties with a big family in eastern Azudor. He often talked about them, especially his six daughters.

“Yes. His troops are here, too. There aren’t many, but the noblemen and women of Balfold have sent all of their able sons, I hear.”

“That should be more than what Lord Ymbert has, isn’t it?”

Sehun turned and faced the man. “I suppose, but barely.” He sighed and wiped his hands dry with a clean towel.

“Tell me, Sehun,” said Tor. “When the time comes, would you fight on the field?”

Sehun blinked at the man. “Of course,” he said. “I will fight alongside my prince.”

Tor smiled. “I hope I’m not overstepping when I say, perhaps your talents will be more useful in the aftermath. There will be a lot of bloodshed and only people like us can do something about it.”

“I understand,” said Sehun. “But I will not stay behind while the prince goes to war.”

Tor bowed his head in defeat. “Very well.” He continued to grin, however.

“What?” asked Sehun, arching an eyebrow.

Shrugging, Tor said, “I just find it intriguing that you serve your prince first and foremost before your kingdom. But I suppose that is the duty of a prince’s companion.”

Sehun looked away without issuing a reply.

* * *

It was not until after midday when Sehun stepped out of the medical tent to get something to eat. His stomach was grumbling. He promised Tor to bring something back for him.

Before standing in the long line for the gruel and stale bread, Sehun decided to go look for Kai, in case the prince needed him.

No one noticed when he slipped into the common tent, where the generals, Kai, his uncle and one other man whom Sehun did not recognize were gathered around a table.

“We should be prepared to move out by then,” Kai said in a reassuring tone. “I agree that we shouldn’t wait until Ymbert and his troops have reached the borders.”

“It’s embarrassing that you’ve let him get this far in the first place,” scoffed the unfamiliar man in the tent.

Kai straightened up and squared his shoulders. “I had to wait until all the allies’ troops and aids had arrived,” he said.

The other man rolled his eyes but said nothing more. He was clad in an extravagant, shiny armour, and he was carrying a broadsword at his hip, a red ruby sitting comfortably on its pommel. He sported a stubble on his sharp-angled jaw. His eyes weren’t kind, and he looked like he was born with that mean scowl. That said, he was quite broad-shouldered and burly.

“I would defer to you if this were happening at your home over a friendly game of checkers, Cousin,” said Kai through his teeth. “But we are seducing war here. We must act with great caution and prudence.”

It was Terrowin’s teaching that resounded in those words.

“Kai is right,” said Engeram. “No one is as eager as me to put a spear through Ymbert’s skull, but we must choose the path of least resistance.”

“You mean the path of cowards,” the man snorted. “But very well, I will concede for now.”

“You have no other choice,” spat Kai assertively. “I am the commander. I welcome all of your counsel, but I have the final say.”

The other man’s glower deepened, but he did not provoke Kai further.

Sehun wondered if the man had accompanied Engeram to the camp because he had not seen him around here before. As he made his way towards the table and Kai, the others finally noticed his presence, though no one acknowledged it, even Kai. Except the stranger, whose eyes widened first before an overwhelming disgust overtook his expression.

He opened his mouth as though to say something but closed it when Kai started talking again.

“I want the men well prepared before we mobilize them,” he said to the officials. “Make sure of it. Cut off those who would only be a hindrance to us and send them home.”

“Yes, Your Highness,” they said in unison.

Once everyone had received their orders, they took their leave. Kai then turned to face his uncle.

“I am grateful you are here, Uncle,” he said.

Engeram nodded his head. “I should be the one to thank you and your father, my dear nephew. You came to defend my wife’s honour and I will never forget it.”

Kai curtly bowed his head, too before his uncle exited the tent.

“Wait a second,” the other man said gruffly, stepping forward. Kai turned to him almost tiredly. But the man was now looking at Sehun, who was quietly standing behind Kai. “Is this that pale, scrawny kid who used to run around with you back at the palace?”

Sehun’s eyebrows furrowed into a glare, but he was more confused about how did this man know who he was, especially when Sehun did not recognize him.

It then occurred to Sehun that Kai had just called the man ‘cousin’.

“Gamel,” he let out, jaw falling slack.

“That’s _Lord_ Gamel to you, you mutt,” hissed Gamel, and Sehun flinched.

 _Wow_ … Gamel might not look as unappealing as he did when he was a teenager anymore, but he still sounded just as insufferable.

“You’re still keeping him?” he then asked Kai, half-chuckling, half-scoffing. “What’s he going to do in a war?” He smirked then. “He’d be more valuable in a brothel somewhere.”

Kai’s hand moved too quick for Sehun’s eyes to follow, and it was now clenched around the grip of his sheathed sword. He refrained himself, however, and loosened his grip.

“Last time I checked,” Kai then said, his chest heaving lightly, his breath noticeably short. “he had bested you in a duel.”

Gamel’s ears turned red, and his nostrils began flaring. “He did not best me,” he growled. “I had won.”

“You cheated,” said Sehun.

Gamel then strode out of the tent with his hands fisted and jaw locked.

Exhaling heavily, Kai turned around and frowned at Sehun. “His father has sent two hundred men,” he said with a sigh. “I had to… stay my blade.”

Sehun smiled, shaking his head. “You needn’t defend _my_ honour, too. I expected nothing less from him. I am surprised, though. That he came.”

“He came to boast.”

Sehun shrugged. “Have you eaten anything? Shall I bring you your meal to your tent?”

“No, thank you. I have some things to do.”

“Do you need my help?”

“No.” And that meant Kai would prefer to be left alone to do his thinking in silence. He never asked Sehun to leave, but he didn’t have to. Sehun knew him too well.

“Then call for me if you need anything,” he told Kai before he left the prince to work.

* * *

The next few days was more hectic than usual. Since Engeram and Gamel’s arrival, Kai was allowed no time for respite. He only came to his tent to sleep, and often, it was after Sehun had fallen asleep.

“Who is that man in that silver armour that nearly blinds me every time I look at it?” asked Jian one morning as he treated a soldier’s injured toe.

“It’s the prince’s cousin, I think,” supplied Tor, sharpening his tools.

“Yes,” said Lerando, who was helping Sehun sew some gauzes together. “He doesn’t seem like a very nice man. He made fun of my hair when I walked past him.”

Sehun could not help but look at Lerando’s hair then. It was fiery red and incredibly curly, but there was certainly nothing to ridicule.

“Ignore him,” he told Lerando. “He’s just being unkind.”

“You must know him,” said Jian to Sehun. “Is he always this intolerable?”

Sehun quietly nodded his head with a faint smile. “He’s the worst,” he muttered under his breath.

When it was finally time for dinner, they left the medical tent together and found a spot at one of the tables to sit after grabbing their food.

The soldiers who were sitting nearby were discussing women, as usual.

“She is the most gorgeous creature, inside out,” said one man, looking like he might drool into the pottage in his bowl.

“Highly doubt that,” scoffed another.

“What are you talking about?” inquired Jian. He was always so sociable, but he was not one of the soldiers. He could work masterfully with a scalpel, but he couldn’t lift a sword to save his life. Lerando was the same, except that he was generally very timid and quiet.

“Our women,” said a soldier, chest puffed out. “back home. My sweetheart is like the lone white lily in a dirty, mucky pond full of frog shit.”

“That sounds… poetic,” said Jian. “Anyone else got a girl waiting for them back home?”

Another soldier raised his hand. “Well, we didn’t exactly meet yet. But my mother wrote to me that she has found a bride for me and that she is beautiful. I am to be married once I return.”

“If you return,” Lerando whispered to himself.

“What about you, healing hands?” asked the soldier.

Jian started. “I had a girl once, but she dumped me for the general store owner’s lad.” He let out a heavy, longing breath. “She was the sweetest.”

“Sweetest what?” asked a soldier at the table. “Cunt?”

Jian flinched, and so did Sehun. “No! She was the sweetest… well, _just_ the sweetest. Girl.”

“You ever got in her cunt?” asked another soldier as the others laughed.

“I did!” yapped Jian, although not very convincingly.

“What about you?” They were now looking at Tor.

“Oh,” the man let out, wiped his mouth and politely said, “I am married to a wonderful mother of six. She shares in all my burdens and makes me a better man every day.”

“Sounds boring. Boo!”

“And you, carrottop?”

It was Lerando’s turn. Sehun suddenly felt his stomach clench, and his blood run cold.

“Hm?” Lerando looked up and blinked.

“Oh, come on,” a soldier drawled. “He’s clearly a virgin. Aren’t you?”

Lerando shook his head. “I have a wife back home,” he said, quietly, head held low. “She is my age. We got married last spring.”

The table went completely silent as everyone gawked at Lerando in disbelief.

And then a soldier bayed, “Yeah, right! If you believe, I have some talking donkeys I’d like to sell.”

Lerando flushed red and returned to his meal, instead of defending himself.

Sehun lightly touched the man’s shoulder and smiled. “I believe you,” he said in a low voice, and Lerando smiled back. “And congratulations on your marriage.”

“Thanks, Sehun.”

“What about you, Sehun?”

Sehun’s head shot up, and he glanced to the rowdy pack of soldiers. He did not know that these men knew his name, but he was not surprised. He was the prince’s only companion, after all. There was some power to his title, and he was probably given more importance when it came to the gossips.

“Got a girl back home?”

Sehun shook his head.

“Oh, cut the crap,” said the soldier, chuckling. “With a well-proportioned face like that? I bet you had all the chambermaids lining up for you day and night.”

“Can’t be easy with the prince hanging around him all the time, though,” said another.

“I’d never let my girl anywhere near you.”

“You’d only wish your girl were that lucky.”

Sehun listened to the men go back and forth about it for a moment, even though he’d rather be anywhere but here right now.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he managed to seduce a princess,” a soldier huffed begrudgingly. “He’d probably get the prettiest one, too.”

“You could totally steal the prince’s girl, when he gets one. I’d be very careful if I were him.”

“I wouldn’t do that,” said Sehun, frowning.

The soldier sneered. “You clearly haven’t met a woman worth going to war for.”

Sehun stood up from the table as soon as he was finished with his food. When he turned around, he was surprised to find Kai seated at a nearby table with his uncle and cousin, staring at him with a cup of wine in his hand.

Startled, Sehun quickly lowered his gaze and hurried to put away his bowl and cup before he made his way to the tent he shared with Kai.

His shoulders were a little sore. He desperately wanted a bath, but it would have to wait until the morning. The makeshift lavatory would be cramping with men right now, and Sehun hated the stench there.

After lighting an oil lamp, he sat down at the table and picked up one of the unread, less urgent scrolls. Kai never read missives, so it was up to Sehun attend to them and keep him informed.

Later, when the night had finally turned as dark as ink, Kai returned to the tent. He briefly glanced to Sehun at the table before he proceeded to the corner to remove his boots.

“Any important news?” he asked dully, as though to make conversation, while he untangled the laces.

“No,” muttered Sehun. “Just some records about provisions. I’ll hand them to the officials tomorrow.”

Kicking the boots aside, Kai then unbuckled his sword belt and tossed it to the ground too, along with the sword.

He then walked over to the table and placed a hand on top of it, leaning to a side as he eyed Sehun with scrutiny.

“What?” asked Sehun, lowering the scroll he was perusing.

Kai looked a little more drunk than he usually was at night. It was a rotten habit he had picked up since the day they had reached the camp. Every now and then, Sehun would accompany him. He was a curious young man who wanted to explore and push his limits, too. But he did not grow up as quickly as Kai did. Every single day.

Even though Sehun did not particularly like the taste of the dark mead or wine, which were the only two liquors available at the camp for the time being, he quite enjoyed the occasional buzzy, woozy feeling that came with it, especially when he was touching or was being touched by Kai.

Kai, on the other hand, drank because he was stressed.

“So,” he started. “The word on the street is that you could steal my girl if I had one, huh?”

Sehun rolled his eyes and stood up. “This isn’t funny.”

Before he could walk away, Kai grabbed his arm and pulled him back. He curled an arm around Sehun’s waist and held him fast. His breath reeked of spiced wine.

Slipping his other hand into Sehun’s hair, Kai said, “You could, you know.”

Sehun sighed, unamused. “I could what? Steal your girl?”

“No,” said Kai. “Have what that they all want. Any girl you want. Settle down. Get married. Children. It’s what every man wants.”

Sehun scowled lightly. “If I wanted what every man wants, I wouldn’t be here with you now, would I?”

Kai sighed. “That’s what I’m saying,” he muttered, his breath grazing Sehun’s lips. “Have you ever… thought about what would happen after all of this is over? When we return? The universe is only going to give us so many opportunities.”

Sehun tried to pull away then, but Kai’s strength was as difficult to deny as it was to oppose. And Kai had gotten very good at manhandling Sehun.

“I do not wish to talk about this now… or ever,” he spat, trying to shove Kai away. “Can we just go to sleep?”

Kai held him tightly and tilted his head to a side before he brushed his lips against Sehun’s neck, sending a shudder down Sehun’s spine.

Sehun froze then, his hands clutching at Kai’s shirt.

“What will happen when it’s all over, Sehun?” Kai asked in a whisper, kissing along the side of Sehun’s neck. “When the war is over?”

Sehun was not sure why he was both aroused and upset at the same time. His cheeks were hot, but his eyes were blurry with furious tears.

“It’ll all be over,” Kai moaned, resting most of his weight against Sehun. “What then?”

Sehun shoved him back and stepped away. “Then you best hope that one of us dies on that battlefield someday, Your Grace,” he spat angrily, glowering, and panting.

Kai only frowned sadly in return. He looked tired.

“Now, go to sleep,” said Sehun before he climbed into the bed and waited, with a pout, for Kai to join him, too.


	16. Chapter 16

# C H A P T E R S I X T E E N

“Sehun.”

The voice was so low and whispery that Sehun barely heard it in his sleep. The sudden cold hand on his bare shoulder made him shudder slightly. He stirred but did not wake up.

“Sehun,” the eager voice called again, a little louder this time.

He forced a heavy eye open and squinted at the figure looming in the darkness before him. “Kai?” he mumbled sleepily. “What… is it?”

“Wake up,” said Kai.

“Is it dawn already?” drawled Sehun, tugging at the crumpled blanket, wondering why Kai was up before him for once.

“No,” muttered Kai. “But get up.”

Sehun opened his eyes then and blinked at Kai. He could eventually make out the mischievous smile etched on the prince’s lips. He was also already fully clothed.

Sitting up, Sehun confusedly asked, “What is happening?”

“Just come on. Get up,” said Kai, gently pulling at Sehun’s arm to coax him out of the bed.

Before he knew it, Sehun was crawling out of the pallet and drunkenly putting his clothes and boots on. He then yawned as he followed Kai out of the tent. They moved so quietly that it looked like they were sneaking away.

Were they sneaking away?

The rest of the camp was still sound asleep, except for the soldiers on first watch.

“Where are we going?” asked Sehun, yawning once more, plodding wobblily after Kai.

Kai did not answer. He led Sehun past and through the tents stealthily, careful not to alert anybody. Part of Sehun thought that he was still asleep and dreaming.

When they finally reached the fencing surrounding the camp, however, he stopped and stared at Kai, who was expertly leaping over the fence.

“Come on,” he told Sehun from the other side of the fence.

Cocking a curious eyebrow, Sehun said, “Where are we going, Kai?”

It was so dark that he could not see anything but black as far as his eyesight allowed. The night sky was speckled with countless clusters of stars, though.

“You’ll see,” said Kai with an outstretched arm, hand held out to Sehun.

He looked excited, and Sehun would recognize that naughty smirk anywhere.

Sighing, he took Kai’s hand and climbed over the shoddy fence. Soon, they were trudging along the sand uphill.

“What are you being so secretive for?” asked Sehun, his hand still clasping Kai’s, their fingers interlaced. As he recovered his sobriety, excitement began to fill his chest, too. They had not left the camp since they arrived. Sure, they had some privacy in their tent, but they could never be too careful. One wrong move and everything would go to hell.

Sehun remembered his promise to Kai’s father. He reminded himself of it every single day. He would never jeopardize Kai’s honour or risk disgrace. Even staying in the same tent was risky enough, especially since it was virtually impossible for them to keep their hands off of each other.

There was nothing out in this desert-like strip of land but arid, unmoving night air and an open space of endless sand.

“Should you be away from the camp?” he asked Kai.

“Probably not,” answered Kai, shrugging. He came to a stop then and faced Sehun, tightening his hand around Sehun’s. “But I… missed you. I mean, just the two of us… together. Away from the rest of the world. Without loads of responsibilities on our shoulders.”

Sehun lowered his head as his cheeks grew warm. “Like back on the mountains?” he muttered.

Kai stepped closer and aimlessly tangled a finger in Sehun’s shirt laces. “Yes,” he whispered, brushing his nose against Sehun’s. “I miss those days… so much.”

Sehun tilted his head and nearly kissed Kai on the lips, but he was left with disappointment with Kai pulled back abruptly and started dragging him away by the hand.

“Are you never going to tell me where you’re taking me?” he asked.

“You will see for yourself in a moment. Be patient.”

Sehun huffed heavily, but he did not press for more information.

“I know I have been quite busy lately,” said Kai. “Everything is a little overwhelming, but I don’t want you to think that you aren’t in my thoughts and in everything that I do.”

Sehun frowned. “Kai,” he let out. “Of course, I know that. I would never think that.”

Kai smiled, stopping again. “I’ve never done anything like this before,” he said, shyly looking to his left. Sehun followed his gaze and was surprised to find the spread-out blanket on the ground, holding nothing but two bottles of cheap mead.

Sehun’s lips stretched into a toothy grin, and he chuckled, hurrying over to the blanket. “You dragged me out here in the middle of the night to get drunk?”

“Under the stars,” said Kai, smirking as he knelt down on the blanketed ground and beckoned Sehun to do the same. “And we’re far away from the rest of the world.”

Sehun laughed softly and uncorked a bottle. “This is wonderful.”

* * *

They were suddenly reminded of all the nights they had snuck away to the beach. Of course, back then, Sehun was clueless about Kai’s feelings for him and his own for Kai. But he had enjoyed every second he spent with the rowdy, excitable prince, who had only treated him with kindness, right from the moment he found Sehun crying in the broom closet.

“How about a race?” suggested Sehun, fisting a hand around Kai’s shirt, playfully yanking him close. Even in the darkness, he could see the way Kai’s face lit up at once.

They shared the first bottle of mead before they removed their boots and sprinted to their heart’s content on the sand. It was the first time in a while Kai got to run so freely again. Unsurprisingly, he easily beat Sehun like he always did, but as soon as he crossed the finish line, he turned around with open arms and a big smile.

Giggling, Sehun threw himself onto Kai, wrapping his arms around the prince. As his weight brought them down, they tumbled onto the ground together. Then laughing drunkenly, they struggled to get back onto their feet, tugging and shoving.

By the time they had managed to get back to the blanket, covered in sand and sweat, they were panting for breath.

They settled on their backs with the second bottle of mead nestled between them. Sehun tried to calm his breathing and heaving chest as he studied the stars in the sky.

He never thought that he could be this happy. But he was. Every time when the world belonged to just him and Kai. No one else allowed.

He flinched when he felt Kai’s fingers brush against his all of a sudden. Lacing them together, Sehun propped himself up on an elbow and looked down at Kai, smiling. He then grabbed the mead and took a heavy swig before bowing down to kiss Kai on the lips.

When he pulled back, still smiling and blinking lazily, Kai lifted his free hand to stroke Sehun’s hair at the back of his head.

“Sehun,” he exhaled in a whisper, fingers tangled in the locks of Sehun’s hair. “I want you to know that… you mean _everything_ to me.”

Sehun almost wished that Kai would not say such things out loud. It was better when he wrote these thoughts in his personal journal.

How could he possibly respond to that? He did not doubt a single word that Kai had said, but he was not sure how he could bring himself to say what _he_ felt about Kai out loud. How could he even put it into comprehensible words to begin with?

Kai did not look like he was expecting any reply, however. He seemed to be lost in Sehun’s eyes for a moment, his hand moving to curl around the nape of Sehun’s neck, pulling him back in for a longer, deeper kiss.

“I do not know,” Kai muttered between their mouths. “how it will all end, Sehun. But as long as I’m with you, I don’t care where or how we end up.”

Sehun pulled away and sat up, loosely wrapping his arms around his legs, staring into nothingness. He felt Kai’s hand touch the small of his back comfortingly.

“What’s wrong?” asked Kai. “Did I… say something wrong?”

Sehun sighed and shook his head. “No,” he said quietly. “But…”

Kai sat up with him, a frown furrowing his brows. “But what?”

Exhaling heavily, Sehun faced him. “There is so much going on right now,” he said. “It is all… new and scary and exciting. I don’t want to… talk about what’s going to happen tomorrow, Kai. I have you here right now, we have each other, and that’s all that matters for now. I don’t want us to… forget about today thinking about tomorrow.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” said Kai, looking a little sad. “I am probably worrying for no reason. It’s just that… I… don’t know what I would do if I were to ever lose you.”

“You are not going to lose me,” said Sehun in a slightly angered tone. “Nothing has happened. Now, can we stop talking about this?”

Kai nodded. “I’m sorry.”

Sehun looked away, gnawing at his lower lip.

Kai retrieved the bottle from Sehun’s hand and guzzled greedily before wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. He then reclined back on the blanket, tucking an arm under his head, gazing at the sky.

How could Sehun tell Kai that he did not wish to be a distraction? Just as Terrowin had warned him. Kai needed to be vigilant and focused, now more than ever. There was a lot at stake. This was what he had trained for all his life. This was what he was destined for, what he deserved since he was a child. Sehun knew that if he, or even his thoughts, stood in the way, Kai might take a wrong turn, which could end up being fatal for them and those around them.

 _“He is waiting for an opportunity,”_ Terrowin had said _. “to prove himself. He does not want to prove his worth to the world, no. Even though that is what it might seem like, he does not want fame. He simply wants to prove to himself that he is meant for greatness. And that, he most certainly is. The instant the opportunity presents itself, he would do anything to achieve his ambitions. But… his vision is not as straight and lucid as it should be. And you might be the reason why. It isn’t anything you have done intentionally, I’m sure. But somewhere along the way, the fate has decided to test him. He still believes that he is meant for greatness, but he is no longer… focused.”_

“Kai,” called Sehun.

“Hmm?” He had his eyes closed now, looking like he might fall asleep at any moment.

“I don’t… want you to worry about me or us,” said Sehun. “I want you to focus on what’s important right now and… we will figure it out when everything is back to normal.”

“Okay,” Kai muttered lazily.

He must have had a long day, and he still made the effort to do all this. Sehun wished he had the words to express how grateful and in love he was.

So, he decided to do it in a way he best knew how.

Emptying the bottle, he tossed it aside onto the sand and leaned down. Kai’s eyes flung open when Sehun splayed a hand on his chest, slowly unlacing the strings of his shirt. He did not finish, however, as he drew his hand down Kai’s sternum and abdomen, all the way down to the waistband of his trousers.

Kai’s breathing instantly quickened as he curled his bottom lip between his teeth, lifting his head enough to watch Sehun’s fingers expertly work the laces of his pants before they slithered in.

A rough and breathy moan broke from his throat as he tossed his head back on the ground, eyes clenched, and sucked in a deep, shaky breath while Sehun wrapped his hand around the already hardening length.

There was something incredibly exhilarating about doing this out in the open, away from the privacy of their tent.

Kai palmed his own hand over his clothed crotch, on top of Sehun’s fisted hand in the trousers. Then aggressively grabbing Sehun’s wrist, he pushed himself up and smashed his mouth against Sehun’s.

His lips were slightly chapped and a lot more demanding than Sehun’s. He hastily yanked Sehun’s hand out of his pants and shoved Sehun down onto the blanket.

Without breaking the kiss, he then pinned one of Sehun’s hands to the ground over their heads. Sehun slipped his free hand back into Kai’s trousers and closed it around the swelling member, stroking it firmly.

“Fuck,” Kai hissed against Sehun’s lips between kisses, uncontrollably thrusting his hips against Sehun’s. Catching Sehun’s lower lip between his teeth, he tugged at it before suckling it gently, coaxing a guttural moan out of Sehun.

He let out another, embarrassingly so, when Kai slid a hand into his trousers and started stroking Sehun’s cock, mimicking the rhythm of Sehun’s own strokes.

Their shirts, only half-laced, were drooping by the shoulders. Their mingling breaths were short and rapid. Their hands were grasping at each other, legs twining around one another.

Kai eventually sat up, bringing Sehun up with him. Kneeling on either side of him, Sehun then rocked himself against him, causing more delirious friction between their cocks, which were fisted in one of Kai’s hand, while the other slipped into Sehun’s pants at the back to grope at his ass.

“Kai,” Sehun groaned into the other boy’s mouth, kissing him deeply, hands planted and pulling at Kai’s hair. He might have bit Kai’s lip in the heat of the moment as he felt himself edge closer to his climax, but neither of them cared. All it took for Sehun to come was a kiss on his neck, which Kai administered so hungrily, and he soon broke into thick, white stains.

Crawling off Kai’s lap once he was slightly better composed again, he bent low between Kai’s legs and wrapped his mouth around the head of Kai’s cock.

Kai kept his hands pressed firmly on the ground at behind him, eyes rolled back, head looking upwards, chest heaving laboriously.

Sehun was not sure if he were all that good at it, but he tried to learn every time Kai did it to him. And bloody hell, it was the best thing ever. Such overwhelming pleasure must certainly be a sin.

He tried not to wince when Kai tightly gripped a handful of his hair, bucking his hips up to thrust into Sehun’s mouth. He did, however, retch with stinging tears welling up in his eyes when the cockhead slammed against the back of his throat.

It was enough to make Kai come, before he could manage to pull out of Sehun’s mouth.

When he was finished, he fell onto the ground, gasping loudly, throwing an arm over his sweaty forehead while Sehun knelt up and tried to find something to wipe his mouth.

Once he had had a moment to come down from his high, Kai sat up and frowned briefly before he smiled.

“I’m sorry,” he huffed, pulling his sleeve down to wipe the corners of Sehun’s mouth and chin. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s all right,” Sehun whimpered embarrassedly.

Still smiling, Kai gently cupped Sehun’s chin and pulled him close to kiss him softly on his tender, swollen lips.

“The sun will be coming up soon,” said Sehun once Kai was done kissing him, on the lips and all over his face. “We should head back.”

Sighing, Kai nodded his head. “All right. We should try and get some sleep, too.”

Sehun could not quite wait for that. Now that he was all gratified and content, he wanted nothing more than to curl up on the pallet back in the tent with Kai and comfortably doze off.

* * *

It took a little longer for Sehun to show up at the medical tent the next morning. He spent the first couple of hours delegating Kai’s orders to some of the officials, quilling return missives with the prince’s responses, ensuring Engeram was ready for breakfast with his nephew.

Tor, Jian and Lerando were tending to a soldier with a gnarly cut on his shin, and they looked concerned.

“What’s the matter?” Sehun inquired after laving his hands clean.

“The cut doesn’t seem to be healing,” said Tor, rubbing his stubbled chin. “I saw to it myself a few days back. Stitched it up good, but it’s covered in puss now.”

The soldier pulled a long face, grimacing as Lerando tried to clean up the wound.

“It must be infected,” said Sehun.

“Yes,” replied Tor. “But it shouldn’t be. I have applied the appropriate simples on the wound.”

Sehun remembered one of Terrowin’s lessons then. He quickly turned around and started rummaging through the medicinal supplies on the shelves in the tent.

“What are you doing?” asked Tor.

Sehun grabbed the jar of Yellow Puccoon powder. “I was once taught that the best cure to any ailment is dispensed _inside_ one’s body,” he said, holding the jar. “I know of a concoction that can help fight infections. But I need Lemon Balm leaves and honey.”

Tor looked sceptical. “Lemon Balm leaves and honey?”

“Perhaps also some ginger, but I could get that from the cook’s tent.”

“We do not have any Lemon Balm leaves hanging about, do we?” Tor asked Jian and Lerando, who confused shook his head.

“But I bet you can find some in the town,” said Lerando.

Sehun nodded, putting the Yellow Puccoon powder back in its place on the shelf. He walked over to the injured soldier and said, “Perhaps you should rest here until we’ve found some medicine for you.”

“Yes,” said Jian. “That’s a good idea.”

Sehun took another look at the unpleasant cut on the man’s shin and frowned. The soldier’s sallow complexion also worried him a little.

“What is your name?” he asked.

“Farkas, Milord,” said the soldier.

Sehun sighed. “I’m not a lord. Just call me Sehun.”

The soldier nodded, although he looked a little confused. It was a common misconception at the camp. Just because Sehun was Kai’s companion, everyone assumed that he was nobility. Well, Sehun was born to a nobleman, but he was stripped of all titles and rights when he was exiled.

He helped the soldier limp over to one of the limited cots in the tent and lie down before he returned to the others.

“So, how should we–” Just as he began to say, someone entered the tent, and his presence was instantly unwelcome.

“You,” spat Gamel when his eyes spotted Sehun. “What are you doing here?”

“I help out here when I can,” said Sehun annoyedly, although he tried to keep his tone as civil as possible. The last time he had engaged with Gamel was when they were kids, and he had hurt Kai badly. Sehun still harboured a strong urge to punch the bastard’s teeth in for that.

“Can we help you?” asked Tor.

Gamel tore his scowl from Sehun and fixed it on Tor instead. “I’d like to hope so,” he said. “I am just scouting the camp, finding out how deplorable everything is around here, so that I can report back to my father. So far, I am not impressed.”

“Perhaps you should leave then,” Sehun said, and Gamel took a step closer to him.

“Watch your mouth, mutt,” he growled. “Out here, you have nowhere to run, and I might just give into my impulse to get even with you by skewering your head on a spear.”

Sehun nearly goaded the man to do just that, but then he remembered that he should not be making things harder for Kai. So, he pressed his lips into a thin line and looked away, clenching his jaw.

“That’s better,” said Gamel. “As for the rest of you, you better learn whose good side you should be on.”

He left then, heading to storm the next general tent.

“What a jerk,” muttered Jian very quietly, as though he were afraid of still being in Gamel’s earshot. “And how can he talk to you that way? You are the prince’s companion.”

“He’s just a disrespectful son of a bitch,” said Sehun. “I had once bested him in a duel, and he hates me for it.”

“You… bested _him_ in a duel?” asked Lerando, eyes bulging.

Sehun shrugged. “When we were younger, yes. He’s all mouth, no trousers.”

“Enough about him,” said Tor, crossing his arms over his chest. “What are we to do about the Lemon Balm?”

“Oh, yes,” said Sehun. “We must go to the town this evening and look for supplies.”

“Are you sure it could work?” asked Tor, frowning.

Sehun glanced to the soldier in the cot and worriedly said, “We have to try. If the infection spreads, it isn’t going to make things any better.”

He remembered very well the day Kai had gotten himself a cut on the finger, which was quickly infected. Terrowin had forced a spoonful of the Lemon Balm-Yellow Puccoon concoction down Kai’s throat and it had cured the wound the very next day.

Not that Kai had admitted it, though. Not to Sehun, at least. He had sat on the pallet in the cave nearly all day, scowling at Sehun, pouting and waiting very patiently for Sehun to ask him about his injured finger. At some point, he had angrily told Sehun that he had not eaten all day before storming out of the cave.

“All right,” said Tor, rubbing his temples. “Do you think you can get permission from the generals to leave?”

“I think he can get it from the prince himself,” scoffed Jian, dangling an arm over Sehun’s shoulders. “Can’t you?”

“I suppose,” said Sehun.

“I can go with him,” said Jian excitedly. “Lerando should come, too. He knows the way around the town.”

Tor’s eyes narrowed, as though he were onto Jian’s schemes. “Fine. But don’t do or buy anything that will get you kicked out of the military. I cannot afford to do all this by myself.”

“Of course, doc,” said Jian, smirking. Once Tor had walked away, he turned to Sehun and Lerando and said, “Let me go clean myself up nice and neat for tonight!”

“What for?” asked Lerando, and Sehun was wondering the same thing.

“To have some fun in the town!” hissed Jian. “The other men sneak away all the time, anyway.”

“What do you mean?” asked Sehun, blinking.

Jian’s smile turned a little smugger and lewder. “I heard some of the soldiers talk about the brothel in the town.”

Sehun rolled his eyes, scoffing out a heavy breath before he turned away, uninterested. “We are only going there to get some medical supplies, Jian.”

“Yeah! But what harm is there in indulging in a little fun while we’re there?” he asked, throwing his arm around Sehun again. “I also heard the women there have completely no inhibitions. They are naughtiest. They’d do anything for a coin.”

“No, thank you,” said Lerando, although his face had gone entirely red. “I-I-I have a wife.”

Jian snorted. “Sure you have, buddy. But what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her, right?” He turned to Sehun again. “Because she doesn’t exist,” he whispered. “Come on, Sehun. It will be so much fun! God, I can’t even remember the touch of a woman. We desperately need this. Once we move out and the war begins, who knows when we would ever be able to feel a woman again?”

“You do what you want,” said Sehun. “I just need some herbs.”

Jian shrugged. “We’ll see about that, pal. You’d be snugging down with a cutie before the night ends.”

Sehun shook his head and scoffed, smiling at the man’s ridiculousness.

* * *

When Kai finally returned to the tent later in the afternoon, he looked like he was about kick something down. He stopped when he noticed Sehun at the table, and expression immediately softened.

“Sehun,” he said.

“Let me guess,” said Sehun. “Gamel.”

Kai exhaled through his flaring nostrils and plumped heavily in another chair. “I so badly want to drive my sword through his skull.”

“You might not be able to, considering how thick his skull is,” said Sehun, and that made Kai smile.

“He’s insufferable. I don’t know why Uncle Engeram brought him along.”

“He has troops.”

Kai rubbed his forehead. “Yes, he does,” he sighed. “I’d much rather just lose this war right now and kneel to Ymbert than tolerate that sickening poser.”

“Well, if there’s anyone in this entire camp who has the self-composure and patience to deal with Gamel, it’s you,” said Sehun before he rose from the chair briefly to give Kai a quick peck on the lips.

“You think I have such patience?” asked Kai, head tilted to a side.

“Yes. Based on what you wrote in your journals.”

Kai looked away at once, jaw falling slack, face instantly overcome with embarrassment. “I should get back to my uncle. We have to discuss… um… war stuff.”

Sehun stifled a laugh and stopped Kai. “Wait,” he said. “I have to go into town to get some medical supplies.”

Kai blinked. “What?”

Sehun licked his lips. “There’s a soldier, whose leg is badly injured. It’s infected. He might even have come down with a fever by now. I need some herbs and other ingredients.”

“Why doesn’t the head physician make do with what we have at camp?”

“It isn’t enough.”

Kai thought about it for a moment, biting his lip. “You’re going to the town alone?”

“No. Jian and Lerando will be accompanying me.”

“Oh.”

“We need more supplies, Kai. It’s urgent.”

“It’s just that… it’ll take a few hours to get to the town and back. Are you sure you’re going to be safe travelling in the dark?”

“We’ll be all right. We’ll try not to be too late.”

Kai eventually nodded, although he looked very hesitant. “All right,” he said. “But make sure that you are back before midnight. Take the horses and get the money you need from the treasurer.”

Sehun smiled. “Thank you.”

Kai stopped at the opening of the tent and looked back. “Don’t go anywhere else. All right?”

Sehun bowed his head.

* * *

They were ready to ride at dusk. Jian had indeed cleaned up nice and neat, and he even smelled like soap for once.

“We are just going to get some supplies,” Sehun said once more.

Jian grinned. “Of course,” he said. “Supplies. No dirty business. Cross my heart.”

Sehun huffed and mounted the horse. Lerando appeared to be a better horse rider than any of them as they set forth for the town.


	17. Chapter 17

# C H A P T E R S E V E N T E E N

The town was exactly how it was described. Old, derelict, mired in perversion and malversation. Coming here after dark was certainly ill-advised.

They dismounted their horses and walked the rest of the way when they arrived at the town.

Most shops were closed. Sehun began to worry that that they were too late, and the medical store might be closed, too.

As they passed some shoddy shophouses and alleyways, following Lerando’s directions, they received a few sketchy looks from looming figures in the corners. Sehun tried to ignore them and the whispers that were circling him.

“Soldiers from the camp,” he heard someone hiss nearby.

“Gentlemen,” another purred from the alley. Sehun glanced at the scantily dressed woman at once and gulped when she tossed him a sultry smile, lifting her kirtle a little too high to reveal her thigh.

“Perhaps we should walk faster,” he told Lerando and Jian, the latter pausing every time he crossed an eager doxy on his path.

Tugging at the reins of his horse, Sehun started walking at a faster pace.

“There,” Lerando said, pointing to a small shack-like building at the end of the street. “That’s the medical shop, I believe.”

Sehun frowned. “It looks closed.”

They headed over to the shuttered shop and sighed. It _was_ closed.

“We’re late,” pointed out Lerando. “What do we do now?”

“I suppose we should head back to the camp and try again tomorrow.” Although he was not sure if he would be able to drop his duties tomorrow during the day. And the injured soldier would need medicine as soon as possible.

“We made it all the way here for nothing?” said Lerando.

“Now, wait a second,” said Jian, grinning from ear to ear. “Here’s a brilliant idea! What if we spend the night here, and we get the supplies first thing in the morning when the store opens. Then we don’t have to make two trips.”

Sehun’s eyes narrowed. “We cannot spend the night _here_ , Jian.”

Lerando huffed heavily. “I am kind of tired.”

Jian threw an arm each around Sehun and Lerando. “That’s what I’m talking about! We should stay here tonight. It’s the most ideal solution.”

“Where would we even sleep?” asked Sehun, even though he was not really considering the idea.

“Don’t you worry about that, my friend,” said Jian, and it did not sound one bit reassuring to Sehun. “I’m sure we can find some sort of optimal arrangement.”

Without dillydallying, Jian started ushering them towards the next street.

“Jian, we should go back,” Sehun tried saying, but Jian was no longer listening, and Lerando looked like he was dead on his feet.

“Perhaps we could find an inn?” suggested Lerando.

“I’m not sure we should–” Sehun began to say, but Jian turned to him and clapped a salty palm over his mouth.

“Relax, will you?” he scoffed. “Look around you, Sehun. This might be the last time we’d be able to have a bit of fun. Isn’t it nice to be away from the camp for a while?”

He had a point. The town was not exactly paradise, but it was certainly a change of scenery.

Sehun had nearly forgotten what it was like to not to be surrounded by loud, rough men with zero regard for personal hygiene and safety. For once, the air which he breathed did not smell like stinky boots or leftover gruel.

He had not been to many places. And everywhere he went for the past decade, he was accompanied by Kai. That was not to say he accompanied Kai everywhere the prince went, though. There were places Sehun was not allowed to follow.

He realized then that this was the first time he had gone somewhere without Kai. And he did not think much of it, but it was also somehow strangely exciting. This was his own adventure. And he would tell Kai all about it, just like how Kai narrated his adventures which Sehun was not allowed to go on with him.

He exhaled a breath of defeat in the end and said, “All right. But we must leave as soon as we’ve gotten the supplies in the morning.”

Jian nodded, beaming bright. “Now, you’re talking!”

They found an inn at some point. It was more like a poor travesty of an inn. Small, noisy, reeking of brined fish and cheap ale.

After finding posts to hitch their horses, they entered the inn and were approached by the surprised innkeeper.

“Soldiers,” she gasped. “What can I get you fine men?”

Sehun, Lerando and Jian did not answer the woman immediately, as their attentions were diverted by the women – some young, some old – in every corners of the inn. Some were straddling the innkeeper’s handsy, drunk customers. The idle rest quickly looked in the newcomers’ direction.

Lerando was flushed red. He leaned to Jian and hissed, “This doesn’t seem like an ordinary inn.”

“You’re welcome,” said Jian before he turned to the innkeeper. “Well, we were wondering what you might have to offer the members of King Saer and the Crown Prince Kai of Azudor’s prestigious army.”

The innkeeper swallowed. “Anything you want, gentlemen. On the house.” Smiling nervously, she beckoned to the group of obscenely clad women before she showed them to a table. “A pitcher of ale?”

“That will be great,” replied Jian, grinning. As the innkeeper hurried away, he glanced over his shoulder and stared at the prostitutes a moment too long before he faced Lerando and Sehun. “Okay, they aren’t that easy on the peepers, but who cares. As long as they get wet between the legs.”

“You are disgusting,” Sehun muttered under his breath. He tried to keep his eyes to himself, but the women and their barely covering gowns were too good of a distraction. He was more curious and intrigued than anything. He did not think he found them arousing. But he had never seen such obscenity before. Not at the palace, not in the mountains, not in the capital of Azudor, not in Northernshire, not in Balfold.

The servant girls back at the palace were desperate for his attention, but not a single one of them had ever propositioned him this… boldly.

Lerando closed his eyes and shook his head. “I’m not here for that. I told you I’m married.”

Jian scoffed. “Sure, buddy. But you know what? What she doesn’t know can’t hurt her.”

Lerando made a face at him. “Can we just ask for a room?”

The innkeeper returned with three tankards and a full pitcher of ale.

“Now,” the innkeeper said. “Call me if you need anything.”

Sehun welcomed the diversion as he poured himself a tankard of ale and started guzzling. This was not much of an adventure.

When he looked up again, he nearly choked on his drink when he saw one of the doxies – a tall, tan one, with long ruddy hair – approaching their table, her eyes now locked with Sehun’s.

Two more followed her.

Jian quickly emptied his tankard and straightened up to welcome a woman into his arms. She straddled his legs immediately and started kissing him.

Sehun was not sure if it were the ale that was making his face burn.

Lerando was too shocked and tongue-tied when another woman climbed into his lap and buried her hands in his hair. He bumbled and gibbered, frozen in place.

Jian wasted no time in shoving his hands up the whore’s skirt and unlacing her bodice.

“You’re a cute one,” the tall woman said, settling on the bench beside Sehun, straddling it with her legs spread wide. Sehun’s eyes involuntarily dropped to her thighs when her skirt rode high as she leaned forward.

Swallowing hard, Sehun winced and pulled back. “I’m not… here for this,” he said.

The woman licked her red lips, tugging at the laces of her bodice. “Shall we head upstairs? I got a room,” she said, her voice deep and deliberately provocative.

Look. If he had never met Kai or if they had been just friends or even something less than that, he might have jumped on the offer as fast as Jian did. Perhaps he might have even been the one to go looking for it in the first place.

Sehun had always known that he found some girls attractive as much as he found boys attractive. Unlike Kai who had made his orientation very clear in no uncertain terms and was very confident about it.

Sehun’s situation had never been so clear cut. He never gave it much thought, because he did not care. He had Kai now, and he had always had Kai. His entire world had only ever been Kai. Little else mattered.

So figuring out what he liked – other than Kai – was frankly pointless.

Jian rose from his seat along with the woman before he hurriedly followed her up the staircase. Lerando was sitting there with his eyes and lips clenched tight. The woman who was trying to proposition him eventually conceded defeat and cursed quietly before leaving him be.

Sehun jumped lightly when the red-haired woman grabbed one of his hands and brought it to cup her breast. He could do nothing but gawk and blink at her.

“You like that?” she asked, biting her lip, guiding Sehun’s hand into her loosened blouse now. She rose and sat down on his lap.

Her flowery scent was so strong that it made Sehun’s head spin a little. She tilted her head and rubbed a side of her face against the side of Sehun’s neck before Sehun could register what was happening.

“You might just be the most handsome man to have ever come here,” she purred against Sehun’s ear. As she started to walk one of her hands down Sehun’s abdomen, Sehun finally snapped out of it and stopped her.

Yanking her hand back, he sighed. “You are a… very nice woman,” he said, and the woman straightened up with an arched brow. “And beautiful. But I’m sorry. I am not interested.”

She rested her arms on Sehun’s shoulders and said, “Why? Do you already have a wife?”

Sehun shook his head.

“A lover, perhaps?”

Sehun gave her a sheepish smile. “Yes,” he said.

The woman rolled her eyes. “There is no way she’ll find out about this, darling. You don’t even have to pay me. It’s always free service for our dear soldiers. You don’t want to go to war without… relieving yourself one more time, do you?”

She grabbed the back of Sehun’s neck and forced him forward.

Sehun halted and pulled back right before his face could be crushed against her breasts. “I’d take my chances.”

For a moment, the woman stared at him like she was trying to figure him out. Then at last, she huffed out an exasperated breath and got off him.

“Someone good looking like you,” she said. “ who could have anyone he wants, cares about loyalty. Your lover’s a lucky one.”

Sehun pressed his lips into a thin smile. His heart skipped a beat when she leaned down to press a kiss to his cheek.

“Good luck on the battlefield, soldier.” With that, she walked away from the table.

Sehun rubbed his eyes before he looked up at Lerando.

“I guess loyalty is only a big deal when you’re not ugly,” he said, taking a sip of his drink.

Sehun chuckled. “You are not ugly, Lerando.”

“It does not seem like we’ll be seeing Jian until morning,” said Lerando.

“I’m not confident he’d last that long.”

Lerando laughed at that. “Hey,” he called while Sehun swallowed another mouthful of ale. “I thought you said you don’t have a lover.”

Sehun stilled in his seat. “Um… I do. I just don’t… like to talk about it.”

“I get that,” said Lerando shyly. “I don’t like talking about mine either. There is nothing much to say about her. She is quite plain, but she is all mine, you know?”

Sehun was very glad that Lerando understood, respected his privacy, and did not press for more, like most men back at the camp would have.

But there was just one thing Sehun would like to know about Lerando. “I hope I’m not overstepping my bounds. And you don’t have to answer. But did you marry for love?”

Lerando shrugged. “Not exactly. But I think we were starting to fall in love just before I had to leave for the war.”

Sehun sighed. “I hope there will not be a war and you can return to her soon.”

“Thank you. And you to your lover.”

They drank to it.

Later, they managed to convince the innkeeper to give them a room free of charge to stay the night. The pallet there was thinner and a hundred times more uncomfortable than the one he slept on back at the camp. He let Lerando take the pallet while he managed with a blanket on the ground. There could not much difference to sleeping on that pallet and sleeping on the floor. He did not think much about the accommodations. He was drunk and tired. He would sleep anywhere.

“What is it like to be the prince’s companion?” Lerando slurred into the darkness of the room.

Sehun barely heard him. “Convenient,” he muttered.

Lerando laughed drunkenly. “Is he kind to you?”

Sehun exhaled heavily, throwing an arm over his eyes. “Always.”

“Do you think he is… really blessed? Like the rumours say?”

“Blessed?”

“You know. Blessed with gifts. From the Gods.”

Sehun thought about it for a moment. “Well, he is fast. In most things.”

And the things he was not fast in mainly concerned Sehun’s own sexual fantasies. Also, how slow he had been in admitting his feelings for Sehun in the past.

Well, he had not exactly pledged his love for Sehun yet either. All the things that he had actively written down in his journals – he was rather slow in implementing them in practice.

“How fast?” inquired Lerando.

“Very fast,” mumbled Sehun, slowly drifting off.

“Godlike fast?”

“Sure.” How was Sehun supposed what ‘godlike fast’ was? “Good night, Lerando.”

* * *

Sehun roused in the morning with a light headache. He was surprised to find Jian conked out on the floor beside him, hogging the blanket. Lerando was also fast asleep.

After spending a few minutes trying to wake them up, Sehun quickly used the loo and washed his face before he glanced out the window.

The sun was starting to come up. The store should be open now. Perhaps they could fetch the supplies and head back to the camp before Kai woke up, which was a pretty safe bet. Kai would not wake up until he was woken up by someone, and most of the time, it was Sehun.

The inn was not as bawdy as it was the previous night. And it was entirely empty. The innkeeper was missing, too.

Jian stretched his arms over his head, yawning, on their way out.

“Did you two enjoy your night?” he asked, smirking mischievously. “I certainly did.” He gave a high, long whistle. “She really knew what she was doing.”

“Well, I’m glad you are satisfied,” said Lerando.

“Sehun got the prettiest one, didn’t he?” asked Jian. “Did you enjoy her?”

Sehun scoffed. “Yes, Jian. I sure did,” he said jokingly.

“See. This was a great idea, right?! I’m a genius.”

Sehun was about to roll his eyes when he spotted the crowd outside the inn. The townspeople had gathered around three horsemen, gasping and revering.

Sehun’s heart dropped to his stomach when he looked up the men mounted on the horses.

“Fuck,” Jian let out at his side. “What is the prince doing here?”

Kai, along with two officers, was waiting. His eyes – flaring with palpable anger and annoyance – had met Sehun’s now, and he gripped the reins of his horse harder, setting his jaw tighter.

“Please, do come in for a drink, Your Highness,” the innkeeper rasped breathlessly, remaining in her bowing pose. “It will be an honour.”

The women from last night were gathered near the inn’s fences, whimpering and waving, melting for the prince’s attention, which he did not give them even for a second.

Sehun could not take his eyes off Kai, and he was not sure why his insides were tangling up in knots. Probably because he had never seen Kai so furious. He almost looked like he would dismount his horse right this instant and snap Sehun’s neck.

“Shall I prepare Your Highness and his men a table?” asked the innkeeper.

He tore his enraged stare from Sehun and fixed it on the innkeeper, scowling down at her from his horse. “If you think I’m going to rub elbows with the keeper of a whorehouse, you are sorely mistaken, woman.”

Sehun flinched. The aggressiveness in Kai’s response was shocking.

“Oh, forgive me, My Prince,” the innkeeper gasped and withdrew at once, her face red with embarrassment and perhaps fear.

His throat suddenly felt like it was full of sand as he finally forced his feet to move.

“Your Highness,” Lerando and Jian greeted, bowing their heads.

Sehun stood still and stiff. “What are you doing here?” he asked.

Kai said nothing for a moment, his eyes burning a hole into Sehun’s soul. He had not even looked at an enemy with such animosity. Why was he so riled up?

Sehun started to scowl back. “What’s wrong? Has something happened?”

Without unclenching his teeth, Kai hissed, “Get on your damn horse and return to base at once!”

With that, he reined his horse and rode away.

Sehun’s heart was pounding even faster now.

* * *

When they returned to the camp, Sehun did not immediately go looking for Kai, even though he had received orders to do so the instant he showed up.

Instead, he went to the medical tent to sort out the new supplies they had acquired. Fortunately, he had managed to find everything he had went looking for and more!

He concocted the Lemon-Balm-Yellow-Puccoon simple and advised the ill soldier to take a spoonful once every three to four hours.

“You need a bath,” Tor remarked just as Sehun was about to leave the tent.

“Oh.”

“You don’t smell too bad,” said Tor, smiling, as though to soften the blow. “But you do smell like a dead strumpet in a ditch.”

Sehun’s cheeks turned hot. “I… I didn’t–”

Tor raised a hand to stop him. “You don’t have to defend yourself. I know what you boys were up to last night.” He did not give Sehun a chance to deny as he turned around and started to tend to a soldier’s wound.

Sighing heavily, Sehun wended his way out of the tent. He needed a bath regardless. He had so much sand and grit sticking to the dry sweat on his skin from the ride.

As he neared Kai’s tent, dread rapidly began to fill his stomach. What had happened to Kai? Why did he show up at the inn so early in the morning looking like he wanted to raze the entire town down to bits and rubbles?

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary at the camp. Even Gamel was keeping himself busy in the wrestling ring.

When he entered the tent, he found Kai sitting in a chair with his head in his hands. He brought it up at once to look at Sehun.

Instantly, Sehun saw the anger, the rage, the disappointment flash in Kai’s eyes.

He was upset with Sehun. Nothing else.

Was it because Sehun had spent the night at the town instead of coming back?

But why would that madden him to this point? It was not like Sehun was some helpless damsel that could not look out for himself. And he certainly did not need Kai looking over his shoulder every single minute of the day. He was not a child, and he most certainly not Kai’s burden or responsibility.

Kai shot up from his seat, hands fisted at his sides. For a second, just for a stupid second, Sehun wondered if Kai would ever have the heart to hit him.

“I told you,” Kai began in a stern tone, his voice hoarse. “to return before midnight. Do you know how worried sick I was?”

Sehun drew in a breath. “The store was closed,” he said, calmly so that his voice would not quiver. “We decided that it was best to wait until morning.”

Kai swallowed with some difficulty. The protrusion in his throat bobbed so noticeably. “And you decided that a whorehouse would be the best place to wait?”

Sehun winced. “It’s an inn.”

“Full of whores.”

Sehun glowered at him then. “What exactly is your problem? The fact that I did not come back last night or the fact I spent it at a place with whores?”

Kai blinked like he had been slapped all of a sudden. “You’re getting angry at _me_?” he spat.

Sehun kept mum.

Kai took a step closer. It almost felt predatory. “Is that why you wanted to go to the town so bad?”

Sehun stared at him for a length. “What… are you implying, Kai?” His voice did shake this time.

Kai swallowed again and looked away. “Did you… fuck them?”

Sehun had absolutely no idea what was running in his head then, but he snorted out a laugh. Kai turned to him again, horrified and more provoked.

“You are unbelievable,” he said, shaking his head.

Kai looked angrier now. “Can you blame me for wondering? You smell like a bitch in heat.”

Sehun flinched back, blood draining from his face. “You can’t speak to me like that, Kai,” he said, voice breaking now.

“Why can’t I?” spat Kai. “I’m your prince, aren’t I?”

Sehun could not believe his ears. “I understand that you are angry,” he tried saying, tears suddenly stinging his eyes, even though he was beginning to feel a whole load of anger himself. “You should calm down. We’ll talk later.”

He started to turn around when Kai harshly caught his arm and yanked him back.

“Don’t you fucking dare walk away,” he growled.

Grimacing, Sehun raised a hand to Kai’s chest to try and break his grip. “Why?!” he cried then. “Because you are my prince and I’m just your servant?!”

Kai’s expression softened then, and his eyes widened. His grip did not loosen, however. “That’s not… what I–”

“That is exactly what you said,” said Sehun, pulling his arm free. “I can’t believe that you would even… suspect that I would do such a thing. Is that really how much you trust me?”

Kai paled suddenly. “Sehun, I…”

“You’ve known me longer than anyone in this world, Kai,” spat Sehun. “And you really believed that I would betray you like that.”

When Kai tried to take hold of his hand, Sehun shoved him back again.

“You’re right,” he said. “You _are_ a prince. You can say whatever you want to say to anyone you want to say it to. You’d never kneel to anyone, right? Certainly not to a nobody like me.”

“Wait, Sehun–”

He stormed out of the tent before he could break into tears in front of Kai.


	18. Chapter 18

# C H A P T E R E I G H T E E N

“Sehun.” A hand on his shoulder shook him awake.

Cracking his eyes open, Sehun squinted at the oil lamp on the table near where his raised feet were resting before he looked up at Tor. “Oh, did I fall asleep?”

His neck and back were sore from having fallen asleep sitting up in a chair. “Right, kiddo,” said Tor. “You don’t plan on sleeping here again tonight, do you?”

Sehun licked his chapped lips and withdrew his feet from the table before standing up. The night was pitch black outside. Men had had their dinner and retired to their tents already.

Sehun had not had anything to eat since morning. He had not been able to stomach much for the past two days. He had not been able to sleep well either. He caught a few winks here and there when he was not working, and he had not left the medical tent in two days.

Kai had not summoned him since their horrible row the other day. Sehun supposed he was busy with Engeram, discussing war strategies.

Even though they were in the same camp, it was easy to stay out of each other’s way. Sehun was not exactly _avoiding_ Kai, but he was not sure what to do next. He was not angry anymore. Time had taken care of that. But Kai’s words continued to knife him deeply every time they rang in his ears. He tried to tell himself over and over that those were just words spilled in a moment of anger. They meant nothing. Kai was not the sort of man who would mean such things. He loved Sehun far too much for that. Or at least Sehun believed so.

But he had said them, nonetheless. Those words had come out of Kai’s mouth, and Sehun found it difficult to just forgive and forget them so quickly. He needed to at least know that Kai rued them.

They had never had a disagreement this lacerating before. It had been unnecessary, unexpected and frankly very hurtful. Sehun had not even known that Kai was capable of such rage.

But he understood that they were growing, and so was their relationship. They could not possibly stay the little carefree boys whose universe revolved around one another. Nothing else mattered a few years ago when all that they cared about was running freely on the sandy beach, sharing private jokes, loving each other madly in silence.

Now, things were different. Sehun could feel it. They were becoming men now. They had other responsibilities and other needs. Their relationship was a little more serious now. Kai, at least, was taking it very seriously. It became apparent in the way he had reacted the other day.

Sehun should let go of his resentment now. He was beginning to miss Kai.

But had Kai let go of his yet?

Or had this little spat damaged their relationship for good?

Sehun did not believe that their love was that fragile.

“I think I’ll stick around here tonight, Tor,” Sehun told the curious physician.

“Is everything all right?” the man inquired, genuinely concerned. “You and the prince did not have a falling out or anything, did you?”

Sehun rubbed the back of his neck. “Nothing like that.”

Tor sighed, clearly not satisfied with Sehun’s answer. But he did not press for more. “Well, while you’re here, do you mind checking on the soldier with the food poisoning every now and then?”

Sehun nodded.

Once he was left alone again, Sehun sank back in the chair and buried his face in his hands.

Perhaps he should be the one to apologize first. He was still not convinced that he had done something so horrible that warranted Kai’s outburst. But he also was beginning to see Kai’s side of things.

He must have been worried. After all, Sehun had so blatantly disregarded his promise to return from the town before midnight. On top of that, even though he had not meant to, and nothing had happened, he did spend a night at a promiscuous place. Kai’s possessiveness and incontrollable urge to protect Sehun must have driven him to the edge of his sanity. Still, it did not justify the things he had said to Sehun.

How much longer could this go on? This was excruciating.

Sehun placed his head on his folded arms on the table and hoped Kai was missing him too in that moment.

* * *

A noisy hubbub roused Sehun the next morning. Men were caterwauling and roaring not too far from the tent. There was no sign of Tor, Jian or Lerando.

With his joints groaning in protest after having slept the last three nights in a chair, Sehun stood up and made his way out of the medical tent, curious to find out what might be causing all that uproar.

All the soldiers were gathered around the wrestling ring, cheering and squalling wildly with excitement. What was happening?

There was little to no gap for Sehun to push through the crowd. Most of the men were bigger than him, too. So, he tried to stand on the tip of his toes to get a better view, but it did not help much.

He eventually spotted Lerando and Jian, however. Jostling through the crowd, he managed to reach them.

“What is going on?” he asked, almost shouting.

Lerando jumped a little. “Oh, hi, Sehun,” he shouted back.

“What is happening?” Sehun asked again, grunting when a soldier accidentally elbowed him in the ribs.

“It’s a duel!” exclaimed Jian.

What was so interesting about a duel? Why was everyone gathered to spectate a duel? The soldiers duelled one another almost hourly. There was nothing new or exciting about it.

Up ahead, Sehun could spot Lord Engeram, arms crossed over his chest, head shaking in something like disapproval.

“Who’s… duelling whom?” asked Sehun.

“The prince and his cousin, of course!” replied Lerando.

Sehun’s eyes bulged out. Kai and Gamel?

What on earth…

He pulled away from Lerando and Jian then and started shoving through men with more force this time. He could not believe it. What the heck was Kai doing? He was not a child to pick fights with Gamel anymore. He was a prince, the commander of an army! Did he not have duties to attend today?! Had he lost his mind?

He must have, because Sehun found him climbing over the rope of the ring, unarmoured, wielding nothing but a single longsword.

From the other end of the ring, Gamel entered with his silver broadsword. The red jewel on its pommel glimmered under the bright morning sun.

Once Sehun had managed to come to the front, he panted for a moment before he turned to his left and bowed his head to Lord Engeram, who was now looking at him with an arched brow.

“Haven’t seen you around in a spell,” he told Sehun. “Have you been busy?”

“Uh, yes, My Lord,” said Sehun before he briefly turned his gaze back to Kai and Gamel inside the ring. He frowned. “What are they doing?”

“Duelling,” huffed Engeram, as a matter-of-factly.

“But why?”

“How am I to know that?” asked the man. “Aren’t _you_ his best friend? You should know better than anyone why he opts to do such silly things.”

Sehun’s frown deepened.

He glanced at Kai again and found the prince smirking at Gamel, who returned the gesture with a dark, foul smile of his own.

It did not seem like they were provoked. Neither of them looked half as ferocious as they should. In fact, they looked thrilled and excited. Were they duelling for amusement?

“I’m still surprised you accepted the wager, Cousin,” said Gamel as he began to prowl along the edge of the ring, brandishing his blinding sword.

Kai circled in the opposite direction, shrugging. “I had the time today.”

“As promised, if I win, you’d give me your best bottle of mead?” said Gamel. “And if you win, you get my sword.”

The way some men valued silver and alcohol the same was beyond comprehension.

“Do you want me to cross my heart or something? Let’s just get on with it already,” said Kai.

Sehun had no doubt that Kai would win by a landslide, even if he fought with an eye shut. Though Gamel was burly and significantly larger in size, he was no match for Kai’s swordsmanship and speed, and pair those with Master Terrowin’s teachings, he was easily the best swordsman here. Still, this indeed seemed like a foolish waste of time. A prince should not be off squandering his time and energy on a pointless, childish wager! His father would have plenty to say about this if he knew.

The crowd was cheering for Kai. Even though no one would dare cheer for anyone other the _prince_ and future king of Azudor, Sehun genuinely believed that the men revered and adored Kai. He was already proving himself to be a great leader, one who was compassionate yet firm, decisive yet reasonable, strong yet kind. Sometimes, it truly was a puzzle why Gamel did not like Kai. Everyone else who ever knew Kai did. He was the salt of the earth. Perhaps Gamel simply envied Kai more than anything. His envy must triumph his admiration.

“Will you not stop this?” he asked Engeram, who frankly looked more amused than annoyed.

Sighing, the man said, “They are boys, after all. Can’t hurt to have a little bit of fun, right?”

Sehun scowled and turned his attention to the commencing duel. Though he wanted to yell at Kai to stop this madness, he knew his place.

Besides, it was too late now. Kai and Gamel’s swords were already clashing, the sound breaking through the cacophony of the cheering men around the ring.

Sehun jumped a little, eyes widening at just how much strength Gamel possessed. He had nearly knocked the sword out of Kai’s grip with the first blow.

But Kai persisted, his hands tightening the grip of the sword as he planted his heels firmly into the sand. They broke apart with a seamless movement, and Kai was now standing where Gamel had been a second ago.

He smirked at the other boy, saying, “You’ve gotten stronger, Cousin.”

Gamel sneered back. “I’ve always been stronger.”

Kai gave his sword a spin in his hand, licking his upper teeth before he flashed an exhilarated grin. Gamel went for the second strike, which Kai effortlessly dodged in the blink of an eye. Sehun had barely caught his movement.

Gamel turned back confusedly, not having realized Kai had ducked and evaded his attack at breakneck speed.

Kai wriggled his fingers at his now infuriated cousin, as though to beckon him to come forth.

Sehun knew this tactic of Kai’s all too well. In fact, it was one of the first things Sehun had learned from Kai in combat. To never stand still, continuously dodge, make his opponent move with him, goad his opponent into making the first attacks, all while not exerting too much energy. By employing this tactic, he could wear out his opponent fast. And Kai always retained so much energy, more than an ordinary man, in the end to finally make _his_ move.

Gamel was sloppy with his attacks. He was strong, but not tactical. He swung his sword blindly and took too many moves to execute a single attack.

He was wearing himself out even more by taking every bait Kai was throwing in his way. Kai, on the other hand, barely lifted his sword, except to block a few of Gamel’s ineluctable attacks. Sehun had never seen Kai in action like this before. He was always either watching Kai swing his sword against a wooden post or engaging in the fight with Kai – which he always lost, of course.

It was the first time Sehun had got to witness Kai in real combat as a third person. And it was beautiful. A phenomenon like nothing else.

Kai did not only move with impressive celerity, there was also an unmatched grace and sharpness to his movements. It was almost like he was dancing. On water.

Gamel looked like a clunky bear, wobbling uncoordinatedly with a sword in his hands.

The crowd had gone almost quiet. Sehun was not the only one who was witnessing Kai’s extraordinariness for the first time.

The only time Sehun tore his gaze away from Kai was to look at Engeram, who was gawking with awe like everyone else.

“He is… very good,” the man muttered, catching Sehun looking. “I’ve always known he was quite the show-off when he was a child. But… I’ve never seen anything like this before.”

Even now, Kai was not showing off. He was simply that good at what he did.

Kai chuckled when Gamel staggered past him after a failed attempt. “You’re making this too easy for me, dear Cousin!” he shouted, guffawing.

Gamel’s strength was indeed no match for Kai’s speed.

Huffing and gasping, Gamel turned around and faced Kai with an enraged glower. Nostrils flaring and beads of sweat running down his reddened face, he charged Kai once more.

Kai readied himself to evade once more, but then his eyes found Sehun’s in the crowd.

And instantly, the humour fell away from his face, the smirk slipped from the corners of his lips, and he blinked apologetically.

He quickly averted his attention back to Gamel, who was charging at him like a mad bull. Kai loosened his stance then and straightened up, swallowing hard.

Sehun lurched forward with his hands gripping the rope of the ring, gasping with the rest of the men in the crowd as Gamel crashed into Kai, tackling the latter to the ground with a blow that might have broken an ordinary man’s bones.

Kai groaned with Gamel’s entire weight pinning him to the ground. “Fuck.”

Gamel lifted his head and looked down at his cousin in something like shock, as though he could not believe that Kai had not dodged that attack.

With some difficulty, he scrambled off Kai and looked for his sword, which was discarded on the ground.

Kai was not getting up fast enough. He had also lost his sword.

“What is he doing?” rasped Engeram, as the other soldiers watched even more eagerly now.

Just as Kai rose back onto his feet, Gamel lunged at him. Sehun nearly leaped into the ring when Gamel’s sword gashed Kai’s right arm, all the way from the shoulder to the wrist.

But he knew better than to go running into the ring to defend Kai. It would only humiliate the prince more. No, Kai had to do this himself.

“Pick up your sword!” Sehun cried then, eyes stinging with tears.

Kai was cradling his injured arm in a hand, wincing and grimacing, as he lazily looked for his sword on the ground.

Even though he was distracted, he easily missed Gamel’s next attack, which was more confident than his previous ones.

A small smirk flashed on Kai’s lips, which he quickly hid away, and he stood still while Gamel clocked him in the face with the pommel of his sword.

That was going to leave a nasty bruise on Kai’s cheekbone.

His arm was bleeding badly, drops of blood dripping from his fingertips, soaking into the sand.

“This is… a little bit alarming,” Engeram muttered at Sehun’s side, clearly having developed new misgivings about Kai’s battle skills.

Frowning, Sehun looked back at Kai, who was now looking at him again. He almost immediately glanced away, however, letting Gamel boot him monstrously on his abdomen, sending him staggering back.

The spectating soldiers had gone completely silent now.

Gamel continued to lay into Kai a few more times.

Sehun’s hands loosened around the rope, and he took a step back, scowling. Kai was doing this on purpose.

That _idiot._

Shaking his head, Sehun began to turn around to walk away, knowing very well that Kai would notice his absence.

And just as he turned on his heel, the crowd gasped out a cheer. He looked over his shoulder and found Kai disarming Gamel with a stunning sleight of hand, both effortless and masterful. Before Gamel could even register what had happened, Kai was wielding his silver sword, knocking an elbow into Gamel’s face.

As Gamel dropped to the ground, Kai held the sword to the man’s throat with his uninjured left arm.

“Yield?” he asked.

When Gamel tried to get back up, Kai gave his chest a vicious stomp, sending him back to the ground.

Engeram scoffed out a laugh as he entered the ring. “I think I’ve seen enough,” he said, walking over to his nephews.

He clapped a hand to the back of Kai’s shoulder and apologized when Kai hissed in pain.

“I could not be more pleased with you leading these men into war,” he told Kai. “You are every bit your father and more.”

Kai smiled, clearly delighted by the praise, even though his right arm had been completely ruined. And Sehun could not tell how many ribs he might have fractured.

“And you, Gamel,” Engeram said to Gamel, who was still panting for air on the ground. “You have the makings of a strong warrior. Just don’t be so cocky hereafter. If the two of you could get along better, there is no doubt you’d win this war.”

Kai sighed and flipped the sword around, now holding the blade. He handed the sword to his cousin.

“You can keep this,” he said while Gamel glared up at him. “It’s too tacky for my taste, anyway.”

Snatching the sword from Kai’s hand, Gamel pushed himself up. “It’s not over,” he spat before he walked away.

“Now,” Engeram said, turning to Kai once more. “Why did you do that back there?”

Kai arched an eyebrow. “Do what, Uncle?”

“Deliberately let him get a few licks in.”

Kai glanced in Sehun’s way then, but only for a brief glimpse. “To make it a bit more fun,” he told his uncle.

Snorting, Engeram gave Kai’s good arm a couple more pats before he said, “Now, see to it that you get that arm looked at.”

* * *

Sehun was determined to steer clear of the medical tent for the rest of the day. So, he took a longer bath than usual and slipped into the same clothes he had been wearing the past three days. He thought of volunteering to help the cook skin some potatoes for the gruel afterwards, or perhaps even pick an argument with Gamel, if he could go absolutely nowhere else to hide.

Unfortunately, he was cornered by Lerando at breakfast, who told him that they needed his assistance in the medical wing right away.

Sighing, Sehun made his way to the medical tent. There were a few soldiers there who needed medical attention, but Tor, Jian and Lerando were gathered around the examination table on top of which the prince was sitting on, shirtless and covered in dried blood.

Tor had stopped the bleeding and had begun to stitch Kai’s wound up.

“Ah, Sehun,” said Tor, and Kai’s head whipped up at once to look at him. “You’re here.”

Kai hissed suddenly then, even though Tor had not moved the needle.

“I am very sorry, Your Highness,” said Tor in a panic.

Kai looked at Sehun again, as though he were expecting a reaction. Sehun gave him none.

“What can I help with?” he asked, even though he was sure Kai did not need a fourth pair of hands to tend to his wound.

It was long and gnarly, but it was not deep. Still, it would make it difficult for Kai to move that arm for a few days, even with his ability to heal up quicker than others. There were a few patches of black-and-blue on a side of Kai’s face and body.

Sehun frowned faintly then, sympathetically, even though he was convinced that Kai and his little act deserved no pity.

Instead of apologizing like a normal person, Kai was manipulating Sehun into pitying and forgiving him. Well, not this time. They were not children, and Sehun would not let him walk this one off that easily. Kai had made his bed, so he should lie in it.

The duel, the injury, the bruises on his ribs and face were just for an act.

He walked over to the examination table and stared at the horrid cut on Kai’s arm for a moment before he looked up at Kai, whose eyes were wide and eager.

“I will tend to the other patients,” Sehun told Tor as he moved away to wash his hands in the washbasin.

“Shouldn’t you tend to me first?” Kai asked. “I’m scratched up quite badly here.”

Sehun turned around abruptly to look at him. Scowling, he then said, “Then perhaps you should not have foolishly accepted a duel you could not handle.”

It was not true, of course. Kai could have easily handled that duel and not have broken a sweat. But it was all just a desperate cry for attention. And this reckless behaviour would only be perilous in the long run.

As much as it pained Sehun to see Kai hurt, as much as he wanted to run over there and gather Kai in his arms and comfort him, he needed Kai to stop hurting himself on purpose or putting himself in danger’s way every time he had a problem with Sehun.

Tor, Jian and Lerando stopped to gape at Sehun in disbelief. They quickly cleared their throats and pretended to resume whatever they were doing. They knew that Sehun and Kai shared a relationship stronger than the one between a prince and his companion. They had been friends since they were children. Of course, Sehun had the right to yell at Kai once in a while.

Kai began to pout, his jaw clenched, nostrils flaring. He turned away sharply, hands gripping the edge of the table he was sitting on. He would not look at Sehun again. He could be such a child sometimes!

Exhaling exasperatedly, Sehun wended his way into the next tent to see what he could do to help the other patients.

* * *

The dark brought a slight chill with it tonight. Sehun did not feel like spending another night sleeping in a chair, in the midst of medicines and moaning patients.

He decided that he had as much right as Kai did to sleep on their bed. If Kai did not like that, then perhaps he should sleep in a chair or he could kick Sehun out into a separate tent.

Either way, Sehun did not want to stretch this out any longer. He wanted to confront Kai and finally fix this before Kai could do something stupider than that duel today.

When he reached the tent, he sucked in a deep breath before he entered. He knew exactly what he wanted to say. He would apologize and demand an apology in return. He wanted to be treated as Kai’s equal – even if he weren’t Kai’s equal – in this relationship. He would not be spoken down to. He was no servant, and Kai was no royalty in this relationship. They loved each other, as children, as boys, as friends, as men. And he also planned on admitting to his mistakes. He must do better to reassure Kai that there was no one else, and there never would be. His body, his heart, his loyalty, his everything belonged to Kai alone.

He was not sure if he were disappointed or relieved when he did not find Kai in the tent. Just a dying oil lamp and an unmade bed.

Outside, he saw the light still flickering bright in Lord Engeram’s tent and two discernible silhouettes.

With a sigh, Sehun removed his boots and shirt before climbing into the bed.

Oh, he was so grateful for the softness of the pallet, but he still greatly missed the warmth of another body pressed against his own. He wondered when Kai would return, but sleep was already tugging at his eyelids.

He was about to drift off when he heard the tent flapping open. He shifted on the pallet and glanced at Kai, who stood frozen near the entrance, staring at Sehun in disbelief.

He drew a breath and walked over to the table to remove his belt and footwear without lifting his bandaged right arm.

Sehun turned his back to Kai again and frowned at the canvas of the tent, a hand tucked under his cheek. All the words he had rehearsed were caught in his throat, refusing to come out. He quietly cursed himself.

He heard Kai walking towards the bed and tried to muster the courage to confront the prince.

With newfound determination, Sehun turned around and propped himself up on an elbow and opened his mouth.

He was silenced however by Kai who lowered himself down to his knees on the ground beside the pallet. He looked hurt and very tired. It looked like he had not had any sleep for days.

Sehun’s eyes widened. “What are you… doing?” he let out.

Kai exhaled heavily. “You said that I kneel to no one,” he said in a whisper. “I don’t know how else to apologize for hurting you.”

For a long moment, Sehun could do nothing but stare at Kai. It felt like his heart was being punched from all directions.

“I do not expect you to forgive me,” muttered Kai, still on his knees. “I know how hurt I’d have been if you were the one to say such things to me. I’m very… sorry, Sehun. I lost my temper and it came out in such an ugly way.”

Sehun still stayed quiet, unable to find his voice.

Kai began to look nervous. “I’d stand on my knees as long as you want me to,” he said. “I just want you to know that… I’d never value my own being over yours. I promise you, I’d lay my life down for you over a million times if I had to.”

It took Sehun a few more painful heartbeats to lean forward and grab Kai by his shirt collar. Dragging Kai onto the bed, he claimed Kai’s lips in a fervent kiss.

It was all the encouragement Kai needed to grab Sehun by the waist with his one good arm and pull him so close that there was little gap left between their bodies.

He hissed against Sehun’s lips when Sehun forgetfully touched his injured arm.

“Sorry,” muttered Sehun into Kai’s mouth before he coaxed Kai to lie on his back on the pallet. He then climbed on top of Kai, straddling the prince’s hips. Crushing Kai’s lips under his own, he slipped his hands into Kai’s shirt, rocking his hips back and forth to grind his crotch against Kai’s bulging cock.

A soft moan escaped Kai’s throat as Sehun lightly thumbed his nipples under the shirt before drawing his hand down and between his own legs to the tug at the laces of Kai’s trousers.

Promptly undoing them, Sehun slithered a hand in and closed it around Kai’s erection. With his left hand, Kai unlaced Sehun’s pants and fisted his cock.

“Fuck,” Kai growled, teeth catching Sehun’s lower lip, before he broke the kiss to say, “Off with these damn clothes already.”

Sehun was happy to oblige. He briefly got off Kai to remove his pants before he helped him get rid of his clothes.

Kai winced when he tried to raise his right arm to grab hold of Sehun’s waist as Sehun straddled him again.

“Are you pretending, or does it really hurt?” asked Sehun, cocking an eyebrow.

Kai groaned. “It really hurts!”

Smiling, Sehun leaned back down to kiss Kai on his pouting lips. “Then don’t move it.”

Kai was restrained with only one arm to work with. And Sehun took full advantage of it.

He never knew watching Kai be so helpless and desperate when they were making love could be so amusing and arousing.

He took both their cocks in one hand while he kept their lips locked. His knees were planted firmly into the pallet on either side of Kai’s torso. He could tell that Kai was thoroughly enjoying having Sehun on top of him like this, though.

His left hand travelled up and down Sehun’s back before it cupped a side of his ass, fingertips digging into the flesh.

“Shit,” Kai moaned into the sloppy, wet, ardent kiss. “I want you… so bad.”

Sehun grabbed Kai’s hand that was groping at him and pinned it to the pallet near Kai’s head with one hand.

With the other, he took hold of Kai’s cock and rubbed it against his own.

The friction was driving Kai crazy. Sehun kissed him a little more than usual just to muffle the prince’s uncontrollable moans and gasps. At this rate, the entire camp would find out they were fucking.

Sehun came first and fast, painting Kai’s rippled stomach with white blobs and strings. He paused for a moment to catch his breath, but Kai, edging close himself, grabbed his waist all of a sudden.

Sehun was caught by surprise when Kai flipped him onto the bed and aggressively turned him to lie on his stomach.

Both excitement and anxiety filled his belly as he lifted his head to look over his shoulder at Kai, who was now kneeling between his thighs.

Pumping his cock in his left hand, as it allowed more mobility, Kai cupped Sehun’s ass with the right, spreading the cheeks apart.

Sehun dropped his face back onto the pallet and moaned loudly into it, hands fisting the blankets, as Kai lined his cock along the ass cleft before grinding against it, running it up and down.

He cared little for his wounded arm then as he gripped a side of Sehun’s waist, pulling it up to thrust harder and faster along the cleft, his sharp hipbones driving into Sehun.

He cursed breathily and released Sehun’s waist to take hold of his cock once more. Stroking it hard, he shot out his come all over Sehun’s ass before he collapsed onto Sehun’s back, barely breathing.

Pressing his forehead into Sehun’s shoulder blade then, he said, “That was… stunning.”

Sehun let out a soft chuckle before he rolled onto his back and settled his head on Kai’s chest. They lay there for a moment, quietly catching their breaths, their bodies bathed in sweat and come.

“I’m sorry, too,” Sehun slurred into the dark as the exhaustion began to seep into his bones.

“Shh,” Kai hushed him, his arm tightening around Sehun’s body, as they slowly went out like a candlelight.


End file.
